Chapter 4—Standing Alone

Standing alone, my senses reel—Pink Floyd, "Learning To Fly"

Giles looked down at the bottle in his hand, momentarily confused, and then set it on the table.

He had been drinking for far too long, he realized. Drinking and not solving the problem. If Buffy went to a hell dimension, why was there no new slayer called? And what did that reveal, in turn, about Buffy’s demise? Was there a chance that she was alive?

Weary, he climbed to his feet and went to stand under a cold shower, still fully dressed. The water pelted his face and seeped into the corners of his closed eyes, mingling with unshed tears.

His daughter, the child of his heart that he never had, was dead. Buried in Sunnydale, underneath a weeping willow tree at the edge of one of the seventeen cemeteries. She was gone, and there was no change in the fabric of the universe.

His heart broke as reality set in, and he fell to the bottom of the shower, the freezing water mixing with the hot salty tears. Curled up in the fetal position, his heart emptying out the grief he should have loosed months ago, he vowed to put rest the questions surrounding her sacrifice, no matter what it took.

He stood again, and turned off the water. He disrobed, and left the dripping clothing in the bottom of the tub, then dressed in his tweediest suit, the one that made Buffy call him Uber-Giles, and made his way down to Council Headquarters.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dawn looked across the island at him where he stood in front of the stove, making her an omelet. She remembered crushing on him for a long time, since he made the Acathla truce with Buffy. She knew the memories were implanted, but they were so much a reality. He’d always treated her like a little sister, even that night. Now the idea of crushing on him was kinda…eww. Plus, he loved her sister. Even if her sister was dead.

He turned, and served her, and she noticed the dark rings around his eyes. Exhausted blue eyes swept over her, noticing what she was wearing, and a frown creased his forehead.

Thinking fast, Dawn said, “When was the last time you ate anything?” He knew she meant something in the ABO group, and he shrugged.

“Dunno. Don’t keep track.”

“Spike, you need to eat. You’re looking puny.”

“Hey, take that back, Platelet. I’m still the Big Bad.”

She smiled, crossing her arms. “Right. At this point, I could kick your ass.”

He crossed to the fridge and jerked it open, grabbing a bag out of the bottom bin. Yanking a mug from the shelf, he ripped into the bag and dumped it in the cup, shoving it into the microwave and pressing the timer button.

Her innocent voice drifted in through the haze. “Spike, I shouldn’t have to piss you off to get you to eat.”

His shoulders sagged. “I know, Bit. I…don’t think about me. It’s all about the promise.”

She came behind him, and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his back. “I miss her too, Spike. But missing her, and forgetting to do the basics to stay alive is like…passive suicide. She wouldn’t want that from either you or me. She told me to live. And no matter how much I know that it should have been me, it wasn’t.”

“She did it ‘cause she loved you.” He turned, and patted her head where it rested on his shoulder. “You were her legacy to the world.” He pulled away from her, looking deep into blue eyes eerily like his own. “And I’m not committing suicide. I just get sidetracked easily, and right now, I don’t have any kind of appetite. When did you get so smart, anyway?”

She flounced back to her stool, and started devouring his creation. “Always have been. Nobody listens to me.”

He took his mug out of the microwave, and leaned on the counter across from her. “I do, Bit, and you know it. Guess we have to take care of each other now, don’t we?”

“Yeah, ‘cause I don’t think Buffy’s coming back anytime soon,” she said around a mouthful of eggs.

He stopped. Became utterly still, as only a master can. “What do you mean by that, Nibblet?”

She ignored the dangerous tone, and continued to eat. “The dreams. Haven’t you had them too? I know you have. I’ve heard you. You talk in your sleep, you know that?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I’ve had ‘em. They’re just dreams, Dawn.”

She knew he was trying hard to dismiss them, but drove onward. “Okay, so you are having ‘em too. Are they like mine? Buffy digging out of a coffin? Walking in fire?”

No, he thought, and started to answer, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Since it was day, Dawn went to the door. And opened it immediately when she saw that it was a shaking, crying Tara standing outside.

She pulled her in, and shut and locked the door behind her. “Tara, what’s wrong?”

Spike turned on the kettle, and went to coax Tara into the kitchen. He made her a cup of the herbal tea she liked, and sat her down next to Dawn, who kept her arm around her. Taking up his place and cup across from the girls, they waited for the honey blond to slow down, sip her tea, then blow her nose on the handkerchief that Spike handed her.

When she spoke, her voice was ragged, and she had to choke out the words. “I didn’t know where else to go. I’m sorry.”

“Glinda, you know that you can always come here. What’s up, sweet?” Spike’s soft tones were laced with the care and concern he had come to terms with, ever since their confrontation with her family. She treated him so differently from the others, even Buffy.

“Willow. She’s…going overboard. I’m afraid she’s getting into the darker magicks, and it scares me.”

“She shoulda been stripped of those powers a long time ago. She doesn’t have the maturity to use them.”

Both girls stared at Spike. He wasn’t sounding like the Spike they knew, and he realized it after he spoke.

“I know that you’ve heard the saying not to judge a book by its cover? I’ve had experience in magic. Not my own, but others—and Dru. There are consequences to magic, and Willow doesn’t care. Doesn’t have the wisdom to care.”

Tara nodded. “She’s…changing, Spike. She’s not the girl I fell in love with. She’s not herself anymore, turning into something else right in front of me.” She hesitated, then plunged wildly onward. “Her aura is muddy and dark, and when…when I touch her, I feel…contaminated.”

She watched his face changing into the smooth mask, and knew that he was hiding how disturbing that information was to hear. “What is she planning, Tara?”

Her head dipped, hair covering her face. “I—I can’t. Spike, I’ve tried to talk to Xander and Anya, and they are blowing me off. I called Giles this morning, and he doesn’t seem concerned at all. But I know that this is wrong, and crazy, and somebody is gonna get hurt!”

He leaned forward, and did his best to make his voice lethal and threatening. “What is the bloody bint planning, Glinda?”

Tara gasped. He looked dangerously angry, and she stood, backing up against the wall. “She’s gonna try to resurrect Buffy.”

She saw his chest swelling, as he drew breath to explode, and she said, “She can’t know that I told you, Spike. I told you, she’s getting into the dark magicks now, and she’ll do something…maybe even kill me. You and Dawn were never supposed to know.”

“She won’t hurt you, sweet. And I’m not gonna hurt her. She wouldn’t like it.” Nobody had to wonder who she was. “We’ll keep shut about it, and try and help you stop it.”

He pulled her into the living room, with Dawn trailing behind them, and sat her down on the couch. “Tell me everything you know.”

“I knew that Willow was going to do this.”

Both of them turned to stare at Dawn. She stared back innocently, and said, “What, you couldn’t see it coming? Willow thinks that she’s all that. She has since the infamous ‘will be done’ spell.”

“Dawnie, you’re starting to scare me with all this new insight. Where’s it coming from?”

Dawn avoided Tara’s eyes, and looked at Spike instead. “I don’t know. Spike noticed too. I think that it’s a leftover key thing. Beats me.” She shrugged.

Tara looked at Spike, and he shrugged too. “She usually only does it around me. Welcome to the club.”


A/N: Thank you for the reviews, oh faithful ones...you don't know how much I appreciate them...and thanks to Megan_Peta for the marvelous beta!