~*~
Chapter 17
~*~
 
'Buffy?' He knew that touch, the touch of an angel.  He shouldn't know it--the hand gently feathering his back was one more remembered for fists and blows--yet he knew it.  Perhaps it was nothing more than a phantom conjured by his pain-fevered brain.  A ghostly touch from an otherworldly comforter sent to keep him sane.  He knew it couldn't be real; angels like Buffy didn't dwell in hell.
 
Time wasn't something a vampire often thought about, given how very much of it they usually had, but all Spike had for company at the moment was time and his thoughts. 'Should have let the Slayer...Buffy ...know how I feel.  Doubt she'd welcome the news, but at least I'd have said the words.' 
 
Buffy had been kind to him ever since she realized how he had helped her mom and was willing to help her and her merry band of do-gooders.  He had bathed his spirit in her kindness, drank deeply of every drop offered and yet wanted more.
 
'Don't need eyes to picture you, pet.  You glow.  Never saw anyone so filled with love and courage.  You get knocked down and always get right back up again with a clever quip on those beautiful lips.  GOD, what I'd give for just one taste of those lips again.'
 
He remembered the spell gone wrong and lips of Buffy, delightful lips of Buffy.  He felt himself smile and hoped that berk Finn saw it.  'Make Captain Cardboard even crazier wondering what ol' Spike had to smile about.'  Then again, the jealousy-fueled crazy the soldier was acting on was pretty intense already.
 
Spike knew why he was getting the brunt of Finn's latent sadism.  Other demons were suffering too, but Finn was positively a creative genius when it came to dealing with Spike.
 
The smile faded as Spike remembered one of his last sights before the drop of holy water burned his retinas into oblivion.  Clem, that poor sod with the ever cheery disposition, just hadn't been up to the kind of tests--torture, actually--doled out in this place of torment.  Spike had lost his sight, but in time, given a decent feed or two, his eyes would heal.  Clem hadn't made it through the surgery that took his eye tentacles. 
 
'These bastards are gonna pay for every bit of misery they've inflicted,' he vowed.  'Gonna survive the worst they throw my way.  Gonna get out of here, save the Slayer, and come back for a lovely spot of vengeance that'd make D'Hoffryn proud.'
 
Pity the demon girl didn't still have her power source.  Would be a perfect time for Anyanka to saddle up and show them all what a demon could do.
 
*** 
 
The showers were mostly empty as Graham approached his long-time comrade.  Riley seemed to be in a great mood, whistling some upbeat Christina Aguilera song.
 
"Say, Ri," Graham plastered on a friendly face for his old friend, "I was thinking about transferring back out into the field.  Not sure I'm cut out for the lab work end of things."
 
"Don't be an idiot, Miller!"  Riley smiled back.  It had been a good day and no defection from his buddy was going to ruin it.  "Promotions come when you get noticed.  You get noticed when you're around the brass.  Your best spot is right here with your old buddy Finn."  He gave a lopsided grin.  "I'm a pretty popular guy lately.  You could say you're in if you stick with Finn," he chuckled.
 
Graham watched as Riley reached into the depths of his locker and pulled out what looked like a shaving kit bag.  His eyes rounded as he saw Finn withdraw not a razor, but a syringe with an unknown substance that he proceeded to inject into his buttocks.
 
"What the hell is that, Ri?"
 
"Nothing to worry about, just Cypionate.  Gives a boost where it's needed.  Tons of athletes use it; it's not illegal or dangerous."
 
Graham thought he'd heard some of the other guys talk about it and other legal substances that helped them muscle up, build stamina.  "Isn't that a steroid?"
 
"Just synthetic testosterone, a little extra oomph.  I'm bench-pressing nearly 75 more pounds already, up 50 with military press."  Riley preened proudly.  "Take a bit of HGH now and then too.  Really builds up muscle.  You ought to try it, stop looking like the guy that gets the sand in his face."
 
'Or dumped for a vampire,' thought Graham.  "I'm still doing fine with just regular workouts.  I'll pass on the ‘roids.  Had enough stuff put in me when Maggie was in charge; thought you did too."
 
"That stuff was experimental!  I got turned onto this by a friend on the Sunnydale police force.  Lots of those guys use it.  They only really warn against teenagers using it and I don't overdo."  Riley flexed an impressive bicep.  "Most of this is just plain, old fashioned hard work, buddy," he playfully smacked Graham on the rump with his damp towel.
 
Riley knew damned well he wasn't doing anything but tweaking his already impressive physique.  He was man enough for anybody, anybody with normal expectations at least.  Wasn't his fault he had a pulse or a weakness for girls who weren't content with honest, fit, reliable human males!  Riley Finn was never again going to be second rate compared to a pansy assed, fanged degenerate.  Even her more hulking ex wouldn't be a challenge any longer.  Thank God for science, the great equalizer!
 
"Yeah, about that transfer idea...," Graham tried again.
 
"Don't worry, I'll forget you even asked," Riley laughed.  "We all have dumb ideas every once in a while."
 
"I'm serious, Ri, I want out in the field again.  This really isn't for me."  Graham didn't want to give away his real reason.  He was sickened by what he saw being done by people he used to admire and respect.  He was also more than a bit frightened watching decent guys like Finn turn into something he no longer recognized.
 
"Sorry, no can do.  I want my team manned by the best of our heroic force, and that, my man, includes you," Riley attempted to flatter.  "Face it, we've got the best job in the whole division.  We don't have to bag and tag; we just do the doctors’ tests, put the hurt on a bunch of nothing demons and in return get great pay, benefits and a retirement package our dads would have killed for."
 
'That's the problem,' Graham thought.  'I don't like killing or torturing for my great package anymore.  It's not right.'  He thought of some of the mild, terrified beings he'd seen come through the labs.  Some wept, some were in silent shock, a few fought back or tried to, and others begged, tried to bargain.  So often he'd heard the quivering plea of a mother seeking protection for her spawn or had a timid creature try to make the case that he had never harmed a human in his life.  Some truly believed the official line that the "good" demons would merely be confined but not harmed.  Graham knew better by now.  Nothing would placate those behind this Brave New World other than the total annihilation of all species of demon, no matter what their intelligence or character.
 
"Hey, speaking of prime healthy male specimens...you feeling better after that massive hurl of the other day?"  Riley jabbed a gentle elbow into Graham's side.  "Gotta say I've never seen Greene so grossed out than when you unloaded all over his spit and polish."
 
"Yeah, I'm taking care of what ails me.  Think I'll be doing better." Graham didn't want to revisit the scene that had caused his intense vomiting.  The cure he had at long last decided upon might kill him in the long run, but it was the only possible remedy he saw.  'Time to get out of this hell before it kills me, drives me mad or turns me into something not deserving to be called human.'
 
*** 
 
'If I can just figure out how to get this collar off, the rest will be a piece of cake.'  Buffy stared at the electrically fortified door to her cell and amended, 'Okay, not cake maybe, but still doable.'  She imagined she'd have to attempt her escape when guards came either with food or to transfer her to the fighting pit. 'Blood's gonna spill, but I don't plan on any more of it being mine. No more leakage from the Slayer.'
 
Buffy might not be doing much talking aloud, but her thoughts were on overdrive.  She had to guard every action, every word because there were eyes and ears everywhere.  If she had any chance at all, she had to make sure no one had even the slightest clue of her plans or even her concerns.
 
'First time since I got here that they've left me alone for more than a short time to sleep.  Wonder what's up?  Doubt they've run out of demons to have me kill.'
 
They had left her pretty well alone since her visit from Riley and trip to see Spike and that had been a couple of days at least.  No fighting, no examinations with doctors poking and prodding, no contact except the nervous soldier who had delivered her food twice a day.  ‘Definitely not big on the missage where Travers is concerned,’ she frowned. She had no reason to believe they were done with her though.
 
'I could sure use some of Willow's mojo about now, or even having Spike at my back.'  Spike!  God, he'd been almost unrecognizable under all the damage.  Buffy felt a sharp stab of guilt.  She knew it wasn't really her fault, yet the jealousy that had to be part of Riley's brutality felt like it was. She had tried to explain Spike's place in her life when she and Finn had dated, but it was clear that Riley was convinced there was more to her interest in the vampire than camaraderie and a history that included saving the world together once upon a time.
 
As horrified and sickened by the sight of Spike's condition and hints at how he had been treated, Buffy was equally shocked and repelled by the changes she had seen in Riley's behavior.  He had been nearly gleeful displaying the tortured vampire to her!  'I know Riley hates demons, especially Spike, but I never would have thought he'd enjoy anything like what's happened to Spike.'
 
To the depths of her soul, Buffy wanted to believe that the man she had once dated, slept with and even tried to love would have tried to stop the savagery that had clearly been done to Spike.  After all, Riley KNEW him.  He knew the vampire had helped out pretty regularly since he’d been chipped.  She had even told him about their truce years before and how they had worked together to defeat Angelus.
 
Even if Riley was willing to see Spike mangled that way, she didn't understand his obvious glee in showing the results to her as he had done.  'Why was he being so cruel to show me Spike like that?  Without a smidge of compassion for Spike or for me.'  She wondered if they were drugging their troops again.  She wondered if it mattered.  There had to be something there in a person's character beyond drugs to make them into the kind of monstrosity that would do the things she had seen and heard about in this place.
 
She thought about the differences she’d noted between Graham Miller, who clearly had a conscience and was bothered by what he was asked to do and Riley's total lack of same.  It only served to make Buffy more confused than ever.  Not only did it speak volumes about the basic nature of the two men, but it also made it unlikely that drugs were the sole problem.  It wasn't likely that Riley would be drugged and not Graham.
 
***
... In other news, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon denied demon involvement in the latest suicide bombing that left fifteen innocent civilians dead at a popular night spot last week.  Sharon said that a thorough investigation has determined the bomber was a member of Hamas and the attack a part of the continuing land disputes in the West Bank and not part of the greater battle that currently involves the entire planet. When asked if this latest violence would have any impact on Israel's neutrality policy regarding demons, the Prime Minister is quoted as saying,"There is no correlation between the local political troubles that are ongoing and our tradition of not supporting genocide by any state or authority.  The recent act of terror does not change our commitment to our traditions.”
 
Israel is one of three declared neutral countries in the war against demons, along with Canada and Switzerland.  None of these neutral nations is accepting refugees, but they continue to refuse to deport demons living within their borders.
 
In related news, Sweden has become the first nation to open its doors to so-called peaceful demons contingent upon the prospective immigrants passing standard vetting procedures.  For more on this, we go to Jeff Greenfield, who will be featuring an in-depth look at what nations are refusing to join in with what is being termed the Coalition for Survival of the Human Race.  Be sure to tune in tonight at 10:30 P.M. for Greenfield At Large.  Jeff, want to give us a preview?"
 
Rabbi Goldstein turned off the television and looked up in surprise to see a pale, antsy young man in the black uniform that marked him as a member of the Global Human Initiative.
 
"May I help you, son?"
 
"I sure hope so.  Xander Harris said you might be able to help me disappear." The boy was twitching with nerves and clearly not comfortable.
 
"I'm no magician," the Rabbi quipped.  There was far too much at stake to risk the entire project based upon someone knowing the name of one of their people.  "Besides, aren’t even magic acts for entertainment frowned upon now?"  He hoped young Jonathan would be returning from his lunch run soon.  He really wanted to get word to Lorne about this unexpected guest.
 
"Have a seat, young man.  I hope you don't mind if I complete the last part of this week’s D’var Torah--that would be a sermon for the uninitiated, not that we initiate," he winked at the soldier.  "I promise to be right with you."
 
Graham took a seat and tried to still the twitch in his right leg.  He looked like a terrified suitor facing down an angry, rifle-holding dad, for God's sake.  This was a Rabbi.  How dangerous could he be?
 
A young man came in laden with sacks of something that smelled delicious, "I had to get rye for yours, Rabbi, ‘cause they were out of pumpernickel."  Jonathan nearly tripped over his own feet as he caught sight of Graham sitting across from the Rabbi.  'Oh, God, we're toast!  The Imperial Stormtroopers have found us out!' He fought the urge to drop the bags and make a run for it.
 
Rabbi Goldstein smiled benignly at the terrified lad, "Jonathan!  Just in time.  We have a guest.  I hope you succumbed to temptation and ordered extra?"
 
"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," Graham assured him immediately.  "I didn't mean to intrude either, but I'm kind of in a real urgent situation.  I guess I should have made an appointment."
 
"No need to stand on ceremony.  As long as you give me a moment, you'll have my full attention."  The Rabbi motioned to Jonathan, "Jon, would you do a favor for me and deliver these notes on this week’s sermon to our visiting Cantor?"  And to be sure the boy understood, he clarified, "Lorne was going to proofread for me."
 
"Sure, Rabbi," Jonathan agreed, although still slightly confused.  He took the proffered papers and headed into the actual Synagogue. 
 
The group had just recently completed an entrance to the tunnels that was hidden by a trapdoor behind the lectern on the elevated bimah where the reading of the Torah took place.  Lorne had a small living space just under the Synagogue to the left of the main tunnel entry. 
 
Jonathan resisted the urge to take a peek at the note he was delivering to the flirtatious andsomewhat intimidating demon who was their main hope in avoiding detection from infiltration.  As expected, the demon was in.
 
Lorne's eyes lit up as he saw the boy.  He really was a cute little morsel. 'Ah, if only there was time for romance.  What a world when it's all so serious with no time to enjoy the things that made living worthwhile!'  Maybe, in due time, this shy lad might be his chance for Kyrumption.  "What can I do for you, my little Halvah?"  The boy did look sweet and good enough to eat—and not in the traditional Pylean way either.
 
"There's an Initiative guy in the Rabbi's office.  I think this is about that," Jonathan handed the note to Lorne.
 
Lorne read the missive and wrote a reply before handing it back to Jonathan," Tell Saul I'll be listening and if I come in, he'll know everything is okay."
 
Jonathan returned and gave the paper back to the Rabbi, who read it quickly.  "Ah, good."  The Rabbi was glad Lorne only needed the slightest bit of a tune, a hum even, to see what he needed to see.
 
"Sorry, young man, but lately it's been like that song ‘Livin' La Vida Loca’," The Rabbi smiled at Graham as he checked to see that the horned demon was in place behind the office door and out of Graham's line of sight. "Come on and sing along or hum it with me...it's practically an anthem."  He gave a soft laugh and began to hum.
 
Graham wondered if the Rabbi was joking, but as the gentleman seemed to be seriously expecting him to join in the chorus, he obliged reluctantly, "Livin’ la vida loca, Come on! She's livin la vida loca."  He had to admit the silliness did relax him a bit. Maybe that was the purpose behind the odd suggestion, to put him at ease.
 
Evidently it was enough, because Lorne came into the office, startling Graham into jumping from his seat.  "Whoa, Captain Cutie, nothing to worry about here.  Saul says you are here looking for some help?"
 
Graham looked between the green demon and the now serious Rabbi and nodded.  "I need to cut my ties with the Initiative and I don't think they'll just let me retire.  Xander Harris said you might be able to help me out?"
 
"That would depend on why you want to cut those ties and very specifically what you want from us," the Rabbi solemnly said.
 
Graham sat back down and his shoulders slumped.  "You know, all I ever wanted to do was to serve, do good, you know?  I was up for the Green Berets when Dr. Walsh recruited me into the first Initiative."  He looked nervously at Lorne, whose horns suddenly looked mighty pointy.  "I was good at my job.  Capture those demons.  Man, I never knew anything like that existed...no offense," he looked sideways at Lorne.
 
Lorne grinned, "No offense taken.  Nothing wrong with being who you are.  I'm a demon and not ashamed."
 
Graham nodded then continued, "Back then it made sense.  We were trying to learn and all the demons we were picking up were feisty.  Lots of times they didn't seem to be more than animals; less even."
 
"Some are like that," the Rabbi agreed.  "I don't pretend that every demon is a snuggly cuddlepuppy deserving my protection, but neither are they all rabid animals either.  Just like people, they are all different.  The sentient ones are just like us in most respects, at least where it counts."
 
"Yeah, I get that now," Graham agreed.  "Back then it was pretty simple and nothing to make me regret signing up.  I was protecting people from these things out of a nightmare, things that were killing people.  Some of the things happening in the lab were questionable in hindsight, but the excuse that we needed to know the enemy made sense at the time."
 
"It usually does," the Rabbi said with obvious irony.
 
"I don't know how much you know about the first Initiative," he crooked a brow, hoping one of the two would help him out a bit.
 
"Enough to know it was a fitting prelude to the current debacle," Rabbi Goldstein stated.  "Frankenstein monsters intended to be super soldiers, demons taken apart to create these abominations."
 
"There was only one.  Adam."  Graham shuddered at the memory.  "We didn't know about that project, only Dr. Walsh and those few with clearance did.  Most of us didn't believe it when Riley and Buffy tried to tell us what was happening just under the surface.  I really thought that once Walsh and her crew were gone and things were all cleaned up, it was back to the good mission, ya know?"
 
The Rabbi let out a rueful snort, "You are rather naive for a soldier, young man.  Once the genie is out of the bottle, it rarely goes back."
 
Graham hung his head, "Yeah, I can see that now."
 
"So," Lorne broke in, "From what I read, you want out and you don't know how to do it.  You also seem to want to make up for it in some way."
 
Graham looked at the demon in shock.
 
"I read people when they sing.  That was the reason for Saul's sing-along."
 
Graham still looked bewildered but nodded anyway.
 
"That, and I really like Ricky Martin," the Rabbi quipped. "Great ice breaker too."
 
Lorne laughed delightedly.  "That's the beauty of music."
 
"Well," Rabbi Goldstein turned to Graham, "why don't you tell us all you think you can about the things we don't know and we can maybe arrange some things you don't know anything about."  He turned to Lorne, "What do you think?  The farm?"
 
 
 
 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
A/N: Riley, IMHO, was always a bully (I cite the plastic stake as one piece of evidence) I do not think his behavior in this story is too out of character, but the extreme aggression and rage can be rooted in reality with a practice not uncommon among bodybuilders, athletes, even military and police agencies (our NM Police are well known to have a segment who abuse steroids).  Any OOC behavior of Riley’s can be attributed to this.  It is also my belief that his character flaws in canon, his insecurities about his loss of "super" powers post drugs and implant would make him vulnerable to the temptation for this abuse.


http://m.livescience.com/38354-what-is-roid-rage.html
”Studies have shown clear associations between testosterone and aggression. In general, hormones work by attaching to target cells and changing their behavior. The chemicals can affect mood by targeting nerve cells. Research shows conflicting results for the existence of steroid-induced rages.”