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Time after Time by BuffyMeetsSpike
 
In the Watches of the Night
 
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Dislaimer: I don't own any of the characters, just borrowing them. Thanks again to my lovely beta, Sanity Fair.

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Chapter 13 In the Watches of the Night

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She spent the rest of the afternoon in the bedroom reading through her diaries again slowly, looking for any clues about who she was in this world, but nothing sank in. It finally grew dark, and she grabbed a couple of stakes and made her way downstairs. Riley was sitting in front of the TV with a beer, staring into space. He looked up when he saw her.
 
“I’m going on patrol,” she said quietly, passing into the front hall to get her shoes.
 
“Wait, I’ll come with,” Riley said, jumping to his feet and following her.
 
Buffy stopped him with a hand to his chest. “I really want to go alone, okay?”
 
“But we still don’t know what happened to you! What if it gets worse?”
 
Turning away, she bent to tie her sneakers. “I know you’re worried, but I’m not. I’m patrolling alone.” She stood up, grabbed her jacket and had slammed the door behind her before he could say another word. She took off swiftly down the street, wanting to get out of sight before he could get shoes on to follow her. Finally she reached the first cemetery where she slowed to a walk and pulled out a stake. A certain sense of nostalgia came over her as she walked through the gravestones, listening for vampires and demons. It used to be so simple – go out, slay things, go home. Before hell gods and resurrections, and mystical siblings and vampire boyfriends it was easier. She knew who the bad guys were, no ambiguity. But as she recalled, that state lasted a ridiculously short time. If she was honest, it was the vampire boyfriends and the hell gods that had made her such a powerful Slayer. Was she as deadly a fighter in this world as she had been before? She heard the unmistakable sounds of a fledgling rising from their grave and figured it was time to find out.
 
About fifty yards away she saw a figure stagger to its feet, shaking off dirt. The newly risen vamp was a tall, muscular man. As she went to meet him she found herself wondering about who he was, what he would be like if he had a hundred years of experience. Guess we’ll never know. He turned to attack her, but he was still bewildered by the transformation, and she took him out with little struggle.
 
Brushing the dust off her hands she continued on patrol. She found a nest of six vamps in one tomb which gave her a bit of a workout, but in the end she dusted them all. Working her way methodically through the cemeteries of Sunnydale her final total was twelve dusted vampires and one Fyaral demon. She had planned her route carefully and ended her patrol in front of her mother and sister’s graves. Her mother’s grave was as remembered, but next to it was a tombstone that hadn’t existed in the other timeline. She read the lines carved there over and over, the pit of her stomach growing cold as she did:
 
                                            Dawn Marie Summers
                                                   Beloved Sister
 
She sat down and pulled her knees to her chest, staring at the two gray stones. I did all this for her. I helped stop Liam from becoming a vampire so she would have a future. Buffy wanted to scream at the cruelty of the fates. She had given up the man she loved for the greater good only to find that the greater good wasn’t greater for her. Oh sure, various people were alive, but the one person who she had died to save, who she would have sacrificed everything for, was gone.
 
“Buffy? Are you okay?” Startled, she turned, realizing she hadn’t even heard anyone approaching. Xander was coming up to her, gingerly, as if she was going to bolt at any moment. She found she was rapidly getting very, very tired of being approached like she was about to break.
 
“Xander? Why are you here?” she spat out, the irritation evident in her voice.
 
“Riley called the store and said you went off on patrol alone. He was worried, so Willow did a locator spell, and since I was closest I came over to check on you.” He seemed truly confused at her anger. “Are you mad at me or something? Because if I did something to make a supernaturally strong friend angry, I’d sort of like to apologize right away.” His tone was light, but he was still clearly observing her as if he expected her to do something wrong.
 
She turned away, addressing her answer to the tombstones. “Is this the way everyone acts all the time? Checking up on me? Stalking me with magic? Because if that’s the case, I can see why I’m anxious and depressed.”
 
Xander was taken aback. “I guess… you never complained before,” he answered lamely. It was clear that the subject hadn’t really come up before. “Um, can I sit down?”
 
“If you must,” she answered in a rather uninviting tone.
 
“Uh, thanks,” Xander muttered. He sat down next to her and joined her in contemplating the tombstones before them.
 
After a moment in silence Buffy said quietly, “Tell me how my sister died.”
 
Xander hesitated. “Are you sure you want to hear about all that now? I mean, maybe it would be better…”
 
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” she cried, jumping to her feet. “I’m upset, but I’m not a fucking basket case, okay? I asked a simple goddamned question. If I didn’t think I could handle the answer, I wouldn’t have asked. Just tell me what the hell happened!”
 
Xander’s eyes got wide at her outburst. “Calm down, okay? I’ll tell you. Just sit down, all right?” Buffy sat back down but the irritation didn’t leave her eyes. Xander cleared his throat. “I don’t know how much you remember about the whole Glory incident.”
 
“I remember she was a hell god or something, wasn’t she? I read some of my diaries from the time.” Buffy hoped that would explain any slips from the previous timeline.
 
“Yeah,” Xander said, still sounding reluctant. “Anyhow she kidnapped Dawn because she needed Dawn’s blood to open some portal and bring about hell and destruction and all that. You, um, you sort of checked out for a day or two after Dawn was taken. But then you came back and rallied us all to go after her. We all tried to get to Dawn, you hardest of all. But there was some demon on Glory’s side that cut Dawn and started the whole portal going. We suddenly had more demons to fight. Dawn must have gotten away from the demon and jumped while you were taking Glory down. All we knew was that Glory was gone, and Dawn was…” his voice broke. “We found her at the base of the tower,” he finished quietly.
 
Buffy stood up suddenly, turning away from Xander with her hand over her mouth to contain the sobs. She couldn’t say that this was because Spike hadn’t been there. He hadn’t defeated Doc either. But he might have somehow bought them time they didn’t have the second time around or given her that added support she needed. Dawnie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.
 
“Buffy, I’m so sorry,” Xander said, putting his hand on her shoulder.
 
“Don’t,” she said. “I… I need to go.” She turned and walked, stumbling toward the cemetery gates.
 
“Wait, where are you going?” Xander’s voice registered his alarm.
 
“Home. Just… I’m going home, all right? If you need to follow me and take notes, go right ahead.” She continued on her way with Xander trailing uncertainly in her wake.
 
She didn’t look back the whole way home, not caring if Xander was following her or not. When she got home she slammed the door behind her. “I’m home. You can call off the search party,” she snapped.
 
Riley came sheepishly out of the kitchen. “I’m sorry, but when you stormed out I thought…”
 
“Whatever. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” She headed upstairs then added, “In the guest room. I want to be alone, understand? Alone. As in by myself, without a fucking surveillance team.” Leaving Riley stunned behind her she went up to the bedroom, grabbed a pair of pajamas out of her drawer, then went to the guest bedroom and locked the door behind her. Finally alone, she changed her clothes, turned off the light, and got into the bed that had been her mother’s. She found herself missing her mother’s presence more than she had in ages as she huddled miserably under the quilt.
 
Once more she tried to think through everything methodically. We killed Darla. So no Angelus, and no Spike. I’m back on the same day I left. The world didn’t end, and Sunnydale didn’t get destroyed. Mom’s dead, Dawn’s dead, but Tara, Jenny, and Anya are alive. Everyone’s paired off and living happily ever after, including me, although I’m apparently a recovering mental patient. The only thing missing is the fact that I remember Buffy’s life 1.0. And Spike.
 
She closed her eyes and clutched a pillow close. Those few days in Galway had been something deep and rich. The claim they had shared had connected them in a way Buffy didn’t know was possible. To feel someone else’s love so completely and so perfectly was an experience she had never had, and likely never would again. Her fingers ran over her neck, but there were no scars there where vampires had left their marks. The marks on her soul were still there, though, and they burned and stung worse than any fangs could. Spike had loved her. For a brief moment she had been Mrs. William Pratt, and she would give up anything to be her again.
 
So what do you do now, Summers? She tried to imagine what the reaction would be if she told them the truth. They seemed completely unafraid of letting Willow use magic on her indiscriminately. This bunch of Scoobies would probably have Willow knock her out so they could bundle her back to the nut house. She found she honestly couldn’t conceive of how they would react. Alternatively, she learned to live in this world. But the thought of letting Riley touch her, knowing that all the while she’d want Spike, was unbearable. I don’t think I could fake that. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. In the end she fell asleep without resolving anything.
 
 TBC
 
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