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Ready To Serve by pfeifferpack
 
Chapter 2
 
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CHAPTER 2
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Buffy waited for Angel in the library at the New Council headquarters. Giles and Angel were catching up on "white hat" business and demon demographics. Buffy never had enjoyed being research girl or the dusty books part of being one of the good guys. Just give her a stake or an axe or two and point her at the enemy. Spike had been that way too, she remembered with a wistful smile.

They really had been perfectly matched for the dance. God, she missed that, missed him. ‘No!’ she reminded herself firmly, ‘I have got to move on. It is what Spike would have wanted, part of what he died to give me. He wanted me to have a happy life. He pushed me to leave him there so I could have it all,’ she told herself for the thousandth time. She didn't want to cheapen the cost of his gift by wallowing in memories. No, it was time to move forward, serve up those cookies.

She had meant something important when she had used that silly analogy to try to explain her heart to Angel that night. She did have a lot of growing up to do, decisions to make, hard truths to face. She had spent lots of time working on
her issues since Spike died for her and saved the world.

It had begun there in the Hellmouth when she came to realize that she really DID love Spike. Their hands were flaming while joined and she knew it was the end. She would never be able to look deep into those expressive blue eyes filled with love for her ever again. She felt the sharp knife of grief even though he wasn't gone yet. She felt the depths of loss that drove away all the stupid barriers she had placed around her heart. She loved. She finally admitted to him and to herself that she had loved for a very long time. Soul or no soul, she had loved this man. She had months afterward to mourn the time lost by her denial. Months to kick herself for the endless mixed signals that had served to leave doubt in his mind when she finally spoke her heart’s truth to him. She faced a lifetime of bitter regret where Spike was concerned, but she owed it to him to at least move ahead with the gift of life he had given to her at such a dear cost.

Buffy had come to a few definite decisions while "baking". She did not want to go through her life alone, unloved. She would NEVER have a "normal" life. "Normal" men just did not work for her; she would either scare them off or break them. She had to get past the trauma of what had happened to her with Angel and stop comparing every other man to that time of her life....her first love. Sure, Angel had lost his soul because of her, but Spike had gotten HIS because of her too. She had to kill Angel, send him to hell, and Spike had chosen to die for her, but that didn't mean it always had to end that way. Time to drop that fear once and for all.

Angel was Angel now, not Angelus, and both of them were wiser now. Of course, with Angel, a new meaning was placed on the phrase 'safe sex', but ‘hey, that's part of being a grown-up,’ thought Buffy. She smiled at the memory of the shocked look on Willow’s face when she had approached her a few days ago with her grand plan.

Willow had worried that Buffy was reacting, rather than acting from the heart, and tried to caution her old friend. She tried to convince Buffy that she had nothing to prove to anyone and had plenty of choices in life without going backward. Buffy had finally just laid out her plan and what she needed from Willow, then dropped the discussion. Willow would worry but could always be counted on to do the right thing.

This time it WOULD be the faerie tale with the happily ever after that Buffy craved still.


~~~


"So," Giles asked with a deep sigh, "have you told Buffy? I know we decided it wasn't the right thing to tell her when Spike returned, but he has been back over a year now. He doesn't appear to be going away any time soon....more’s the pity. I should expect she will be livid with both of us when it does come out. Frankly I'm still shocked that he didn't make straight for her when he recoporealized last year. What was that drivel he gave about it being anti-climatic after his 'gloriously heroic death' in the Hellmouth? Good God, this is SPIKE here...there has to be another motive than that rather lame one," Giles sputtered.

Giles nearly spat out the name 'Spike', Angel noticed. ‘Wow, I wonder how he says MY name to others?’ he wondered to himself. Angel was well aware of Giles' dislike for both the vampires in his Slayer’s life.

Angel and Giles had been in full agreement about keeping the knowledge of Spike’s resurrection from Buffy. After much discussion, they congratulated themselves on having made the only "correct" decision regarding the issue. No, as long as there remained ANY question about just how and why Spike had been returned and then recoporealized, it would be foolhardy and dangerous for Buffy to be allowed down that road again! Not knowing with certainty what "power" was behind this doubtfully miraculous regathering of ash was reason enough for silence.

Just how much harm could befall both Buffy AND the New Council if Spike proved to be a tool, willing or otherwise, against them was unthinkable. After all, the FE had planted a successful trigger in Spike after his re-ensoulment. One couldn't be too careful, could one?

Angel had explained it over and over to Spike in those months after he had regained the use of his body. The lovesick vampire surely didn't wish to endanger the very woman he had died for, after all. Angel wasn't about to trust that Spike would continue to let his insecurities keep him away from Buffy forever. No, better give Spike lots of reasons to stay dead to Buffy. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

’Besides, she said herself that she didn't LOVE Spike...yeah, he was "in her heart", whatever that meant, but so were Giles, and Xander, for that matter.’ Angel rationalized to himself once more. Everything Giles had told him about how Spike clouded Buffy's decision making just reinforced Angel’s decision to keep the information to himself.

He still loved her too much to leave her vulnerable to danger because she had a soft spot for his grandchilde. Someone had to make the hard decisions, after all. It was Angel's sad lot in life to have to carry that burden so often.

Spike couldn't have been that much 'in love' if he talked himself out of going to her anyway, and hadn't he grabbed a nooner with Harm right after getting his body back? Angel counted off the rationalizations and decided he was in the clear.. No, no harm done, no foul on his part. ‘Spike is a big boy who always goes after what he really wants. If he didn't go after Buffy, he didn't really want her. Spike was merely obsessed, as Giles contended,’ Angel decided, ‘and got over it, that was all.’

Giles was likewise reassuring himself that their shared secret was the proper course of action. Spike had always been divisive in the ranks, a regular thorn in HIS side. Spike had played them all like a tune when they had faced Adam and that had only been the start. Buffy had turned to the vampire time and again over those last few years before the Hellmouth was closed for good.

Giles remembered well how ashamed Buffy had been when her relationship with that demon had come out. He thought of the wedge driven between himself and his Slayer by this.....creature. Yet she had trusted that soulless killer with her mother, her sister, even her own life! ‘True, Spike HAD come through for her more often than not, but it was only to earn a place in her bed,’ Giles thought with disgust. Spike was an opportunist who must be kept from getting that close to Buffy ever again. Let Angel deal with the blighter in Los Angeles. They would destroy each other, if everyone got lucky.

Giles supposed, in retrospect, that it was a good thing the plot with Robin Wood to kill Spike had failed. But with Spike burning up at that final battle...well, Giles was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Buffy had grieved but was now on the mend. No need to open old wounds or set up for another possible disaster. Why, she and the other children had finally gotten back to the trust and friendship that had served them all so well before Spike came along and bollocksed it up. ‘No, she is not going to hear a word from me about that rotter!’ Giles declared to himself firmly.

"Yes, well, thank you again....and, uh, thanks also to Wesley for the valuable information. Thanks to that, the Council has even more resources than before the First Evil destroyed and laid to waste to the vast libraries. True, the data is now on computer discs rather than in lovely old volumes, but I do not look gift horses in the mouth…" Giles trailed off, remembering the reason for his use of that phrase in his mind just moments ago.

"I still wonder what decided you to bring it here physically rather than posting it or merely doing some electronic transfer,", Giles continued, leaving the subject on the table with an implied question.

"Well, I've got another thing or two on the menu for this trip, Giles," Angel hinted. "For one, I'd like to run an idea by you about Wesley," he began. The next hour was spent discussing the pros and cons of Angel's idea for the Council to seek out Wesley with an offer. The discussion went well and Giles and Angel parted company with a better understanding of how their individual institutions could serve each other and the greater purpose in the war against evil.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angel found Buffy asleep in the large, overstuffed library chair, snoring softly. He chuckled as he reached out a finger to wipe away the small amount of drool on her oh-so-sweet lips. She was still as adorable as ever, such a sweet, precious little girl.

Buffy woke with a start at the feel of a cool finger on her lips and felt an unacknowledged sense of loss as she identified Angel as the owner of the finger. Her dream was forgotten in the dim light of the library and the company of her first love.

A nagging feeling of regret and loss lingered that Buffy couldn't quite explain to herself, however. Buffy took Angel to his hotel, said goodnight and left him to get over the jet lag.

 
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