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CHAPTER 8: Back on the air


“So--will you help me?” Buffy asked shyly while munching on the pizza they‘d just ordered.

They were sitting Indian style on the bed, facing each other. Spike looked up from his own slice of greasy Italian food. He looked at her without a word, his head tilted to the side in a way that was typically Spike.

She repeated her plea, her voice lower and more uncertain, eyes downcast. “You‘ll help me, right? I know I have no right to ask…”

“You have every right. Actually, you shouldn’t even feel like you have to ask. And--to be honest with you, pet--I thought that’s what I had been doing. Or at least, I tried to do.”

“Yes. And you have. But I realize now just how far gone I have been and that I’ll need to face my demons on a daily basis to get better. I’ll need your help for that. It will be tough sometimes and I’m afraid it might take a while before I’m back to my old self. I know it’s a lot to ask from you and I don’t want to take you help for granted anymore.”

“I’ll be there every step of the way. You should know that. Though I guess with me being a right bleedin’ wanker and running away last night, I can‘t blame you for doubting me. Sorry bout that by the way. I know I shouldn’t have but it was just--too much.” He hung his head, too ashamed of having broken his promise to look at her.

She took the pizza box that was separating them and carelessly dropped in to the floor, then scooted closer to him. She tilted his head up by putting a finger under his chin. “Hey, look at me. It would never cross my mind to blame you for this. Never. I had it coming. I can’t just punch you around without concern for your feelings and expect you to just take it. I can blame my father for cheating on my mom and leaving us, I can blame Angel for being a coward and running away without even saying goodbye, I can blame Riley for being a selfish bastard, and Giles for leaving me here alone to deal with things when I’m not ready to do it on my own yet. But you… I can’t blame you. And I’m sorry. Kiss me?”

Spike smiled at her and lowered his lips to hers. He kissed her softly, pouring all his emotion into the act.

He soon pulled back, still having things to get off his chest. “Luv? I just wanted to tell you--I’m sorry for saying… You know. That bloody horrible thing I said to you the other day that I didn’t mean? I’m sorry. I was a right bastard and I’ll make up for it. I love you. I love you and I’ll tell you fifty times a day every bleedin’ day of the week and right now, I’m planning on making love to you like I never did before to make you forget I ever said that I… hate you.”

“Spike. You don’t have anything to make up for. Don’t feel guilty about that. I was a real bitch that day, we both know it.”

He looked away, clearly still upset about it. “I can never forget the look on your face when I said it. You trusted me to love you and I turn around and say this to you…”

She straddled him and ran her little hands up and down his chest, looking straight into his blue eyes. “That’s the problem. I took your love for granted and abused it. It was a good wake up call and it made me realize things I wasn’t ready to face. Maybe I should say thank you for saying it.”

He tried to interrupt, but she wouldn’t let him.

“If you had just kept it inside and let me continue on this path I was on, maybe it would have gone on until there was nothing left of our relationship to salvage.”

“Maybe. But still…”

“Hush and kiss me. Even if I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about doesn’t mean I don’t want you to carry on with your plan.”

Spike chuckled and went back to devouring her lips. He lay back, pulling Buffy down on top of him. He was holding her so tightly that she couldn’t even move. No that she would have wanted to, mind you. She was perfectly content where she was. Soon, the kiss heated up, turning into a frenzied lip-lock. The bed squeaked loudly and Buffy broke the kiss, grinning down at Spike.

“Pretty crappy motel you got us. You’re lucky I really want you right now; it makes me overlook the ick factor.”

“Sorry, princess. It’s all I could afford with the money Xander gave me. You’ll have to blame him.”

She kissed him soundly. “Just hope we don’t catch crabs.”

Spike made a face. “I got to say, you must be the most bloody romantic chit I’ve ever met.” He said mockingly.

“Sorry for my lack of romanticism. You‘ll have to teach me I guess.” Buffy giggled, not sorry at all, and tore his shirt open in one fluid motion.

He smirked at her. “Now THAT’s what I call romance!”

Soon, he was naked and Buffy sat back on her heels to admire the result of her handy work. “I’ve never told you this, but no man has ever turned me on the way you do. You’re so good looking, Spike, it’s almost a sin.”

He wasn’t the shy type, but he had never felt so naked under a woman’s gaze before. He quickly covered his sudden shyness with a smirk. “And I’m all yours, kitten.

She ran her hands lightly over his washboard abs, his chest, all the way up to his shoulders. “Goodie.” She murmured and went back to kissing him. While she was busy with his lips, he managed to undress her as well.

When Buffy got too carried away though, Spike stopped her by wrapping his arms tightly around her and flipping her on her back. He pulled away from her and she looked up in confusion.

“Impatient little bird, that you are.” An affectionate smile was playing on his generous lips. “How about we try the slow and romantic thing tonight, pet? Despite the crappy room.” he added with a bashful grin.

Buffy ghosted a finger over his cheekbone, down to his lips. She realized that almost every time they’d have sex over the past few months, she’d been the one calling the shots. It was only fair that she’d yield some of the power to him for once. “You wanna be in charge, don’t you?”

His smile widened and he nodded enthusiastically.

“I’m all yours. I trust you.”

Spike’s eyes shone with wonder at her statement. “I love you.”

Buffy blushed in what Spike thought was the most adorable way possible, trying to get the words out. Her voice was slightly shaky when she spoke, but her gaze never wavered. “I.. I love you too.”

She pulled his shocked face to hers and their tongues battled for a moment before Spike moved on to her breasts. He took one rosy nipple between his lips and suckled it gently, making it hard, then gave the same attention to the other.

Buffy watched him as he sucked on her breasts, thinking it was more erotic than any crazy things they had done together so far. It was both soothing and exciting, sending shocks to her lower belly and making her warm all over. The tingling feeling was slowly spreading to her limbs and she relaxed under him, closing her eyes to enjoy the attention he was lavishing upon her.

His busy hands slid along her slick skin, venturing between her legs. He separated her wet folds with firm, but gentle fingers. He knew her body by heart, memorized every part of her, yet, it felt like he was discovering her for the very first time.

Buffy wasn’t used to the teasing between them and had to use all her self-restraint not to shove him on his back and have her wicked ways with him. So far in their relationship, she had adopted Faith’s mentality: want, take, have. But she was now realizing what she had been missing. The teasing was exquisite, building up her arousal to heights it had never reached before. The combined feel of his mouth on her nipple and his fingers gently pumping inside of her was slowly driving her insane. Her head was thrown back and she writhed beneath Spike, her hands trying to touch every part of him at once.

He let go of her nipple with a wet sucking sound to look at her. “Do you want me, Buffy?” He whispered in a husky voice. He was nearly overwhelmed with desire and hoped to all Gods her answer would be yes.

“More than ever, Spike. Enough with the teasing. Please.”

He lay on top of her, his hips nestled between her spread legs, then pulled her on the side with him so he could comfortably hold her against him. They lay on their sides, facing each other. Spike lifted her leg up higher around his hip to give himself more space to maneuver and sank into her welcoming heat. A sigh of relieve escaped both their lips as his large cock stretched her.

Buffy closed her eyes briefly, enjoying a feeling that only last night she thought she’d never get to enjoy again; being one with the man she now knew she loved. No. She had known. But knowing and accepting were two very different things. Now, she was accepting it, and ready to fight for this. As Spike thrust into her, she thought it was all worth it. Her friends, family and Watcher would just have to understand.

Spike was wondering what was going through Buffy’s mind at this moment, but for once, he wasn’t worried. He knew she wouldn’t be running off after it was over. So he could just focus on enjoying the feel of her wet, silky walls surrounding him and think of nothing but how much he loved this girl. She was his world.

Their breath was coming out in short gasps, grunts and sighs echoing loudly in the empty room. They were both vaguely aware of a banging noise coming from the other room, but chose to ignore it, too lost in each other to care.

Buffy was jerking roughly in Spike’s arms, her hips meeting his with increasing strength as she approached her climax. She was letting out incoherent pleas that he didn’t really understand, but didn’t need to. He knew what she wanted and gave it to her. After a few more thrusts, he ground his hips against her, stimulating her clit. That was all Buffy needed to come. Hard.

“Spike! Oh God!”

She stiffened, her insides squeezing his hard cock mercilessly as she rode the waves of her orgasm. It was all he needed to follow her. She reached down to squeeze his balls and he slammed into her one last time, coming with more intensity than he’d ever done before.

Calm settled over the room and all that could be heard was Buffy’s heavy breathing. Spike kissed her nose and rested his forehead against hers. They smiled at each other, enjoying the aftermath of their love making.

No. This time, she wouldn’t be running away.

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“I still think we should tell Demon girl so she knows where the Whelp got his new moves from. I bet she’d be grateful. Maybe she’d even let me get stuff for free at the Magic Box as a token of her gratitude.”

“Spike…” Buffy growled warningly. But the severity of her tone didn’t reach her eyes that were dancing with amusement. They were walking down the hallway that led to Xander’s apartment. Spike was carrying a box packed with Buffy’s computer stuff, and sported a huge grin on his face. He was obviously finding the situation very amusing. Of course, he wasn’t known to be a humble man, and wasn’t too shy about the fact that Xander had seen his private life in Technicolor details. The one thing that bothered him was the more emotional moments the boy had witnessed. But he’d rather not dwell too much on it. At least now, Xander knew Spike wasn‘t bragging when he called himself the “big“ bad.

On the other hand, Buffy might not have been too mad at her friend, but her cheeks were a pretty shade of pink. And the color was only getting brighter as they neared Xander’s door. Sure, they had talked about it and after forcing herself to calm down and listen to her friend’s point of view, she had forgiven him and decided that the whole story would stay between the three of them. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t more than slightly embarrassed. Who wouldn’t be?

To herself, Buffy could admit that the worse thing was mostly the shame of being seen at her worst and the fear of being judged by her friend for some of the things she’d done. She knew she had an appetite for sex that wasn’t common to most girls and an outsider could easily mistake this for major sluttiness. Heck, she often wondered herself if she was a nympho for needing so much sex. But at least, she wasn’t a sleep around. Four guys, that wasn’t too much, right? And she has only slept once with two of those four. So what if she liked it sorta kinky and rough?.. If she liked to experiment and keep things exciting and new?

Nah. She talked about this with Spike for a while, and he convinced her that there was nothing wrong with her. Xander had confirmed that too. He seemed to have understood that she wasn’t just any normal girl, and that Spike had the vampire thing going on for him. Not that they’d sat down over coffee to discuss her sex life or anything. More like a quick exchange of vague, embarrassed comments, a speedy explanation for his behavior, eyes looking at anything but the two blondes.

Now, Buffy was standing in front of his door, ready to knock and reminding herself that she had no reason to be shy and to blush like a school girl. Xander was the one who did something wrong, not her. And even then, wrong was relative.

Spike’s secret theory was that she was only blushing because she was ashamed of herself for being turned on at the idea of being watched. She would deny it, of course, but he reminded himself to get a confession out of her tonight. It could be interesting. Maybe he could get her to explore a new sexual taboo. Could be fun. After all, poor Whelp. The boy did stop them from splitting and he was so disappointed that he‘d never get to see the end of his favorite sitcom. Didn‘t seem quite fair.

Spike smirked evilly at his twisted idea, but decided to keep that thought for later.

Buffy knocked on the door and Xander opened it almost immediately. He had been expecting them. Buffy and Spike had made sure Anya would be working at the magic shop when they stopped by because she would have asked questions. For Xander’s sake, the ex-vengeance demon could never know about this. They still loved him--or at least, Buffy did. Spike might never admit it, but the Xander liking was definitely there somewhere in his undead heart. Especially now that Xander'd saved his relationship with the Slayer. So they didn’t want to ruin his chances to get married and be happy.

The blonde couple followed Xander into the computer room. Xander’s computer sat in a corner, unplugged, the cables twisted neatly and held together with tie wraps, ready to be taken away. Spike put the box he was carrying down on the computer desk.

“So…” Buffy drawled. “Here it is. You take my PC, I take yours, and everything goes back to normal as if the weirdness never happened.”

“Good. That’s--really good.” Xander shifted his weight from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable, but smiling nonetheless.

“Spike saved all my files on CD-Rs and reinstalled the whole system. So, no compromising Buffy stuff for you to go through, mister. It’s like a brand new computer.”

Xander looked down shamefully, but soon realized that Buffy was teasing him. He rolled his eyes at his friend and Spike chuckled.

“I…” He took a deep breath. “Man, this is awkward.”

“Come on, Whelp. Just spit it out already so we can leave. We have more interesting things to do. You’d know what I’m talking about, now wouldn’t you?”

“Spike!” Buffy warned. “Leave him alone. You promised no stupid jokes.”

Spike looked sheepish. “Sorry, luv.”

“What were you saying, Xander?”

“Huh, I left the videos. I didn’t know if you wanted me to erase them or not so I figured you’d do it yourself. It’s all right, right? Not sure I wanted you to see for yourself the extend of the things I’ve seen but since I’m already in trouble anyway and I didn’t know what you wanted me to do I…”

Buffy put an end to her friend‘s misery. “It’s fine, Xander. Really. Don’t worry about it, ok?”

Spike eyed Xander’s computer with sudden interest. “Is there a DVD burner on that thing?”

The two friends shot him a look and the vampire put his hands up. “Never mind.”

“So, we’re cool?” Xander asked, turning back to Buffy. He gave her his best patented puppy dog look.

“Of course.” She gave him a hug, then turned to Spike.

“Come on, Blondie, take the box and let’s go.”

Spike pouted like a petulant child. “Oi! How come I’m the one who has to carry the bloody computer all over town again? What happened to bleedin‘ fairness? You’re just as strong as I am!”

Xander answered that question for him, patting the blonde vampire on the back. “You want a girlfriend man? You gotta pay the price. That’s the way the world goes ‘round. And believe me, you get off easy. You should see the things Anya makes me do.”

“Bloody women.” Spike mumbled, lifting up the box.

“You can say that again!”

Buffy rolled her eyes at the male bonding and walked out of the room, her boyfriend following behind her.

She was lucky. She knew it now.

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