It's Not Enough

By:  Morrigan


A/N:  Thanks goes out again to Blacknblue2, for her ideas, which keep inspiring me to continue this fic, even when I feel like calling it quits.

We are only a few chapters away from the real deal here.  Please keep in mind that this is my first fic.  A big ol' drama was probably not the best choice, but the idea stuck in my head and wouldn't go away!  Please leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter.  Ok, before I turn this note into a novel, in itself...


Disclaimer:  All characters are property of Joss Whedon and ME.  Boo-Hoo!




Buffy was late for work.

At first, she had been confused as to where she was when she first awoke, this morning.  Then she gradually became aware of the arm which was still wrapped comfortingly around her.

'Oh shit!'  She remembered.  'I'm in the basement with Spike...  I'm in bed with Spike!  Damn!'

She shifted herself over, careful not to disturb the still sleeping vampire.  After gently lifting his arm so that she could slip out of bed, she took a moment to gaze fondly at him, admiring how the soft light from the space heater caused shadows to dance across the sharp features of his face.  Buffy had no sure way of knowing what time it was, down here.  But her internal clock was telling her that she had slept in much later than she should have.  And she needed to go.

She couldn't remember the last time she had slept so well.  The events from last night, although still disturbing, seemed so far away right now.  She owed that to Spike, she knew.  Although he had been the one most wronged, he had still put himself second to her needs.  She felt a twinge of guilt at this, remembering that it had always been this way.

'He's so strange.'  Buffy thought.  'Vampires aren't supposed to love!  Vampires are supposed to be self serving, by nature!'

But Spike had broken that mold.  He'd broken it long before he went and got his soul back.  Hell, he'd broken it long before Buffy was even born.  He'd cared for Drusilla for 100 years, forgiving all of her infidelities, despite the fact that she was crazier than a mad hatter!  But in the end, it didn't really matter to Dru.  She had left him because the *pixies told her that the sunshine had taken her sweet William away...*  Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean!

But Buffy did know.  She knew, because Spike told her.  He'd told Buffy that he loved her.  And if there was nothing else she had learned about Spike, it was this: despite his wise-cracks and bravado, once all the bullshit was stripped away, when it came to his feelings, Spike was honest.  Buffy often wished she could be as honest with others as he was.  But she had enough trouble being honest with herself.  'Last night.  Right now.  This feels honest.  But when I go back up there?...'

All she knew for certain, was that she didn't know.  So, acting, before the moment left her, she leaned down and brushed the lightest of kisses across Spike's lips, before turning and quietly creeping out of the room.  She was completely unaware of Spike's gaze
following her as she headed up the stairs and through the door.

Where she ran smack into Dawn, who, after recovering, assumed an authoritative pose, bringing her hands to her hips and tapping her foot, with eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"Hey!  Dawn...  I've got to get upstairs and get ready for work!

Buffy attempted to slip past her sister, failing as Dawn deftly stepped into her line of retreat.

"What were you doing down there?"  Dawn asked her, seriously.

"What do you mean?"

Buffy scoffed at Dawn, trying desperately to look as though she really didn't have a clue about what her sister was really thinking.

"What was I doing?  I was looking for my peasant top, of course!   But, it's not in the dryer, so if you'll excuse me..."

"Buffy," Dawn scolded, as she blocked her exit again.  "You're wearing your peasant top...  And, it's already after 2:30."

Dawn watched as Buffy's head whipped back around to meet her eyes with a deer-in-the-headlights stare, and could no longer hold back the smirk that she had fought so hard to keep down.

"You're busted, young lady!"  She exclaimed.  "You were down there all night, weren't you?  I mean, I *know* you've been down there all day..."

Dawn's slow grin crept across her face until she was literally beaming.  Buffy saw this as the smug confidence of one who now owns awesome blackmail material!

"Oh God!"  Buffy moaned, I'm gonna get fired!  I can't get fired!  I was going to quit!"

She refused to give Dawn the dirt that she was digging for.  She walked into the living room and paced about, looking for the cordless phone.

"I already told them you were sick.  Diarrhea, vomiting, the works!"  Dawn explained, earning herself a dirty look from her sister.

Dawn nodded, seeming very proud of herself.  Then in a conspiratorial manner, Dawn added, "Yeah, Mrs. Jamison said that there must be something going around, because Principal Wood called in too.  Something about having a sore throat!"

Amused at her own joke, Dawn slapped her knee and lost herself to chuckles.

"Not cool, Dawnie."

Buffy scowled at her, before flopping down on the sofa, in a huff.  But inside, she was laughing too.  The whole situation was anything but funny.  But being right in the thick of things she supposed a person had to laugh or die.

Dawn pulled herself together, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes and came over to join Buffy on the couch.  Once there, she grinned at Buffy and resumed her previous interrogation.

"So...  You weren't looking for your work clothes, aaaaaand you have major bed-head, even though your bed hasn't been slept in since the night before last, and you've just come up from the basement...  You slept with Spike, didn't you!?"

"No!"  Buffy exclaimed.  Followed by, "Well yeah...  I mean, I slept, but..."

"Yep!"  Dawn was practically bouncing out of her seat.  "I knew it!  You guys did it!  That's my sister, Buffy the Vampire Slut!"

"Dawn!  We *SO* did not do it!"  Buffy found it hard to believe she was having so much trouble getting around her little sister.  "And...  Oh my God, Dawn, did you just call me a slut!?"

Dawn quickly sobered and backpedaled, saying, "Well, yeah...  But I was kidding."

Buffy just stared at Dawn for the longest time, before speaking again.

"So?...  Ok, I was down there with Spike.  But, it wasn't like that.  I'm assuming by your little joke a minute ago, that you know what happened last night between Spike and principal Wood?..."

"Yeah,"  Dawn nodded in agreement.  "Giles told me that the bastard tried to kill him."  Dawn's eyes narrowed as she said this.  She really hated Principal Wood.

"That's right.  He did."  Buffy confirmed.  But did Giles tell you that the two of them planned it together? That he, himself tried to keep me distracted so that Wood could do it?"

Dawn's eyes widened in horror, as she took in Buffy's words.

"But, Buffy!  Why would he do that?  She asked.  I mean...  He's *Giles*"  She couldn't imagine him betraying Buffy that way.  He had become a sort of father figure to them.

"Yes, Giles."  Buffy began counting on her fingers as she made her points.

"An ex-member of the watcher's council, sworn to help eradicate demons and vampires.  A group of men who are color blind to anything other than clear cut black and white."  She tried to block out the fresh wave of pain that she felt, as she noted the similar feeling mirrored in her little sister's eyes.

"Anyway," Buffy continued.  "I got there, just as Spike was leaving...  And when I came home, all I wanted to do was go to bed, and Giles wouldn't let me.  He just wanted to talk about why it was the right thing to do blah-blah-blah...  I couldn't take it, and so, I left.  And I ended up staying downstairs with Spike."  She shrugged and pushed her fingers through her messy hair and sighed.  "It seemed like the best place to go, at the time."  She said.  "We'd both been betrayed by the same people, after all."

"And?..."

Dawn dragged out this one syllable word as if it were two.  One eyebrow coming up as she spoke it.  Buffy thought it was eerie, how much she resembled Spike when she did that.  Her sister had spent far too much time with him.

"And nothing, Dawn.  We went to sleep."

Dawn was leaned back now, against the arm of the sofa.  Her arms were folded across her chest and she looked very much like she had something that she wanted to say.  When she finally did, Buffy felt her stomach tie up in knots.

"Is that all it is to you, Buffy?  Nothing?"

'Spike was right,' Buffy thought, 'a few months ago, when he said that Dawn had become scary. She really was!'

"Well...  Sleep isn't very exciting."  She lamely replied.

"Not the sleeping part, Buffy."  Dawn corrected her.  "This thing, between you and Spike."

Buffy rolled her eyes in frustration.  She didn't know why Dawn wanted to pursue this so badly. "Spike and I don't have a thing, Dawn.  There is no *me and Spike.*

But Dawn just shook her head.

"Isn't there?  I mean, he's like your other half, Buffy.  His strengths are your weaknesses and vice-versa...  You confide in each other, you lean on each other, he's the one you always want watching your back when you patrol.  He's the first one you told about being in heaven..."

Dawn faltered a little after she said that last part.  Her feelings were still a little hurt over that.

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing!  It sounded to her like Dawn was not only insinuating that she and Spike already had a romantic relationship, but that she was in favor of it!

"Dawn..."

Buffy tried to think of an argument, but was so stunned that she couldn't come up with one, right off.  She turned her attention to some invisible snag on the hem of her shirt, fiddling with the edges, as she answered her sister.

"And what if you are right?"

Buffy's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"What if I do have feelings for him?  It can't ever be anything."

She looked at Dawn, regret now visible in her eyes.

"He's a vampire, Dawn.  He's not human.  He"-

"Has a soul!"

Dawn interrupted, her eyes wide with indignation for her friend, knowing which way her sister was going with her words.  She couldn't believe that Buffy was going to try and apply the old *Vampire equals Bad* rules to Spike.  Not after everything they had been through.

Buffy was always talking about how people should stand up for what they believe in.  But here she was denying what her actions spoke so clearly to Dawn.

"Angel had a soul too." Buffy said.  "And you saw what happened with him."

Dawn was getting disgusted now.  What was wrong with Buffy, anyway?  Was she really so stupid?

"Yeah, Buffy.  He did.  But he didnt' want it.  He liked himself, just like he was.  He was cursed with his.  Not like Spike.  Spike wanted his...  So he could offer it to you!"  She coughed out a hoarse laugh, and glared at Buffy with open distaste.  "Not that you deserve it!  A normal guy could lie to you all day long and tell you they would walk through hell for you, and you would fall all over him.  But let someone actually do it, and you just turn up your nose!

Buffy felt Dawn's words hit her, like a slap in the face.  Her hand, unconsciously coming up to her cheek, as if she had been.  She felt her eyes start to water, as she looked back down at the hem of her shirt, in which her
fingers still twisted, and shook her head.

"I know...  But...  He's not.  Normal, Dawn."  Buffy responded, meekly.  "I can't live in his world."

Buffy recalled standing on the balcony of the Bronze with Spike, like it was just yesterday.

"Look at them." He had said, as they gazed upon her friends, dancing below.  "You can never be like them.  You're a creature of the darkness.  You belong in the dark...  With me."

Dawn saw the pain written across her sister's face, and found herself feeling a little sorry for how harsh she had been.  But, she also knew that as much as Buffy was hurting, Spike had been hurting just as much, and for far longer.  After all, he was the one who had been Buffy's dirty little secret.  Buffy would never have stood for someone treating her that way.  And now that Dawn had finally mended her own bridges with Spike, she found herself feeling quite protective of him.  Dawn wasn't going to just stand on the side lines and let her do it again.  She would go to bat for her friend.

"Uh huh."  Dawn nodded her head, her tone softened, but her feelings were still evident.  "And you are a Slayer and I am, or was, a key.  We live with a witch, a house full of potential slayers and an ex-vengeance demon, but we're ok, because we're all normal.

Dawn stood up with a sigh and put her hand on her sister's shoulder.

"I love you, Buffy.  But you really need to get a grip."

Dawn turned to go, but before reaching her room, she called to Buffy from the top of the
stairs.

"Oh, and one more thing...  You don't have to try and live in Spike's world.  He's already living in yours."