Chapter 3 – New Beginnings

Buffy stared at the destruction around her as she reached the bottom of the tower, Xander cradled Anya in his arms as Willow and Tara clung to each other. Her eyes drifted towards Giles, his body held a weariness about it that she had not seen before, as though the events of the night had aged him beyond physical years.

Dawn gave a small gasp when her eyes fell on Spike, pulling away from Buffy she rushed to his side. “Spike?”

Spike raised puzzled eyes to hers, “Bit?”

Dawn wrapped her arms around him as tears began to trace down her face, “It worked, it worked.” She repeated the litany as she squeezed him tighter.

Spike pulled away slightly, wincing at the pain that flashed through his body. His mind felt murky, as though a fog was preventing him from seeing things clearly, raising a hand he ran it lightly across Dawn’s face. Frowning as flashes of a mature woman superimposed themselves across the youthful one in front of him.

“Spike look!” Dawn shifted to the side, giving him an unobstructed view of Buffy as she stared silently at the pair before her.

Spike stared in wonder as the fog that had invaded his mind cleared in a rush, memories of a life that was no more swirled through his head. He watched the other Scoobies surround Buffy and a feeling of detachment settled over him. It was then that he realised that the voices that had filled his head for some thirty plus years were silent; an ache filled him as he remembered that in this time he had no soul. It felt strange to be without his constant companions, the world suddenly seemed muted. He rubbed his chest absently, watching his hand curiously as it brushed against the fabric of his shirt. Turning his eyes back toward Buffy he flinched as the noise of the world came rushing back to ring in his ears.

“You Ok?” Dawn asked him, her voice filled with concern.

“I’m fine Bit, just needed a minute to adjust to…” He nodded towards the hand that continued to rub almost searchingly at his chest.

Dawn laid her small hand across his, stilling its motion, “Yeah.” She gave him a small smile, one that he had become accustom to over the years. It was a smile that she used often with her family, filled with love and concern. “We’ll get through this, and things will be better.” She turned to watch the others, “They have to be.”

“Dawnie?” Tara approached the pair crouched on the ground, “We better get going, the sun will be coming up soon and we’ll need to get Spike back to his crypt.”

“No!”

“But Dawn, Spike needs to get out of the sun or he’ll dust.”

Dawn stood to face the others, “Spike’s coming home with us.”

“Dawn perhaps Spike would like to be in his own place.” Giles was past caring what happened, his entire body ached with fatigue; he just knew that Xander would cause a ruckus if Spike went home with the Summer’s girls and he didn’t know if he had the energy to deal with the boy’s petty jealousy.

Dawn stood with her hands planted firmly on her hips and an air of authority about her that belied her age, “Giles look at him, his leg has at least three breaks, his ribs are most likely broken as well and that’s just what I can tell with a quick glance.”

“He’s a vampire Dawn, he heals quickly. We’ll just drop him off and give him a couple of bags of blood, he’ll be fine.” Xander stepped forward shifting Anya in his arms as he prepared to argue Dawn into agreement.

“Fine Xander and then we’ll just take Anya back to your place and toss her a bottle of pain killers.”

“Don’t be silly Dawnie, Anya will need to see a doctor,” Willow backed up her friend.

Dawn ignored the others and focused her attention on Buffy, “Spike was hurt trying to protect me.”

“Great job he did of that too,” Xander snorted.

Dawn whirled on him in a fury, “Spike fought off minions and psychos to get to me, and he got a knife in the back from that creepy lizard guy, and then got tossed off the tower—all to protect me. Me, Xander! What did you do? Oh yeah, that’s right you sat in the cab of a machine and played with the wrecking ball and then hid behind the rumble with your girlfriend.”

“Giles and Spike were there too.” Xander blustered.

“Yeah but they got back up and tried to help, while you stayed where you were until most of it was over.” Dawn advanced on him in a rage, “You have the potential to be a good man Xander, if you’d just get over yourself and stop hiding behind your snide remarks and unrealistic expectations. I didn’t expect you to be a super hero and save the day, but I’ll be damned if I let you diminish Spike’s actions because of your own insecurities.” Whirling back around she positioned herself at Spike’s side, helping to support his weight as they started for home.

“Xander take Anya to the hospital, we’ll talk to you later,” Buffy moved to Spike’s other side, and carefully wrapped one arm around his waist as she helped to ease Dawn’s burden.

“Bit thinks ‘m a hero,” Spike stared at Buffy, awed by his Nibblet’s defence of him.

“Yeah well, people talk the whacky when they're traumatized.” Buffy gave him a small smile. “You’re a good man, William,” she added softly before turning to look ahead of them, “and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for Dawn,” she paused for a moment, “and me.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dawn moved through her home carefully touching the photographs that graced the walls and various surfaces around her. She thought briefly about the last time they had returned here and the overwhelming grief that had blanketed her. She smiled to herself as she considered the small differences and the startling similarities between the two occasions.

Xander and Anya had gone to the hospital, just like before; Willow and Tara had gotten Tara’s hand re-bandaged before returning to their dorm, that was the same too. Giles had helped her and Buffy get Spike settled on the couch in the living room before going upstairs to sleep in their mom’s room, that was different, the last time around Giles had gone back to his apartment and starting drinking himself into unconsciousness. It had been Spike who had bought her home, stayed with her and helped her to get through the darkness that had followed; lending her his strength and support despite his own grief.

The most important difference though was the person who she could hear moving quietly around the kitchen. Buffy was alive; and currently warming blood in their microwave for the vampire who was Dawn’s best friend. She laughed to herself; her mom had always kept a couple of bags of fresh blood in the back of the fridge, just in case Spike wanted something more substantial than hot chocolate when he came for his weekly chat. It had always amused Dawn that even after Spike had expressed his feelings to Buffy, much to the slayer’s disgust, their mom had still kept fresh blood in the fridge despite the disinvite that had barred him from their home. Dawn smiled wistfully at her mother’s innate insight; somehow she had always known that Spike would remain a constant in their lives. Whatever measures Buffy took to distance them from the vampire, Joyce had known they would only ever be temporary. After mom had died Buffy had continued the little ritual, whether it was in memory of their mom or from some small unacknowledged part of her that cared about him, Dawn didn’t know. Right now all she knew was that it was there and it would help Spike, and that her sister wouldn’t have to leave her to find blood for him.

Walking into the living room Dawn settled herself on the floor beside Spike.

“How are you feeling, Bit?” Spike winced as he turned to look at her.

“Itchy,” Dawn rubbed her arms lightly.

“Itchy?”

“Yeah, like my skin’s too tight or something,” Dawn stretched her arms out in front of her inspecting the smooth skin. “Do you think it’s because there’s a grown up me inside a not so grownup body?”

“Don’t know, Nibblet, ‘spect it’s something we’ll figure out as we go along.” Spike smiled as he watched her twist and turn, as though she were trying to stretch her skin.

“How long do you think it’ll take?” Dawn grew serious, “Before it all starts, I mean.”

“Not sure Bit, things are different now so we have to be ready.”

“So I guess that means…”

“Yeah, Dawn I’ll be going as soon as I’m healed up.” Spike closed his eyes, leaning back into the soft cushions.

Dawn moved to perch on the edge of the chair, “You don’t have to, you know. If you don’t want to I mean.”

“You know I have to.” Spike held her gaze, “It’s part of the price.”

“Yeah I know. You’ll come straight back, won’t you?”

“Promise. ‘spect it won’t be as bad this time.” Spike gave her a big grin, “And if I don’t, you know where to find me.”

“And don’t think I won’t come looking either, mister,” Dawn wagged a finger at him, “You get one month and then I’m coming a hunting.”

“Hey, what ya doin’” Buffy stood at the doorway holding a mug in her hands.

“Just talkin’,” Dawn offered before pointing towards her, “Is that for Spike?”

“Oh, um… yeah,” Buffy passed Spike the mug, “So do you wanna watch the TV or we could… oh I don’t know… talk about what happened on the tower.”

“TV… TV sounds good to me,” Dawn started searching for the remote.

“Dawn.” Buffy crossed her arms, giving her sister what she hoped was a good impersonation of Willow’s resolve face.

Dawn sighed and stilled, “I don’t know what happened, I just suddenly knew what to do.” She looked up at her sister hoping that she would believe the small fib.

Buffy sat down beside her, careful not to jostle Spike as she did, “And what about the way you spoke to Xander?”

“I just got sick of hearing him say the same old thing over and over. I guess I realised just how much you and Spike have done to keep me safe, and I know the others have too, but it’s not the same. I know you don’t want to see it Buffy, but Spike really does care about me. He does!” Dawn grabbed her sister’s hands, “He’s tried so hard to change, to be good…” she smiled at Spike’s small growl of protest, “well less evil, anyway. I just wish you and the others would see how hard it is for him and just… I don’t know… cut him some slack.”

Buffy stared at her sister, ‘where had her little brat sister gone?’ “When did you start getting so grown up?”

“Maybe when I realised just how much I’ve got to lose and that I should be thankful that you love me so much,” Dawn gratefully allowed herself to be pulled into a hug.

Buffy watched her sister carefully, she was sure there was more to her little sister’s change than the girl was telling, but with everything that had happened she was just glad to have her safe and whole. The fact that she was starting to open up to her was, she figured, just an added bonus. She slid her gaze across to the vampire that was occupying her couch, taking the time to really look at him; his declaration of love freaked her out, filling her with disgust, however, if she was honest she would have admitted that mostly the disgust she had felt was directed inward. A part of her had wanted to take what Spike had offered with open arms, eager to experience the complete and total love that she knew deep inside he would give her.

Buffy sighed; instead the fear of losing any normality she had gained, and the censure of her friends had caused her to react violently against the idea. Her behaviour had caused her mother to lose a good friend and confidant when she needed him most, and Dawn had been hurt by her sister’s insistence that she be separated from someone who had been a caring and protective figure in her life. Buffy watched the pair silently as they bantered back and forth, smiling inwardly at their easy rapport before silently coming to a decision.

“Hey, how about we all get some rest. I know I need some sleep or I’m going to drop.”

“Ok. Night, Spike,” Dawn glanced at the light peeking its way through the edges of the thick blanket that they had used to cover the window, “or maybe that should be morning? See you in a few hours?”

“I’ll be here. You go get some sleep, Bite-sized.” He waited until he heard her feet thunder up the stairs and into her room. “Thank you, Slayer,” he called as Buffy moved to follow her sister.

She turned to Spike, giving him a small nod and a soft smile, “You’re welcome, Spike.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

Buffy stared at herself in the mirror, the sleep and the shower had done her a world of good. For the first time in months she actually felt relaxed; she didn’t know if it was because the threat of Glory was finally gone, or because of the decision she had come to as she had drifted off to sleep. In truth it was probably a mixture of both. She could hear Giles and Dawn moving around downstairs; well she certainly hoped it was those two—if Spike was moving around and causing himself more injuries she was going to tie him to the chair. She had not spent a good hour after they got home resetting, strapping and splinting just to have him undo all her work in some stubborn streak of male independence.

Heading downstairs she went straight to the living room and couldn’t help but smile as she watched Spike sitting awkwardly on the couch with Dawn fussing over him. “Hey,” after watching the m quietly for a moment she announced her presence.

“Hi Buffy” Dawn lay a small blanket across Spikes lap, slapping his hands away as he tried to stop her fussing.

“Slayer, will you please remind your sister that I’m a vampire and that I don’t need all this fussin’”

Buffy smirked, “But you look so manly with your Hello Kitty blankie.” With a giggle she ducked out of the room in search of Giles.

“Buffy!” Giles offered her a cup as she entered the kitchen, “Tea?”

“Thanks, Giles,” Buffy accepted the cup, blowing lightly on the hot liquid inside, with a quick peak up from behind her lashes she tried to gauge her Watcher’s mood, “You feeling better?”

“Yes. Quite refreshed, thank you.”

“Good ‘cause I’d like you to come into the living room, I have something I want to discuss with the others.”

“Would you like me to call Willow and Tara?” Giles reached for the phone, “I could try Xander too, but I’m not sure if the hospital will have released Anya yet.”

“No that’s ok, it really just involves Dawn and Spike, but seeing as you’re here I may as well tell you too.”

“Oh, yes of course” Giles followed his Slayer from the room, the thought that perhaps he was not going to like what he was about to hear crossing his mind. As he settled himself into a chair he turned his attention to Buffy who was nervously pacing in front of them.

“So, ok. I’ve made a decision and I want to know what you guys think.” Buffy took a deep breath, “I’m going to move into mom’s room.”

“Does that mean I can have your old room?” Dawn started mentally rearranging her furniture into Buffy’s room.

“Umm no I thought that perhaps… ummmm, well, that is, I figured that Spike could have my old room.” She looked into Spike’s startled blue eyes as she heard Giles begin to bluster slightly. Holding her hand up to silence him she continued, “Like I was saying, if Spike wants to, I would like him to move into my old room. We can fix it up so that it’s vampire friendly, and paint it and, you know, make it less girly.”

Dawn squealed in delight, “Say you will, Spike, please.”

Spike watched Buffy closely, trying to understand where this sudden change in attitude had come from. He cocked his head to the side as he tried to puzzle it out.

“Really, Buffy, do you think that’s a wise decision?” Giles stared at her in disbelief, “Have you forgotten everything that this creature has done to you and your friends?”

“No, Giles, I haven’t forgotten anything,” Buffy couldn’t feel any anger towards him; she had been expecting this reaction, she couldn’t, however, suppress the small surge of disappointment.

“Then how could you possibly even consider inviting this monster to live with you?” Giles almost jumped from his seat and began to pace around the room, glasses in hand as he gestured wildly. “How could you be so irresponsible to even suggest such a thing? He’s a vampire Buffy.”

“Really Giles I never would have guessed. Gee thank you so much for pointing that out to me, I mean, all my years as the Slayer and yet I couldn’t recognise a vampire when it was right in front of me. How have I ever survived.”

“There’s no need to be sarcastic, Buffy,” Giles snapped angrily, “However as you pointed out you have been the Slayer for years, so you should know how dangerous it is to have something like him in your home.”

“How? How is it dangerous to have someone here who cares about what happens to Dawn… to me? Hell, to all of us. Dawn said something to me when we got home that made me stop and think. She said that we don’t cut him any slack, all this time he’s been trying to change and we’ve done nothing. Nothing to help him, nothing to even acknowledge his effort, but still he keeps trying. He keeps protecting Dawn, he keeps helping me whenever I ask—even when I don’t ask—he’s always there when we need him. Always,” Buffy took a deep breath, calming herself before continuing, “And that’s what we need, someone who will always be there for her, and me.”

“Buffy?”

“I’m sorry, Giles, I’ve made my decision. If Spike wants to he can live here. And before you start on another of your stuffy Spike’s so evil rants, just stop and listen. Spike is strong; he can protect Dawn when I can’t; he can help me on patrol; he can be here for Dawn to talk to; god he can even help her with her homework, a lot better than I can. Like it or not Giles I have responsibilities now, I need money to pay the bills which means either I start taking in paying borders or I get a job. As I can’t see Joe normal understanding the axe under my bed or the sword in the pantry, it looks like Buffy’s got to get a job. Add to that patrolling, averting apocalypses, running a house and caring for a teenage hormone bomb and Buffy’s going to be one exhausted slayer. And an exhausted slayer leads to a dead slayer. Spike can help me with all that, Dawn loves him and more importantly she listens to him.”

Giles sighed; the watcher in him was rebelling against the thought that one of the creatures that his Slayer fought against every night might actually be beneficial in keeping her alive.

“Please understand, Giles. I’m tired. I’m going to need help. I know that you and the others would help, but you have your own lives—and that’s how it should be. But to Spike… we are his world, and that’s what we need.”

“Very well, Buffy.” Giles sat down wearily, “I just pray that you never regret your decision.”

“So does that mean Spike’s moving in?” Dawn questioned, waiting for reassurance.

“That’s up to him, Dawnie”

Dawn turned to Spike, “So are you?”

“I’ll tell you what Bit, if big sis still feels the same in a few days, then I’ll move in.”

“Oh my God, can I help you paint and stuff?” She began to bounce excitedly, “this is going to be so cool.” In her mind Dawn was already rejoicing over the fact that Buffy had accepted Spike into their new life without her having to manipulate the situation in any way and she rejoiced that her friend and companion of the last 40 years would still be close by—for now at least. Things were going to be work out, she just knew they would.