"It's Not Enough"
By:  Morrigan


A/N:  Hello again! To everyone who is still following this, I should let you know that the rest should be completely non-canon from here on out.  (with the exception of some references, of "Lies my Parents Told Me.)  For those of you who haven't reviewed, please, please do.  It really means a lot to me, and helps my muse and I figure out how to stay on the right track.

Last, but most "definitely" not least... I have a beta.  Hooray!

So, this one goes out to you, Blacknblue2 for turning my definately's into definitely's and generally making me seem more like I know what I'm doing.  Which is, after all, how it should be. Thanks girl!  You Rock!


Disclaimer:  All characters belong to Joss Whedon and ME.  I still own nothing at all.  Joss never did call me, and I'm pouting! *EG*



Spike followed Buffy up the staircase to her room.  Hearing Andrew stumbling, clumsily, behind them, he whirled around in the doorway, his face mere inches from the boy's as he hissed,  "Not.  Helping,"  before pushing it closed.

"No Fair!"  Andrew called out, as he heard the lock click into place.

Spike turned back to Buffy, who was now, sitting on the edge of her bed, her arms folded, all traces of her put-on good mood vanished. He knew that Andrew's antics had nothing to do with this.  She still was, and always would be the queen of denial.  It struck him as funny, how she expected nothing less than the full and total truth from everyone around her while she considered herself exempt.

'Silly bint.'  He thought to himself.  'When is she ever going to realize that she's a pawn in this game, just like the rest of them?'  'She may be the muscle behind the white hats, but the brain?'...  'Hmmm... not quite so gifted.'

Breaking from those thoughts, he made the last few steps to the bed, the springs squeaking softly, as he sat down beside her.

"You're makin' quite a big t'do out of all this, Pet."  He stated, matter of factly.  "Don't rightly see the point."

"No?"  Buffy raised her eyebrows, questioningly.  "Well, maybe, I don't want him following us around!  Maybe, no one needs to know any of this!"

Spike frowned a little at her response.  She was still beating around the bush, blustering on about the boy, like his little movie idea was first and foremost on her mind.  "Uh-huh"...  He decided to play along for now.

"O.K...So, 't isn't like he's going to get much anyway.  Bein' he's all cooped up at Scooby Central, an' such."...

Buffy, however, wasn't listening to Spike anymore. Her thoughts, instead, on Andrew's excited speech in the kitchen, about how he wanted to show the whole world how this battle was won.  How everyone would want to thank them.  How it would be so cool...  Yadda-yadda-ya!

"Maybe no one needs to know."  She said.  Unknowingly, stopping Spike, mid-question.  "Maybe no one can know."  Buffy dropped her eyes to stare at her hands, which were twisted over her lap.  "Maybe, there won't be anyone left."

The admission was out of her mouth before she could swallow it.  Tentatively, she turned her eyes back to his.

Holding her gaze, Spike slowly let the meaning behind her words wash over him.  Taking a deep breath he exaled softly, as he spoke.

"So, that's it then....  You don't think we're going to make it."

"No."  Buffy shook her head.  "I know we're not."

She closed her eyes, hoping to find escape from the look she found mirrored in Spike's blue depths, only to see visions of her nightmares made real, instead.

With no safe hiding to be found, she turned away from him, her eyes brimming with un-shed tears, not wanting Spike to see the weakness that lay there.

"And it's all my fault."


*  *  *  *  *


Willow was busying herself with well... anything.  She started with bringing weapons out for the potentials.  That, being done, she had begun to pick up various items of clothing that had been thrown around the house, to start a load of laundry.

Kennedy was pretty ticked off at her and she didn't want to think much about the why.  She was worried about Buffy too.  She was also a little mad at Buffy for putting her in the position which caused someone to be mad at her and caused her to have to worry.

'UGH!  SO Not working!'

She picked up an especially smelly sock and, turning up her nose, she dropped it into the hamper she had been dragging around behind her.

Normally, Willow wouldn't be all "Me-me- me!" about laundry detail, during the day, since the washer and dryer were located in the basement.  But, since Spike was up and about, she didn't have to worry about waking him up and listening to him get all grumbly.

'And,'  she thought,  'no one else will wander down there and find me.'  No one like Kennedy, especially.  Kennedy thought she was above that particular chore.  'How stupid is that?'

Willow continued her inner ranting down the basement stairs, hamper thumping along like a drum beating time to it all.

'Why can't I ever get with someone normal?  Ok, so being a really, really powerful witch who nearly destroyed the world and is now trying to help save the world with the Slayer and a vamp and a bunch of potential slayerettes isn't actually normal.  But, no one would know that unless someone told them!  And, hey!  Pretty normal, otherwise!  But, noooo!  I've got to try all the weird assorted flavors!'

Willow opened the washer and saw that there was already laundry in there, waiting to dry.  Screwing up her face, she opened the dryer and saw laundry that needed to be folded.  Not skipping a beat with her inward scolding, she started pulling out the items, to fold on top of the dryer.

'First Xander... a former high school nerd with a fixation on cheerleader types, which you so definitely are NOT!  And how many years were you all hung up over him?  Too many!  But that wasn't good enough for you was it Will?  Nope.  Of course not!  That would be just too easy.  No.  You had to go all Little red riding hood and find a big bad wolf to play with, cause Oz was just the cutest thing, when he wasn't trying to get out of his cage and eat you!  Or... or when he wasn't out screwing other werewolves!  Or,'  she smiled a little at this.  'When you weren't having a really good formal-wear, make-out party with the cheerleader's former high school nerd boyfriend!  But still...you don't know what you are missing till you've eaten the whole bag of goodies, right?  Uh-huh, no ma'am!  You had to take a walk on the gay side!'...

Willow's smile faded away then, as she thought of Tara.

'Yeah. I guess she's part of all this too.'  Tara wasn't ordinary, either. Tara was extraordinary.'

She sniffed and shook her head, willing away the weepies and, now finished with the folding, she started throwing the wet clothes into the dryer.

'Which brings us, friends and neighbors, to Kennedy.  What is it with her?  She's rude.  She's snobby.  And she thinks everything is some kind of game!'

'But, I was lonely,'  She reasoned.

'So what?'  Her other side, argued,  'How could you even think you could find something, with another woman?'

'Hello?'  She argued back.  'Gay!'

'But, Kennedy acts like a man!'  She retorted back to herself.  'Granted a sissy kind of man, but still.'

'Yeah...that is true.'She had to agree.

Her inner duel was starting to come back together.

She never cared that way for women before Tara.  But Tara was different.  For all reasons that Willow herself couldn't explain, in the beginning, Tara was special.  Tara was the one.  And now she was gone.

She nodded to herself.  She closed the dryer and pushed the start button before turning to put the dirty clothes, she had carried down, into the washer.

She had to admit it.  Kennedy had flattered her, with her pursuit.  But otherwise, she wasn't much more to her, than a distraction.

'And, she never takes anything that I say seriously.'

Kennedy had thought her magic was going to be like watching a neat little parlor trick, although Willow had told her otherwise.

'I warned her! Told her why I was afraid to use it, again.  I told her how I am!'

Willow slammed the washer closed.  Turning to lean her back against it, she took a deep cleansing breath and attempted, once more, to calm her thoughts.

She was scared of the power she could summon.  It scared her because it took over.  But she was needed, last night.   And she had no doubt that she would be needed again, and she had to get it together.  She had to overcome her fear so that she could master her art, instead of the other way around.  She couldn't afford distractions.  Not now. Especially ones that made her feel like this.

Sighing, Willow rubbed her eyes and looked toward the steps.  There, standing at the bottom, looking at her, was Kennedy.

"Oh shit."  She groaned.  She hadn't meant to say it out loud.


*  *  *  *  *


Spike didn't know what else to say.  He didn't want to push her.  But he didn't like how quiet Buffy had become over the last few minutes.  Her last statement just hung there in the air like a pregnant dark cloud.  so, never being good with awkward silences, he plundered on ahead.

"Buffy?  Buffy...  Look at me, Love."  He put a hand on her shoulder, urging her to turn around, which she did reluctantly.

"It can't be bad as all that."  He stopped and re-thought his comment and amended,  "Well, p'raps it can, but y'can't know that."

"Yes, Spike."  Her reply was clipped, tight with the effort of holding back her emotions.  "Yes, it is."

She began to tell him of her journey through the portal and what the shaman had tried to do.  But, when she finally got to the part where she had broken free, and of the vision the man had shown her, she faltered.

"What, Buffy?" Spike asked her.  "What did he show you?"

"The end." She said simply.  "He showed me the end.  There were hundreds of thousands of those...  Vampires.  The uber-vamps."

Spike's eyes widened a little, before he could check himself.

"Well...  Ok.  So s'bad then.  Like y'said. But, doesn't mean it's the end, Love.  After all, if what you saw is true, they're all still down there, under the seal.  We got time to figure out how to shut it down, for good."

Buffy was shaking her head, all the while.  "No, Spike. I didn't tell you about my dream."

Spike raised his brows in question, and waited for her to continue.

"The first slayer attacked me.  She told me it wasn't enough.  I know she's right."

"That power that I turned down could have been the thing to save us."

Buffy's eyes filled, again, with tears of guilt, but she didn't turn away this time.

"I was afraid it would make me less human.  I just wanted to be me."  A disobedient tear slid slowly down her face to fall onto the coverlet.  "But I'm not strong enough, Spike.  And I doomed us all because I didn't want to become..."

She trailed off, not wanting to offend the one friend she could talk to about all of this.

"T's alright, Pet." Spike smiled at her, in spite of the situation.  "You can say it.  A demon, yeah?"

Buffy nodded and lowered her eyes.

Spike scooted himself a little closer as he slid an arm around behind her back. Instead of pulling away, she leaned her head on his shoulder and kept her eyes cast down toward the floor, happy to have the opportunity to not have to look into his eyes, right now.  And, as un-deserving as she felt she was of this comforting embrace, she was thankful for it.

Spike's hand gently stroked her hair as he began speaking to her.  Repeating a question he had asked her not so long ago, upon her finding him in the old church.

"Buffy,...  Am I flesh to you?"

"Huh?"  She tensed a little at this.  Surely he wasn't going to try and use that one again!"

He grinned a little, over her head, amused at her reaction.  "Just answer the question, Goldilocks!  "Am I flesh to you?"

'Stupid vampire!'  Buffy thought.  'Where was he going with this?'  "Yeah." She drawled slowly.

Spike chuckled at that before he continued.

"Alright, then.  "So,being that, does that make me human?"

Buffy still wasn't sure where he was going, but knowing it was no use to fight it, she played along.

"It means you used to be."

"Ahhh.  That's right."  He nodded above her.  "I used to be."

Buffy, sensing where he was leading with that, rushed to beat him to the chase.

"But now, you are a vampire."  She quipped.  "And, I thought we were talking about me right now.  I don't see where any of this has to do with th..."

She pulled her head back up to look at him, and he gave a low growl as he pulled her back down.

"Oh, fine!"  She huffed, and settled back against his chest.

"So, love,"  Spike began again.  "We've established that I'm a vampire."  "But, here I am, holding you in your time of distress, and you aren't worried at all?"

Buffy was tiring of his game.  He really could be annoying.

"That's because you have a soul!"

"Oh!"  Spike grinned again.  "That's true!"  "Then I must be a man!"

Buffy sat up again, and this time he didn't try to stop her.  His eyes sparkled with something familiar as he leaned in close, his voice taking on a husky tone as he reminded her  "But, you let me touch you before... the soul... Pet."

Buffy's eyes got wide, and her face flushed as she backed away from his advance.

"That" she stammered  "Was because...  because...  'Damn him!'  Because you felt like a man!"  She finished lamely.

Spike was leering at her.  His old smirk firmly in place, as he eyed her up and down lasciviously.

"Still do."  He purred.

"But you aren't!"  She told him, firmly.  She was getting angry now.  "You are a vampire!  "A creepy gross one, right now."  She added.

"Oh, but wait now, kitten..."

Spike's finger snaked it's way down her leg.

"I've a soul now, remember?  I went and got it, just for you."

Spike had crawled up to the center of the bed now, following her retreat.

"Spike! Stop it!"  Buffy warned him.  "Stop it, right now!"

But he didn't. With an eerie, feline grace he had crawled nearly on top of her, his hand holding the headboard, knees on either side of her hips as she lay there, angry and confused as to what in the hell had come over him.

"If I have a soul, Love,... "I must be a man.  And I can prove it to you..."

Spike's fingers slithered down the front of Buffy's shirt and that was all it took. She snapped.

Buffy backhanded him across the face hard enough to make his head rock back.  Hard enough, that had he been human, it probably would have killed him.

"You aren't a man!  She shouted at him.  "You are a vampire!  You'll never be a man!"

Spike sat back on his heels, casually licking the blood from his lip and grinned at her.

"So endeth the lesson," he stated simply.

And then it dawned on her.

"Oh, my God!"  Her eyes grew huge with understanding.  "It was an act!"

She pointed at him accusingly.  "You did all that to prove a point!"

Spike shrugged.  Amused, but not convinced.  "And what point, praytell, was I tryin' to prove to you?"

Buffy couldn't believe how clear it all seemed now, as she quickly answered him.

"That, even though you have a soul, you are still a vampire.  The soul makes you more...  But it can't take away what you already are!"

Spike's grin grew wider as he stood and placed himself in the middle of the room.

"You listen to me, Slayer."

Spike pointed to her, as he spoke.

"The same applies to you.  Whatever demon you have inside of you doesn't make you any less human.  And whatever those blokes from portal-ville had waitin' for you, couldn't do it, either. As long as you live and breathe, Love, that will never change."

He pulled out his smokes and turned to leave.

Buffy was astounded.  She was also still a little ticked.

"Why, Spike?  Why the act? Why didn't you just tell me?"

Spike's grin turned into an all out chuckle as he turned back to her.

"Oh Please!"  Like that would've worked!" "This way, you answered the question yourself."

He continued his way to the door, stopping, briefly, to dab at his lip with his thumb, noting that the bleeding had stopped.  He shot her a look over his shoulder with a gleam in his eye before passing through.

"You weren't even trying, Slayer!"  He called back, and was gone.

Buffy stared, at the doorway, dumbstruck at the simple revelation he had made so clear to her.  Lying back onto her bed, she spoke her thoughts aloud, to the empty room.

"What a man!"


A/N:  Everyone loves reviews.  Please leave me one and tell me what you think! :)