Chapter 3 - Retribution

“But what if he’s injured? What if he’s going to do something stupid? You know how he was when Buffy died,” Dawn pleaded. “Sunrise is only two hours away. Someone needs to go find him!” Dawn begged. She was more than frustrated. Spike had been gone most of the night, yet everyone had been adamant that no one was to leave the house to find him.

“She’s right,” Willow seemed to agree reluctantly. “We need him. One of us should go find him. Sunrise will be soon and considering the state of mind he was in when he left... I don’t think we can get through this with Spike gone and Buffy like this,” Willow pointed to the still trembling, staring into space, curled up ball on the couch that was her sister.

“Nice that someone has finally come to their senses,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes as she walked toward the door.

“I’ll go,” Xander offered. They all turned to stare at him.

“What? I’m not going to hurt him if that’s what you’re all worried about. Look, I’ll find him and bring him back. He’s probably just off at Willie’s. Besides, we need Willow here in case the Ray Charles groupies decide to try and take back their former hostage,” Xander explained.

Dawn gave him an appreciative smile. “Thanks, Xander.”

“No problem, Dawnster. Willow can just put up that barrier thing after I leave, and leave me a door or something to drag his undead butt through when I get back,” Xander smiled.

**********

Xander stopped by Willie’s and the other demon bar in town but hadn’t yet caught up with Spike. Not that Spike was making it difficult to be found. Xander learned that Spike dragged one demon out of one bar, and two vamps out of the other. All apparently meeting their ultimate ends, courtesy of Spike. Every lead Xander followed led him to a dead demon or another pile of dust. Xander thought of the demon carcasses he’d seen tonight and shuddered. He was almost starting to feel sorry for whatever it was that Spike was hunting at the moment. Then he remembered what Buffy looked like in that cave. Nope. Not sorry.

As Xander turned the corner to cut through an alleyway towards Spike’s crypt, he ran right into the sight of Spike. He was fighting a very ugly green demon, who would tower over Spike if it had been able to stand upright. Xander watched as Spike suddenly seized the battered demon by the head, ripping it off its body. No twisting or anything like that, he just ripped the head away and watched the body collapse to the ground. Spike took a step, and with a wild and primal scream, he hurled the head like a football, sending it flying through the air.

Spike’s scream finally trailed off as he sank to his knees. A single name escaped his throat in a rough, heart-wrenching wail. Xander watched, as for the second time to his knowledge...Spike wept. The sight stirred a twinge of guilt like he was intruding on a private moment. Xander had hated Spike for much of his existence, but even he couldn’t deny at that moment just how much Buffy meant to the guy. He’d loved her. He’d mourned for her. The annoying vampire had even searched out a soul to make himself better for Buffy. She had believed in him, when none of them would, no matter how much they tried to convince her otherwise. And now… unless he missed his guess, Spike was mourning her again.

Xander slowly walked up next to the vampire. “She’s not dead, you know.”

Spike jumped to his feet and spun around swiftly to face him.

“Whoa, easy there fella. I come in peace!” Xander said, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I’d rather not go in pieces.” Spike quickly brought a hand up and wiped it across his damp face. Xander smiled at the attempt to maintain his tough guy appearance. “The others were worried. You’re cutting it awfully close to morning with your little stroll through Sunnydale.”

“Leave me alone. Just...sod off,” Spike quietly responded.

“No can do mi amigo,” Xander replied, drawing a confused expression from Spike. “Walk with me, Spike. Just hear me out, and then you can decide if you really want to work on your tan,” He said, turning to walk towards Buffy’s house, hoping Spike would follow.

“See, back at the house, there are a bunch of young girls who still need your help, including Buffy. I don’t see the rest of us doing a very good job of training all those potentials,” Xander said as they walked, noting Spike had indeed caught up with him.

“Thought that was what the watcher was for. Did a bang up job with....Buffy.” Spike’s retort finished with a whisper.

“Well yeah, but he only had Buffy then. It’s a little different when you’ve got a dozen or so teenage girls to train. Then there’s Dawn. She’d be crushed if you didn’t come back. And I don’t think Buffy would be very happy with us if we just let you try your homage to ‘Earth, Wind and Fire’ either.” Xander pointed out. They walked the rest of the way in silence until they reached the back porch of Buffy’s house and Xander shouted out Willow’s name. Suddenly the magical barrier opened, and Xander and Spike strode through up onto the porch, where Spike froze.

“I can’t go in there,” Spike said.

“Well, you can’t stay out here. We’re fresh out of SPF 1000,” Xander grinned.

“You don’t know…” Spike shouted at him, before collecting himself. “You don’t know…What I know… What I did… That I failed her… Again....” Spike trailed off. “Can’t go back in there.”

“Again? Spike, it’s not your fault what happened here. As for the rest, well, isn’t that why you have your soul now?” Xander asked.

“It is my fault! If I hadn’t done the things I’ve done…” Spike started pacing back and forth. “If I’d have kept those bloody Bringers from taking her… None of this would have happened,” Spike bit out. “As for the soddin’ soul, if I didn’t have it then I would have drained the stupid git in there the first night they took her even if it liquefied half my brain, and just gone after the bastards and....”

“And you would’ve died, and Buffy would still be in that cave,” Willow softly finished. She glanced at Xander, and he nodded back at her as he moved toward the house, leaving Willow and Spike semi-alone on the porch.

Willow walked to the steps and sat down. “Xander’s right, you know.” She said, without looking at Spike. “You didn’t fail her. Of course, if you want to think that, then go right ahead. I forgot how much you liked the self-pity.” He had to stifle a snort at the indignant glare Spike gave Willow. He’d almost forgotten how good his friend was at this sort of thing.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to warn you when you came in earlier. We’ve all cleaned up and dressed her wounds as best we could. Had to give her a big ol' magic tranquilizer, but at least she’s sleeping now. She should be out a few more hours,” Willow offered as she stood up. “I burned some blessed incense too. That should help you with the, ah, scents.” Willow seemed to take a moment to observe the newest ensouled vampire. He was visibly shaking as he leaned against the porch rail, trying to maintain his composure.

“You coming inside?” Willow asked, as she turned and took a step toward him and the door. “I don’t relish the idea of telling Buffy when she wakes up why we have a new ashtray labeled ‘Spike,'” Willow smiled softly.

“Just… don’t think I can do it,” Spike said quietly.

“This from the vampire who went out and got his own soul,” Willow laughed.

“Wouldn’t be good for her to have me here… remindin’ her of everything. Should just go,” Spike finished.

“I thought you promised her you’d never leave?” Willow asked. “That you’d help her protect Dawn?” Willow pressed even more. “I believe the words were, ‘‘Til the end of the world’?” Huh, he hadn’t known that. Judging by Spike’s reaction, he didn’t know that Willow knew it either.

“We’re best friends,” Willow shrugged. “She tells me these things. Besides, I think you owe it to her to be here. I think we all do,” She finished as she gave him her sad little Willow smile.
 
The two faced each other for several moments, eyes locked. It went on so long he began to wonder if there was a conversation going on between the two that he wasn’t privilege to. Finally, Spike nodded, then turned and followed them into the house.