Chapter Four

Buffy had been coldly shuffling around the house ever since her birthday. She was sleeping late, hadn’t eaten hardly a thing and seemed to vomit everything she did eat. Willow could almost kick herself for what had happened. Neither she nor Buffy shared with the others what had happened that morning when Willow got home. Rather, she simply contented the others that Buffy’s usual birthday disaster had indeed struck while they were all gone. Willow had been unable to locate Spike since that morning, and she hadn’t seen Buffy look so bad since right after they resurrected her. She almost looked like she had died… again.

“Willow, I was wondering if I might have a word with you.” Giles said as he filled his cup from the teakettle on the stove.

Oh, this was going to be bad. But maybe Giles would know how to bring her out of this.

“I’ve noticed Buffy isn’t herself at all lately and I was wondering if you would enlighten me as to what is going on?” He was staring at Willow rather pointedly.

“I…I, um, don’t know what you mean, Giles.” Willow stammered and suddenly looked rather flushed.

“Well, lets see. Spike has disappeared. Buffy is a shadow who sleeps endlessly, won’t eat, and has been vomiting ceaselessly, All starting after her birthday, and you’ve been avoiding all of our questions since then. Not that I mind the absence of Spike and his endless pining for Buffy, but I am terribly worried about her behavior of late. I can only hazard a guess that something happen to Spike?”

“Not so much *to* as *with*,” Willow mumbled out before catching herself.

“Oh,” Giles looks really shocked and now he was doing that glasses thing.

“I guess if I didn’t want to know I shouldn’t have asked,” Giles said, replacing his glasses. “I had rather hoped he’d staked himself. Ah, well, we all knew there would be repercussions if this happened again. I just didn’t expect her to be so, so, sickly about it. Perhaps I should speak with her. It has been 2 months since it happened.”

“And the girls are all complaining about the staying out of Buffy’s bathroom thing. I mean, how long can a dozen girls with, um, ...needs... share one bathroom.” I really should just put a lock on my mouth Willow thought. I wonder if there is a spell for putting a lock on your own… OH. MY.GOD.... “needs..” And with that word, Giles was staring through the kitchen door that Willow had just run through.

************

Willow practically broke the bathroom door, she came through so fast.

“Buffy!!!” She virtually shouted, then quieter at Buffy’s visible recoil, “Oh, sorry! Buffy. I know you don’t want to talk about this, and you have every right to be upset that Spike hasn’t come back home and all, but I think there’s more to you being sick than just being sick over Spike.”

Buffy was sitting on the floor, her head held up by an arm propped on the toilet seat. “Huh?” Buffy replied with a confused look. “Speak english Will. I’m not exactly all here at the moment.”

“No Buffy, I think you’re all there, even more of you is there.” Willow bit her lip. She didn’t want to really come out and say it. Especially with lots of ears around the house that night overhear.

“Look Will, I really don’t feel like a guessing game today, and you’re not making much sense in any kind of way here.” Buffy felt a new wave of nausea hit her and she clutched the toilet until it she had emptied her stomach, yet again.

“Buffy,” Willow sat in the floor next to Buffy and was whispering now. “Do you remember when your last cycle was?” She was biting her lip again.

“Don’t be silly, of course I do. It was, um. Well, it was...” Buffy was blankly looking towards the sink.

“Was is a couple weeks before your birthday?” Willow shyly asked.

Realization dawned on Buffy, as she finally understood what Willow had been trying to say. “No. Can’t be. I mean, I can’t, or, rather Spike can’t...cause he’s a vampire and they can’t...you know...”

“Buffy, Spike was part human on your birthday,” Willow interrupted.

“Oh my gosh, Will.” Buffy looked extremely panicked, especially for Buffy. “No. Impossible. I mean, you explained that he was still part vampire. He could even sort of vamp face. He did it a couple of times when we… um, you know, never mind. We’ll just get one of those home thingies and I’ll show you you’re wrong.”

Two hours later, Willow and Buffy were once again sitting on the bathroom floor. But now they were staring at two lines on both tests Willow had bought.

“You can’t tell anyone, Will.” Buffy was now staring straight at Willow and had that very determined look on her face that commanded there would be no argument.

“But Buffy, at least Giles should know. I mean we need to change you’re training and...”

“That’s exactly why you can’t tell him,” Buffy reiterated. “Nothing is going to change.”

Willow had begun to protest again and added that everyone would figure out soon anyway when Buffy had cut her off with a look that shot daggers..

“OK, I won’t tell anyone. But promise me one thing, you’ll tell Spike when we find him. He deserves to know, Buffy”

Buffy just looked down at the floor tiles and whispered, “I know”

**********

Two months. It had been over two months since that nightmare. Spike tipped up the bottle and finished off the last of the tequila. He tossed it across the room sending it crashing into the wall.


“Hey!” Clem jumped up. “Spike, you know, I don’t mind you staying here, but if the Valyos demon next door complains one more time, I’m gonna get evicted!”

“Sorry mate,” Spike mumbled as he drunkenly nodded, half conscious.

Just then the door crashed open and in the entrance stood a very angry looking Buffy.

“Well, I’ve got some shopping to do. And apparently find a new place to live while I’m at it. Good seeing you Buffy.” Clem managed before he hastily left the apartment.

“Do you know how hard you are to find?” Buffy said, stepping in to the dark room.

“Apparently not hard enough,” Spike said then half laughed thinking he’d said something funny.

Buffy closed the distance until she was standing in front of Spike. She’d spent a good week trying to track down Spike. Finding out he was still alive, well undead, was easy enough. But finding where he was hiding out had been another story.

She eyed the pitiful looking creature in front of her. She’d been thinking a lot about him, and about the baby. With some preparations and a few concessions, this might not all be entirely bad. She just had to fix everything first. And Spike looked like he needed a lot of fixing at the moment.

“You’re drunk.”

“Well, yeah.” Spike looked up at her, his head still bobbing a bit. “Bloody hell Slayer, you look like... well… hell.”

“Thanks to you, Spike." Buffy used that annoyed look she did so well."OK, us, but mostly you.”

“Don’t think I caught that one slayer, you wanna try again? I’ll try harder to understand you this time,” He snickered.

“Spike, look, you remember my birthday right? Well…” Buffy started pacing back and forth in front of Spike. “You were sort of human, and I was definitely human, and sometimes things happen when two humans, you know, get together.”

Bloody bitch had come here to rub it in his face that she wanted a human guy. Well, he wasn’t going to listen to this. Suddenly he needed more alcohol.

“Look slayer, I know you go for the live crowd now. I get it, so just clear out and leave me the hell alone!” Spike was now standing in Buffy’s path, a newly opened bottle of tequila in his hand.

“What? Huh?"Buffy stared at Spike like he'd sprouted another head. "God Spike, could you be any more stupid? I didn’t come here to tell you I wanted a normal guy. I came here to tell you I’m pregnant, you moron!” Oh, hell. She really didn’t mean to tell him like that. Oh well, cats out. Nothing to do except see how he took it.

Spike just stood there looking at her. Buffy took one hand and pushed up on his chin until his mouth closed, snapping Spike back from whatever land his mind had escaped to.

She didn’t say what I thought she just said. Has to be the tequila. He glanced warily at the bottle in his hand. Must have got a bad batch, he thought.

“Come again, Slayer?” He asked, his eyes squinted and searched her face.

“I said...... I’m pregnant,” She quietly finished.

Spike sat down hard in the chair he'd been in earlier and stared into space for what felt to Buffy like an eternity.

“Spike, please, say something.”

He finally looked up at Buffy and she thought her heart would melt away. He had that look. The one that she had seen on the stairs the night Willow had resurrected her, and a few other times she’d locked away in her memory. His eyes traveled down to look at her stomach. He shook his head a couple of times, and then closed his eyes. Buffy watched as his head turned slightly to the side, and his brow furrowed in as in concentration, and then suddenly his eyes flew open again and he looked up at her face with what looked like… awe? God, could he hear it? His expression told her he could. She almost felt jealous.

Spike reached a hand up and grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to him as he buried his head in her shirt, and soundlessly wept.

They stayed like that forever it seemed. Buffy gently stroking Spike's hair as tears fell from both of them. Finally she felt him collect himself and push her back a little as he stood up, quickly wiping his face with the back of his hand, then he looked back down at her.

“We should get you back home pet, you look like hell.” He gave her that sad smile of his.

“Uh, uh. I've been so busy trying to find you, I've barely had a chance to patrol all week,” Buffy stated very matter-of-factly.

“And you’re not going to either. We’ll get you home and then I’ll do it. No more patrolling, Buffy. It’s too dangerous now!” Spike said as he took her by the shoulders forcing her to see his expression. “I can’t believe the Watcher is letting you patrol! I’ll wring his sodding neck!”

“He doesn’t know,” Buffy said quietly, then quickly added “No one does, and *you* aren't going to tell them either. I am the slayer and I *will* patrol. I’m not dropping everything just because of this,” Buffy said with more anger than she’d intended.

“Oh, so the dead man is back to being the mystery guy, eh?” Spike said and let out a bitter laugh. “Well slayer, they’ll all catch on to your little game soon enough, and I don’t care what you say, you are not to patrol alone. Every demon in this town will be gunning for you as soon as word gets out, and believe me it will. Those that can’t hear it will sense it or smell it.”

Spike practically ran her through her patrol. Buffy couldn’t remember when she had taken less time on a patrol. They didn’t even hit two of the cemeteries. Spike quickly staked two fledglings before Buffy could even get close and then insisted they go home.

Home. That meant he was coming home.

Now, she just had to make everyone see reason.