Buffy lay down on her side on the closest of the two beds in the hotel room, and curled up into a little ball. But before she could say anything Spike broke in.

"He was watching? He saw? Or could he just hear? Fuck. He'd know either way," he was pacing back and forth across the small room, like a four year old vampire on a sugar high. Buffy was half convinced he would literally start bouncing off the walls any minute. It just made her more tired.

"Spike. Stop. Sit."

He ignored her.

"That bastard. He sent her didn't he?"

"I guess. I mean, it's hard to see this as a coincidence," Buffy was starting to get scared. It's not that she'd never seen Spike angry. But this was different somehow. Then it occurred to her that maybe he wasn't angry. Or rather maybe what she was seeing wasn't the anger, that it was something else.

She tried to remember what it was that she had seen when she had first gotten back. It had looked like, well it looked like Harmony had maybe raped Spike.

That was a concept Buffy didn't really know how to deal with. The idea of a man being raped by a woman just didn't fit in her ideas of the world. It certainly wasn't helped by the fact that the man and woman in question were Spike and Harmony.

But it made Spike's current state make more sense. When Spike had nearly raped her, she had hated the fact that Xander had found her. That he had some idea of what had almost happened. It seemed like another invasion of her privacy all over again.

And now Spike knew that Angel knew, not just knew but maybe had seen the whole thing. Or at least had it on tape to play over and over again. It was one thing for your best friend to find out you had been a victim, it was another for your worst enemy to know.

It wasn't anger she was seeing, it was shame.

"Spike. Stop. Please, just sit down and tell me."

To his credit he did stop his tearing about the room to stand over her on the bed and look down.

"Tell you what? What could I possibly have to say to you?"

She crumbled under his harsh words. She'd been trying to pull herself back together, tried to be strong. But it hurt.

It hurt her that something awful had happened to Spike, not to mention all the guilt from the fact that she was supposed to be taking care of him right now. Looking after him.

It hurt her that Angel had betrayed her trust by spying on her.

It hurt her that he might have had anything to do with Harmony's attack.

It hurt her to wonder if Harmony had been attacking Spike at all. If maybe she really had interrupted something consensual.

It hurt her to think that maybe she'd driven Spike to do something like that by teasing him.

And most of all it hurt her that he had been on top of her one minute, and then on top of Harmony the next.

So Buffy the Vampire Slayer just lay there and sobbed.

Spike seemed to melt. All the anger, or shame, or whatever it was, just drained out of him. He knelt down next to her, and tentatively reached out his hand to stroke her hair.

"Shh, pet. I'm sorry. God I'm sorry that you saw me like that."

"Like what? What. . . what was that Spike?" there she had said it. She had asked. She was terrified of the answer, but she had asked.

"That. . . Look it's like this," Spike didn't seem any surer than she was of what happened. That didn't comfort her at all. Her took in a deep breath. "Before you got there, Harmony, she. . . Look she-" he was stumbling, looking for a word he didn't have.

"Raped you?" Buffy barley whispered the words. She couldn't believe she had said them.

"What? No. It's not. . . Look I'm a vampire see. And vampires, this is what they do pet. It's not pretty, but we force ourselves on each other all the time, it's. . . well it's all about who's on top really," he sighed, unhappy with the obvious metaphor.

"So in others words, rape."

He looked at her exasperated like she was missing a very big obvious point.

"No look, it's not about the sex. Harmony, she stopped doing anything for me ages ago. It's about power you see."

"So once again, rape."

He turned away from her, tried to make it look like it was because he was frustrated that she wasn't understanding him, but she rather suspected that she had hit too close to home.

"Look she did to me, I did to her, that's all there is to it Slayer. I'm sorry if I offended you, scared you, but this is what I am. This is what the demon is, what it does," he was trying to sound nonchalant, but Buffy could hear the edge of desperation? sorrow? in his voice.

"Spike, hold me," it wasn't what she meant to say. She meant to scream at him to let her in. To give up his silly walls and tough guy attitude. She wanted to say something to make it better for him. Instead she found she could only voice her own needs.

He looked at her puzzled, but he got up from his crouch and moved around to get on the bed behind her. She could feel him stretch out, then he put his arms around her, and rested his chin on her shoulder.

It might have made things better for Spike, but somehow it made it all worse for her. It was too much like those last nights in Sunnydale, and nothing like them all at once. She wept even harder and twisted around so as to burry her face in Spike's chest.

There was a sort of contentment in Spike as her held and rocked Buffy to sleep. Stroking her hair, holding her, whispering in her ear. He could forget why she was crying and just concentrate on making her feel better.

All that changed once she was asleep though. First of all he was still wired from Slayer blood. Just lying still was an incredible effort, but Buffy was wound all around him. There was no way he could untangle himself without waking her up.

Then there was the smell. He could still smell Harmony all over himself and the scent disgusted him. It made his skin crawl, and his stomach turn. In fact he started to think he would actually throw up if he didn't get the scent off of him.

That was what decided him. He figured Buffy would rather be woken up by him shaking her, than by him throwing up blood on her.

"Buffy?" he shook her gently calling in her ear.

"Mmmm, what?" came her annoyed voice.

"I'm sorry to wake you love, but. . . I really need to take a shower."

"Hmm?" she mumbled not fully awake.

"Pet, look, I smell like Harmony all over, I-"

She sat straight up.

"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, I should have thought. . . I mean, I should have known you'd want to clean up. Come on."

A/N Feedback on this chapter would be much appreciated. It was a difficult one to write, and I hoped I stayed true to the characters. Any opinions would be welcome.