Chapter 5 - Dealing

“Spike, please stop pacing. You’re making me dizzy,” Giles said, waving his glasses at the vampire who was pacing back and forth in the dining room. Spike stopped and turned to face the group, shoving his hands in his pockets, glaring at the Watcher. “Good. Now, please tell me again exactly what happened.”

“Look, we’ve been over this before. I didn’t do anything to her. I just found her,” Spike fumed.

“And I believe you, Spike. But please, humor me. I’m old, and perhaps I’ve missed something,” Giles said.

Spike flopped down in one of the chairs with an exasperated sigh. “Look, I was laying in my cot like a good little vamp. I smelled blood. I came upstairs to see what was going on and found Buffy sitting on the floor dissecting her arm like some frog in a science class. I cleaned it up, sewed up the cut, and Willow and I put her to bed. End of story.”

“I just don’t understand why Buffy would do that,” Xander piped up from his chair. “I mean, I understand, I just never thought Buffy would do something like that.”

“I don’t think she was really trying to kill herself,” Willow offered. “I mean, when I came in, she was screaming at Spike that it was all a dream. I’m not sure she knew she could really die.”

“What did she say to you, Spike?” Giles asked.

“Kept screaming that I was in the wrong dream,” Spike said quietly, his gaze fixed on the table.

“And you believe she thought she was dreaming, Willow?” Giles asked.

“I do. Come to think of it, when we found her in the cave she said something about a dream then, too. What was it?” Willow tapped her chin for a moment. “Oh! She said she ‘liked this dream.'” A look of horror suddenly crossed Willow’s face. “Oh God, what if she thinks she’s still in that cave? That we never came for her? That she’s still being....”

Spike suddenly shot up out of the chair and left the room.

“Poor Spike. Has to be rough on him,” Anya said. Everyone turned to stare at her with astonishment. “What? I’m just saying. To have everything thrown back in his face like this, what with the soul and all. I think you all keep forgetting that he’s still very much in love with her. And now we just told him she’s crazy as a loon. It has to be hard.”

“Maybe we could get her some counseling or something?” Dawn asked

“Spike had a point earlier. I mean, what would she tell them?” Willow said.

“Well, how long is she going to be like this?” Dawn asked

“Hard to say, Dawn. I’m not exactly sure,” Giles responded. “My watcher training barely covers this kind of incident, and certainly not regarding the extent of her trauma. I’m afraid only someone with quite extensive knowledge of this area would be of any use.”

“Well, what about Anya?” Dawn questioned. “You’ve probably talked to lots of women in this kind of situation right?” she asked, looking hopefully at Anya.

“Well, yes, I have. But I pretty much just took care of the vengeance part. I did usually check up on them from time to time, though. You know, make sure my clients were happy,” Anya replied.

“Then you know how long Buffy will be like this, right?” Dawn asked.

“No, I don’t. It really varied a lot. I mean some women were traumatized for years. Especially the ones that conceived from their attack. But it was mostly just random,” Anya replied.

“Well, at least we don’t have to worry about that,” Willow said, looking at Giles. “I mean they were all demons, so Buffy doesn’t have to worry about that, right?”

“Not necessarily, Willow,” Giles said as he set his glasses on the table and scrubbed his hands across his face, suddenly feeling a lot older than he was.

“Oh God, I think I’m gonna be sick,” Xander said as he leaned his head over onto his arms on the table. Anya brought her hand to Xander’s back and started rubbing it gently in small circles. Then seeming to realize what she was doing, she jerked her hand back and shot a disgusted look at Xander.

“There are several species of demon that are capable of having children with humans. We would have to know what kind of demon we are talking about to really know if Buffy could be pregnant, and I don’t think she’s going to jump up and tell you right now,” Anya informed them very matter-of-factly.

“No,” Giles agreed. “But there is someone else who knows.”

“Giles, I don’t think we can ask him to do that,” Willow said with a look of concern. “Xander, maybe you can tell us what all he killed!”

“Wish I could, Will. But I didn’t recognize half of those things. Not to mention, the way Spike ripped them all up before he killed them. Kind of hard to identify anything except that it was demon,” Xander replied.

“Maybe we can just wait and see?” Dawn asked hopefully. “I mean, she’ll know in a couple of weeks either way right?”

“A demon-human gestation could progress much differently than normal. We would need to know what we are dealing with and be prepared to inform Buffy of everything we can. Not to mention we need to know if any of the demons could have affected Buffy in any other way,” Giles said. “Unfortunately we will need to ask Spike so we can begin our research. Dawn, could you please find him and tell him we need to speak with him?”

Dawn nodded her head and quietly left the table.
 
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She found him upstairs in Buffy’s room. He was sitting in a chair not far from the bed with his head resting on the back. He kept his eyes closed. He’d know if she woke, but it was painful to watch her as she fitfully slept.

“Hey,” Dawn said.

“S’pose they want me back downstairs?” Spike said without opening his eyes.

“Yeah. They said that you were the only one who could help them with their current problem,” She almost sounded apologetic.

He sighed. At this rate, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t be joining Buffy in her mad little world sooner rather than later.
 
“Bloody great to be needed, I guess,” he said as he stood up. “You’ll stay with her?” He questioned, looking to Dawn, who only nodded her head.

“Right then. Give us a shout if she wakes up,” Spike said as he headed out of the room.

Spike walked back into the dining room and saw every head turn to look at him. Every one of them was wearing a look that made him want to run out the door, even if it was daylight. ‘Specially because it was daylight. This was not going to be good. Rather than sit, he remained standing behind one of the chairs.

“So’s anyone going to tell me what’s got you all looking like someone just ate your puppy?” Spike asked.

“Perhaps you should sit down,” Giles offered.

“Thanks, but no. Feel like standing. If you’ve got something to say, then say it. Otherwise, I really should find some of the girls and get this day started,” Spike retorted, sounding annoyed.

“There’s no easy way to ask this, so I will just come out with it,” Giles started. “We need to know precisely what type of demon attacked Buffy.”

“Doesn’t matter anymore,” Spike quietly replied, looking at his knuckles as they squeezed the chair back. “Killed ‘em all last night. ‘Bout the only bloody thing I’ve done right in the last year,” he finished.

“Actually, Spike, it does matter. We need to be prepared in the event that Buffy has suffered any untoward effects... or, well, in the event that a conception has occurred,” Giles responded.

His mind registered a myriad of emotions. Complete and utter horror faded to indescribable pain, followed quickly by shocked disbelief as he sank down into the chair.

“Spike, I know this must be difficult. But we do need to know.”

His gaze fixed on the table, as he wondered if it was possible for his soul to take any more.

“Spike?” Giles gently prodded.

He absently reached out and grabbed the pen and pad of paper that was sitting on the table. He closed his eyes. After a few moments, he neatly wrote on the paper and silently pushed it back on the table. Then closed his eyes again and he leaned his head on his hands, his elbows propped on the table.

He heard Willow take the paper. After a few seconds, she passed it off to the watcher. Seconds stretched to eternity after that.

“Thank you, Spike. Is this all?” Giles asked quietly.

“All?” Spike asked incredulously. “ALL? You don’t think that’s enough?” He shouted, pointing at the list.

“That’s not what I meant, Spike. I just need to be sure that we don’t miss anything....” Giles said,

“What? You want a running total? How’s this for you? I left off the three vampires for obvious reasons and the Megefrian because they hatch. Is that enough for you?” He shouted from his seat.

No one answered. No one spoke. Several minutes passed.

It was Anya who finally spoke. “So what do we do if she is? You know....”

“We will just have to support her with whatever decision she makes if it comes to that,” Giles replied.

He started laughing. A small little chuckle. He couldn’t help it. They were all so damn oblivious.

“You all are right idiots; you know that?” Spike asked. “Buffy’s not going to make a decision. She can’t.”

“Sure she can,” Xander interrupted. “Maybe not right now, but eventually...”

“There is no eventually!” Spike said, his voice rising again. “That woman up there is broken. She doesn’t know where she is or what she’s doing. She’s lost inside her own mind. She will never be Buffy again.” Spike paused to ensure they registered what he said.

“She’ll never be able to make that kind of decision,” He finally finished.

“Then what do we do?” Xander said looking around at the group. “I mean, I don’t think we’re ready to raise a half-demon spawned by some evil creature.”

As soon as Xander said the words, Spike’s fist shot out and connected with Xander’s jaw, sending him sprawling back and out of the chair. Spike reeled from the pain in his head.

“You bloody pillock!” He spat out vehemently.

“Calm down both of you,” Giles ordered. “We don’t even know if any of these could conceive with a human. Now if, and I repeat, if she should be pregnant, then we will deal with the matter appropriately. There may be an entire realm of other effects we need to be dealing with at the moment.” Giles said.

“Deal with this,” Spike started in a calm rage, as he stood. “Buffy is gone, and we will never get her back. If there is a child, it is still a part of Buffy. I will not stand by and let you lot kill anything that is a part of her. Doesn’t matter how it came about, no sense punishing a child for the sins of the father.” With that he stormed out of the dining room, leaving the group in stunned silence.
 
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“Ok, does anyone else feel a little weird about getting a morality lecture from a vampire?” Xander asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes, well...” Giles started but broke off as Buffy walking into the dining room.

“Buffy!” Willow cheerfully greeted her.

Buffy looked at the group, her brow knitted in confusion. After glancing at all of them, she moved into the kitchen. Dawn followed after her.

“Sorry guys! She just woke up and started wondering around. I think she’s looking for something,” Dawn explained as everyone started following.

“Buffy? Can we get you something? Perhaps you’re hungry?” Giles asked, but got no response.

Buffy moved down the stairs to the basement, causing all the girls who’d retreated to the training room to stop and stare. Evidently not seeing what she was looking for, Buffy went back up the stairs, now followed by an entourage of Scoobies like a small train.

She seemed to contemplate the back door a moment before moving into the hallway. She paused and took in its length before moving into the living room. She made her way across the room and stopped immediately in front of Spike, who was sitting in a chair facing the front window.

Buffy looked down at Spike with a smile. Spike could only stare at Buffy in panic and confusion as she crawled into his lap and curled up like a small child.

The others stopped in their tracks as they watched her snuggle into his lap. She gave a contented sigh.

“Buffy?” Spike rasped out brokenly. “Pet, wouldn’t you be more comfortable on the couch?” Spike asked hesitantly.

“Nope. This is one of my favorite dreams,” Buffy replied. “It reminds me that you’ll come for me,” she said as one petite hand reached up and brushed down his cheek. Then her eyes turned from a bright shimmer to a deeper glossed look, before she tucked her head back where it had been resting. “And it keeps them away. For a little while, you know?” Buffy mumbled as she started to drift back to sleep. “You’ll come. I know you will. You.....all............will,” She finally said as sleep reclaimed her.
 
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Spike curled his arms around his Slayer. His broken little Slayer, so lost between her dreams and reality. And he let the tears come. To him, it didn’t matter who saw, not now. For even in her current state, she believed in him still.