Chapter 24
 

Buffy lay on her bed in Midian, enjoying the feel of the warm sun that filtered through the window and danced across her skin.  Giles had contacted her with the information that his Uncle was firmly on their side, and the wealth of information that he was going to provide them.   

She could hear Stacy’s soft gurgles through the window and got up to watch as Spike played with his daughter.  It was at these times that Buffy could fully see the man that William had been, and the man that was slowly emerging from Spike. 

Spike glanced up noticing her watching him and threw her a saucy smile, curling his tongue against his teeth as his eyes sparkled.  Buffy felt a shiver run down her back at the promise they seemed to hold within their depths.  

She jumped slightly as she someone came to stand beside her, brushing their shoulder against hers lightly. 

“Aww, that’s so cute,” Willow cooed as she watched the pair before her.

“Will!” Buffy gave her friend a quick hug. “What are doing here?  I thought you weren’t coming back for a few more days?” She looked back into the room. “Where’s Tara?” 

“Tara’s with Jayela,” Willow offered before a seriousness settled over her features, “and we’re back early because we think we’ve found a way to... I don’t know… fix Xander or maybe weaken the spell.” 

“And what would that be, luv?” Spike stood at the window, Stacy held securely in his arms. 

“Tara and I found this spell, it’s kind of like a ‘what if’ or maybe an ‘if only’ spell.” Willow thrust her arms out for a chance to nurse the baby as she continued her explanation. “It’s kinda based a little in psychology; it gives the person the ability to see the results to all those questions that they have.” 

Willow moved to sit on the bed as the window before her expanded into a door to allow Spike entry to the room. “So if a person were to look at a situation in the past and say ‘what if this had happened’ or ‘if only I had done this’, they are able to see what the end result of the change would have been.”   

“And that’s supposed to do what?” Buffy frowned as she tried to list all the things Xander could possibly want to change from his past.  

“Well, it’s supposed to allow the person to work through the situation and have the ability to move on from it.” 

“Sounds like it could have the opposite effect as well, Red.” Spike offered, knowing that the women before him didn’t want to hear about the possibility that the spell could make things worse. 

“I know, Spike.” Willow sighed. “That’s why Tara and I decided to discuss it with Jayela and you guys first.” A stray tear made its way down her cheek. “It’s just…I have to try to get my friend back.” 

“It’s ok Will; I want the old Xander back too.” Buffy tried to reassure her friend. 

Spike was silent for a moment, before reaching down to scoop up his daughter. “Well I say the whelp’s already lost to you the way he is, so you may as well try.  Let’s drop the littlest bit off with Sarah, and we’ll go see about getting your mate back.” 

Willow gave a small sniffle, “Ok, I’ll go get the others.” She rushed out the door, eager to begin now that she knew that both Buffy and Spike supported her.

Buffy offered Spike a blinding smile. “You’re a good man, do you know that?” 

“Yeah well, don’t go spreading it about.” 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Xander threw himself onto the small bed in his cell, offering his back to the only exit it provided.  A few moments earlier the barrier had cleared a little, giving him a somewhat hazy view of the activity occurring just outside.  He watched dispassionately as the group began placing candles and what looked like coloured sand in intricate patterns on the round. 

Frustration welled up inside him, they were going to do a spell on him; he just knew it.  Xander gave a snort, just another reason to distrust those who called themselves friends.  Even the peroxided pest was out there, pretending to help; Xander briefly wondered just what they were going to do to him. 

Stiffening slightly he prepared himself to repel whatever was to come.  He was unprepared, however, for the sudden rushing in his ears and the wave of dizziness that overwhelmed him.  He seemed to roll bonelessly onto his back, his eyes wide and unseeing as he fell into his own mind. 

---- 

Xander looked around him in confusion ‘where was he?’ He watched as a laughing couple strolled out of the door of a large expensive looking house, a small brown haired boy tucked securely between them. 

“Come on Xander, up you go.” The man lifted the boy carefully into the backseat of the car, fastening his safety restraint carefully about him.


Xander felt a rush or recognition wash over him. ‘Mum? Dad?’  Deep inside he knew that the people before him were his parents and that the small boy was himself.  But his parents had never been this happy and carefree; even when he was a small child their faces had been ravaged by years of alcohol and bitterness.

He turned to stare at the large house and expensive car; they’d never had any money to speak of either.


Xander watched as the car began to reverse down the drive and onto the street.  Suddenly another car came hurtling round a corner, ploughing into the happy family and ramming their vehicle into a nearby tree.

Xander ran to the accident.  Glancing inside he saw his father frantically trying to stem the blood that was flowing from a gash on his mother’s neck, all the time calmly whispering words of reassurance to his crying son.

The driver of the other car stumbled towards them, the smell of alcohol thickening the air about him.  His eyes widened when he noticed the injured woman, then turned towards the darkening sky.  Without a word he ran back to his car and sped off down the road.

Xander watched in disbelief as the man left.  His expression soon turned to horror, however, when he noticed three figures approaching the car.  He rushed forwards, almost shouting with frustration as his hands passed uselessly through the door. “Dad, dad you have to get out of here, it’s not safe.” He moved to the other side of the car. “You need to get into the house now.” 

Frantically he ran up to the approaching vampires, hoping desperately that he could somehow keep them away from his perfect family.

“No,” he screamed as the vamps approached the vehicle, sweetly offering their assistance to the trapped family.  Xander turned his back in horror as the sounds of pain and terror ripped through the night air, until nothing remained but silence.

Turning around he made his way to the eerily quiet car, numbness stealing through him as he took in the ripped and torn throats of its occupants.  He fell to his knees weeping.  The image of a small brown haired boy staring blankly into the night filled his mind.  His ravaged body still buckled firmly into his seat.

*~*~*~*

 

“What’s he seeing?” Willow whispered, as she watched the silent tears stream down her oldest friend’s face.

Jayela smiled sadly, “The first of his unanswered questions. What would have happened if he’d had the perfect family?” 

Buffy settled herself back into Spikes waiting arms, “Do you know…?” 

Jayela nodded, offering a soft smile. “Yes, I can tap into his mind to check on his progress.” 

“Are we allowed to know what happened?” Willow moved closer to the barrier as she watched Xander intently. 

Jayela watched Willow silently before speaking. “They were killed by vampires when he was five.” 

“What’s he seeing now?” Buffy asked, curious as to what else Xander felt needed to be changed in his life. 

“He’s seeing what would have happened if his friend had not been killed soon after you arrived in Sunnydale.” 

“Jesse?” Willow questioned. “Sometimes I wonder what would have….” She cast her eyes back to Xander. 

“We all wonder sometimes sweetie.” Tara moved behind Willow, resting her arms lightly around her waist in silent comfort. “The difference is Xander has let the questions eat away at him.” 

*~*~*~*~ 

Xander watched as the four figures wandered slowly down the street.  He had soon realised that he could not effect what was happening around him; all he could do was watch each scene play out in front of him.  

At first, he had been happy that Jesse and Willow had been successfully rescued from the Vampires that night.  His feelings had soon slipped into resentment, however, when it became obvious that Buffy only had eyes for Jesse.

So here he stood, on a cold night in the middle of a cemetery as Buffy ‘patrolled.’  Most of the time she was wrapped around Jesse, the pair giggling and kissing as they walked.  This reality’s Xander and Willow trailed behind as they watched the couple’s sickening display.


He watched dispassionately as a large vampire moved up stealthily behind them, snatching Willow up and breaking her neck in one fluid movement before moving forward to sink his fangs into his double’s neck.
 

He watched as Buffy ran forward, only to turn from him at Jesse’s startled yell, another vampire having grabbed him from the shadows. “Jesse!” Buffy threw herself at her boyfriend’s attacker, dusting the vampire in seconds and then frantically checking Jesse for injuries.
 

Whirling back towards the first vampire she quickly dusted him as well; Xander however lay cold on the ground by this time.
 

“You let me die?” Xander watched as Jesse and Buffy checked on their now dead friends.


“Come on honey, we’ll go report to Mr. Giles, and he can call someone to come get them.” Jesse pulled his girlfriend out of the cemetery, neither looking back to their fallen friends.
 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

“Luv.” Spike drew Buffy’s attention away from the room before her, “’s not doing your mate any good, standing here watchin.’  Let’s go get you something to eat.”  He glanced towards Tara. 

“Sweetie, I think Spike’s right, we’ll come back and check on him later.” Tara urged Willow to follow Spike and Buffy away from the room.

“Can we go find somewhere quiet?” Willow asked forlornly snuggling into her lovers’ side as they wandered out into the Midian daylight. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

“It wasn’t fair, every time, EVERY TIME!” Xander railed against the unfairness of his life as he watched himself die over and over again.  After the graveyard fiasco, he had watched as Jesse had walked away from Buffy, blaming her for his friend’s death.  Buffy had gone out on patrol that night and not returned.  Then he had watched as she succumbed to the Master.  He had often wondered what would have happened if she had never met Angel, now, he knew.
 

Spike’s non-arrival in Sunnydale had ended in blood and death for the Scoobies, at the hands of The Annointed One’s disciples.  Strangely, Buffy not sleeping with Angel did not prevent the emergence of Angelus.  Weird that it was Cordelia who had fucked out his soul. 
 
Xander shifted slightly and watched the scene before him.  He had always thought that Angel coming back from hell was a bad thing.  Now he wasn’t so sure; Drusilla had still left Spike, Spike had still come back and kidnapped Xander and Willow, locking them away at the abandoned factory.

He moved about the Magic Box, idly inspecting the shelves as Buffy and Spike fought with each other as well as the vampires that were attacking them.

The pair each held a makeshift stake as they waited for the vampires to finally break their way through to them.

Spike was grinning madly, “This should be a kick.”

Buffy threw him a disgusted look. “I violently dislike you.”

The door behind them flew open suddenly as a vampire rushed in towards them.  Buffy whirled around embedding her stake into his chest before rushing to the door and slamming it shut.

Xander moved over to the front window. “There going to get in Buff.” He stepped back as the bookcase the blonde pair had placed in front of it began to give.

“We need to get out of here.”  Buffy scanned the store looking for a way out.  “Maybe the roof?”  She spun around as the door flew open and more vampires rushed into the room.  Buffy rushed towards one, kicking him in the face, as another rushed towards Spike.

Spike jerked slightly as the vampire punched him in the face.

Xander frowned. ‘What had Spike called him earlier?  Kenny, Benny…no, Lenny, that was it.’

Lenny faced Spike. “Yeah.  I heard you’d gone soft.  Sad to see it man.”

“Soft?” Spike stared at the vampire incredulously.

“Yeah, like baby food.” Sneered Lenny.

“Oops, shouldn’t have said that.”  Xander wandered behind the vampire. “Now You’ll just piss him off.”

Spike smiled at his former minion maliciously, “Well, then, let’s give baby a taste.”  Spike kicked backwards, hitting a vampire who was sneaking up on him in the groin, before ducking under Lenny’s punch and landing his own solidly on the vampire.

Ducking another punch, Spike grabbed onto Lenny’s jacket, pulling him around roughly and smashing his face into the table. 

“Baby like his supper?  Baby like his supper?”  Spike continued to slam Lenny’s head into the table with relish before flipping him over onto the table on his back.  “Why doesn’t baby have a nap?” Spike raised his makeshift stake high into the air before plunging it into Lenny’s chest.

“Spike!  Get down!”

Spike whirled round to see Buffy standing near a shelf that held vials of Holy Water.  Spinning back around he dropped to the floor as he saw the bookcase in front of the front window begin to crash.

Spike pulled his duster over his head as a few stray droplets of water hit his face.  Xander moved to stand near the crouching vampire, as they both admired the way Buffy’s tight little exercise top pulled taut across her chest with each throw.

When the last of the vampires retreated into the night screaming, Spike leapt up. “Now, that was fun.” He turned to eye Buffy before leaping across the room and shoving her roughly against the shelf, heedless of the few remaining vials of water falling to the ground around him.

Buffy pushed on his shoulders. “Ughh Spike, you are sick.” 

“Now Slayer, don’t tell me a spot of violence doesn’t get you hot.”  He leaned in close, licking her ear lightly before whispering, “’Cause I can smell different.”

“Ewww!” Buffy pushed past him and began to move towards the broken door.

Spike growled before leaping at her again. “You owe me Slayer.”  He flipped her over onto the floor, settling his own body on top of hers.

Buffy began to struggle. “I owe you nothing Spike!” she spat at him.

“Now, now, Slayer, don’t be like that.”  Spike snaked a hand across her stomach and under her top to cup one breast.  “Way I see it, me helping you get rid of Angelus cost me my Ripe Wicked Plum.  So, one of three things is going to happen.” 

Spike smiled slyly as the scent of Buffy’s arousal grew stronger.  “I can go back and get the witch to finish the spell for me.”  He moved his hand back down to play with the waistband of her exercise pants.  “I can go find Drusilla, chain her up, ‘an torture her til she loves me again, or…” he pulled on her pants roughly, tearing the away from her body as he plunged his fingers inside her, “I can move on.”

Xander watched dispassionately as Spike vamped out, plunging his fangs deep into Buffy’s neck, as he roughly worked his fingers inside her. 

Spike pulled back momentarily, gazing down at the weakened Slayer, as he seemed to come to a decision.  He pulled his fingers out of her and made quick work of his fly, shoving his jeans down and positioning his cock at her entrance. “I think I’ll go with moving on.” He told Buffy as he surged inside her before lowering his mouth to her neck once more.

Finally, Spike pulled away, listening intently as Buffy’s heartbeat began to fade.  Biting his wrist, he pressed the flowing wound to her mouth. “Come now luv, drink up.” He smiled as she began to swallow greedily. “You and I are going to make Sunnyhell bleed.”

Xander felt a wave of dizziness wash over him, a sign that this little scenario would soon end.  He had no doubt that by its finish, he would be dead; after all, that’s the way it always seemed to end.

He began to wander about the shop again. ‘You’d think they would have at least made it so  I could sit on something’ All the while Spike whispered to Buffy all the nasty little things they would do when she woke up.