Chapter Three

Xander dropped Buffy off at the curb; she’d refused to let him come in and he really looked afraid to, even though he’d asked if she wanted company. With any luck, Giles would have already taken the girls over to the mansion on Crawford. She didn’t want any of them around when the next disaster disguised as her birthday rolled around at midnight. It would be really nice not to have to share her bedroom with some strange girl. She’d take herself a nice bath and then couch potato it. She might even get to have hot water for once!

“Hello?” She called as she opened the front door. No answer. That was good. She glanced around and did a double take as she saw Spike holding open the drapes in the dining room and bathing in the sunlight streaming in, his eyes closed and a smile of pure ecstasy on his face. Acting on instinct, she tackled him from the side and they landed in a heap with Buffy on top.

“What the hell were you thinking?” She asked angrily.

“Well pet, I was enjoying the warmth until you decided I needed a tumble. Not that I’m objecting mind you.” Spike cocked on playful brow at Buffy and smirked.

Buffy quickly jumped up and off of him. “You suddenly forget your extreme allergy to sun?” She fumed while helping him to stand.

She was upset. Spike felt his now beating heart almost stop. She had thought he was going to dust himself… and she was angry with him.

“Got over it, love.”

“What do you mean you got over it? Vampires don’t get over spontaneous combustion in sunlight.” Maybe he was insane again. Spike just stood there smiling at her. Yes, he was probably insane again. Just when he seemed to be making so much progress, too.

Spike slowly reached out and placed a hand on Buffy’s shoulder, still grinning, and slid it down her arm in a very tender motion that made Buffy’s heart skip a beat. He took her hand and pulled it to his lips. His kissed her palm lightly and then placed her hand on his chest.

Thump, Thump..……………………...Thump, thump...…………………….thump, thump...

Buffy simply stared at her hand as if it belonged to some other body. His heart. It was beating. His chest was moving in and out, Oh GOD he was breathing. He’s..

“Alive?” She said aloud without even realizing it.

“More or less, love. Happy birthday.” He said, his voice catching a bit.

“Spike, how? When?” She couldn’t even form complete sentences, she was so shocked.

“It’s just a 24 hour spell, pet. Red thought you might like some company,” Spike said, while glancing down at the floor rather sheepishly. “Said you deserved something ‘normal’ for your birthday.”

Buffy took his chin in her hand and tilted his face up and looked in his eyes. Spike could never be normal, even as a human. And truth be told, she suddenly realized that she didn’t want him to be. So how could Spike, who knew her far better than she would ever admit, not know that she didn’t want normal?

This strange creature who continued to surprise her, had changed everything about himself… for her. And that… that was something indeed.

“Thank you. I love it,” She said and tears started rolling down her cheeks.

Spike flinched. A part of him had hoped she wouldn’t be happy about the spell. That would mean she wanted normal, and part of him hoped she still wanted the monster that he really was inside. He quickly pushed back the thoughts and lifted his hands to sweep away the tears on her face.

“Hey now, none of that.” He quickly took her hand in his. “Got a surprise for you,” He said as he led her through the house and out the back door.

Spike surprised her with a very elegant dinner on the back porch, featuring dishes she couldn’t pronounce, and what she guessed to be pretty expensive champaign. Then they had gone decidedly inelegant on the couch watching several very “girlish” movies, before they both unwittingly fell asleep on the couch.

Buffy slowly woke the next morning with the wonderful feeling of something warm underneath her, but holding her. As she slowly opened her eyes, she realized she was in her living room and memories of the previous night came back to her. She pulled back a little and turned her head to see Spike sleeping soundly beneath her.

They were cuddled together, and it felt good. Buffy felt her breath catch as she looked in awe at Spike’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He’d been a perfect gentleman the night before. Something she’d never really allowed him to be in her presence. Without really thinking about it, Buffy leaned in and placed a light kiss on Spike’s soft lips. Their unusual warmth felt odd, out of place, but the lips were the same.

A dream. It’s another one of my dreams, Spike thought to himself. She wouldn’t be kissing me if this were real. Not one to shun a perfectly good dream, he started returning the kiss. Slow tentative pressure that begged permission to worship. Gently pulling on her shoulders he sought entrance to her warm mouth, gently sliding his tongue over her soft warm lips. The kiss deepened. Screaming his love, fear, hope, and desperation louder than any words, and all pouring through the tiny connection. After a few moments, Spike realized that this felt different than usual. More real. His eyes opened as he pulled back from Buffy and blinked several times. “Buffy?”

Buffy looked at Spike’s questioning eyes and answered with another kiss. Demanding, yet as gentle as the first. Counting on Spike’s uncanny perception to understand what she couldn’t say.

She wants this, god she want this. Spike suddenly felt himself responding. They were now kissing with all the pent up passion of the last few months. Each one feeling they needed to prove to themselves that this was really happening. Needing to reassure themselves and the other, that the mistakes of the past would remain there.

Their hands started hungrily roaming over every inch of each other and their bodies ignited in eachother’s flames. Spike was desperate to explore this new connection, but absolutely determined that Buffy would be the one to control how far this went. With fumbling fingers, Buffy knowingly undid his belt buckle and freed him from the confines of his jeans. When Spike had yet to do more than caress her, she took his hands and placed them on either side of her legs. With slow pressure, she guided his hands to move her skirt up her hips. She locked eyes with him and slowly, with one downward thrust she buried Spike completely inside her.

They stared at each other for long moments before Buffy slowly started moving in small circles above him. Spike’s eyes fluttered closed and his jaw tightened as he started to move with her. Their tempo increased to a heated frenzy as both sought release. Spike pulled Buffy’s shoulders toward him, increasing the friction between them. Her pace increased further when he began nipping on her neck just below her ear, his tongue darting out to trace a sensuous line to her collarbone. Suddenly Buffy froze and her body shuttered as she felt her climax hit her in huge waves. The sensation was more than Spike could have wished for ever again, and she pulled him over the edge with her, his body shuddering its release.

They both lay there motionless for what seemed like an eternity until Spike finally broke the silence. “I’m sorry...”

“Shhh.” Buffy placed one finger on his lips. “Don’t. I wanted this. Still want it. Spike, I want you. I didn’t want to get it before, but I get it now. I lo...”

Spike leaned up and kissed her before she could finish the sentence. He didn’t think he could bear it if she said those words now, knowing he would be back to the monster she didn’t love in a few short hours.

Why wouldn’t he let me say it? Buffy wondered. Well, she would just have to show him. She stood up and took his hand, leading him up the stairs and into her bedroom. They had spent the rest of the day there, making love countless times. In slow languid motions, and fast passion filled ones until both had collapsed into sleep, completely spent.

**********

When Willow returned to the house the next morning, no one answered despite her calling “hello!” several times, very loudly, when she came in. She’d hoped to find Buffy and Spike still there, to see how the birthday went. They were probably on their way to Crawford street to give the all clear. Hopefully everything went well and she had managed to set right the world that was Spike and Buffy. Suddenly she heard a familiar pain filled scream come from Buffy’s bedroom.

Spike felt like he was being ripped open. His lungs were wildly gasping and he felt his heart skipping and slowing even further. He felt the heat leaving his body, and his teeth began to chatter. Cold. He was so cold. “Oh god no, not here.”

He fumbled around, managing to get out of the bed and get his jeans pulled on. He took a few panicked steps before falling to his knees. Buffy was yelling something, but he couldn’t make it out. He had to get out of there. Couldn’t let her see this, see him dead again.

Spike crawled the rest of the distance to the door before Buffy had reached him looking very terrified.

“Spike? SPIKE? Oh, no, no, no, no, not again. I’m sorry Spike. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Buffy had reached Spike where he had collapsed, one hand grasping his chest. A last agonized gasp and he was finally still. Buffy pulled his lifeless body to her as a flood of tears rained down her face. He had done it all for her. She had been so selfish. How could he love her after everything she had done to him?

Willow burst through the door and found Buffy in a heap on the floor with Spike cradled in her lap. She realized immediately that the spell must have worn off while they were together. She quickly pulled Spike’s limp arm up and checked for his pulse. It was gone.

“He’ll be OK, Buffy. He’s just back to being all-vamp Spike.” Willow tried her best to console her friend. She hadn’t thought to warn Spike that his re-death might be as painful as his re-living had been. Or the effect seeing it might have on Buffy, particularly given the manner in which Angel had lost his soul.

Spike's eyes fluttered open to see Buffy crying over him and Willow staring at the floor. Buffy was mourning the normality she’d lost, he thought quickly to himself. She had wanted him human, but now he was back to being a monster. He weakly managed to push Buffy back and stand up, and somehow stumble down the stairs. He grabbed the blanket off the couch and ran through the door into the early morning. He was gone before Willow could catch up to him.