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So You Think You Can Dance by slaymesoftly
 
Three
 
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Chapter Three
 
She knew he could hear her pounding after him, but he never changed his pace. He didn’t slow down so she could catch up but continued to stride purposefully and briskly.
 
At least he isn’t running away....
 
When she’d caught up with him, she walked along without speaking until she couldn’t stand it any longer.
 
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
 
“Sorry, pet. Am I not being sufficiently obedient?”
 
“Obedie— I just meant why are you being so... so... unfriendly?”
 
He turned his head to look at her.  “You think I’m being unfriendly?”
 
You don’t? You keep walking away from me. You won’t come back to the house to talk there. You’re being all sarcastic and....” She shook her head and lowered her voice, allowing some of the emotion she was fighting to bleed through. “Spike, I thought you were dead. Twice. Twice I... I grieved... for you.  And now you’re not dead. But I didn’t know. And you won’t talk to me, and you act like we’re just... just....” To her dismay, she felt tears prickling her eyes. She took a deep breath and waited until her voice was under control before increasing her pace to catch up with him again.
 
“It’s been a long time. I know that. And if you don’t... It’s okay. I mean I know we’re not... not.... But dammit! Don’t act like we never were!  You don’t have to.... You don’t love me any more. I can see that. But don’t act like we’re strangers. Like I’ve got no right to ask you where you’ve been... or to... to want to talk to you.”  When there was no reply, she added a soft “Please?” and stopped walking. She held her breath while he took several more steps before halting. He stood with his back to her, the tension in his shoulders very visible in the tight tee shirt he was wearing.
 
When his shoulders slumped and his head dropped, she released her breath with an audible sigh. She watched as he turned and began to walk back to her, moving as if being dragged against his will.  When he reached her, he stopped and ran his still amber eyes over her face before raising one hand to brush against her cheek in what felt almost like a caress. Then he dropped his hand and shook his head.
 
“I don’t think not loving you is possible, Buffy,” he said with a sad smile. “It’s been part of me for too bloody long.”  She started to smile back, encouraged by his use of her name, but the smile faded as he shook his head.  “But I’m not the man for you. Not what you want. Would have been better if I’d just stayed dead to you – for both of us, I suspect.”
 
“Don’t tell me what I want,” she growled. “And if you’re planning to tell me you stayed away from me for my own good—” His abrupt response interrupted her intended threat to dismember him one body part at a time.
 
“It’s gone, love.”
 
“What? What’s gone? You just told me you still lov— Oh.” She couldn’t help the sudden intake of breath or the way her eyes widened.  “Your soul?  You lost it?”
 
He nodded. “Turns out the amulet – handy as it turned out to be for keeping me in this world – had a limit to the number of times it could bring me back before it had to leave something behind. One of those times, it didn’t bring the soul with.” He touched his own face. “Creature that did this to me managed to destroy the amulet in the process. Can’t even wear it around my neck for insurance now. It’s gone, and the soul’s gone. Forever, I expect.”
 
“Well... that’s... but you didn’t have it before. Not when we.... It’s okay. I trust you...” In spite of her words, she knew the doubt was clearly visible on her face. He snorted a short laugh.
 
“No you don’t, love. Appreciate the words, but we both know you don’t. Not really. Not a hundred percent.  Nor should you,” he added, sending her shocked eyes flying up to his.  “I’ve been feeding, Buffy.  For a good long while now. Not on the innocent, and I rarely kill, but I’m getting my sustenance straight from the tap again. Don’t think I’m ready to give that up.”
 
She couldn’t control her flinch, or the way she shrank back from him.  She tried to recover, but it was too late. He’d already seen her reaction.  Nodding his head and giving her another one of those sad smiles that looked so odd when he was wearing his fangs, he said, “That’s what I thought.  You see now why I stayed away? I’d never hurt you or yours, and I’ll keep fightin’ the good fight, but I’m not the chip-broken, souled up vamp you were used to. That’s not who I am anymore, love.”
 
Buffy just stared at him, making no attempt to hide the tears filling her eyes.  “But... your soul. You fought for it. You earned it. You could—”
 
“Fought for my soul, Buffy. That’s gone. Destroyed with the amulet. Wouldn’t go askin’ for someone else’s soul even if I wanted to. Don’t know what I’d get next time around.” He brushed his hand through her hair, watching it slide across his fingers. “We’re done, love, you and I. Had our time. And a glorious time it was, now and again.
 
“But I’m soulless, unchipped, feeding, and right happy about it most of the time. You don’t want that in your life, and I don’t want to spend mine tryin’ to hide what I am from you. Love you as much as I ever did, but I’m my own man now, not your personal pet vampire.” They stared at each other, both sets of eyes shiny with tears they were too proud to shed. “Give me your phone,” he said abruptly, breaking the tension.
 
Buffy pulled out her phone and handed it to him, watching impassively as he entered a number.  He handed it back to her, closing her hand around it and keeping it covered with his own, much larger, hand for a moment. 
 
“If you ever need me for anything, the number’s in there. Don’t be afraid to use it.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it before letting her go. “I’m sorry you had to find me like this, Buffy.  Never meant for you to know. You take care of those girls, yeah?”
 
He turned, so quickly she could almost visualize his old duster whirling around him, and was gone before she could speak.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Instead of going straight back to the slayer house, Buffy wandered around the city, mulling over what she’d learned. The missing soul explained the harder edges Spike had shown both her and the other slayers.  She had to admit she was just as glad she wasn’t going to have to explain him to them—especially to Vi who had only known him as the quiet, guilt-ridden, souled vampire living in Buffy’s basement. But for him to say he’d been feeding.... “I rarely kill” was hardly a ringing endorsement of his willingness to stay on the side of good. 
 
By the time she’d worked her way back to the house, she had almost accepted that he’d probably done the right thing by staying away.  There was no way she could justify the presence of a vampire in her life. One with no soul, who “only rarely” killed his prey. She straightened her shoulders and went back inside to talk to Vi and her squad.
 
~~~~~~
 
“Hi, Will, what do we know?” Buffy settled back against her pillows and smiled to hear her old friend’s voice.
 
“Hi, Buffy. Not much right now. We know that all the girls here are fine, but Faith’s gone to check out a squad in Iceland. They’ve lost two girls already and they aren’t sure why. Since we don’t know what’s going on, or if it’s just affecting new slayers, you’ll need to be careful. You and Vi both. Just ‘cause you’re stronger than the other girls right now, doesn’t mean you can’t be affected by whatever it is.”
 
“Huh. I hadn’t really thought about that. Since Vi is mostly okay, I just figured... yeah, okay. We’ll watch for any signs of weakness. Funny thing is, though, none of these girls felt weak or knew that she was losing it. They just thought Spi—” Buffy choked off her words, but Willow had known her too long.
 
“Spike? Spike is alive? And there?”
 
“Well, no... and yes. He’s just as dead as he ever was, just not as dusty as we thought. Turns out that amulet kept bringing him back. He’s kinda... mangled... from whatever he took on the last time, but he’s not dead.”
 
“What’s he doing there? Was he looking for you? How did he know where you were? When did he—” Buffy broke into Willows rapid questioning.
 
“No, he didn’t come looking for me. He’s here because the Hellmouth feeds his demon and it’s helping him heal. He didn’t know I was here....” Buffy paused, then said softly, “He didn’t want to see me. Didn’t want me to see him. He... he doesn’t want to be around me.”
 
“Oh. Oh Buffy! I’m... well I’m sorry, I guess, but it’s not like you haven’t thought he was dead and gone all this time. I mean, you’re okay with it, aren’t you?”
 
“I will be,” Buffy said firmly. “I was just a little surprised at first, but it’s all good. He’s right, we had our time and—” Buffy’s voice faltered.  “He’s right,” she repeated. “It’s for the best that we just go our separate ways again.”
 
“That doesn’t sound much like either one of you,” Willow said, the sympathy in her voice palpable. There was silence as she waited for Buffy to clear her throat and explain.
 
“His soul’s gone, Will. Gone and destroyed with the amulet. And he’s feeding. Still fighting demons, and he watched out for the slayers – after he beat some of them up to show them they needed help – but he’s feeding. He says he hasn’t killed anybody... or hardly ever, whatever the hell that means. But he’s a real vampire again. Maybe one that plays on our side most of the time, but still....”
 
“Oh goddess... I’m so sorry, Buffy.”
 
“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for Spike who worked so hard to win that soul, and was so proud of it. And I’m sorry that he thinks it’s okay to feed as long as he doesn’t kill anybody. And I’m sorry that he doesn’t love me enough to give that up.” She stopped. “I didn’t mean to say that part out loud,” she mumbled.
 
“Maybe not, but you’d still be thinking it, wouldn’t you?” Willow’s voice was gentle. “If you can’t tell me, who can you tell?”
 
Buffy sighed. “I know. But it’s so not the point now. The important thing is to find out what’s happening to these girls... and fix it. Dwelling on Buffy’s usual sucky love life isn’t really what we need to be doing.”
 
“Right. Well if Faith finds out anything in Iceland, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, be careful. If it’s something there in Cleveland, it’s got to be either magic of some sort, or something the girls are getting somehow. Poison or something. Either way, there’s probably somebody or some thing doing it.”
 
“Yep. I just need to find it and kill it. No problem. How hard can it be?”
 
~~~~~~~~~~
 
Three weeks later, Buffy was discovering how hard it could be. They’d eliminated the obvious things – the pizza place, the Starbucks, even the grocery store where they bought juice and milk and cereal. Buffy could find no trace of demonic activity anywhere the girls all got stuff to eat or drink.  The device Willow had given her years before, that could detect magic in large doses, was not indicating anything magical going on in or around the house beyond the normal wards against demons that all slayer group homes were given.
 
 
The first break came when the radio squawked and Rita gasped for help. Buffy sprinted to the other side of the cemetery to find that Rita was doing her best to protect Vi, who was on the ground and barely conscious.  The vampire facing Rita was laughing as he feinted at her just to watch her stumble when she tried to dodge.  He glanced up and frowned at Buffy.  “Wait your turn there, blondie. There’s plenty of me to go around.”
 
“There’s going to be even more of you to go around when your dust starts blowing away,” Buffy said, rolling her eyes. 
 
“You’re pretty sassy for somebody who used to be a slayer,” he growled, back-handing Rita to the ground and turning to face Buffy.  His attempt to hit her failed as Buffy easily slipped his punch and provided her own retaliatory jabs that knocked him back several steps.
 
“Change of plans,” she muttered, making a mental note that he should have fallen down at the second hard jab. She attacked full-on and had him on the ground moaning in a very short amount of time – if not as short an amount as she’d expected.  She sat on him, her stake pushing into his chest hard enough to draw blood.  “Now then, you’re going to tell me why my girls are losing their powers, and why you expected me to be too.  Bad assumption, by the way,” she added as he attempted to throw her off; she pushed harder on the stake with one hand while punching him with the other.
 
When he came to, she was still perched on top of him, still digging the stake into his flesh. Rita and a recovered Vi were standing on either side of him, stakes at the ready.
 
“Let’s try again, huh?  What do you know about what’s happening to the slayers here?”
 
“You’re just going to stake me anyway,” he growled. “Why should I tell you?”
 
“Because if you don’t, we’ll take you back to the house and chain you up while all the girls who’ve been hurt recently take turns making you really sorry you didn’t.”  Buffy gave him a mega-watt smile that didn’t reach her eyes and waited for him to get her meaning.  His eyes flickered to Rita and Vi, both of whom seemed ready to start making him pay right then and there.
 
“It wasn’t me!” he blurted. “I’m not doing it.  It’s this... creepy human guy. He has stuff that can make vamps weak too. And demons. He used it to get a few of us to work for him turning new vamps, and then he started giving it to the slayers. He said we’d have all the slayer blood we could drink pretty soon.” Buffy’s growl and the extra pressure she unconsciously put on the stake had him searching for more information to give her.
“He likes us to turn young girls!” he threw in quickly.  Buffy ignored that seemingly irrelevant factoid.
 
“How is he giving it to the slayers? Or to the vamps and demons, for that matter. What is he doing, giving it out in candy?”
 
The vampire shook his head.  “I don’t know,” he said, repeating it when Buffy’s expression darkened. “I don’t! I just got weaker and weaker, and one night this human threw me into a van and took me to a room with a lot of other weak vamps.  He never told us how he did it; he just said he wouldn’t reverse it unless we went to work for him. After a couple of weeks, everybody said yes. Well, except for Jake. He said no. I don’t know what happened to him....”
 
“Where do I find this ‘creepy human guy’? And I can’t begin to tell you how weird it is to hear a vamp call somebody ‘creepy’.” Buffy leaned a little harder on the stake, smiling when the vampire hissed in pain.
 
“He’s got a building over by the park.  I think he owns it or something. It’s got a name... the something Towers. He lives in the penthouse, but only a few of the girls have seen that – the rest of us live in the basement and meet with him in his lab down there.” He looked at Buffy’s impatient face and said quickly, “You can get in through the parking garage. He uses some of the vamps as security, and he’s got a couple of demons as guards, but that’s it.”
 
“Interesting that he isn’t worried you’ll turn on him....” Buffy said almost to herself. “He must be pretty sure of himself....”
 
“He’s a pretty scary guy... for a human.”
 
“You’re sure he’s human? Not some old vamp or some kind of demon?”
 
“Nah. The girls vouched for it... the ones that came back. He’s human, just scary.”
 
“Girls? Came back? From where—” Buffy suddenly remembered that he’d mentioned the guy living in the penthouse. “Oh. Ewwww!”
 
“That’s what they said.”
 
Buffy didn’t even look down when she pushed the stake the rest of the way through the vampire’s chest. She gave a little grunt as he turned to dust and she dropped to the ground.  She stood up and looked around, a shiver going down her back.
 
“Let’s go. Call everybody in. We need to decide how we’re going to take this guy down. A human that’s too kinky for a female vamp is not somebody we want running loose. Even if he wasn’t trying to get us all killed.”
 
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