full 3/4 1/2   skin light dark       
 
So You Can Be Free by Thianna
 
5
 
<<     >>
 
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

**

Chapter 5

A cloud of dust rained down between Buffy and Spike as the two vampires they were fighting met their doom. Buffy stopped to catch her breath, her stake still held tightly in her right hand. As the dust cleared, they found themselves staring at each other once more.

Spike tilted his head to the left. His jaws were clenched tight as he continued to stare at her. The feel of the kill wasn’t as satisfying compared to taking the life of a human but it was violence nonetheless. It has been years now since he’d felt that thrill because of the blasted chip, but he learned to survive. Violence was violence and death was death. The demon was content but not as happy. But through the months of fighting by her side, he developed an added sense of satisfaction. It heightened the elation he had when he was fighting. It made the kill more meaningful and somehow made up for what he had been missing.

He waited for it now as he carefully watched her across from him. He waited for that feeling ... for that small spark that would make him feel a tinge better. But it wasn’t there. … Not now. So it seems even that is lost to him now. There was no denying that she had found her way into every part of him.

He knew that on that day when he dreamt about her, confessing his love and wanting to show her how much he wanted her, that his life would no longer be the same. But he never thought she would affect him this much. Time to move on … right?

“What now Slayer? Up to using that stake again?”

“If I have to. It’s my job.”

“Well Killer, are we going for round two tonight?”

Buffy frowned at the word “killer”. Then she realized that not once had he called her by her name. Even the somewhat annoying pet names were gone. All night long he called her Slayer and it hurt. “I do have a name you know!”

“Yeah, it’s Slayer. Why should I call you something else? It IS your job.”

Buffy fell silent unsure of what to say.

“What?! Should I start calling you pet? … Kitten? … Darling?” he said raising an eyebrow. “ … Sweetheart? … Love?” His said looking straight into her eyes.

“I didn’t mean … “

“You didn’t mean it like that? Just like everything else with you, you didn’t mean it. I don’t presume to know anything anymore. And since I can’t be anything but a monster anyway, why can’t I call you as how I define you?”

“Spike …”

“What does it matter anyway? What you want me to start calling you Buffy? Just like the Scoobies? Are we friends? Did we even have that?” Spike waited for an answer but Buffy kept silent.

“Right.” He said looking up at the night sky. “You still have two more stops to make. I’ll just go.”

Buffy watched Spike turn around and walk away from her for the second time tonight. Her head was still swimming in what just happened. They went from fighting each other to fighting together. That shouldn’t be a surprise since this was Spike and they’ve been pretty much doing that same routine for a while now. But something he said struck a nerve.

He was just speaking the truth after all. What were they now? He was somewhat of an ally and at the back of her mind even though she would never admit it to anyone else, he was a friend. He promised to take care of Dawn. She would have never entrusted her sister to anyone less than at least a friend. But now Spike was even questioning that. How could he? But then again, why not?

She’s pushed him away enough times and pulled him in only when she wanted to take from him. How many times had he gone against his nature to help her? Just right now, he could have continued to walk away from everything and just leave Sunnydale. But every single time he stayed. It couldn’t be just because of the chip. The Initiative was long gone. He could have gone his own merry way and found some way to either disable the chip or remove it. But he stayed and he fought beside her. Was it all because he wanted to have sex with her? If that was the only reason, he could have tried to take that from her a long time ago – long before she started playing with fire and his emotions. She could still remember the look on his face each time she would push him away and it hurt each time she realized she was so selfish. That’s why she had to break it off because it would consume them both. But it seems like moving on from this will never be easy.


**

Spike took the long way back to his crypt. He needed time to think and it was good he decided to leave the patrolling to Buffy. What happened? He was ready to take what he wanted. He let the demon out and let himself enjoy the thrill of it all. He had her pinned, his fangs were by her neck. But the one act that made him able to fight her so hard was the same thing that stopped him from going through with his intentions.

She smelled of him. The mark was screaming at him to stop. But how was that possible.? There was no bond between them. And thanks to the little mojo, no feelings for that to get in the way. Was he maybe thinking that it would hurt if he hurt her? He thought about that for a few minutes but the answer was no. He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to fight with her because it was their calling. It felt like that was how things were really suppose to be. But his mark screamed that she was his property that she was not meant to be destroyed.

He stopped walking for a minute and tried to feel around his head. Maybe the spell inadvertedly did something else to him. Wouldn’t it be ironic if he ended up claiming her by mistake when he bit down on her? Spike chuckled at the concept. Then as the ramifications of that possibility sunk in, his face was strewn with worry.

"You shouldn't be laughing about that you git!” his demon argued.

Spike took a moment to really search inside himself for a clue ... for a feeling ... anything that would make any sense as to why he didn't kill the Slayer.

Because even if we don't love her anymore, she was the best thing you ever had in your whole sodding life." the demon continued.

".... Yeah right?! Dru was the best thing in my life." William argued.

"She was your sire you bloke. Of course she loved you. But she never loved you enough to choose you over Angelus. ... Damn fucking Poofter!"

"... And what? Buffy could love me that way? News flash how many times did she leave us kicking and screaming. Not to mention the fact that she shoved the idea of Angel in our face."

"You felt it. We both did. It's there, the fire beneath the ice."

"...Yeah ... Felt! Done and over with. I hurt her, always hurt her. ... How could I have even claimed that was love?"

"Love is in your blood. ... I like her blood. ... 'Sides, she had it coming ... Shutting us out when we needed her. She let you taste her ... begged you even with those eyes even though her lips said something else. Then she'd turn away. You were just trying to help her realize that she ..."

"... No... no... stop that. Don't justify it like that. It was wrong what we did. ... the memory of it ... I just want to move on"

"Poor William, crying and hiding in shadows again. "

" ... Shut up!


Spike had been battling internally -- the demon and William trying to make sense of what has been happening.

"So what now?" he asked himself out loud this time.

So was there a claim? He closed his eyes trying to find the answer. But he felt nothing different really. She was on him. Her scent was on his clothes. It was on the lapels of his leather duster where she had grabbed him and on his shirt when they were pressed against each other for the briefest of moments. She was around him. She was always bloody around him. He wanted to end it. Kill her and be done with it. ... Yet his demon reared back at the sight of that bite. His demon recognized it. It recognized the taste of her blood and wanted it. No one else could have it. No one else could… should… taste it.

Spike shook his head. No claim. It can't be a claim. If it was, shouldn't it be blaring inside his head? Shouldn't he know what she was thinking every single moment since that bite? But he hardly knew what was really in her head.. He never knew what she was going to say.

“Focus on the facts ... What are the facts? ... I bit her ... She wears my mark. ... Therefore she belongs to me. ... The Slayer belongs to me? But I can't feel anything resembling what I would think of as a claim link. I can sense Dru. Heck I can sense Peaches somewhere in there more than I can sense her. ... What the fuck is going on?

He stared up at the night sky and cursed the stars. “Is this your bloody idea of a joke? Now I have to protect a Slayer that I don't even care about? Bollocks!” he cried out.

He strode on back to his crypt wanting some much needed alcohol. He needed to numb it all.

 
<<     >>