Chapter 9

 

Buffy stared at her reflection in the mirror.   Her lips were swollen from rubbing the blood away.  She clutched the side of basin as memories assailed her, memories of her lips being swollen from other activities ‘Rebecca’s lips now’ she felt pain cramp her insides at that thought. 

 

Buffy leant back against the wall sliding down to the floor there was no more denying it.  She was jealous.  Rebecca had come back and Spike had run into her willing open arms and forgotten all about Buffy.  ‘Well maybe not forgotten there was that kiss on patrol last night.’ 

 

But he had made a choice and it hadn’t been her ‘What did I expect anyway.  Oh Buffy I love the way you beat on me and use me for sex, and treat me like shit.  Please oh Please Buffy I don’t want to go back to my wife who loves me and treats me like a man.  I want to stay with you hidden away to be used at your convenience.’  Buffy let the sarcastic little voice echo through her head. She closed her eyes and saw the image of Spike and Rebecca kissing, clearly in love and happy.  ‘That could have been me, if I hadn’t been so scared.  Now I can never get him back.  I can never tell him how I really feel.’   Tears started to fall down her face once more “Oh God” she whispered to the room “What have I done”  she drew her legs up hugging them to herself. 

 

Downstairs Dawn coughed softly, then more loudly, then so loudly that she thought that they could hear her in Australia .  The three couples continued to kiss, so Dawn did what any self respecting teenager would do, she went for the Oscar winning performance.  Clutching at her throat Dawn started to make a choking noise stumbling forward she threw herself towards the couple on the couch, clawing at her throat eyes round with fright.  She then stumbled backwards, fell to her knees gasping for breathe before gracefully collapsing into a heap on the floor.

 

The couples had broken apart during Dawn’s performance and were now crowded around her frantically searching for signs of injury.  Giles was gently patting Dawns cheeks “Dawn, Dawn!  Where’s Buffy? Someone get Buffy!” Willow dashed upstairs to find her.

 

Spike felt fear start to curl its way through him, until he sensed something else.  He sat back and listened carefully.  There.  A strong steady heartbeat became clear through all the noise.  There was something else, he moved closer listening intently.  There it was again a soft low sound that sounded suspiciously like a...”She’s foxin ” shouted Spike as he sprung forward to tickle Dawn mercilessly.  Dawn squealed arms flailing as she twisted away from Spike’s evil hands.  She jumped up dashing out of the room towards the kitchen Spike in hot pursuit. 

 

Buffy lifted her head sharply when she heard a scream ‘Dawn’ she jumped up running down the stairs, colliding with Willow half way down. 

 

Willow had stopped when she had heard the squeal from the living room; she turned in time to see a Dawn shaped blur dash past just before something hard hit her in the back and sent her tumbling down.

 

Spike reached the stairs as Buffy and Willow came to rest at the bottom, he tried to stop but his momentum carried him forward.  The three of them ended up in a tangled mess on the floor.

 

Buffy moaned lightly as Spike landed on top of her, she rolled her hips slightly and felt him harden in response.  Spike pulled back to stare into her eyes “Don’t”.  Buffy saw it then, the desire for her that was still there.  The only problem was that the pain was still there also. 

 

Spike stood up, quickly moving away from her as Rebecca caught up to him.

 

“Are you ok?” Rebecca frantically ran her hands across his torso “How’s your shoulder?  Did you reopen your wound?” The worry was evident in Rebecca’s voice.

 

“S’ok luv, nearly all healed.” Spike stilled her frantic hands as he reassured her.

 

That’s when Buffy saw it.  Love.  ‘So that’s what it looks like’ she thought.  She had thought she’d seen it before with Willow and Tara but theirs had somehow been broken and had yet to be rebuilt fully.  Xander and Anya had also come close but what she saw with Spike and Rebecca was different.  Nothing could ever break the bond between them, not death or demons and most certainly not her.  ‘That’s what he was looking for with me.  What I denied him, what I denied myself.’  

 

Buffy let herself feel one more moment of self pity before putting Willow ’s resolve face firmly into place. 

 

Did she love Spike? ‘Yes’

 

Had she done anything to make herself worthy of his love ‘No’

 

Did she want him to be happy ‘Yes, she did, and if being with Rebecca made him happy then she would just have to accept that.’ 

 

“Buffy.”  Willow pushed on her friends shoulders “BUFFY!  I can’t get up”

 

Buffy realised that she was still laying across her friends legs “Oops sorry Will.”  They manage to untangle themselves and stand up brushing themselves off.

 

“What was all that about?” Buffy asked as she looked at Dawn.

 

Dawn tried her best to look innocent.  “What??  I didn’t do anything.”  She put her hand to her throat “Just had a little tickle” 

 

“Nib” Spike said in a warning tone “You scared us half to death”

 

Dawn raised an eyebrow “Half?”

 

Spike smirked “Well some of us more to death”

 

Dawn widened her eyes and jutted her bottom lip out  “Well it’s not my fault you were all…uhmm….otherwise occupied.” she lowered her head and peeked up through her lashes at him “What with the sticking of tongues down throats and the roaming hands.  And just what was Giles doing to make Anya make those noises.  I AM SO SCARRED FOR LIFE.”

 

“Speaking of Giles and Anya.  Where are they?” Tara started to look around only now noticing the absent couple.

 

 

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On the back porch Giles and Anya were once again engaged in some serious kissing.  Giles gently broke from the kiss ‘Anya, we need to discuss this.  I need to know”

 

Anya placed her finger against his lips silencing him. “Shhh...You want to know if I’m doing this to hurt Xander.”  Giles nodded “Xander hurt me.  I want to hurt him back.”  Giles’s face fell when he heard this.  Anya placed her hands on his face “But I would never use you to hurt him.  I would never hurt you that way.”  Anya sighed and pulled him to sit on the steps.  “Do you remember when Willow did her forgetting spell?”  

 

Giles nodded “When we thought we were engaged and we…we” he had thought of that kiss often.

 

“When we kissed.” Anya looked down uncharacteristically uncertain of herself.  “I thought about it all the time.  I loved Xander and would never have hurt him for anything, but sometimes I would wonder what it would have been like to be with you.  For you to love me for real.”  She looked up at him waiting.

 

Giles didn’t know what to do; he felt the same way, but what about his loyalty to Xander.  Giles reached up to remove his glasses and began to slowly wipe them clean.

 

“Oh for goodness sake Rupert” Anya snatched the glasses from his hand and tossed them into the yard. “Do you feel the same way?  Yes or No?”

 

“Yes”

 

Anya’s smile was almost blinding “I promise to give you many satisfying orgasms.” She started to pepper his face with kisses.

 

Willow stood at the back door and slowly backed away.  She didn’t know how Xander was going to react but she was happy the Giles had finally found someone.

 

She walked into the living room “I think they’re going to be a little bit longer”

 

“What are they making with the smooches again?”  Joked Dawn only to see the look on Willow ’s face “Oh!”

 

“Tara and I might go see if we can find Xander.  Make sure he’s Ok”

 

“Can I come too?” Dawn didn’t want to stay home if it meant that she had to watch Giles and Anya getting all with the hands again.

 

“Sure Dawnie we’ll even spring for a milkshake.”  The two Wicca’s waved goodbye to the others promising to return that evening.

 

Buffy looked at the other two “So … um … Spike I suppose you’re going to be staying again tonight?”

 

Spike grasped Rebecca’s hand “If that’s ok with you pet.”

 

Buffy thought for a moment “That’s fine, although we’ll have to organise something more permanent for the sleeping arrangements.  You might want to head to your crypt and get some of your things Spike.”

 

Spike stood and placed a tender kiss on Rebecca’s forehead “Might as well do it now.  Won’t be long luv” he grabbed his blanket from near the door and made a dash for the entrance to the sewers.

 

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Rebecca gazed out the window until Spike disappeared from sight, breathing a sigh of relief when he made his destination safely.  She turned around and pinned Buffy with an assessing gaze.  “We need to talk.”

 

“If you have more to say about Travers maybe we should wait for the others.”

 

Rebecca shook her head “No this is about William.” 

 

Buffy sat perching nervously on the edge of the sofa. 

 

Rebecca’s gaze hardened as she assessed the woman who had treated her William so badly “I know what you did to him, how you used him.”  Buffy gasped “He told me all about your relationship with him.  Did you think he wouldn’t?”

 

Buffy looked down at her hands ashamed “I… wasn’t coping well being back.  I needed to feel”

 

“So you used him and discarded him” Rebecca let the venom drip from her words.  “You took the one person that loved you unconditionally and abused him.  You beat him so badly you almost killed him”

 

Buffy felt the old excuses tumble from her mouth “But he’s not a person, he’s a demon, he doesn’t feel...”

 

“Bullshit!” Rebecca was furious “He is more of a person than you.  That man has more love inside him than you could ever need.  And you used that love to crush him”

 

Buffy sobbed “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  I was so scared.”

 

Rebecca looked her up and down “Of what?  Your friends?  What other people would think?  You’re a grown woman Buffy, that’s no excuse to abuse someone.”

 

Buffy cried harder “I know.  I’m sorry.  I realise that I was wrong.”

 

Rebecca sighed and let her attitude soften “He still loves you Buffy.  He always will.”

 

Buffy looked at her stunned at Rebecca’s comments.

 

“That is how William loves.  Once you have his love he will never withdraw it.  That’s why I know he will not betray me with you.  He loves me.  He always has and he always will.  I know that.  I am not threatened by you.  Just so you know.” 

 

Rebecca stood and began to walk away before softly adding “When…If you get the chance to be with him again.” She turned to look at Buffy “Don’t reject him, take everything he has to give you and return it.  You’ll be stronger for it.”  Rebecca smiled softly and walked upstairs.