"Hello?" Long-distance. Very long distance, from here to Rome. Static on the line, that weird European ringtone before Dawn picked up.

God, Buffy was nervous.

"Hey, Dawnie," she said. Rubbed one palm along her thigh, over and over.

"Oh, my God, Buffy?" Dawn came dangerously close to squealing. "Is that really you?"

"Yeah," she said. "Sorry it's so late. Um." Bit her lip, found herself looking away as if Dawn were sitting right there in front of her.

"Oh my God," Dawn said again. "You're okay! I mean – you are okay, right? I've been worried. I've been going nuts and Giles won't tell me anything."

Buffy snorted. "Yeah," she said. "He's good at that, isn't he."

"Well, but, you're okay, right? He wouldn't tell me where you went or why except that you were headed back to the States. He made it sound like you were on some big mission or something."

She gritted her teeth. "He would." Took a deep breath, forced herself to settle down. "Look, Dawnie. No. I mean, yes – I'm fine. I'm mostly fine. I'm okay though. And there's no stupid mission. Giles is just… God, I don't even know where to start."

"You mean… you can talk about it?" Dawn's voice quieted, grew serious. Less excited, more worried.

Another deep breath. Buffy's sigh carried across the line. "Yeah," she said softly. "I think maybe I can, finally." A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up from her spot on the floor, leaning against the bed where Spike rested. He wound his fingers through her hair and tugged gently on a lock, traced her ear with the back of a finger. "It's just – it's been a rough couple of weeks. Kind of a rollercoaster. I haven't really wanted to talk to anybody."

"I know," Dawn said. "I called Willow and the rest to see if they'd heard anything from you." There was a little pause. "I… think I kinda rang a few alarm bells, calling everybody like that. Sorry if they've been bugging you."

Buffy chuckled. "Well, they've probably been bugging Xander and his answering machine –"

"And emails," said Dawn.

"– and emails," Buffy agreed. "But I guarantee they've been bugging him more than me. This is the first I've even picked up my cell phone since I got off the plane."

"Wait, seriously? How did you live?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Funny," she said. "But I meant to ask you about that, actually. About anything Xander might have said to you."

"Oh," Dawn replied. "Nothing. A whole fat lot of nothing," she said, and Buffy could hear the annoyed teenager creeping into her voice. "Just that you were staying there for a little while, and some stuff about respecting your privacy and how whatever was going on with you wasn't his story to tell, and he wasn't going to make decisions for you, or something like that."

Buffy smiled. Hero. He really was. She was going to have to remember to thank Xander again after this.

She shifted her weight as Dawn went on. "So, now that you're talking – spill, already. What's been happening?"

"A lot," said Buffy. "Like I said, it's really been a rollercoaster. Things have been… hard, I guess is the best word. As for details…" She shut her eyes. "Before I tell you all of it, I need to ask you something. Um. About Spike."

"Spike?" asked Dawn. "Why? I mean, he's – he died. Right?" A gasp. "Oh my God, is he not dead?"

"Just bear with me, okay, Dawn?" asked Buffy, her eyes still closed. Dragged her feet closer, brought her knees up to touch her chest. "As far as you've heard, when did Spike – when did he. You know."

"Ummm, at the Hellmouth?" Distantly Buffy heard a squeak, recognized the sound of Dawn's bedsprings as she plopped down. "You were there. Buffy, seriously, you're starting to freak me out. What's this about?"

No easy way to say it.

"Giles lied to me, Dawn," she said in a rush. "Lied to both of us, I think."

Silence, apart from the static on the line. Buffy waited, but Dawn didn't say anything. Bit her lip. Dove into the breach.

"Giles found out that Spike… came back," she said. "And he didn't tell me anything. I only overheard a couple weeks ago that he'd died… again, I guess … in Los Angeles. There was something like a, a mini-apocalypse and." She swallowed. "Um. Angel is dead. And the rest of them."

"Oh, God," breathed Dawn. Then, "Oh, God. And Giles knew? That – that – son of a bitch!"

A wave of relief washed over her. Dawn hadn't known. More, Dawn felt the same way as Buffy did about it. She felt her shoulders drop a notch, smiled. "That's what I said," she started, but Dawn wasn't finished.

"You could have been with him, o-or found him, or you could've, or something – maybe you could have helped! Maybe he wouldn't – maybe none of them would be dead if he'd just said something! That jerk! Oh, my God, Buffy!"

And… was it wrong that hearing Dawn go off like that warmed Buffy's heart, just a little? Because it so did.

"Dawn," she said. "Dawn. It's – well, okay, it's not okay, but I'm not – I have more." Heard the bed creak again, felt Spike's fingers winding through her hair. She let out a slow breath and tipped her head back so he could reach her better. He dug his fingers in at the back of her neck, scratching lightly with his nails, and brought her hair up to fan across the covers.

"So, um. Anyway," said Buffy, then scoffed a little at how lame she sounded. "So yeah, that's why I really left England. There's no mission, or anything like that. I'm just done with – I mean, as far as I'm concerned Giles is – " She huffed out an exasperated breath. "I have a list of people I care about, you know? I do all this saving the world, but there's people I really love. People I would do anything to help, or protect. You, the Scoobies. Spike." Felt his fingers tighten in her hair, another caress along the side of her neck. She smiled, didn't turn around. "Giles isn't on that list anymore, as far as I'm concerned."

"Wow," said Dawn. "Seriously?"

"Oh yeah," she replied. "I'm done with the lies, the keeping secrets, the… the guilt trips and manipulation. I told him never again. I packed my bags and I told him I never wanted him to speak to me or, or even look at me, ever again." She swallowed. "I'm still… really pissed at him."

"You should be," Dawn said, and Buffy felt tears come to her eyes.

God, she'd needed to hear that.

"Is that everything?" Dawn asked. "You said you weren't done. Is that – are you done now?"

"No," said Buffy. "Almost. Um. This next part doesn't go past you and me. I promise, I'll tell Willow and the rest myself, but I wanted you to hear it first, okay? And Giles doesn't have to find out ever. I'm done giving him any access to my life, got it?"

"Yeah, okay," said Dawn. Buffy couldn't help but think that her sister sounded like she was at a slumber party, or something. Leaning forward, in a circle of girlfriends, about to get the juiciest gossip on some cute boy.

Sis, thought Buffy, you have no idea.

"So, Giles… as far as he knows, Spike and everyone died in LA. About a month or so back, right?" She wiped her palms across her thighs again, one at a time. "He, um. His information was kinda… he didn't get everything right." You can do this, Buffy. "Spike made it out. Again."

"Oh, my God," Dawn breathed. Buffy could barely hear her over the static in the line. "You mean like, I mean, you know this for sure? He's out there somewhere? He really made it?" Another squeak, and Buffy thought she heard Dawn's feet hitting the floor. "Are you going to look for him? You have to look for him, Buffy!"

"You mean that?" Buffy asked, voice small. "I mean… you were pretty mad at him, in Sunnydale… before everything."

"That was kinda before he saved the world, duh," said Dawn. "And… I've had some time to think since then, you know. I still want an explanation, but… something Xander said kinda stuck with me. About things not being his story to tell. And I got to thinking – I mean, if you could forgive him. I guess I don't have the right – I mean, maybe I don't need to threaten him with waking up on fire anymore, you know?"

And Buffy felt her shoulders drop another notch. Felt something in her stomach loosen that had been tight and aching for too long.

"Really, really glad to hear you say that," she said. "'Cause I've been busy, these past couple weeks."

"Wait, does that mean you know where he is? Do you have it narrowed down? I could get Willow to do a locator spell –"

"Ah-ah-ah! Stop right there," said Buffy. "Remember what I said. This stays between us. I will talk to Willow soon, I promise, but I'll talk to her, not you. I have some things I need to ask her, too."

"You have some– like what? Ohhh." Dawn's voice suddenly dropped low. "You want to know if she's been in on the whole Spike being alive thing. You think she was – hey, wait a minute. You thought I was keeping secrets. Didn't you?" Buffy could hear the anger rising. And there was that knot in her stomach again, back with interest.

"Really, Buffy? Really? You thought that I would actually do something like –"

"Like not tell you that you were the Key, until after you slit your wrists?" said Buffy. Sighed, tired all of a sudden. "I'm not saying you were doing anything, Dawnie. I'm just saying that it's the kind of thing we all do to each other, and I have no way to know –"

"Well you could try asking," Dawn cut her off.

"I did," said Buffy. Starting to get more than a little pissed off herself. "Just now. And Giles was keeping you in the dark too. How about you be mad at the right person?" Buffy rubbed at the ache in her stomach, swallowed hard. Resisted the urge to throw her phone across the room. Spike's fingers were cold where they were squeezing her shoulder. "God, this is why I didn't want to talk to anybody."

"What, you didn't want to have to accuse us of things we didn't do?" said Dawn scornfully. "Yeah, I can see where you'd want to keep that to yourself. You should have."

"Oh, so it would be better if I just went around making assumptions and not talking to people at all? 'Cause that's the other thing we do, you know," said Buffy heatedly. "We're really good at it. And I gotta tell ya, that's pretty much exactly where I was going until Spi –" Cut herself off.

Shit.

"Until what?" said Dawn. Anger evaporating. "Buffy? Did you just say until Spike?"

She sighed. "That's the other thing I was going to tell you," she said. "I don't need Willow to do a locator spell."

"Because Spike?" She was starting to squeal, but at least she didn't sound angry at Buffy anymore.

"I found him," she said. "Banged up, but he's getting better." Wondered how much of that was her story to tell. "He got out of the apocalypse thing, but then I guess he had a few other adventures before I could get to him."

Heard a little snicker behind her, quickly stifled.

"Oh, my God," said Dawn in wonder. "Oh, my God! Oh, wow, oh… Is he there where you are? I mean, is he around to talk to?" Buffy could just picture her, jumping up and down in her pajamas, somewhere in Rome.

Spike's hand stroked the back of hers, holding the cell phone. She looked up at him, asked a question with her eyes. He answered with a tilt of his head, and she let go of the phone, let it slide into his palm.

She stood to go, give him some privacy while he talked with her sister. Gave him a kiss as he brought the phone to his ear, and headed for the door.

She looked back just as he took a breath. "Hello, Bit," he said.

Jerked the phone away from his ear with a wince as Dawn went absolutely bananas.

---

Spike listened with half an ear as Dawn babbled excitedly at him. Explained that he was both wounded and tired when she caught him not paying as much attention as he ought to have been, brushed off her apology with a smile. She had nothing to apologize for, far as he was concerned. Hearing her voice again – hearing it free of that low, deadly anger that she'd carried the last time they'd seen each other – was sweeter for him than he could have ever hoped.

How else could he react when his Nibblet was laughing in his ear, crying tears of happiness because she'd bloody missed him? She was family – he'd practically raised her for a too-brief period, back when Buffy was still dead – and he hadn't realized until then just how much he'd missed her, too. Being able to talk to her was – there almost weren't words for it. "Balm to his soul" seemed like a good place to start.

He felt something unknot within himself as they talked. Realized after a moment what it was.

Spike wouldn't have to be alone anymore if he had her and Buffy, both, in his life. Not while they lived. That horrible void, that sodding nightmare he kept getting where he couldn't do anything, and no one cared enough to even notice he was gone – with Buffy just out in the hallway and Dawn on the phone with him, he'd never have to have that nightmare again.

God, he was such a ponce, sometimes. Didn't make it less true, though.

If he had them, he had a family again. Maybe more of one than he'd ever had. All he'd ever need, that was for sure.

Even so, Spike was only listening with half an ear because the other half was trained on Buffy, herself. She had whispered something about privacy, but he had a feeling she was maybe taking the time to put herself back together again, after her half of the phone call to her sister. Buffy's courage… he never got over it. This was the easiest of the conversations she expected to have between her and the rest of the Scoobies, and it still included an argument and shoulders he could almost feel quivering with tension under his fingertips.

But she'd done it anyway.

He'd really have to work on this idea she had, that she wasn't strong on her own. Strongest bloody bint he'd ever met, stronger than most blokes. And she still thought she was a coward? Maybe in the past – he knew she could be a right poster child for the joys of denial – but give her the challenge and she'd bloody walk through fire to meet it, no matter how frightened she might be at the outset.

Biggest heart he'd ever seen. Spike would dearly love the chance to convince her of that, every day for the rest of her life, if she'd let him.