~*~

The next morning Xander arrived just as he had promised. He brought the ever popular donuts and greeted Willow warmly. "You the only one up yet, Will? Guess Buffy needed to sleep in a bit and it’s not every Saturday she has the day off lately."

Willow looked at her oldest friend with compassion. He was going through problems of his own now, having left Anya at the altar. Xander was living in denial about his own problems and was frightening Buffy into sharing that condition too. Willow knew his good mood was mostly a front and she was loathe to add to the list of things bothering Xander, but it was time to deal with reality. Their friendships had to allow each of them to exercise free will.

Willow clearly remembered how afraid she had been to reveal her love for Tara. She knew how big a step it was for Buffy to admit that she had anything but a hate relationship with Spike.

Willow also shared Xanders fears for Buffy’s safety and happiness. Still when all was said and done, it was Buffy’s choice to make and Xander needed to keep from destroying another important relationship in his life.

Willow prepared herself for some harsh words from Xander, she knew that his seemingly chipper mood wouldn’t last once she opened the can of worms labeled, ‘vampire issues’. Still, after all that Buffy had revealed, and all that Willow suspected Buffy left unsaid, she knew that the Xander bomb had to be defused as soon as possible for all of their sakes.

"Xander, I love you so much, you know that, but don’t you think you should put aside your feelings about Spike, about vampires in general, around Buffy? I mean, I get where you are coming from. I was at the factory too, remember. It was my face that had the glass bottle kissing it. I get where you don’t trust the new improved Spike, but it’s not about us. Willow paused for a moment, her eyes begging Xander to understand, before she continued.

"Buffy is lonely. She’s never going to be a normal girl with a normal life. Hey, Riley was sorta super normal guy and even he couldn’t make it last with her. She seems to need something that a normal guy just doesn’t have to offer. It’s kinda sad that Buffy’s this big, bad superhuman slayer and yet too scared of her best friends deserting her to even try to enjoy some lovin’, don’t you think? I mean, either they’d work out and Buffy would finally be happy, or Spike would go all bad and we’d dust him, or it would just end on its own. The point is that friends are supposed to be forever and love and support each other even if they make lousy love choices or walk out on their weddings".

Xander looked both pained and embarrassed as he listened. God knew he loved Willow like she was his own sister and Buffy was the best friend either of them had ever had.

"I stayed up last night thinking about things," he admitted. I know you’re right. I know that Buffy has the same right to pick any living or undead guy she wants to and she’s an adult and can do adulty things with them, too. I just worry, you know. God, she changed so much after Angel. I don’t think she could survive anything like that again."

Xander raised his hand to stave off the impassioned reply that appeared to be on the tip of Willow’s tongue. "Yeah, yeah, I know that Spike isn’t like Angel at all, but he IS a vampire and that can’t be of the good. Still, you’re right, it is her bed to make and lie in…..and I would like to just take back the images those last words brought with them". His smile was a weak one as he looked at Willow, but it was sincere.

"Maybe it would help Buffy a lot if you said all of that to her", Willow advised. "It wouldn’t hurt to tell her before Giles gets here, too. She doesn’t need both of you ganging up on her over Spike issues. She doesn’t even need to WORRY that you’ll gang up on her about this. Spike is gone for now and we’ll deal after Giles goes back to the Motherland, okay?"

"Yeah, I get it. I’ll talk to Buffy when she comes down, before we go into research mode. I can’t say I am happy with this, but then I’m not a happy guy lately anyway, am I? No need for everyone else to be gloomy and alone, I guess.

Hey, looks like you and Tara are makin’ with the lovey eyes again. Any hope for a quick lesbiconciliation, and please forget I just used that word." Xander had the grace to look sheepish at this point.

"Looks like I might not have totally blown things, yeah. We’re takin’ it slow, but we’ve met for coffee a few times since your weddi……um..lately. I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed, though. How about you, Xan, how are you holding up?", she asked him.

"Yeah, well there aren’t enough fingers and toes in all of Sunnydale to help me out I guess. I really didn’t mean for that to happen. I just, you know, don’t want to repeat history and hurt Ayn. Guess it’s too late for that to matter. I don’t think I could hurt her more than I did", he answered. Willow could see from his face that the wounds were raw indeed.

"Speaking of the man in tweed, any word on when Giles is coming?", Xander asked in a sudden change of subject.

"Yes, he called this morning to give me his flight information. That’s why I got up so early. I don’t think Buffy even heard the phone ring. She cried herself to sleep last night. I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t go to her room, but I could hear her through the wall. She’s really hurting, Xan", Willow said. Her face showed the worry she felt for her friend’s emotional well being.

"When do I pick him up?" Xander asked, ignoring the implications of Willow’s comment about Buffy’s sleeping issues.

"Well, he is supposed to get in here at 1:06 p.m. tomorrow on the shuttle flight from LAX. I imagine he’ll be kinda jet lagged for a while after he gets in. Xan, please don’t bring up Spike, okay?" Willow’s reminder was gentle yet firm.

"Fear not, o beauteous witch, The Xanman knows when to keep his mouth shut. I say that in spite of numerous examples that might make that look like a lie", he said.

"So who’s the liar and what’s the lie?", asked a sleepy looking Buffy. "Are those donuts I see there? I think I need the extra sugary goodness that comes in a Krispy Kreme box today. That, and a whole pot of coffee", she mumbled.

"Xander was just saying that he’s learned tact and diplomacy. You can fill in the blanks about liars and the lies they tell", Willow teased.

"Yeah, um, speaking of which, Buffy, I think I should say something about, you know, the whole ickyness that is Spike and you", he began. He cleared his throat as he caught the glare that Willow was giving him at the way he had started his "supportive talk".

"What I mean to say is……you know I hate the guy. He’s a vamp and I don’t trust him, plus there’s the whole, ‘I’m gonna drain you all when I get this chip out’ thing …which I’ll admit he hasn’t said in a long time. And, yeah, he’s helped a lot this past year or so and sometimes not just to get something in return. I guess what I am saying is that I may not feel like throwing a party or being his best man or anything, but if you get back together with Spike, I won’t make life a living hell for you. But, I also get to be first in line to stake his ass if he hurts you. I think that’s only fair, and a guy can only hope. Also, I’m not gonna say anything to Giles about the sleeping with the enemy stuff. If you want him to know, it’ll be up to you to tell him. I’m your friend for life, Buffy, and if Spike’s good to you I’ll try to stay off his back", Xander said, sincerity shining through his eyes.

Buffy burst into tears and raced from the kitchen scaring both Xander and Willow.

"What did I say, Will? I thought that was what I was supposed to say to be supporto friend and all. What’s wrong with the Buffster?", he asked.

Buffy made it to the sofa in the living room before she sat down and let the tears fall as they seemed determined to do. She had never expected the kind of reactions she was getting from her friends over the whole Spike thing. Okay, Xander wasn’t happy, but he wasn’t ballistic either. Willow even seemed to be pro-Spike all of a sudden and Tara looked to be even more on his side than she had when Buffy initially confided in her.

Had she been wrong to be afraid? Could she have made the worst error of her life by ending what she was starting to have with Spike? Had she sent away the best thing that had ever happened to her, thrown away the strongest love anyone had ever felt for her? Was it too late to even think she might have a chance to fix this mess?