A/N: Beta'd by dawnofme and Mabel Marsters.

Love you from the bottom of my evil heart, kind readers.


Chapter 46


The next morning, Buffy walked into the living room and stopped short, her eyes widening.


“Okay, someone want to tell me what’s going on here?”


Faith glanced up from where Giles was… giving her an insulin shot? Wait, Faith didn’t suffer from diabetes. Did she?


“Hey, B. Our favourite Watcher here is just taking a blood sample.”


Ah, right. No diabetes then. Also, luckily, nobody was asking her where she’d been all night.


Buffy closed the door behind her and shuffled closer. Needles were so not her thing, and she winced when Giles pulled it out of Faith’s arm, the small vial half full. “Umm… why? Wait… you’re not to going to take mine too, right? Right?”


“Chill out, girlfriend. Giles is just trying to figure out… why did you want it again?”


He rose to his feet and put the vial carefully into his briefcase before soaking a bit of cotton with alcohol and pressing it against the puncture mark on Faith’s arm. “Maybe it’ll help us figure out why you’re a slayer. Since Buffy has not died… er… obviously… this development is quite puzzling to me.”


“You’re looking at horse’s teeth,” Buffy said then scrunched up her nose. “Is that how they say it?”


“It’s a gift horse, Buffy, and I think it’s better to get to the root of this. There are no prophecies that I know of, so it has got something to do with the coma. I’m sending the blood to the witches in the coven. Maybe they’ll find something out.”


“Well, maybe there is a prophecy but you don’t know about it,” Buffy pointed out.


Giles just arched his brow. “I don’t believe that’s the case.”


“Someone’s arrogant,” Buffy muttered.


“Sorry?”


“Nothing! So… Faith, want to go patrolling together tonight?”


“Yeah. We’ll kick some demon ass. Sure beats Giles here poking me.”


Buffy stared at her in horror while Giles glanced between them in confusion. Faith just shrugged. “Guess that came out wrong?”


*******


Buffy reached into her pocket to pull out a key and used it to unlock the door to Spike’s apartment. It felt strange to just walk in though. What if she dropped in at the wrong time?


“Spike?”


Silence.


She closed the door behind her and kicked off her shoes as she walked further into the apartment. Still no sign of Spike. Then she heard it. Water was running in the bathroom so she’d just knock to let him know she was there.


*******


Spike leaned his hands against the cold tiles and closed his eyes against the downpour of hot water.


“You didn’t save me. Why didn’t you save me?” asked a mirage of a little girl sitting beside the tub. The one Drusilla had lured into her deadly embrace before tearing out her throat.


“You’re not here,” he muttered.


“We’re here because of your regret,” said another.

He could still recall the taste of her blood on the night he’d plunged into damnation, succumbed to the urges within. The first taste, the turning point. Because she hadn’t been Buffy.


“I’m sorry.”


“Why did you do it, William? What did we ever do to you?”


Spike opened his eyes and dared a sideways glance then wished he hadn’t. The bathroom was full of them. Filled to the brim. No space to breathe, to move, to pretend. They were all talking at him now, their angry voices overlapping. He sank down, hiding his face, hugging his legs to his chest as he tried to tune them out with his hands covering his ears.


Someone touched him on the shoulder and he just about jumped out of his skin, thinking that the figments of his conscience had somehow managed to get corporeal. But no. He knew this scent. Love and light and sweetness.


Buffy.


He lifted his head and met her concerned gaze then peered behind her. The mirages were gone. With her around, the world fell away. How ironic for the Slayer to be a vampire’s saviour from his own crimes?


“Spike, what happened? I was calling your name but you didn’t answer, and I got scared you slipped, cracked your head against the tub and was bleeding on the floor or something.”


She ran a hand through his damp curls, unmindful of his nudity.


“Sorry, didn’t hear you.”


Something like shame prickled his skin at being found like this. Weak and vulnerable, everything his demon raged against. But it was Buffy and she’d seen him at his worst already. And she was stripping right in front of his eyes, so he couldn’t really find it in himself to care.


The clothes hit the ground. She plugged the drain and switched the shower to taps to let the warm water fill the tub before slipping behind him. They communicated without words and Buffy scooted back as he leaned against her front. Nothing could bring him such peace as being in her arms.


“You okay?” she asked as she slowly stroked his hair.


His eyes were already half closed as he nodded, lazily caressing her leg. “Glad you stopped by.”


“Was it the ghosts again? I thought they were gone.”


“They come and go. Always blaming me though. And with good reason.”


“Spike, you need to forgive yourself.”


He tensed, his fingers stilling on her raised knee. “I don’t think I can. And no matter how many times I tell myself it won’t change what happened, I can’t help but regret it.”


“What you did wasn’t right, we both know that, but you went and sought out your soul to be a better man. This shouldn’t be a punishment. It’s a reward. I think the ghosts are all in your mind.”


“I know, but it’s not easy. I feel like I need to pay for what I’ve done.”


She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I think you paid enough, don’t you? It won’t bring them back. Please, try and forgive yourself. That’s all I ask.”


“I’ll try… for you.”


Water sloshed lazily around them as Spike burrowed into her embrace, both of them immersed in each other’s presence.


“Spike, have you ever thought of biting me?”


“What?” he said and she thought he sounded a bit offended at her question. “You’re not a pin cushion, Buffy.”


She sighed in frustration. “I know that. But I read this book on vampires and there was this… did you know vampires could form a bond? A blood bond?”


He sat up and twisted around to face her. “Come again?”


Suddenly she felt very conscious of the way he was staring at her. As though she’d lost her mind.


“I don’t know. It’s not like I’m a Watcher guy. I just found this book in Giles’ study. It had ‘vampire customs’ written on the spine, and I thought… I don’t know. Guess I wanted to learn, to understand more about you.”


Spike smiled crookedly. “Means you probably know a lot more about me than I do.”


“Huh?”


“I haven’t been a vampire all that long, and neither Darla nor Dru ever taught me anything beside… never mind.”


She tried to ignore the flare of jealousy. She really did. “Beside what?”


“Buffy… I’d rather not-”


“Beside what?” she insisted.


The muscle in his jaw ticked. “It’s not sex if that’s what you think. I mean yeah, that too, but I was thinking more of killing the innocent. How to hurt people enough to…”


His eyes darkened with distance and she wanted to slap herself for being the one to force him to say it out loud.


“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”


“Let’s just leave it, yeah?” He caressed the side of her cheek and drew her into his embrace. She leaned her cheek against his.


“So, tell me. About what you read?” he asked after a while.


“Spike…”


“Buffy, please let’s not talk about it. I’m not mad at you, so you can stop pouting and feeling all guilty.”


“How do you know that? You don’t even see my face right now.”


“You’re really not that hard to read for me, luv. I know your every expression by now even from the sound of your voice.”


“That’s cheating.” She tightened her legs around his waist and played with the little hair on the back of his neck. She knew he liked that. “There was this part about vampires forming links with another vampire or supernatural beings. They were all kinds of bonds.”


“Really? Like what?”


“Like controlling ones, ones between Sire and his Childe or… a romantic one.”


“Romantic link between two vampires? I find that hard to believe.”


“They didn’t exactly say ‘romantic’, but I thought it was… it was all about proclaiming you belong to the other.”


“Looks like you researched a lot.”


She squirmed in his lap and leaned back to look him in the eye. “Do you mind?”


“Do you even have to ask?”


His eyes turned molten before he leaned in and kissed her. Hungrily and possessively. She pressed herself closer to him, shivering from the sensations his fingers slipping across her skin evoked.


“Do you know what’s good about being a vampire?” he whispered roughly against her lips and she shook her head. “We don’t need to breathe.”


With that, he pressed her against the tub’s rim and dived under the water. All she could do was gasp before her eyes rolled back in rapture.


*******


She and Faith walked down the poorly lit street a week later. A week of her and Spike dancing around the subject of blood bonds. A week of her and Joyce trying to reconnect. All said and done, it had been long seven days.


“Would you focus?” Faith poked her in the arm.


“Ow, that hurt!”


“Did you even hear a word of what I said for the last ten minutes?”


“Of course… there was something about… uhh… okay, so I might have zoned out a little.”


“Seriously, where’s your head?”


“On my shoulders? See? Fully functional.” Buffy beamed.


“Somehow I doubt that.”


“Hey!”


“So how are things going between you and your mom? Still awkward?”


Her shoulders dropped. “Kinda. We kind of went to a lunch, as you know. Five times. It was pretty weird, but at least there was no yelling or tears the last time. Why are you asking anyway?”


“Just friendly concern.”


“Oh,” Buffy said then frowned. “I think she’s hiding something from me.”


“You mean, like you are from her?”


Buffy sent her a mock glare. “It’s not like she’d believe me. Hey, Mom, by the way, I’m a Vampire Slayer and I thought the man I loved had been killed in a demonic ritual, but he was just turned into a vamp instead. So, what’s new in your life?”


Faith chuckled. “Okay, I get it. But still… maybe you should at least tell her you have a boyfriend.”


“I did, actually. I was kind of tempted to say he used to be a drug addict just to freak her out, but I don’t think Spike would appreciate that.”


“Oh, shit!”


“I didn’t tell her that, honestly Faith-”


“No. I left the fucking paper with the address on it back home.”


Giles had sent them on a mission to retrieve some very important books from an old colleague of his that was staying in town for a day. Christopher something or other.


“Well, don’t you remember it?”


“Do you?” Faith asked, annoyed.


“No.” Buffy let out a sigh. “Does this mean we have to go back?”


“Unless you have a better plan. The books are the reason we’re out and about in the first place.”


“Damn. I knew you’d say that.”


Faith slung her arm across Buffy’s shoulders. “Woman up, Buff.”


*******


Soon they were walking down the pathway to the house and Buffy waited for Faith to fish out the keys. The lights were on which meant Giles was up and about, probably waiting for them to come back. Funny, he’d said he’d go to the bed early.


Faith unlocked the door, and Buffy followed after only to bump into Faith’s back when she suddenly stopped walking.


“What’s up?” Buffy nudged her to the side and her own jaw dropped when she noticed the scene Faith was so avidly staring at.


“Uh… Are we interrupting something?” Buffy asked at the sight of her father figure shirtless.


“Bloody hell,” Giles cried and jumped away from the woman he’d been making out with. Even thinking that made Buffy want to scrub her brain to get rid of the visual. Giles and making out were so not two things that should go in the same sentence. Ever.


Only as Giles bent down to fetch his shirt did she notice the woman in question. Black dots appeared before her vision and fainting suddenly looked very appealing. If it weren’t for Faith supporting her, she would have dropped like a sack of potatoes.


“What the hell is going on here? Giles!” She leveled the woman with a shocked gaze when she recovered a bit. “Mom!”


TBC