~*~

"Hey, Buffster, Will’s found something in that bunch of stuff you found at Nerd Central the other night. Well, something more useful than that great stack of classic X-Men comics that I now currently own", Xander said. His greeting sounded cheery enough, but they all knew his heart was still hurting from the wedding that wasn’t.

"She’s on the phone to the G-man right now about it. Seems the losers have something that lets them call demons from other dimensions like that escapee from Madame Tussaud’s you tussled with the other night. That makes them highly dangerous instead of just dangerously laughable. Will thinks Giles might even fly back to help us pull the plug on the mighty evil empire of lameness", he said.

"Will also found out that they have cameras watching all of us. Not too sure what all they’ve seen, or how many cameras, but can I just say "ewwwwww" at the thought of any of them lurking around me at all", he said.

Buffy felt her heart leap at the thought of Giles coming back. She had missed him so much more than she had ever missed Hank, her own father. She wasn’t sure they needed him to defeat the three idiots that had been playing with her life, but she wasn’t about to tell Giles that.

Tara came in from the kitchen where she had been making a pot of tea for the Scoobies to drink while they continued their research into the self proclaimed "arch nemisises" of Buffy. She noticed the roughed up appearance of her Slayer friend and the rather bleak look on Buffy’s face.

"What’s wrong, Buffy, did something bad happen on patrol tonight. You l.l.l.look like some evil thing got a little too close for comfort. Anything we can help with?"Tara asked.

"Nah, you’re talking to SuperSlayer there, Tara", said Xander. He glanced at his second best friend and shrugged off her bedraggled appearance with a flash of a grin. "The only evil thing that’s been too close for comfort lately has been Spikey, and he’s been MIA for a while now, so no problemo, eh Buffy?", he continued.

"Actually, I could have used his strength and fighting skills tonight from the way my mind was doing the out to lunch thing. Four new vamps had me on the ropes for a while, if you can believe that. I think I just need a bit more rest than I’ve been getting lately. Mind if I skip the joys of research and just go take a nice cold shower, er, hot bath? I’ll get with Will after to get the low down on Warren and his minions. I hope Giles does come, we need to get rid of the distractions from those idiots and concentrate on plain old fashioned demon killing again".

"Sure, Buff, I’ll let Willow know you’re back in one piece and that she needs to fill you in after you’re squeaky clean Buffy again", Xander replied.

Tara followed Buffy into the kitchen as Buffy began to poke in the refrigerator looking for something to munch on while getting the bath water run. Slaying always caused Buffy to have certain needs to make themselves known. She could, at least, take care of one of them.

"Buffy, is it Spike?" Tara asked quietly. "I thought you had decided to stop seeing him, not that you had to, in my opinion. I mean, it’s okay if you do stop, but you don’t have to. Is it something to do with him that has you in such a mood? Your aura just screams sad and worried. You know I’m here if you want to talk or, you know, need anything".

Tara was proud that the Slayer had chosen to turn to her for counsel and comfort these last few months. She had always felt on the fringe of the group, a Scooby through marriage in a way, accepted because of her relationship with Willow.

Actually, Tara was more sympathetic to Spike than the others because she sensed the same thing happening to him without the marginal acceptance. He was there fighting the good fight, but not being let in. Tara also knew how it felt to be in a relationship that was being kept as a dirty secret. She didn’t want to interfere, but deep down didn’t understand how Buffy could just walk away from the kind of love that seemed to drive the vampire. Then again, Spike had never tried to kill her, so maybe she wasn’t the best judge.

"I was going to come by your place tomorrow to talk about this, the walls having ears and all here. Spike is missing and it doesn’t look like it was exactly his idea. I was kinda hoping you could do a locator to make sure he’s, you know, still undead and all. I can’t ask Willow since she’s off the magics and I think it will take a bit of magic to find out where he went. I haven’t seen him since just after Riley and Sam left and I’m pretty worried. He left his duster and you know he never goes anywhere without that.", Buffy explained.

"Have you changed your mind, you know, about the whole 'Spuffy' thing? You seem more than worried. Lately you have just really been radiating a sad aura that is strong enough for anyone sensitive to see. Remember, it’s okay to love him if you want to and I’m sure he’d be glad to get back together with you if you did", Tara said.

"The only radiating I remember was wearing that godawful dress to Xan’s wedding", Buffy tried to quip.

Neither girl had noticed Xander in the doorway of the kitchen. They did, however, hear the sound of his teacup as it shattered when it fell from his hand.

"Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard. Buffy, you haven’t been seduced by the ‘Great White Hopeless’ have you?! God, after Angel, I was sure you’d never make that mistake again. Geez, Spike doesn’t even have a soul, Buff". Xander was incredulous.

"Spike might not have a soul, but he’s changed Xander and even you have to admit it". Tara was impassioned in her defense of the two tortured lovers. "He really does love Buffy.

Remember last summer and how he stayed to help us and look after Dawn. He didn’t have any possible reward for that, yet he saved all of our lives more than once. He did it because he loved Buffy and knew she’d want him to help her friends.

We can’t always chose who we care about, Xander, and it’s really Buffy’s decision who she should be with", Tara reminded him.. She felt like she was defending herself and Willow by proxy, so her comments were charged with emotion.

"Xander, it’s over. I ended it. I knew it couldn’t work with Spike as ‘evil vampire’ and me with the calling to kill his kind. I’m not totally crazy. I learned way too much with Angel, so yes, I won’t let myself make that mistake again. Spike is just, WAS just, so kind, so understanding, when you guys brought me back. We got close and, well, things happened. After the dancing demon guy you brought to town, well, we kinda kissed and things just got out of hand. It’s over, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care if he’s okay or not. Look, like it or not, Spike loves me, and he took the breakup hard. You should have seen his eyes, God!" Buffy’s voice had begun to quiver.

"Sounds like you maybe care about Spike too", Xander said. His face showed how much he wanted her to answer in the negative. "Please say that isn’t the case so I won’t have nightmares tonight", he pleaded with her.

Willow entered the kitchen and quickly caught on to the topic that was causing the tension among her loved ones. "Buffy, Xander doesn’t mean you’d be doing anything wrong. I mean, you can’t help loving someone", she said with a knowing look at Tara. "You know we’d back you up no matter who you love."


"Just so long as you’re happy, Buff. I mean, Spike hasn’t even tried to kill any of us in a long time and Tara is right, he’s even saved our lives a few times. I guess we could handle it if you were attracted to his pale, sexy goodness. After all, Xander almost married an ex-demon, he should understand. And you know, Riley leaving like he did and then Spike helping out with Glory and all, it would make sense if you were a little attracted", Willow said. She put on her best supporty face while looking from one friend to the other.

"I guess a rebound thing makes sense, Buffy, but I’m glad to hear you got over it", Xander said.

"Who said I’m over anything?! God, I don’t even know what I feel. All I’ve felt since it started was scared-- scared I’d lose my friends, scared I’d lose myself, scared Giles would find out and have to tell the Council that their Slayer was drooling over another vampire, one without a soul this time. I really like him, guys. He’s different from the way he was when he was planning to kill us. Spike does love me and he really has tried to do good. That’s pretty amazing, especially since he doesn’t have a soul.

I don’t know what I feel about Spike, okay, I just know I feel something. Right now, all I feel is worried that he’s gone missing", she said. The tears that welled in her eyes gave proof to her friends that Buffy was feeling something towards the irritating vampire, something powerful.

"I think I’d better leave now and take my not so happy thoughts with me. I’ll see you all tomorrow and we can get back to important things like nerd stompage", Xander said. With that, he turned and left the Summers’ house, leaving three confused girls in his wake.

"Buffy, Xander will be okay. He loves you no matter what. He just can’t get past the whole vampire thing, you know. Last summer he was even starting to act like he might even like Spike in a way. They shot pool together and hit the Bronze a time or two. I think it’s just the whole thing with Jesse and then Angel and remembering Spike’s a vampire that causes him to just reject any relationship between Spike and any of us. But you know Xander will always love you. We all will, won’t we Tara?"

Tara nodded vigorously, overcome with tenderness for Buffy and love for Willow’s supporty side.

"I think I have a spell that Tara could use to try to find Spike", Willow promised and went upstairs to get the spell book with the locator in it.

"Do you love him, Buffy?" Tara asked quietly.

"I honestly don’t know, Tara. I haven’t let myself even think it through. I just know I miss him. I miss being with him and not just the sex, either. I can’t stand the thought of never seeing him again. I don’t even know if I CAN love, not just Spike. I’ve been frozen inside for so long I’m not sure there’s anything there anymore. It’s like Angel took my ability to love with him when he left. I didn’t want Riley to go, but it wasn’t any real heartbreak either. I never even gave him much thought until he came back with the Stepford wife. Then I feel my heart drop to think of never seeing Spike again and I just don’t know… Is that love? I don’t know. I just want him back and safe. I can worry about the Buffy-in-love soap opera later", she sighed.

"I think I’m going to take that bath now, if you don’t mind", Buffy said in a tired voice.

She ran into Willow on the stairs and started to say her goodnights.

"Oh, Buffy, I meant to tell you that Giles is coming back as soon as he can book a flight. He thinks that if these guys are summoning demons they might be more dangerous than we thought, especially if they’re clueless about what they’e summoning.

Maybe we shouldn’t tell Giles about Spike until later. Maybe even until he goes back to England I’m thinking. It will be enough to get Xander down to a simmer without having Giles go spastic on you too. I think I see why you were afraid to let any of us know.

Don’t worry, Buffy, just take your bath and get some rest. It will all work out, you’ll see". Willow’s smile, and her faith in the future,were reassuring..