Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all the vampires. Lucky Joss.
 
The wonderful reviewers here at the BSV have really given me the boost needed to finish this story! Only a couple more chapters to go…
 
*****************************
Destroying Entropy – Chapter 12
*****************************
 
Beep beep beep beep
 
Dawn opened one eye and considered throwing the alarm clock out the window. But she figured that would probably cause more problems than it solved, so she smacked the off button and rolled out of bed. She shuffled off to the bathroom, yawning, noticing Buffy’s closed door. She couldn’t help grinning. She knew that Spike had stayed the night. She just knew it. The thought made her feel more secure than she had felt in a long, long time. She practically skipped into the shower, thrilled that her sister had finally gotten a clue.
 
She made her way downstairs to find Tara there, drinking coffee alone in her bathrobe. “Morning, Dawnie,” she said. She looked drained and weary, not her usual pleasant self.
 
“Morning,” Dawn replied, grabbing for a box of pop tarts and sticking two in the toaster. “You look tired.”
 
“Couldn’t sleep. Willow hasn’t come home yet. Not too sure how things are going to go when she does.” Tara poured more coffee and stared into it. She loved Willow, but she didn’t share her concern for Xander right now. Yes, he had needed medical attention, but Tara was unsure if Willow still harbored some desire to see things put back the way they were somehow. Willow had to be made to see that Buffy was right – Xander could no longer be part of the group. He had betrayed too many people’s trust, too many times.
 
Dawn poured herself some orange juice and sat down next to Tara. “I sort of know how she feels. I mean, Xander has been like a big brother or something for so long. It’s so hard to imagine him doing that to Buffy. It’s like he betrayed all of us, not just her.”
 
“Yeah,” agreed Tara. The toaster popped up and they lapsed into silence as Dawn ate.
 
Dawn soon finished up and gathered her things. She looked toward the stairs. “Think we’ll see those two before noon?” she said wryly.

Tara gave a look of mock disapproval. “I think that’s none of your business, young lady. Now get yourself to school or I’ll send a Slayer and a vampire after you.”

“Oooh, scary,” said Dawn, rolling her eyes. She grabbed her backpack, waved to Tara and left.
 
Tara’s smile faded as the door slammed behind Dawn. She washed the dishes, still turning the events of the previous night over in her mind. She was drying her hands when she heard the car roll up and the door slam. Willow came in, looking pale and exhausted and lost. Tara was moved with pity for the woman she loved, and came over to pull her into an embrace. “Oh, Tara,” Willow sobbed. She couldn’t get anything else out for a while, so Tara just held her, stroking her back and soothing her as best she could.
 
Gradually, Willow’s sobs tapered off. Tara led her into the living room and they sat down on the couch. “Tell me what happened,” Tara said.
 
*********************************
 
Willow had driven Xander to the emergency room, with him half unconscious by the time they got there. She had told the doctor that he had been attacked by a gang of men outside his apartment, and that she had been going to meet him and found him on the street. They seemed to accept this explanation – this was Sunnydale, after all, and every night brought some new oddity to the emergency room. They whisked Xander away for x-rays and other treatment, leaving Willow in the waiting room alone with her thoughts.
 
How could he have done this to her? To all of us? How could he just suddenly turn like that? The longer she sat and thought, though, the less sudden and shocking his behavior seemed. She recalled those stolen kisses with him that had ended his relationship with Cordelia, and would have ended her relationship with Oz if she hadn’t groveled. It had been so easy to lay the blame on snotty, uptight Cordelia, rather than on Xander and herself. When Xander had walked away from his wedding, she saw it through the filter of his awful upbringing, never once really thinking about Anya’s point of view. Xander had taken the scene with Anya and Spike as a personal affront – not the natural reaction of a woman jilted at the altar. Xander always took it as a given that he would be forgiven. Probably because with most of them, but especially with her, it was a given. Willow had stood by his side without question through all his screw ups. He was Xander. He had been her friend for almost her whole life. Sticking up for friends was what you did, right? But what would it say about her if she let him off the hook this time?
 
She wandered the hallways a bit, restless and trying to sort it all out. As she wandered back toward the waiting room she passed a young woman in the company of a friend at the check in desk for the ER. The woman was disheveled, crying, and her friend was telling the nurse, “We were at this party, and someone must have slipped something in her drink…” Willow turned to look as she passed by. The victim was shaking, hardly able to form coherent sentences. Was that what Buffy was like? This afternoon was bad enough, but what was it like for her right afterward? Unbidden, Willow’s mind conjured up images of Buffy crying helplessly, struggling and unable to stop her assailant. She said she was bleeding when she left. Willow suddenly felt sick to her stomach thinking about the implications of that. She finally got her brain around the idea that Buffy was a rape victim, just like the unfortunate party-goer she just passed. And the rapist was Xander.
 
Willow sat back down and spent a few more eons in the waiting room, her mind churning and rearranging all these thoughts constantly. Her soul searching was finally interrupted by a nurse who told her that Mr. Harris had been moved to a room and was asking for her. She followed the nurse to Xander’s bedside. His nose had a small bandage on it, and he looked like a raccoon with two black eyes. One arm was in a sling, with his hand in a cast, his ribs were strapped, and his broken toes were bandaged. There didn’t seem to be any exposed skin that wasn’t bruised. He opened his eyes when Willow came in and said, “Hey, Wils.”
 
“Hey,” she replied. She sat down in silence, not at all sure what to say. After the pause became ridiculous, she said, “Are you in a lot of pain?”
 
“Some,” he answered. “I really screwed up this time, didn’t I?” he said, the words sounding odd as he forced them out around his bruises and breaks.
 
“Yes, you did,” Willow said, raising her eyes to meet his face.
 
“Do you think she’ll ever be able to forgive me?”
 
Willow hesitated. Then she reluctantly said, “No, Xander. I truly don’t think she will. You… you didn’t see her Xander. She was… broken. Utterly betrayed. If Spike hadn’t come by, I think she would still be in her room now, staring at the wall. It was the last straw.”
 
Xander closed his eyes. “I didn’t know she had knocked herself out. I really didn’t.”
 
“But still, Xander, you never should have let it get that far,” Willow persisted. “Buffy never wanted to be more than friends with you, ever. There’s no excuse for what you did.”
 
“I know!” Xander moaned. Willow’s words were like salt in a wound. Then he closed his eyes again and said, “I was just so drunk, and upset, and to hear her going on about that whole thing with Spike, I just… snapped.”
 
Willow looked down at her folded hands, trying to think of the best way to broach this subject. “Xander, you need to let that go. She cares about Spike. And like it or not, Spike loves her.”
 
Xanders’ eyes flew open, angry and hurt. “Look at what he did to me!” Xander cried. “His chip is gone! Do you realize what that means? When he starts killing again, she’s going to have to take out her boyfriend, again, and we’re going to have to deal with the fallout, if we don’t get eaten in the process!”
 
‘Xander, listen to me!” Xander paused in his rant. Willow almost never raised her voice to him. Even when she was annoyed with him, her voice rarely got above conversational volume. But now she was snapping at him in a tone that commanded attention. She had figured some things out during the long stint in the waiting room, and she had to make him understand. “We’ve been wrong, ok? You and I and the others, we’ve been wrong. We were wrong to pull her out of heaven, and we were wrong to leave her to her own devices afterward. And we were wrong to rag on her about Angel, and we’re wrong to question her dealings with Spike.”
 
“But he’s a killer!’
 
“Look, Buffy is the Slayer. She knows vampires. I think we can trust her judgment here,” Willow responded. “We ask her to save the world, and raise a teenager, and all that stuff, but then we act like she needs to be protected from her own choices.”
 
“Oh, and her choice of boyfriends has been so stellar,” said Xander sarcastically. “Let’s face it, her track record is nothing to be proud of. Angel, Parker, Riley, now Spike? Tell me again why we should trust her judgment?”
 
“Spike took care of her,” said Willow. “Even after Buffy dumped him, he took care of her. If you had killed him, I think Buffy would have just… stopped. Stopped caring, stopped fighting. Stopped living.” Willow fixed a miserable stare on Xander.
 
Xander found his righteous anger wavering, replaced with cold realization. He suddenly recalled Buffy dancing, whirling, starting to smoke, her eyes dull and empty of everything but pain. You did that, Xander Harris, his conscience nagged. You. And Spike was the one who kept her from killing herself. Aloud he said, “What do we do then? Do we just step back and let the chips fall where they may?”
 
Willow bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes. “Xander, there is no more we. Buffy doesn’t want you around. She says she’s not going to the police, but you can’t keep butting into her life. She’s done with you. I’m so sorry, but she’s right – this can’t be fixed.”
 
Xander grew pale under his bruises as the complete impact of his actions crashed down on him. He wasn’t a Scoobie anymore. He wasn’t Buffy’s friend or Anya’s fiancée or The Donut Guy. They had cast him out. “What about you, Willow?” he asked quietly.
 
The threatening tears started to fall in earnest. “Xander, I don’t know. You… you need some help. You’ve been drinking too much, and you’re hurting people. Tara and Dawn are on Buffy’s side in all this and I can’t choose between you and Tara! I can’t!” Willow stood up, unable to take any more.
 
“Willow, wait! Please!” Xander begged. “I can change, I just need some time, but please, don’t shut me out.”
 
Willow came over and took Xander’s hand. “If you need someone to talk to, you can call me. But you can’t come around anymore. I’m sorry.” She leaned over, kissed his forehead, and walked out, tears still rolling down her face.
 
“Willow!” Xander called. But his only answer was the light thump of the door closing, cutting him off from the world he’d known.
 
**************************
 
Willow was cuddled into Tara’s chest by the time she finished her tale. “I feel so lost, Tara. He’s just been this constant in my life for so long.”
 
“Shh, baby,” Tara said. “I know this is hard for you. But you’ve got to be strong. He needs to change, and it’s not going to happen if we keep letting everything slide. Sometimes friends need to tell friends something they don’t want to hear.”
 
“I know,” Willow whispered. “I still hate it.”
 
“You did the right thing,” said Tara. Pulling away, Tara looked at Willow with deep, serious eyes. “Willow, I need you to listen to me.”
 
Willow sniffled. “I’m listening.”
 
“I love you. But you’ve got to change the way you act toward Buffy as well. You saw her. She almost lost it completely this time. What we did dragging her back from heaven nearly killed her, and it was Spike who brought her back then and it was Spike who kept her sane this time too. You cannot interfere with their affairs. I won’t sit in silence anymore. They need each other, and if you can’t grasp that then I don’t know if I can stay around to watch.”
 
Willow gasped. “You… you’re leaving?”
 
“No,” said Tara. “Not unless I see you trying to get in Buffy’s way again. I’ve sat by and watched you, with the best of intentions, hurt her almost as much as Xander did. I can’t let you do that anymore. They need each other, and you need to stay out of their way.”
 
“Yeah, I’m starting to get that,” said Willow, sniffling again. “But do you really think he’s going to be safe without the chip?”
 
“I can answer that one,” said a male voice from the doorway. The witches turned to see Spike standing there, dressed but with bare feet and obvious bed hair. He walked into the living room and sat down in the armchair farthest from the windows, facing them. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked Tara square in the eyes while he spoke. “Won’t do anything to hurt her. Ever. I had every right and every desire to kill Harris for what he did to Buffy and Anya, but I didn’t. I won’t do anything to make Buffy have to stake me. I will never put her into a position where she has to choose between me and her calling. I don’t hurt the woman I love.” His voice was low and firm and Tara could see in his aura that he meant every word he said.
 
“I know you love her,” said Tara. “It’s obvious every time you look at her. I trust you Spike.”
 
Willow had been looking at her hands, then looked up at Spike. “I don’t know if I trust you. I have too many memories of you to trust you completely. I feel I have to trust Buffy, and she needs you. But I swear to you, if you hurt her…”
 
“You’ll turn me into a lizard,“ Spike interrupted. “Duly noted.” Willow half smiled at that.
 
Tara stood up. “I’m hungry. Anyone want some breakfast?”
 
“Now that you mention it, it’s been a while since I ate,” said Willow, following Tara into the kitchen.
 
“I’ll go see if Buffy’s up yet,” Spike said, and he headed back up stairs. He had woken early, having heard the car door slam when Willow came home. His vampire hearing had allowed him to hear the entire sordid story of Xander and his continuing efforts to remain in the land of Denial without having to dislodge the sleeping woman from his chest. At some point though, she had rolled over in her sleep, and he had quietly slipped downstairs to get this chip issue out on the table. Won’t have them worrying at Buffy about me or thinking they need to get rid of me for her own good. She’s had quite enough of that.
 
He opened the door to her bedroom softly, hoping not to disturb her. He was alarmed to find her awake and clutching a pillow, breathing rapidly with wide eyes. “Buffy?” he said, rushing to the bed. “What is it?”
 
“Oh, Spike,” she said, her panic turning instantly to relief. She wrapped herself around him like a blanket and buried her face in his chest. “I had a nightmare, and when I woke up alone I just panicked. I don’t know why I just thought…”
 
“Now then,” he said, stroking her hair. “Relax. I’ll never leave you. I’m like a bad penny, love. Always keep coming back.”
 
“I love you, Spike,” she said. “In my nightmare I didn’t get there in time, and all I found was Xander standing in a pile of dust, telling me that it was because he knew me first, and when I woke up and you were gone I…”
 
“Freaked?” Spike said. Buffy nodded. “The dreams will pass, love. You won’t be haunted by them forever.” He paused, not knowing how Buffy would take to his eavesdropping. But taking a deep breath, he said, “I overheard the witches talking. Willow told Xander to stay away.”
 
Buffy sat up and looked at him. “Really? Willow said that?”
 
Spike nodded. “They were talking downstairs before you woke up. I guess Xander was still hoping for some sort of reconciliation, but Willow broke the news that he’s not welcome.”
 
“Was she upset?” Buffy asked.
 
“Yeah, she was,” Spike admitted. “But Tara is helping her come to terms with it. And I went down to reassure them that my new chipless status doesn’t mean that I’m going to start using them for a midnight snack.”
 
“Hopefully that will be the end of it,” Buffy said. “I really don’t want to have to fight them about this.”
 
“Don’t worry,” Spike said, kissing her forehead. “I won’t let them badger you. Promise.”
 
Buffy sighed in deep contentment and rested her head on Spike’s smooth chest, idly running her hand along his skin. “How is this all going to work?” she asked after a while.
 
“How do you want it to work, love?”
 
Buffy thought about that. “I don’t want to use you anymore. I want us to be a team. No more hiding.” She looked up at him and caught him staring down at her with warm, tender eyes. “But I don’t want you to feel trapped, or pressured. You’re an adult. More than an adult. You’re ancient,” she said with a half smile.
 
“Watch it, missy,” he growled. “Far as you know I’m only 28 and holding.”
 
Buffy let out a soft chuckle, then grew serious again. “What I mean is, I don’t want you to feel obligated. I don’t want you to feel like you have to ask my permission or change the way you are. I mean, yeah, eating people is still off limits. But… do you see what I mean?” She found that as usual, she and the English language parted company once anything serious had to be discussed.
 
“Goes both ways, Buffy,” Spike said, staring into her green eyes and tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “You need to let me know if you need some space, and I really, really don’t want any more broken noses.” Buffy turned red and looked away, but Spike gently lifted her face back up. “I love you, Buffy Summers. I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you need. Only let me love you. Let me take care of you and fight with you and share your life. That’s all I want.”
 
Buffy pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss that only stopped when Buffy required oxygen. “You can stay here, if you want,” she said, looking into his eyes again. Spike’s unbeating heart jumped at the idea. To be with her, every night, and not have her run off. To share every day with her. You’ll screw it up, Spike. You always do. Buffy took his hesitation as a negative and started to shift away, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested that. You have your crypt and we just cleaned it up and of course…”
 
“I’d love to,” he whispered, stilling the stream of nervous babble. She stopped and stared, and he continued, “I’m just so afraid I’m going to fuck it up. You’re giving me my heart’s desire, and I’m afraid I’m going to wake up in my crypt and find out this was all some long dream.”
 
Buffy kissed him again. “Not a dream, Spike. You showed me the kind of man you are. I want you in my life. Period, full stop.”
 
Spike’s mouth widened slowly into the most beautiful smile Buffy had ever seen on his face. “You’re amazing. I don’t care if I’m dreaming. I bloody well refuse to wake up.” Then he tackled her onto her back and kissed her breathless once more.
 
TBC