Chapter 7 – From Dreams to Reality

A few more days passed. Buffy was having fewer hysterical periods and more episodes of what she called “her good dreams.” She would even wonder around the house some, mostly watching everyone else. She was tolerating most of the group during these episodes, but both Xander and Giles had to limit how much time they spent with her, and always had to have Willow or Dawn with them. Otherwise, she would start to break down again and getting her back to her room without sedating her was impossible.

Spike and Willow were engaging in repeated shouting matches. Willow argued that they were using too much magic on Buffy, and that sedating her all the time wasn’t the answer. She also argued that since the only spell strong enough had to involve brief contact, she was getting tired of her new bruises and that the trauma of them swarming Buffy to prevent her harming from Willow was only adding to the problem.

Spike argued that it was the best way to keep her from harming herself or others even more. That it allowed them to clean and redress her wounds, and that nothing they did was going to make the problem better. The only thing they could do was keep her comfortable and take care of her, which she didn’t allow when she was awake. He also argued that seeing the Slayer in such a state was traumatizing all the potentials, who were already afraid she was going to slit all their throats.

Their last argument broke down into a shouting free-for-all. Everyone was screaming at everyone else, and old feelings made themselves known. Everyone blamed everyone for everything. Giles leaving had been brought up, as had Spike’s previous attempted rape, Xander’s time when he had been possessed by a hyena spirit, Willow’s attempt to kill them all, Anya’s recent vengeance dealings, and Buffy’s sacrifice to save Dawn. It continued in what seemed to be a never-ending circle that failed to solve anything and left everyone feeling bitter and alone as they stormed off in separate directions.

Everyone spent the next several hours alone, throwing themselves into something that “needed” to be done at just that moment. Xander busied himself with repairs and fortifications to the house. Giles was instructing a set of potentials in the dining room. Willow was researching in her room. Anya was preparing food in the kitchen. Spike had taken a group of the best potentials for a patrol, while Dawn retreated to her room to write in her journal. She was beginning to wonder if this was all part of The First’s plan. Turn them all against each other until it was strong enough to take over the world.

**********

Buffy had been awake since the huge shouting match downstairs. Things were all so confusing to her. All the shouting seemed so real. But she hadn’t been rescued had she? No, it was just more dreams, the ones she couldn’t help. Sometimes she dreamed of dying, of ending all the pain, of resting again, or even of heaven. It was the demons and the things they did, and the fact she couldn’t stop them. That was why her mind called up these dreams. But many of the dreams were so wonderful. Everyone caring and kind to her and each other, everyone working together,  that’s how she knew they were dreams. That never happened in real life.

Dawn told her once how Xander volunteered to find Spike. She simply laughed at the story, knowing how impossible that was. Giles seemed the same as in real life, except he never touched anything, like The First. He had to be The First.

Everyone kept telling her she was safe. What a laugh! She would never be safe. They all seemed to want to help her very badly. They wouldn’t want to once they found out what was happening to her. Who would?

Then there was Spike. The dreams were kind of muddled when it came to him. Then again, he was kind of muddled in real life, wasn’t he? Sometimes, he avoided her. Sometimes he just stared at her with such sadness. But there were dreams when she would let him just hold her. He would soothe her and tell her how strong she was and how sorry he was. But mostly he just held her, and she would feel a few tears drop onto her face. That was definitely not real Spike. Sure, she’d seen a tear now and again, but he’d cover pretty quickly. He’d rather dust than ruin his whole bad boy persona.

But they would come for her soon. It felt like it had been so long. How long had it been? She had no way to know, but it seemed like days. Weeks maybe. Surely it hadn’t been. Time was so strange when you were waiting for something. They would come. They always did. She just had to hold on until then and enjoy the good dreams that took her away from there, from the things she couldn’t stop.

It seemed so quiet now. Hardly any sounds at all. This was a strange dream, not real at all. In life, the house would be bustling with activity. Teenage girls couldn’t be quiet if their lives depended on it. Even the girl who was in her room was sleeping curled up in the chair. None of the others had dared to sleep. She laughed as she remembered that Spike had threatened them in one dream that if they fell asleep, he’d eat them. She needed to find someone. “No sense wasting a good dream,” she said as she rose from her bed and made her way down the hall.

She passed Dawn’s room and saw her sitting on her bed writing in her journal. She smiled. Dawn used to write in her journal a lot. She shivered as she passed the upstairs bathroom. No sense dragging that into this. She had enough bad things to face. She poked her head into Willow’s room, to find her on her stomach with her nose buried in a very old looking book, many more books piled around her. Willow always loved research. She started to make her way to the stairs when the sleeping girl from her room came running out, looking very much panicked, until she saw her standing there.

“Buffy! Oh, thank God. Do you want to eat something?” The girl questioned. What was her name? She couldn’t remember. Buffy just shook her head. She never really was hungry in these dreams.

“Um, you want to go downstairs? It’s kinda tense, and I’m pretty sure Spike went on patrol,” The girl said hesitantly. Buffy contemplated going downstairs. She didn’t really want to do that either. But for some reason she was…

“Thirsty,” Buffy commented.

“I could get you a glass of water. Tell you what, you go back to your room where it’s nice and safe, and there’s no sharp objects, and I’ll bring it to you.” The girl said as she tried to get Buffy to move back to her room.

Buffy looked at the sweet child. She seemed so afraid. They all were afraid. She should save them. Keep them all from The First. From living what had been her life and her calling.

“You shouldn’t be afraid,” Buffy said as she smoothed a lock of hair on the girl’s head and gave her a sad smile. “I’m going to save you all.”

The girl breathed out a small sigh and smiled.

Buffy knew there was nothing in her room she could use. In all her dreams it was stripped of anything useful besides her bed, chair, and clothes. She couldn’t go downstairs; someone would stop her. They always did lately. Willow’s room would have weapons, but it also had Willow. Dawn’s room had nothing that would be quick. That left one room upstairs. The bathroom.

Buffy turned around and swiftly made her way to the bathroom door. She didn’t even pause as she opened it. She quickly scanned the room. The vanity held lots of things she could use. She would save this girl from what was coming, and then the others.

“Oh my gosh! Buffy, you can’t be in here! Spike said we always have to take you downstairs!” The panicking girl explained as she followed into the bathroom.

“It’s OK,” Buffy calmly told her. “Now, come here so I can save you,” Buffy ordered as she reached out and took a glass and smashed it against the counter. She made a grab for the girl’s arm, as she picked up a larger piece of the glass. “Shhhh…” She consoled the struggling, now sobbing, girl. “You’ll like heaven. It’s warm and soft, and...”

“Buffy!” Willow and Dawn shouted at her from the doorway.

“No, no, no,” The girl sobbed, trying to wrench her arm out of her grasp. “Stop! Please, stop. You’re hurting me! Please!”

The words echoed in her mind. They had been uttered in this room before. By her. She had been crying too and begging. Unintentionally, Buffy’s grip on the girl loosened, and the girl pulled herself free and fled the room.

It was suddenly quiet again. But this wasn’t right. After last time, everything from the vanity had been smashed. There had been glass everywhere.

As Dawn and Willow started cautiously forward, Buffy swept everything off the vanity onto the floor, sending Dawn and Willow backward to escape her wrath just as the rest of the house appeared at the bathroom door. With enraged screams, she smashed everything in the tiny room that she could find to smash. Finally finding nothing more she could destroy, she sank down against the back wall. Still clutching the piece of glass, she had threatened the girl with. Her feet and arms were covered in small scrapes, cuts, and blood from her rage and the debris. Surveying the damage, she assessed that now everything was proper. This was the way she remembered this room.

**********

Dawn wasn’t sure what to do now. Heck, everyone was stunned and at a loss as to how to proceed. Anya was downstairs trying to console the terrified potentials. Xander was also downstairs trying to persuade them not to flee in fear of their lives. They had tried several times to get into the bathroom to Buffy, but anytime they crossed into the room she became hysterical and did even more damage to her already bleeding limbs and feet. Willow couldn’t get anywhere close enough to put her to sleep. Their one attempt to rush her and magically sedate her had been met with a feral fighter, and they had retreated, everyone sporting new injuries. Some would require stitching, and Giles thought his hand was possibly broken. She refused to answer to any of their pleas to come out. She was simply catatonic until one of them tried to enter the room, and then she gave them all a feral glare that promised the loss of limb or life.

Giles had suggested that they wait her out. Eventually, she would fall asleep, and then they could move her. He was also beginning to think that Spike’s argument for keeping her sedated might be correct. This brought out Willow’s anger again, and now she was taking a firm stance that they would have to find some other way to deal with her because she wasn’t sedating her anymore.

Suddenly a large ruckus sounded from downstairs as Spike apparently returned with his group of potentials from their patrol. There was a great deal of shouting as the newly arrived group was appraised of the situation upstairs and what had transpired. The sound of boots loudly and rapidly thumping up the stairs announced Spike’s arrival on the second story a second before he turned the corner. He paused only a moment before striding up to the group gathered outside the bathroom door, anger apparent on his face.
 
**********************

“What the bloody hell happened?!” Spike demanded. He didn’t really care that the entire house had followed him up the stairs and was quietly observing everything.

“We’re not sure exactly,” Giles began. “But, according to Cindy who was on watch, Buffy awoke and overcame her. Buffy then proceeded to bring her to the restroom where she then threatened her with a broken glass. This attracted Willow and Dawn, at which point Buffy released the girl and began smashing everything in sight. None of us have been able to get in there since then for fear of furthering Buffy’s injuries.”

He contemplated the summary for a moment.

“Doesn’t make sense,” he stated, looking at the floor as if he could find the answers there. He turned around and faced the group of girls behind him.

“Cindy...want to tell me what really happened?” he asked, not bothering to hide his suspicion.

The girl looked down at her feet and quietly answered, “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What I’m talking about is this,” he started. “Buffy’s hasn’t intentionally hurt anyone besides herself so far. I know she’s terrified the lot of you, but she hasn’t let any of you girls touch her when she’s awake, so I’m thinking the whole overpowering and dragging to the loo isn’t entirely true, now is it? If it were, the rest of you would have heard something long before she started breaking stuff.”

All eyes trained on the unfortunate potential as they digested what Spike said. Under the intense scrutiny, the girl finally spoke.

“I...I, fell asleep,” she mumbled.

He let a growl escape as the group erupted in disbelief.

“I’m sorry!” The girl finally sobbed out. “But she’s crazy! I followed her to the bathroom, and that’s when she grabbed me. She was trying to kill me! You saw it!” She said, pointing to Willow and Dawn.

“She’s right Spike,” Dawn admitted. “Buffy was holding her and the broken glass when we found them.”

“And then what happened?” He questioned.

“It was just like Giles said. She let go of Cindy and then smashed everything. She won’t let anyone near her,” Dawn confirmed.

“So, Willow knocks her out. End of story,” he ordered.

“No! It’s not ‘end of story,' Spike!” Willow argued. “We already tried rushing her. Or didn’t you notice that everyone here is bleeding? She’s like a cornered animal. We take one step near her, and she gets all screams and thrashing, and waves the glass around, hurting herself even more. I can’t even tell how badly she’s hurt. We will wait until she falls asleep and then find a way to get her out.”

“And if she decides to cut her arm off before then?” He raged. “I would think that this would make you lot see that she needs to be kept sedated!”

“I’m not sedating her anymore!” Willow shouted.

Before he could respond, a low giggle reached his ears. He knew that laugh. Hadn’t heard it a lot, but he had it memorized. When Willow started to protest again, he held up a hand to silence her. He slowly pushed his way through the crowded hall to stand at the door. Buffy was sitting against the wall, little giggles escaping from her. She finally looked up from her hand, her eyes sparkling.

“I think this is the first dream that was accurate,” Buffy laughed. “This is the way I remember you all.”

“Slayer?”
 
She seemed to regard him, but she kept giggling.
 
“What say you come on out here and we’ll fix up your cuts? Spillin’ quite a bit of blood in there.”

Buffy’s giggles silenced. “It’s all so real. I...I don’t want to leave it. This is the way it was,” Buffy said as she looked around the room.

Spike, too, glanced around the room at all the disarray, as images and pleas came flooding back to him, threatening to cut him off at the knees again.

“Yeah, it is,” he quietly agreed.

There was a long pause as everyone seemed to ponder the next move. It was Giles who spoke next.

“Buffy, why don’t you let Spike come in and tend your wounds? He won’t hurt you, and remember, you said he keeps the demons away?” Giles asked.

As Buffy seemed to be actually contemplating the watcher’s suggestion, he stared at Giles.

“Are you out of your mind?” Spike asked. “If I go in there, she’s going to lose what little of her mind is left.”

“Listen to me very carefully, Spike,” Giles ordered. “She trusts you more than any of us at the moment. You are probably our only chance at getting in there to help her. Now, I don’t care if you turned your bloody sister in that room, if Buffy agrees to let you in, then you will damn well will go in there!” Giles finished. There was a very definite gleam in Giles eyes that broached no argument.
 
One of these days he was going to have to speak with the old chap about his younger days, because he had a sneaking suspicion this watcher wasn’t always the stuffed shirt he was now.

“OK,” a voice answered, coming from the bathroom and redirecting everyone’s attention back to the small woman sitting against the wall.

“Buffy, are you sure?” Giles inquired. “I don’t want to mistake your acceptance.”

Buffy simply nodded.

His mouth moved several times as if to say something, then closed again. He fixed a questioning glance to Buffy, but she didn’t return his gaze.

Of all the demons Spike had faced, he was certain this was the hardest. Buffy’s entire ordeal had forced him to face his actions like nothing else had. He could barely live with himself before all of this, much less now. But, he couldn’t escape this. He wasn’t sure he should even try. The images before him brought it all freshly to the forefront of his mind. A broken and alone Buffy, surrounded by the destruction of the room, covered in cuts, scrapes, and still healing bruises. Then what Giles said came back to him. Buffy trusted him now to take care of her. Had told him before all this that she had forgiven him. Believed in him even. Said that he could be a good man.

He looked back to Buffy again and found that she was now looking at him. Her green eyes seemed to be asking him if he would come and take care of her. Spike searched himself for that answer and heard a resounding “yes” in his head. He fixed a little smile on his face and stepped across the threshold and into the room.

He was rewarded with a small smile from Buffy. Taking it a step at a time, he slowly reached to the shelf next to the towels and took down the first aid box, then equally as slowly he made his way over to Buffy. He sat down next to her, leaning against the wall as well. Her eyes followed his every move.

“So, come here often, pet?” Spike let out a breath and forced a grin as he opened the box and began taking out the necessary items to clean her wounds. Buffy didn’t answer but turned to look around the room again. She didn’t seem to notice as Spike set about applying antiseptic and bandages. Her feet seemed to have taken the brunt of the damage, and it took a long time for Spike to get them properly cleaned, removing all the glass and wrapping them firmly.

“Well, that should do it. What say we get you out of here?” Spike questioned, but made no moves.

“Why didn’t you leave?” Buffy asked.

“Beg pardon?”

“Why didn’t you leave? Like the others? You never left me. Not like the others. Why?” She elaborated on her question.

“Made a promise to a lady,” Spike answered with his usual smirk.

“Will you always take care of me?” Buffy questioned.

“Till the end of my unlife,” Spike replied.

Buffy went back to looking around the room. She glanced at her bandages. Then back at the glass on the floor.

“Quite a mess. Should have one of the girls clean up in here now and then.” Spike smiled. “We’ll need a new shower curtain.”

That seemed to get her attention for some reason, as she began staring intently at said shower curtain.

“Can’t say I’ll miss the little penguin one that Red bought after they took you,” Spike answered off-handedly. “Amanda was right smart using your old one to strangle one of those Bringer fellows.”

When he didn’t get any comment, he looked back to Buffy, who was still staring intently at the shower curtain that lay crumpled on the floor.

“Buffy? Luv? What is it?” Spike called.

Suddenly Buffy’s head whipped around, and she stared at Spike, then back to the shower curtain. She repeated the action a few more times settling finally on the shower curtain. “You came,” Buffy finally uttered as her face crumpled and tears began flowing down her face.

“Buffy?” Spike asked confusedly.

“It’s not a dream is it?” She asked as she turned, looking to Spike.
 
“No, luv. It’s not a dream.” Spike answered softly.

Buffy suddenly launched herself into Spike’s embrace as she began crying in earnest. Her small cries of “you came,” and “you saved me,” sending all the onlookers into their own silent tears as everyone realized that Buffy was back in reality. Spike simply rocked her as she cried out her relief of the realization that she was no longer trapped in that unspeakable horror. He couldn’t even begin to voice his own joy that she was with them. He had never dared to hope she would recover any. He should have never doubted his Slayer. She was a remarkable woman.

Spike contemplated what laid ahead. It would be a long road for her. There would be lots of confusion. Somewhere along the way, he would have to explain that Willow and Xander had been the ones to actually get her out of the cave. They still had to battle The First. She still had a lot of healing to do, both mind and body. Their difficulties were far from over. But if she could find her way when she had been so lost, he knew she would emerge victorious. She always had. She always would.

*****************************************************

Epilogue - Endings and Beginnings

“So, then the golden goddess declared her love to the manly hero before he sent her off to make good on her escape. Then the hero brought the house down, literally, and the school and the whole bloody town, closing the Hellmouth forever, defeating the big ugly First despite his evil plans, and going out in an amazing, and bloody painful, blaze of glory like he always knew he would. So, the two souled vampires stopped their respective apocalypses, plural, saving the entire world and then they got to become human again. Which was a big surprise to yours truly, let me tell you! One minute I’m burning up, the next I’m standing starkers in the bottom of a crater, with a heartbeat and coughing my lungs out!”

Buffy smiled as she listened to Spike telling his story to his somewhat captive audience. The infant was staring at him and cooing around a tiny little fist in its mouth. She decided she should probably intervene before he decided to begin one of his more colorful tales, and pushed through the door out onto the porch.

“You know, Angel is going to have your head if he discovers you’ve kidnapped his daughter.” Buffy scolded.

Spike startled as being caught but quickly recovered.

“Didn’t kidnap. Tiny bit was fussin’ up a storm, and no one else in the house seemed to hear her, so I rescued her and decided to entertain her a bit,” Spike countered.

“The Big Bad rescued a baby?” Buffy repeated.

“I’ll have you know I’m great with the kiddies,” Spike replied indignantly.

“Yeah. You are,” Buffy admitted with a smile. After a moment of watching Spike play with the child, she quietly asked, “Do you think about children? Now that you can I mean.”

Spike didn’t even pause before he answered. “Sometimes. Never thought I’d have a chance to ‘till I became human again. But, then there’s the whole thing with all the Slayers we have to train. Plus Angel and wolf girl have this one now, so I’ll probably just spoil her a bit. Make the grand poof as angry as possible.”

Buffy laughed before looking a Spike earnestly. “You’ll make a great father, Spike.”

Spike thought about her compliment for a moment, but the more he thought about the whole conversation, the more confused he got. He turned and looked up at Buffy, searching her face for meaning. What was going on about?

“Something you want to tell me, pet?” Spike asked.

Buffy smiled very deviously before answering, “Maybe. Maybe not. Why don’t you come back upstairs and find out.” She finished as she stood up and walked back in the house.

Spike looked down at the infant he still held. “You know, I always said I was gonna be the death of that Slayer, but I’m fairly certain it’ll be the other way around,” He confided as he stood up and walked back into the house to go find the bitty bit's parents. He had a feeling the next few hours were going to be interesting.

**********

~fin~

a/n-OK. That it folks. No more. This story is done. Hope you enjoyed! A nice little Spuffy ending. A few lingering questions. My muse is still evil after all!