Thanks go to Sue for betaing this chapter.


Chapter 17: History Repeating.


Buffy shivered when the cool night breezed over the bared flesh of her arms. Spike was walking several paces ahead of her and he didn’t seem to be slowing anytime soon. Frowning, Buffy hurried her pace to fall in step with him and still he didn’t stop.

“Spike, what’s going on? Where are we going?” she asked with genuine confusion.

Spike didn’t answer her; he just kept walking down the street.

It didn’t take too long for Buffy’s ire to grow. Reaching out with her arm she grabbed hold of his and tugged on it, slowing his movement. “Spike, talk to me,” she demanded.

“Talk to you. TALK to you?” he repeated incredulously as he finally stopped, whirling around to face her. “Like you talked to me before you ran out? While I was in the shower!?” Spike’s hands fisted at his sides as he tried to rein in his temper. “What, you couldn’t wait? You couldn’t stand bein’ ‘round me?”

“No, Spike I --”

“Don’t give me excuses, I’m sick of ‘em,” he interrupted.

“I LEFT a note!” Buffy shouted in response.

“Where?” Spike demanded.

“On the fridge. I figured you’d need to feed, after…” Buffy’s cheeks blushed crimson, the volume of her voice lowering with each word. She didn’t want to fight, she wanted to sort things out. That’s why she was here.

“After I shagged you six ways from Sunday?” His words were harsh, void of the emotion he had expressed during and after their repeated couplings.

Buffy’s cheeks reddened even further.

“What’s with the rosies? Don’t tell me the Slayer’s gone shy. Not after all of the nasty little things that --”

“Stop it!” Buffy shouted.

Spike cocked an eyebrow as he drew his gaze upwards from the ground, his stare leering as he drank in her lithe form. Her form wielded so much power, strength and stamina. “Stop what?” he sneered.

“Stop looking at me like I’m that sex-bot. Stop talking about last night like it didn’t mean anything.”

“It didn’t.”

The pain in her gasp cut right through to the bone and it took all of his will not to immediately refute the words. Last night did mean something, more than something. It meant everything to him. Having her in his arms, in his bed, he had only ever dreamed of that happening again. It hadn’t been a dream and his soul was rejoicing at reclaiming its mate. That’s what Buffy was to him…

Buffy was Spike’s soul mate.

He would never bite her without permission, but the urges he had been fighting last night had almost been too strong to deny. The demon and the man had been demanding ownership. Both wanted to possess Buffy and mark her as only his, just as he belonged only to her. Spike loved Buffy; he had told her numerous times, both over the last twenty-four hours and the last four years. The only time she had ever returned the sentiment had been on the Hellmouth when he had been about to meet his fate.

He simultaneously rejoiced and felt his heart break. She had finally said it, confessed her true feelings. But a small part of him felt like it had been a parting gift. Like giving a dying man a glass of water. Whatever the reason, she had said it. And he had done what he did because he had to. Rejecting her meant she would get out of there, and live.

Spike couldn’t give her the power this time, like he had every other time. Telling her that last night had meant everything to him would give her the power. If she really cared about him then she would prove it. If it was just about the sex, then tonight was it. It was over.

He wanted—needed—her to prove him wrong.

God, p-l-e-a-s-e prove me wrong…

“You don’t mean that.” Buffy shook her head in disbelief. This wasn’t happening—this was just a dream. A horrible nightmarish dream. Spike hadn’t just said that. “Spike,” she pleaded. “Last night was good, we were good. It felt…” She was struggling to find the words to express just what she was feeling right now. “We fit together so--“

“Fit together?” His heart sank as he interrupted her. So he had been right all along. It was just about the sex. “So it was about the interlocking bodies, eh? That’s why you’re here?”

Buffy was stunned into complete silence, her jaw gaping slightly as she stared at him.

Taking her non-responsiveness as an answer he came to a decision. That was it then. All she wanted was a physical encounter. His expression became steely with resolve even as inside he felt his heart breaking. If this was all she wanted, then fine. At least he knew where he stood tonight. Tonight he would give her what she wanted, but then never again. “Alright then, let’s have at it.”

“W-what?” Buffy stuttered, still in utter disbelief over the harshness of his words.

“One last roll in the hay, for old time’s sake.” He prowled towards her, his top lip rising in a leer as he pinned her with his gaze.

She was absolutely dumbfounded. The questions flew through her mind at a million miles and hour. What had happened? Why was he acting this way? Buffy unconsciously began moving slowly backwards in counter to Spike’s approach.

“My place again?” His brow quirked upwards as he closed in on her, hands on either side of her body pressing against the cool brick of the wall. “Or maybe ‘ere then,” he suggested. “You never were a satin sheets kind of girl anyway, why stray from your MO?”

“Spike!” Buffy asserted, his brash words beginning to sink in. “Why are you being like this?”

“Bein’ like what?” he feigned ignorance as his lips swooped forwards, capturing hers in a brutal kiss before trailing down the column of her neck.

Buffy released a heady moan, losing herself to the sensation of his lips on her flesh.

The sounds she made drove him further, one hand leaving to wall to roughly grope her breast whilst he continued to nip and nibble at her neck. Although he was biting with his blunt human teeth, it was likely that she would have a few small bruises in the morning.

Buffy hadn’t refuted his claims that it had just been about sex, hell the way she was moaning and squirming beneath his touch all but confirmed that was all she was after. Well, he’d give her what she wanted then. He leaned more heavily into her, pressing her harder against the wall as he ground his hips into hers.

Buffy’s moan became a hiss of pain. “Spike, ow!”

“Spike, stop! Ow. What are you doing?”

Spike gasped as past memories immediately resurfaced, haunting him. His hands flew from her body as he practically leapt away from her.

“Spike?” Buffy approached softly. The fear, the loathing she saw in his vacant stare scared her. “Spike, you didn’t hurt me.”

Spike flinched at her words, stepping back even further.

Realization filled her and she began shaking her head as she approached. “No Spike, you didn’t hurt me… the bricks…”

But before she could say anything else Spike had turned on his heel, and fled.

~~~

Angel drove in silence back to the Wolfram and Hart offices. Lindsey was securely bound—and gagged—in the back of the van that Wes and the others were riding in. Angel was still at a loss. He couldn’t believe that he had almost signed his Shanshu away. No actually, he could. If he were certain that it would wake Cordelia, then it would be worth it. She was a member of their team, a friend, someone who was dearly missed. Angel missed her.

He cared about Cordelia, had once thought that he had loved her. And he did. But not in the same way he loved and cared for Buffy. Angel realized that little fact the night he turned up in Sunnydale with the amulet for Buffy the day before Sunnydale was swallowed into the earth. She had kissed him and all the feelings that he had locked away in the deep recesses of his heart had come spewing forth.

And then she had told him about Spike.

Angel couldn’t help the growl that escaped his lips. He supposed that he would always be that way when it concerned Buffy. She was in his heart and would be always. Just as he knew he had a place in her heart, just not the place he wished he could occupy.

Buffy loved Spike.

She may not have admitted it to herself, and Angel doubted she had told Spike. But Angel knew. He had seen it in her eyes when she had been in his office hours earlier, heard the conviction in her voice, and felt that conviction in the blows from her fists. When Buffy loved, she loved completely. But her past had made her a little gun shy. Angel was aware that he was partly to blame for that with his sudden leaving of Sunnydale, but he also knew it stemmed deeper than that. The abandonment issues, the problems she had with trusting and opening up to people also came from her father, Parker, Riley… She hadn’t been treated very well at all by the men in her life.

Angel sighed. Buffy was still mad at him for his interference and he knew it was going to take a lot to set things right between them. But he was going to try, if she’d let him. And if that meant stepping back so that Buffy could be happy with Spike, he’d do it. Spike wasn’t exactly on any of Angel’s lists of favourites, but he did love Buffy. More importantly, he would never abandon her. Not even if she wanted him to.

So lost in his thoughts Angel didn’t even notice the time passing and he soon found himself at his destination. Parking his car in the underground lot he exited the car and made his way towards the elevator. Wesley had suggested that they return to the office to continue their interrogation so that they could contain their prisoner more securely and also have access to their books.

Lindsey had kept himself off the Senior Partners’ radar, and Angel wanted to know how.

~~~

Spike paced back and forth the small expanse of his living room, locked in an internal war of thought. He shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have touched her. It all went to hell when he touched her, it always did. His head had been telling him to leave, his body had been demanding contact and his heart—his heart had been breaking. He didn’t understand how she couldn’t see. Couldn’t see how great they were together, couldn’t see how much he loved her.

He wasn’t supposed to kiss her, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. The plan had been to stay strong and vigilant, wait for her to make the first move. Not just any move, the right one. For Spike this wasn’t just about sensation, about sex. It was more. It was everything. He was ready and willing to give everything so long as she gave a little back. As usual he hadn’t been able to wait. Spike wasn’t known for being patient. But he hadn’t even let her finish a sentence; he’d immediately jumped in and assumed the worst.

A voice of reason—the voice that always piped up after you could’ve used the advice—told him that maybe he should have heard her out. Let her speak. Too late now though. Spike wasn’t going to go crawling back to her; he wasn’t going to chase her like he always did. And all he could think right now was that she wouldn’t come looking for him.

He’d really buggered things up.

~~~

Buffy had remained on the street for a good half hour before finally moving down it, walking slowly as she tried to sort through her thoughts.

He’d just run off. Spike had run off. The haunted look in his eyes when she’d yelped in pain had been palpable. Instantly she’d felt herself being transported back to Sunnydale—the basement of the new high school.

“I hurt the girl… I hurt you Buffy.”

Spike had thought he’d hurt her, again. So he’d run.

If there was one thing about Spike that she was certain of, it was that he would never intentionally hurt her. It was something she needed to tell him, and she would have if he hadn’t run off like a bat out a hell.

Spike’s behaviour had been peculiar. His tone of voice had been harsh and cold, his expression steely. And there had been little warmth in his touch. The things he’d said… How could he think that she was like that? That she would just use him like that?

Because you have before…

“That was different,” she mumbled, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to stave off the chill in the air.

It was different now. Buffy didn’t want to use him, that wasn’t what she was trying to do. She wanted the whole Spike package; from his bad taste in music, to his preference of black everything, she was even willing to accept his bizarre addiction to Passions. Buffy wanted all of Spike; his heart, his body and the soul he fought for.

Now all she had to do was find him, convince him of all this and then somehow broach the subject of her return to England and wanting him to come with her.

It sounded easy but it filled her with more dread than she had felt in months.



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A/N: Hope you all like!