Thanks to Meli and Kar for their time and effort in beta reading this for me...love ya!


Part Four

Only him…

Silence had become Buffy’s companion these days since she had dropped her pregnancy bombshell onto the other slayers. She refused to speak to any of them; even her own sister and old friends got the same treatment. Buffy found it easier not to complicate things even more than for herself by trying to explain things to them, or enlighten them to who was her child’s father. That was something that she could be sure to be a hot topic of gossip not that she really cared what anyone thought about it. Buffy had to sort this one out for herself, as she was sure that the remaining Scoobies and Slayers would only interfere again in her life. Like they had previously on numerous occasions, so many that she had lost count and she was not going to tolerate it this time.

A soft rhythmic knock came from her apartment’s front door interrupting the silent thoughts of Buffy sitting on her sofa. For a few seconds there was silence again, any hope that Buffy had that who ever was behind the door would just leave were dashed as another round of louder and stronger knocking continued. Buffy rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand as she tried desperately to ignore the intruder that broke her peace and quiet.

“Go away!” Buffy yelled at the door.

“Buffy, it’s me Will.” A soft voice penetrated through the door. “Come on let me in. You can’t hide from the world forever and only come out because the baby’s coming.”

“Will, please leave me alone,” Buffy whispered to her friend, who had obviously been told about her dramatic confession. “I just want some space to work things out.”

“Two days locked up in your apartment isn’t going to achieve anything you know,” Willow leaned against the door, as she knew this was going to be a difficult battle. She smiled at Dawn, who was standing a few feet further down the corridor with a grim look on her face. “Buffy, please unlock the door. I promise a non-judgy talk between two adults that includes an understanding and amenable friend.”

“No, Will,” Buffy stood up and walked to the door. “I’m not ready to face you or anyone yet. Not yet…”

“Buffy, at least let me see you and know that you’re okay.”

Opening the door just a fraction, Buffy peered out from behind the door and stared at her friend. Willow’s smile dropped from her face when she saw what type of shape Buffy was in, the sad look that covered all her face, the dark shadows under her eyes or her red blood shot eyes. Buffy looked like she had been crying for days and needed a good nights sleep. Willow’s gasp of surprise made Buffy become rigid and step away from sight as she pushed the door shut on her friend.

“Buffy, why?” Willow murmured in shock and frustration at her friend’s predicament. “Why?”

Buffy went back to the sofa and sat down contemplating that very question. ---Why?--- Because she’d denied him when he was here with her, used him to suit her needs, abused the love and trust he’d given her, betrayed him so many times when it had suited her. In the end, it had all been about her and she had claimed everything that she had granted him back. She had left him with nothing and yet he still had always been there for her when she needed someone.

In the end, he’d been the only one that stood fast by her side when all had abandoned her during the darkest moments before the battle of the First. He had held her during the night, as if she was something so fragile and precious to him. Like she was his only possession he cared about in the world. Somehow then she had even denied him that, he may have held her but he never possessed her. Yet she had never had a chance to realize how wrong she’d been about him and about everything. So wrong…

Buffy realized that there was some truth in the cliché that you don’t miss what you have until it’s gone. Now that he was gone, all she had was a deep void inside that was gnawing at her very soul. At one point in time, she would have believed that the only lesson she had to learn about being the Slayer was having a successful hunt. Nevertheless, through losing him Buffy had learnt that this wasn’t the only lesson that a Slayer had to learn about.

It was to know the difference between how good and evil defined itself, and at a great price, she had learned oh so well, what that difference was. Evil was cold, callous and totally emotionless. Good was just one thing, love. Love could make you feel needed, wanted, compassionate understanding and most of all how to totally forgive someone of almost anything.

Most importantly, that love transcends even the need to have a soul to feel love.

A lesson learnt to late.

For her.

For him.

She had always felt safe in the shadows when Spike was with her. Maybe that’s where she had belonged.

In the shadows with him.


~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~

Part Five
Betrayal of shadows…


Spike had kept to the shadows watching her for the past few days, close enough to see her but not enough to set off his Slayer radar or her vamp radar. He fully intended on using that to his advantage, as it made no sense in giving himself away just yet. No opportunity had come his way to approach her without someone coming across his path and in his mood, Spike was sure that he’d kill to get to Buffy. So he sat on the roof of the opposite building watching and waiting, until that perfect moment arrived at 3.30am.

No young Slayers covered the front perimeter of the building, all seemed engrossed in a conversation of previous slays as one tried to better the other with tales of the hunt. Spike could hear snippets of the conversation as he passed through the front gate and along the far side of the building. He ducked under the windows as he passed them listening for a certain voice amongst the females, stopping suddenly when he heard the witch’s voice.
Willow appeared to be instructing someone in her art of magick and the need not to walk on the dark side or receive its consequences if they did.

Taking a profound risk, Spike stood up and looked into the room, spotting only the Wicca and her student, he lightly banged on the glass with his knuckle. Spike watched as Willow went a pale white and her student grabbed the cross that hung on the nearest wall and ran to the window pushing it against the pane of glass. Quickly behind her student, Willow took the crucifix out of the girls hand and told her to sit down pointing to one of the chairs in the room. For a few minutes all Willow could do was just stare at the figure that stood on the other side of the glass.

“Willow, open the bloody window.” Spike pleaded with the witch before a patrolling Slayer caught him with a handy stake in her hand. “Come on Red, let me in.”

With some reluctance and disbelief, Willow opened the window and continued to stare at the platinum blond her mouth agog with disbelief. She began to reach out to touch him with one of her hands when her brain screamed it might be a trap of some kind by the local demons to con their way into the Slayers’ residence. Pulling her hand back, Willow took a few steps back into the room and sensing that she was about to call out, Spike tried to put his head through the silent barrier that stopped him coming in when not invited.

“See Red, it’s me. Your trusty blood sucking vampire back from the dead,” Spike tried to explain and reason with Willow. “Willow, I can’t explain it out here with all these Slayerette’s hanging around ready to dust me. Please Red, invite me in.”

“You say it’s you, but how do I know it’s you?” Willow asked the maybe Spike. “How do I know that you’re just not some fiend trying to play me and sneak in to kill us all hey? Answer that one mister?”

“Red, I ain’t got time for twenty bleedin’ questions?” Spike was getting desperate as he heard footsteps heading his way. “Okay something that only I would know…okay...okay. Think…ummm…okay you umm...you nearly destroyed the world.”

“Not good enough,” Willow whispered out the window concerned that her student might have gotten the wrong or should that be have the right idea about her past. “Any one could find that out.”

“Alright if were going to get personal, I used to call Tara, ‘Glinda’, before you know that moron you know…” Spike stumbled as he saw the hurt flash across Willow’s face. “Okay bad choice…on Buffy’s 21st birthday you gave her that vibrating thingy…you know it massaged your back and she really enjoyed using it…in interesting places…”

“Stop, please stop,” Willow cringed at Spike as he tried to show that he knew some personal details about her friend that only the real Spike would know. One thing was certain this person was as crass as the real Spike could be and just as indiscreet. “Too much ewhhh for me.”

“Xander used to call me Captain Peroxide and the little dweeb reads and speaks fluent Klingon,” Spike continued with tidbits of information. “And the clincher would be when Joyce died, I brought flowers to leave at the door and junior said it was just another way to get to Buffy. You know using her mum to get on her good side and there was only you, me and the boy present. I really liked Joyce, she treated me with more respect and dignity than you Scoobies ever did and her hot chocolate with those little marshmallows were pure heaven. She was a real lady, Buffy’s mum was, a real human being. Never forgiven the prat for saying those things about me using Joyce you know.”


Willow’s sharp exhale of bewilderment and the slight swaying of her body showed her shock at the realization that this person in front of he had to be Spike. He just had to be and he knew too much personal details not to be the real Spike. Swallowing hard Buffy hoped that she wasn’t making the worst decision in her life, or death if this wasn’t the real Spike.

“Come in.”

As soon as Spike stood on the carpet of the room, Willow turned to her pupil and pointed a finger at her saying “Sorry, but go to sleep.”

Immediately the girl slumped down in the chair and started to snore, as Willow turned to face the vampire again. She had a very guilty look across her face and shrugged her shoulders. Walking around Spike, Willow eyed him from head to toe, Spike didn’t look any different from the last time that she’d seen him. His coat even looked the same maybe a little more singed, but every hole that had been in it before he’d became flambé vamp was there. Spike’s hair was a little bit more white than blond, but after what he’d done for the world who’d question him why?

“I thought you where dead,” Willow pointed out the obvious. “The First…the amulet?”

“Yeah well, hell was no fun so I thought I’d come back and haunt Angel for a little while,” Willow looked confused at what he was saying. “Long story, pet,” Spike shrugged his shoulders and looked around the room for a quick way out. “Come back to life, well unlife and decided to look up some old friends.”

“But Spike…” Willow tried to grasp all that he had said only made her more confused.
“You went up in flames…Buffy said that you where gone. That you…”

“Look love, sorry to mess up our little tête-à-tête but I really need to see Buffy,” Spike started for the door. “Reckon you could help me get past the slayers to see her?”

“Is there another apocalypse coming?” Willow looked went from confusion to concern. “Some catastrophic event? Something ghastly to threaten the world again?”

“No Willow, I came just to see Buffy,” Spike looked down away from her gaze filled with wonder of impending doom.

“Ohh,” Willow looked almost disappointed, “Spike, Buffy’s not Buffy at the moment. Probably not the best time to see her now. Maybe you could make an appointment so that she knew you were coming.”

“Or so she could bake a bloody cake instead….Red, I’m not here to make any bloody appointment. I came to see Buffy,” Spike grabbed her hand and softly squeezed it. “It’s important Red, I have to see her and let her know I’m back.”

“Spike, I don’t think that she’d be up too seeing you at the moment,” Willow struggled to keep herself sounding like everything was normal. “She’s not feeling the best.”

“What’s wrong with her,” Spike voice was filled with concern over his love.

“Nothing…”

“Red, you just said that something was wrong,” Spike voice now laced with threats as he became more desperate to make sure Buffy was all right. “Either you take me to her or I’ll kill every little girl that gets in my way. So you play nice and get me to Buffy or I become mister bumpy.”

“Spike you wouldn’t?” Willow knew that he meant every word of what he said. What harm would it do to let him see her, maybe he could get her to open up to him and talk about the baby. Reluctantly she gave in and walked to the door, “Whatever you do stay behind me and keep your mouth shut.”

“What ever you say, Red,” Spike moved himself behind her as she opened the door and walked into the hallway.

“I’m going to do a vanishing spell, so we’ll not be seen but they can hear us. So no matter what you do keep your mouth shut and don’t breathe.” Willow made her instructions clear and to the point. “Make sure that you’re about two feet behind me at all times. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sergeant major.”

Willow quietly uttered the words of the spell that could be detected by the other girls in the building that practiced witchcraft. That was the trouble with other witches; some were powerful enough that they could sense the presence of magik around them. They also could sense another witch’s presence in close proximity. The spell was only known to a few of them, if anything it might make the other witches think that someone was practicing their craft and totally ignore them. Yet Willow couldn’t think of any other safe way to get Spike securely to Buffy, except turn him into a rat and smuggle him in, inside her pocket. After dealing with rat-Amy, she had a great aversion to turning anyone into anything small and squeaky.

Making sure he did exactly what she instructed him to do, he followed her along the corridor and up two flights of stairs until she stood in front of a large ornate door. They had passed a few girls along the way with his senses screaming ‘Slayer’. Spike had to control his demon’s instinct to start a massacre, even despite the soul that kept him in check. Spike could feel his slayer radar burning and tingling down every nerve ending as he stood only feet from its source from behind the door. The other slayers he passed had only softly penetrated into his being, but this one radiated through to his very soul, it had to be one he could always recognize.

Buffy.


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