Betaed by Maria and Flight Of Fancy.


Buffy drove her little compact back to the warehouse, turned the engine off, and then sat outside in the parked car for a few minutes. She desperately wanted to be honest with Spike, but she was so afraid that he would choose to walk away from her once he’d heard her story. For the first time in a very long time, Buffy prayed that things would turn out right.

Spike had been patient with her, and had respected her desire to save her story for the right time. She knew though, that her vampire was felling better every day, and was growing tired of her excuses. She’d claimed she was waiting for him to heal but, in reality, she was just scared. All that would end tonight. No more excuses.

A few deep breaths, and then Buffy slowly got out of her car and made her way upstairs.

“Hey, Luv. How was your meeting?” Spike came out of her bedroom. He’d been resting on the bed they shared. Neither one had ever mentioned the empty bed in the room next door. Merrick had moved downstairs as soon as the rest of the furniture had arrived.

Most mornings they woke up in each other’s arms, or spooning. It wasn’t something that they’d ever talked about, but they hadn’t avoided the conversation either. It was just comfortable, and they accepted that for what it was.

Buffy grimaced. “There was a lot of yelling.” She shrugged her shoulders. “As usual.” Buffy watched Spike come closer, dressed in his trademark black and smelling fresh from the shower. The scent reminded her of the day he had wrinkled his nose at her bath products, declaring them fine for a girl, but refusing to take a shower that would leave him smelling like vanilla or flowers. In the end, Merrick had felt sorry for the vampire, and had gone out to purchase some manly soap, whatever that was. Actually, Buffy still didn’t know what it was exactly, but she knew she liked it on Spike...a lot.

Spike had been intently watching Buffy from the moment she arrived upstairs, and tonight he saw something in her eyes that he had never seen before. He had a feeling that tonight his questions would finally be answered. “So, Pet. Is tonight the night you finally explain how it is you’ve seen my manly bits before?” Spike couldn’t help but tease a little.

Buffy blushed, but responded, “Yeah, it’s finally time I filled you in, I guess. We could talk over dinner, if you’re okay with that? Maybe we could order something in?”

“It’s a date, then. Be sure to dress up for me.” Spike tilted his head to the side, and sent a flirty smile Buffy’s way, as he gazed at her from under his lashes.

Buffy’s blush grew darker. “Um, I’ll order us something when I get out of the shower, okay?”

“No point in putting it off. Why don’t you pass me your phone, and I’ll order us some food.”

“Thanks, Spike. That would be nice.” Buffy took her phone out of her pocket, and held it out to Spike. Instead of just plucking the phone from her hand, Spike used one hand to pick up the phone, while he used his other hand to gently grasp her hand and raise it to his lips. Buffy didn’t know what to expect, but Spike merely placed a soft kiss on the palm of her hand, and then set her free again.

“Go on, Luv. Best get in that shower now,” Spike urged her, his voice sounding hoarse.

Buffy quickly turned to leave the room.

Heading to the kitchen, Spike paused for a moment. “What do you want? Pizza, Chinese, or something else?” he called back.

“Chinese,” she responded, without turning back to the vampire.

Once out of the shower, Buffy dried her hair and brushed it until it shone. Remembering Spike’s teasing direction to dress nice, Buffy want to her closet and pulled out a little black lace dress. She pulled her hair up at the sides, and added a touch of perfume behind her ears. She didn’t have any jewellery, so she just added a little lip gloss, and then she was done.

When Buffy made her way to the living room, she found the lights had been turned off. The coffee table was covered by a creamy white piece of linen, and there was a smattering of lit candles at the centre of the table. The room was beautiful, and the only thing that appeared to be missing was her date.

When the blonde vampire still hadn’t returned after a few minutes, Buffy started to worry that maybe he’d decided to leave before they had a chance to talk. Before her worry could escalate into panic, she heard him coming up the stairs.

Spike’s arms were full of Chinese food, clearly meant for the coffee table he had set. He stopped though, once he caught sight of Buffy, unable to move forward for a moment. “Beautiful,” he breathed.

Buffy couldn’t help the blush that rushed to her cheeks. She looked down at the ground, feeling young and shy around Spike. She didn’t know if it was the seventeen year old body, or just something special about her houseguest, but everything felt new and fresh to her.

Deciding to try to lighten the atmosphere a bit, Spike solemnly intoned, “The food has arrived. Will guests please take their seats?” Buffy and Spike then sat down on cushions that the enterprising vampire had taken off the couch and placed on the floor on either side of the coffee table.

Moving carefully, Spike took the boxes of Chinese food out of the bag, one by one. He opened each container, before placing them near the centre of the table. Finally, he pulled out a final item from the bag: a bottle of wine.

I was then that Buffy noticed the wineglasses on the coffee table. She’s been too busy looking for Spike when she first entered the room, and then too busy watching Spike once he had arrived, to pay them any mind earlier.

It wasn’t long before Spike was holding up the opened bottle and asking, “Can I pour you a glass, Pet?”

“Yes, please.” She watched him pour, wanting to remember every single thing about this night, knowing that it might very well be the last night she would ever spend in his company.

“A toast for a happy future,” Spike said, holding his glass out to gently touch with Buffy’s.

“A happy future sounds perfect,” Buffy responded.

Spike picked up one of the food cartons and began to fill his plate with spicy chicken wings. Once he’d added enough to his plate, he offered the box to Buffy, who had just loaded egg rolls onto her plate and was extending her box across the table to her guest. “So, Luv, what’s your perfect happy future look like?” Spike had decided that a little conversation over dinner would be a good thing.

Almost too quietly for Spike to hear, Buffy responded, “My perfect future is one where you don’t leave me.”

If Spike hadn’t had vampire hearing, he wouldn’t have heard Buffy’s comment. Suddenly, playtime was over. Buffy looked at Spike, and Spike looked back at Buffy. Neither said anything, because there really wasn’t anything to say.

Finally, Buffy seemed to rouse herself. “Yours?” she almost whispered.

“Well, now...mine? If you’d asked me a month or so ago, my happy future would have been full of Dru.” Spike took a sip of his wine, and sat quietly, pondering things only he could see.

“Spike...William...Tell me,” a soft voice encouraged.

Suddenly, startlingly blue eyes met soft, forest green ones. “Are you sure you really want to know?” Spike had to ask. He didn’t want to hurt her again. He knew how she felt about him...she’d told him so without words, the love she felt shining clearly from her eyes.

Buffy nodded. She has a pretty good idea about what was coming, and she owed it to Spike. A lifetime ago, he’d listened to her claim Angel as her only one. Turnabout was fair play, and now it would be her turn to listen to Spike talk about Drusilla, his Sire, and his love for her.

He looked down at his hands, the long, agile fingers playing with the stem of his wine glass. “In a happy future, I would have claimed Dru as my mate, and she would have claimed me back. I’d have her for my own, and Angelus would never be able to take her away from me.” Suddenly, Spike looked up at Buffy again. “That would have been my version of a happy future, if you’d asked me a month or two ago.”

“And what about if someone asked you now?” Buffy didn’t dare breathe while she waited for his answer. So much was riding on what Spike said next.

The blonde vampire frowned. “Now, I don’t know. I think if someone asked me now, I’d say that in my happy future I would have found someone to love...someone who was able to love me back.” Spike didn’t consider himself a coward, but he found he just wasn’t ready to be completely vulnerable in front of the Slayer again. He knew his heart was probably in his eyes though.

Buffy’s breath caught in her throat. She held Spike’s gaze, hoping that the love shining at her was real and not just some figment of her desperation. She understood why Spike was steering clear of emotional confessions. There were just too many unknowns in this equation right now, and Spike was waiting for Buffy to share a few of the answers she already had.

Finally, Buffy cleared her throat and returned her gaze to the dinner spread on the table. Spike followed her lead, and the couple ate in silence, the only sounds in the room the occasional scrape of a knife or fork across a plate. Though they focused their attention on their dinner, their eyes frequently made contact, and both were wearing smiles on their faces. Once the food was finished, together they cleared the table, refilled their wine glasses, and then returned to the living room. Buffy and Spike each took a seat at either end of the comfortable sofa, and then turned so they were facing each other.

This was it...no more stalling. Buffy held Spike’s bluer than blue gaze, took a steadying sip of her wine, and then started. “First off, I want you to know that you will always have a place in my home, if you want it. I don’t expect you to stay in the same room with me. That will be up to you and what you want. I just have one request...please don’t kill in my town. I refuse to kill you myself, but there will be others who won’t hesitate if you’re killing.”

“Of course. I understand, Buffy,” Spike replied.

There was nothing left but to start with the story that Spike had been waiting to hear. Buffy’s gaze dropped to the fabric of the sofa as she told Spike the story of her life...both lives. For the most part, she kept the story to the bigger moments, unless Spike asked for specific details. The night was quickly disappearing, as the ex-Slayer bared her soul to the vampire that had come to mean more than life to her. Spike sat and listened, doing his best to let Buffy get everything off her chest. The only time he appeared confused was when Buffy was talking about her friends, the Scoobies. He couldn’t believe the things that they had done to his Slayer for her own good, and didn’t understand why Buffy hadn’t cut ties and walked away from them long ago.

That was a hard one to explain, especially when Buffy was asking herself the same question. Still, she told Spike about the prophecy, and about the part her friends played. Then it was time to tell him that the two of them were meant to be, and that there was a book that explained it all.

“You and I are meant to be?” he asked, sceptically. “Don’t you think you’re confusing me with Peaches?”

Smiling, Buffy shook her head. “No, Spike. There’s no confusion about this at all. You’re the one.”

“How can it be me? That just doesn’t make sense. I’m evil. You’re a Slayer...a good guy.” Spike abruptly drained his glass, and then picked up the bottle and offered it to Buffy. “Do you want to share the rest of the bottle?” When Buffy shook her head, Spike filled his own glass. It was a nice white wine, but right then Spike was wishing for a bottle of something a lot stronger.

Visibly bracing his shoulders, Spike looked at Buffy again. “Alright then, what’s this book you’re talking about? What does it say about us?”

“It’s a book of prophecy, written several hundred years ago. The book talks about what will happen to us, and to the world, if we agree to be bound to each other in the way the Powers That Be want.”

“Not good enough. I want details.” Spike was grinding his teeth, the muscles in his jaw clearly flexing and twitching. His brain was working overtime, as he realized that his life was mapped out already, and he had no say in what was going to happen. He was a vampire...an agent of chaos...but now it seemed that Buffy was telling him he had no free will at all, and Spike wasn’t happy about being a puppet on someone’s string.

“The details don’t matter, Spike. None of it does.” This was the important part, the part that Buffy needed to get right.

“What? We’re in a damned prophecy, Buffy. How can you say the details don’t matter?” Spike couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“This isn’t about the prophecy, Spike. This is about you and me. Please...you’ve always been so good at understanding me, and I’ve always had a terrible time saying the words.” Buffy moved closer, eyes locked with Spike’s and cheeks flushed. “You probably know how I feel about you already.”

Then it was Spike who looked away. “I think...maybe. I’ve got an idea, but I just don’t get it. Nobody has ever really cared about me, except for my mum.”

“I more than care about you, Spike. To me, you’re the one...the only one, and because of that, I want what’s best for you, and what’s going to make you happy. If you want to go and find Drusilla, you can do that and I’ll support you in any way I can. The choice is up to you this time, and I’ll make sure that everyone else understands that too. My perspective here is clear. I want you, and nobody else, but if that’s not what you want, then I’ll understand.” Buffy reached out a hand to gently touch Spike’s cheek. “I love you, Spike.” Her gaze was open and honest, as she met his startled glance. “I want whatever will make you happy.”

Spike was lost in Buffy’s gentle smile, and immediately missed her hand on his face when she stood up and turned to leave the room. She paused briefly at the door to her bedroom...their bedroom, if he wanted it to be, and then she was gone.

What now? This is going to make me completely barmy. I know I feel something for Buffy, but is it love? I don’t want to be mated to some chit just because someone was crazy enough to write down some lunatic’s babbling before I was even born. Mating is about love, not prophecy. It should be an overwhelming love, like I can’t live without her. Can I really say that I love her like that?

Feeling tied up in knots, Spike finally rose from the sofa and carried the dirty wine glasses into the kitchen. He rinsed them out and then placed them in the dishwasher before being drawn to gaze out the window at the night sky. He didn’t know what to do and, for once, he was determined to take his time with a decision, instead of just impulsively leaping in where angels would fear to tread.

While Spike gazed out the window, Buffy was standing in the shower, letting the hot water pound her muscles as she tried to recover from a crying jag. Really, things went better than she had been expecting. For some reason, between her mother’s place and the warehouse, she’d managed to convince herself that Spike would simply storm out at the first mention of a prophecy. She knew how much it meant to him that he was a self-made master in so many ways, just as she knew that hearing his past and future were beyond his control would send him into a rage. It was a horrible feeling, to know that your life wasn’t your own...as she had discovered when she’d stumbled upon Giles and Angel when they had been talking about the prophecy that said the Master would kill her. The shock of the discovery had led her to attempt to reject her calling...though it hadn’t done her any good in the long run.

Buffy turned the water off, and started to slowly dry herself. There was no need to hurry. From this point on, she was playing a waiting game, and everything depended on Spike. All she had to do was wait for him, and continue to nurture the love she carried for him in her heart, hoping that some day he would feel the same way about her.

The sleep she had hoped would allow her to escape her whirling thoughts just wouldn’t come that night. Thought she tried her best to relax, she was still wide-eyed in the dark, hours later when her bedroom door opened.

Spike slipped into the room, stripped off his clothes, and lay down on the other half of the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Buffy could no more prevent herself from turning to face him, than she could stop herself from needing air. Spike noticed the dip of the mattress, and felt her eyes on him. “I need time, Buffy, and I can’t tell you how much. I do know that I have feelings for you...strong ones. I’d like to stay in Sunnydale and maybe get to know you a bit better, if that’s okay with you?”

Almost overwhelmed with relief, Buffy wiggled closer to Spike and placed a kiss on his bare shoulder. “There’s an extra house key on the table beside you. I’ll keep the freezer stocked with blood. I’d like to get to know you better, too.” The ex-Slayer’s voice was soft in the darkness, as if she was speaking to a particularly skittish wild animal, and didn’t want to scare him away.

“Thanks, Kitten.” He raised his arm and placed it around Buffy, pulling her even closer to his side.

Her head found a place on his shoulder that just seemed made for her.

“I’m sorry,” the vampire suddenly said.

“Huh?” Buffy raised her head, trying to look at him in the darkness.

“Well, you told me how you feel.” Spike hugged her close for a minute. “And I can only tell you that I care. I’m sorry for that. It just doesn’t seem right. Doesn’t feel like it’s enough.”

Gradually, the silence filled the room again, but this time, it was a comfortable and thoughtful silence. Buffy was almost asleep when Spike spoke up again.

“I know how much it hurts, to love someone and to not have that love returned. I don’t ever want to make you feel that way, Buffy.”

Then it was Buffy’s turn to give Spike a hug, holding him close for a moment with her arm around his waist. They stayed together like that, as they gradually drifted off to sleep.

****************
Giles stood behind his counter, and calmly watched as his library hummed with activity. At first the Scoobies wouldn’t accept that Buffy was anything less than a superhero, and now they seemed determined to prove that she was simply a normal girl that would grow up and have a normal life with a husband, 2.3 kids, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, a family dog, and a minivan.

Giles knew that Buffy was firm in her resolve to have her relationship decisions treated with respect, and wasn’t likely to react well to the latest plans being made by her friends. The ageing Watcher hoped that eventually the Scoobies would come to accept Buffy’s right to choose, but feared that it would be far too late to save their friendship when it finally happened.

Buffy wasn’t going to let anyone or anything push her from her chosen path this time. She demanded acceptance on her own terms. Sadly, Giles was starting to see her friends through the ex-Slayer’s lens now, and he realized that controlling didn’t even begin to cover their actions.

Letting out a sigh of frustration, Giles found himself making eye contact with Oz. For some reason, the young werewolf was the only other person in the group that seemed to understand. The shy guitarist had even tried earlier, to convince Willow to just leave things be, but the red-headed Wiccan would have none of it. Whether she liked it or not, Buffy needed to be saved.