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Chapter 25


After bringing Lily home and dodging numerous attempts of her parents to invite her in for dinner, Buffy was finally trudging through the front door of the apartment. The slam of the door alerted Faith to her arrival, and she popped her head out from the kitchen alcove.


Buffy went to join her, taking in the mess surrounding her friend. “Please tell me you’re not trying to cook again.”


“Hey, no complaining. You wanna have another dinner made of baked beans that Giles does?”


Buffy wrinkled her nose at the idea. “Good point.”


“I thought so. Now, get your ass over here and help.”


“The two of us in the kitchen? I sense disaster of major proportions.”


Faith shrugged. “We can always make frozen pizza.”


“How exactly do you make frozen pizza? Don’t you just heat it in the oven?”


“Don’t be a smartass, B.” Faith finally gave up trying to make something other than semi-finished products and drew three boxes of frozen pizza from the refrigerator. “Pizza it is.”


Buffy smiled and leaned in to wipe flour from Faith’s cheek. “Oh, add extra cheese.”


“Extra cheese it is then. And chili… can’t forget that.”


“I won’t ever get your obsession with spicy food. It’s icky.”


Faith turned an indignant gaze on her. “It’s not icky, it’s fucking good!” She put the pizzas in the oven and closed it before standing up to level Buffy with a curious look. “Now, care to tell me what’s gotten you in a snit?”


“What snit? There’s no snit. I’m completely snitless!”


“I can see right through you.” Faith raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms across her chest as she leaned against the counter. “Okay, spill. Before I tickle it out of you.”


Buffy sighed and sat on a kitchen stool. “Why is everything being so complicated?”


“It’s got something to do with the Aurelian boy, doesn’t it?”


“Stop being insightful. It’s creepy.” Buffy rubbed at her tired eyes. “And yes, it does. It’s just… have you ever wondered if… do you think it’s possible that a vampire can… that there’s a chance there’s a part of William still in him?”


“Look, B. I can’t tell you that. It’s not like I go around chatting up the local vamps. Stake first, ask questions later, right? And I barely even knew William. You and I weren’t exactly close back then. The only thing I knew about him was that he was a nerd. Oh, and that he must have been a stallion in bed.”


“What? How could you possibly know that? And he was not a nerd! He was smart.”


Faith chuckled. “Well, I got the memo what with you moaning his name when sleeping. You were all… Aaaah, William. Oh God, right there!”


Buffy chucked a kitchen towel at her and blushed. “We didn’t even have… you know… sex.”


“You didn’t?” Faith arched her brow in disbelief.


“Well, we didn’t get that far.”


“So you wanna get all the way with the bad boy now?”


Buffy’s eyes widened. “What? Of course not. He’s… Spike. It would be all kinds of wrong.”


“So what was it that made you ask me about the possible William-like qualities in his revamped version?”


“It’s just that… tonight. I literally crashed into him, and he got this deer in headlights look on his face. He was holding a little girl in his arms and I thought… I was so sure that he killed her, but she was just sleeping. Apparently, he’d saved her! I just got back from bringing her home by the way. I’m pretty sure she’s got a huge crush on him now. It’s just so… weird. And wrong. And kind of disturbing.”


And then it occurred to her that there was blood on his cheek, and if it weren’t from Lily… whose blood was it? Who did he save her from? Who did he kill instead?


“You alright, B?”


“Huh? Oh, yes. Just… thinking.”


“So as I was saying, maybe you should ask Giles.”


“Giles? You know what he’ll tell me. He’s just… he’s trying to help, but he can’t understand what it’s like for me. I just so badly want to believe that--”


“That he’s still your William?”


“Yes.” Buffy sighed. “Do you think I’m crazy?”


“Nah. I get it. Maybe you should talk to William… but be careful. Tell him that if he hurts one little blonde hair on your head, he’ll have me to deal with.”


Buffy smiled. “You do realize I’m the Slayer?”


Faith shrugged. “Sisters gotta look out for each other.”


*******


It was a school day, not that it had ever stopped her before, but Giles would be pissed if he found out she wasn’t there. Again. It was her and Faith’s senior year, and Buffy couldn’t wait for it to end. Giles had even proposed the possibility of being home schooled by him. Now that would be fun.


Not.


As much a she loved Giles, being tutored by him would have probably driven her insane. And she didn’t want her life to be any freakier than usual, so state school it was.


The sun beamed down on her and Buffy scowled as she looked at the map in her hand. She had a good reason for skipping school this time. Anyway, Faith would cover for her.


Buffy stopped in front of a tall brick building in the not so nice area of the town and entered it, the doorknob in severe need of replacement after she did. So she may not be proud of breaking her way in, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. She just hoped that the information she’d acquired was true. Otherwise, she’d get really mad and track down the sorry excuse of a demon that had given her the address and make good on her threats.


The hallway was dark, the floor creaking under her feet. Buffy cringed, hoping she wouldn’t get caught trespassing. Her Slayer senses went a bit haywire, so Spike obviously wasn’t the only demon living there. She shut down the distractions and tried to tune in on his signature as she walked down the corridor. She could feel it tugging at her from below, and she rolled her eyes. A basement room.


'Well, duh. Where else would a sunlight-challenged vamp reside?'


She followed her instincts down a flight of stairs and ended up facing a shabby old door with scratches on it from God knew what. Buffy took in a deep breath before she knocked.


'Why the hell did I knock anyway? I should just kick the door down. Maybe I should just make with the silent escape. That wouldn’t be cowardly at all, would it? Why the hell am I even here? I must have gone completely insa-'


The door swung open and looking at her was Spike, his eyes hazy with sleep, the blond hair mussed and curling. And he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt. For that matter, the jeans seemed to have been thrown on in haste since the top button remained undone. And her heart definitely did not start to race at the sight of the black tight jeans riding so low on his hips, or the defined muscles of his chest and stomach.


“Buffy?”


Oh God, that voice. The husky deep drawl that was William after he woke up. God help her, coming here was not a good idea at all. Why did she come here again? It was something important, she just knew it.


“Umm… are you here to stake me?” He scratched his chest, which only served to draw her eyes towards it again. “How did you find me?”


“I-I came here to… to talk. May I come in?”


He stared at her, puzzled and wary before stepping out of her way so she could enter. As the door closed behind her, leaving them enclosed in a small room, Buffy’s mouth ran dry.


“You want to talk? You’re sure this isn’t some sort of ploy to off me?”


“Would I really need a ploy for that?”


“Guess not. So I gather this is about Lily then?” He noticed her unease and gestured towards a nearby chair. She perched on the edge, ready to spring into the action at the slightest hint of danger. With a sigh, he sat down on the bed opposite her.


“Yes. No. I don’t know. Why wouldn’t you kill her? It’s in your nature after all. And this whole situation is making me… I’m just so… confused and you’re making it hard for me to hate you.”


He snorted, glancing away from her. “Sorry to disappoint.”


“Whose blood was on your face last night?”


His eyes snapped towards hers. “What?”


“There was blood on your cheek, and I know it wasn’t Lily’s because… I checked her for injuries.”


“’Course you did,” he muttered, and she glared at him.


Her voice hardened and she gripped the arms of the chair. “Who did you kill?”


He stood up and started to pace. “The wankers were trying to rape her! They deserved it!”


“Were they human?”


“Is that the only thing you care about? If they were bloody human? Well then… yeah, they were and I ripped them apart. Guess what, luv? I didn’t feel a twinge of guilt for it either because it was the right thing to do!”


“How could it have been right? You killed them, and you want me to believe that you’re still William? You could have knocked them out and called the police!”


Spike laughed coldly. “Make no mistake, I’m a vampire. I don’t play by human rules anymore. I’m a monster but I’ve never raped a child. What does that tell you about the goodness of the human race? You think they didn’t deserve to pay for that?”


Buffy stood up and tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “I-I don’t know. I’m the Slayer, I can’t deal with judging the humans too. But you killing them in cold blood tells me all I need to know. You said it yourself… you feel no remorse. How could I have ever doubted-”


He moved so fast she didn’t even notice until he was standing inches apart from her. “I can be good, Buffy. I don’t even kill to feed. I know that you… that you wouldn’t like it.”


“Why should I believe you?”


“You’re right, you probably shouldn’t. But you know I could have lied about those two men… but I didn’t.” He clasped her shoulders. “When have I ever lied to you?”


She stepped back and away from his reach. “Why? Why did you do all those things? Giles, my Watcher, told me all about you, Spike. How you earned the name, how many people you… murdered.”


Spike’s shoulders slumped. “I can’t say I’m sorry… I may regret the things I’ve done, but what good it will do? They’re dead. I can only promise to change… just give me a chance to prove to you that I can be good.”


Buffy’s breath caught in her throat at the desperate look on his face, his eyes willing her to see he was sincere. “I… just tell me why. I n-need to know, to understand.”


Spike turned his back on her. “I thought you were dead.”


“And that makes it all right?”


“No, I know it doesn’t but… God the way I felt. I saw those demons take you away and next thing I’m waking up in a coffin. I thought it was some kind of punishment, that I’ll never see you again. It hurt so much… it was like a part of me was ripped away and all that could stop it was to… to cause pain, to make the others suffer as much as I did. And then I saw you.” He glanced at her over his shoulder, his cheeks wet with tears. “And I realized what I’d done. That you’d never love the monster I am now.”


She had to resist the urge to close the distance and touch his shoulder, to draw him into her embrace. She did understand why he did it, because in a way she’d been doing the same thing. Killing the demons, reveling in the pain she caused them. But it didn’t make it right. The people he’d killed were innocent.


He turned to face her, his eyes burning. “Do you hate me?”


She took a second to gather her thoughts. “I want to. But-”


He stalked towards her and she probably should have stopped him, but his cool palms were caressing her cheeks. For a second, she closed her eyes to drink in the sensation of him touching her so gently.


“But you can’t?” he whispered and pressed his wet cheek against her temple. She trembled, her whole being aching with the need to embrace him. She clenched her fists.


“No, don’t.”


“Please, Buffy. Please,” he muttered and kissed her on the cheek, his soft lips brushing against her skin until they reached the corner of her lips.

She took in a sharp breath when he pressed his lips against hers. She put her hands on his bare chest to push him away, but he encircled her waist and sucked her upper lip into his mouth, coaxing her lips open with the tip of his tongue. The sense of déjà vu swept over her as his taste hit her. He tasted exactly like William, but there was a darker undertone in this kiss. Restrained passion that consumed. Desperation. The need to possess.


She suddenly realized what she was doing and pushed him away so hard that he stumbled and fell on his ass. He stared up at her, his eyes still dark with that lazy hunger that was so reminiscent of the way William used to look at her after they kissed.


Buffy took one last terrified glance at his face before she ran out the door.


TBC