Senses



Buffy shifted uncomfortably. The room was stiff with tension and the weight of silence. None of her friends seemed to know what to say; there was nothing that could be said to make any of this go away. Xander had left Anya at the altar. She kept repeating the phrase over and over in her head trying to make sense of it—it just didn’t sound right, but it had happened. Xander had left Anya at the altar.

Buffy felt cold inside. The ache in her chest was a pressing weight that went without relief. The day’s events had been shocking and heartbreaking, yet at the same time she had gained a sense of enlightenment from it all. She wanted comfort, she wanted reassurance that not all love had to end in heartbreak and she needed the comforting arms of a lover to wrap around her and tell her it would be okay, that he would never leave her. She needed Spike, but she had used him, burnt him and pushed him away out of fear of judgment, and in doing so she had cheated them both out of the chance at the love they deserved.

She let out a little sniffle as she remembered the ho-bag that he had brought with him to the wedding. She probably treated him right. Pain and regret seemed to seep through Buffy’s veins like poison at the thought of them together. The jealousy that had pounded through her at seeing them draped all over each other had been almost overwhelming. It was nobody’s fault but hers though, and she deserved all the pain that she got from seeing them like that.

Even still, it was Spike who she wanted now—it was Spike who she needed. The desire to run to him so she could immerse herself in the feel of him and find comfort in the reassurance that he still loved her was strong. She wanted to run to him and take back everything she had ever said or done that she wished she hadn’t—to mend the tentative bridges they had been building together and which she had single-handedly destroyed. But she couldn’t expect that he would take her back now, especially when he was probably back at his crypt finding what he needed—what he deserved—with that scrag.

She felt a wave of unjustified anger wash over her at the thought that that gothic wannabe would even think to touch what was hers. Buffy knew that Spike couldn’t love the girl, what could she possibly offer a guy like Spike?

Love? Affection? Something more than the cold comfort that you used him for?

Buffy worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she mentally turned her back on the accusing voice inside her head. She did care for him—so much—he just didn’t know it. She never let him know it. Her resolve hardened as she came to a decision. She would just have to make sure he damn well found out.

She felt a burst of excitement and adrenaline within her, sending a fluttering of tingles dancing across her skin. She stood from her seat quickly and made her way to the door, muttering something to her friends about needing to get some air, before she slipped out. Buffy paused on the front steps of her house and took a deep calming breath, filling her lungs with the night air before releasing it again.

Her legs began to move on autopilot as she started to make her way down the street on the familiar route to Spike’s crypt. Doubts were swimming tauntingly in her head, but she ruthlessly pushed them down. It was time that she did something for herself. Her life was so filled with death and destruction that she was stupid to let what little happiness she could find slip through her fingers without a fight. This time she wouldn’t; she would grab it with both hands and refuse to let go no matter how much it terrified her.

She needed him now more than ever. She needed reassurance that he didn’t want the girl he brought to the wedding and the comfort of his scent under her cheek as he held her to him. No more hiding this time.

Buffy barely noticed that she had started to cry as she jogged through the streets, gaining speed the closer she got, until she was practically sprinting through the headstones in her haste.

No thought was given to what might have been going on inside as she threw open the door to his crypt. She came to a complete stop just inside the door, unable to speak past the lump in her throat. Her gaze was caught in his as he looked at her first in surprise and then in concern.

Spike frowned in confusion and worry. She was just standing there, watching him with eyes full of sadness as she cried softly.

“Buffy? Love?”

His voice seemed to break the spell that had fallen over her at the sight of him alone, without the presence of the scrag to be seen anywhere. Spike looked down at her in shock as she launched herself at him. Her arms were curled tightly around him as she sobbed into his shirt.

“Buffy?” Spike asked as his hands held her gently.

“I came here with a plan. I was going to kick that ho-bag out and tell you how sorry I was…” she sniffled as she buried her head into his neck, her tears slowing until they were no more than shaky, unsteady breaths.

“You what?” Spike asked in tone caught between awe and disbelief.

She lifted her head from his chest so she could look at him. “I’m sorry, Spike. For everything I’ve done to you or haven’t done and for everything I have said or should have said.”

Unsure what exactly she was talking about, Spike started to pull back only to feel her clutch him tighter. “I was just going to move this to the couch, love.”

Buffy let him lead her over to the small moth-eaten couch he had found to replace the chair that had been destroyed along with most of the crypt. He sat down and let her crawl into his lap so she could lean against his chest.

“What’s this all about, pet?” he asked as his hand automatically came up to rub soothing circles on her back. The joy at having Buffy back in his arms was being outweighed by his concern. He had never seen her quite so rattled about anything—it was unnerving to see. She was usually so strong and confident that it was easy to forget sometimes that underneath it all, she was still just a young woman with a young woman’s insecurities.

“Xander left Anya at the altar today.” Buffy stated simply, her voice barely above a whisper.

“The Whelp did what?” Spike asked with a look on his face that clearly stated he thought the boy was crazy.

Buffy nodded. “Everyone is still pretty shell-shocked. No one knows where Xander is and Anya told us she wanted to be alone, so the others all came back to my house. We just sort of sat there, no one really talking. I realised then that I needed reassurance, you know? That not all love is destined to end badly? I realised that no one there could give me what I needed, that what I needed—what I wanted—was…you.” Buffy finished on a whisper as she let her eyes flick up to meet his. “I wanted, no, I want you, Spike.”

“Or, you want what I can give you,” Spike said plainly.

“No! Well, I mean, yes, but that’s not why I’m here,” she said, twisting in his lap so that she was straddling him, subconsciously trapping him in so he couldn’t get up.

“It’s not? Then why are you here, pet?” Spike asked, quirking his scarred eyebrow at her in question, as he had done so many times before.

Buffy let her fingers trace the scar gently before running them down the side of his face and tentatively ghosting them across his lips. “I’m the Slayer, Spike, everyday is a struggle and every night could be my last. I’m tired of living up to the expectations of my friends and foregoing my own happiness. Life’s too short to not go after what you want, even if you have friends who keep bringing you back. I want you, I want us, I…I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and I know that I probably don’t deserve to be asking you for a second chance, but I’m going to anyway on the off chance that you’ll forgive me for treating you so badly because of my own weaknesses.”

“Buffy—” Spike started.

“No more hiding. I want to start over fresh in a proper, healthy relationship.” Buffy gave him a tentative smile, “What do you say, vampire?

“Are you being serious? No spells or second thoughts after you’ve given me nothing more than a taste of what could be?” Spike saw the hurt flash across her face at his words but he held his ground.

Buffy flushed and looked down, unable to meet his eyes with shame at her own behaviour. “No spells, just me. I promise.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Spike stared at her without saying a word, causing her to shift uncomfortably. Buffy felt herself pulling away from him at his lack of response. Loosening her hold on him and looking away, she went to get up. If that was that, what else could she say to him?

“Kitten,” Spike whispered, grabbing her hands before she could move totally off him. “When have I ever been able to stay away from you?”

He tugged gently on her hand, pulling her back into his lap as his free hand curled around the back of her neck to bring her lips down to his. He kissed her tenderly, with more gentleness that she had ever allowed before, letting the passion between them build gradually.

“Tell me again,” Spike murmured into her mouth. Brushing her hair back from her face as his tongue darted out to trace her bottom lip. Buffy moaned and opened her mouth to him.

“What do you mean?” She gasped as her hands danced over his face and the skin of his neck as his lips left hers and dropped to her throat.

Spike breathed in her scent, convinced that he was dreaming. Warm, willing Buffy was in his arms and wanted to be there, wanted to be with him in ways she had never allowed before now. “Tell me you love me,” he said as his lips caressed the taut skin of her neck.

Buffy forced herself to pull away from him, pushing gently on his shoulders to put some distance between them. Her hands came up to cup either side of his face. She held his gaze with her own. “I love you, Spike.”

“Oh, God,” he said as he pulled her to him and kissed her urgently. He could feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes as she kissed him back with just as much desperation. He felt her tiny hands move down his chest and pull his shirt out of the waistband of his jeans before pulling it up and off as they both began to divest each other of their clothes.

His hands cupped her breasts reverently as they were revealed to him, his head dipped down to draw one peaked nipple into his mouth as his thumb brushed over its twin. Buffy let out a breathy gasp as her head felt back and her fingers found their way into his hair. His tongue swirled around the tight bud causing her back to arch in pleasure. The move pushed her further into his mouth as her hips ground down onto his.

Spike let out a ragged moan at the sensation of heat he could feel emanating from her core as she pushed herself down onto him. He let one hand trail down her body to unclasp the button on her jeans before drawing the zipper down slowly as his mouth switched to the neglected breast. His hand slipped inside her pants, caressing the small patch of curls covering her sex as he coaxed her to lift up.

Buffy pulled his head back up to hers and drew his lips into a kiss as she rose up over his lap to allow his hand to slip underneath her. The let out a simultaneous moan as his fingertips came in contact with her swollen quim. Their kiss intensified as she settled herself gently over his lap again.

“Don’t tease,” she moaned as he continued to trace her folds, circling her clit but never touching it. Spike chuckled as she whimpered in frustration. Trailing his fingers over her outer lips once more, he allowed two fingers to come to a stop at her opening before letting them to slowly sink into her slick channel.

“Christ, you feel so good, kitten,” he said as they stopped kissing. Buffy nodded distractedly as her hands clutched at his shoulders in a bruising grip and her cheek pressed up against his so her hot breath fanned his ear and neck with each panting exhale.

Spike curled his fingers up, searching for that special spot within her. He knew he had found it when her breathing hitched and a strangled sigh fell from her lips. He felt a flood of wetness in response, the lubrication her body was producing was running down from her opening and into his upturned palm as she quivered above him.

“Spike,” she cried, as he drew sob after sob of pleasure from her body.

Spike kissed her neck. “Lay back, sweets.”

Buffy moaned as he pushed her gently until she was stretched out along the length of the couch. She quivered in anticipation as he kissed the small mound of curls above her quim and slid his wet fingers from within her before sucking them into his mouth. Buffy watched as he cleaned her juices from his fingers before his hands moved back to the waistband of her jeans. Obediently, Buffy lifted her hips as he pulled her pants down past her hips and off her legs.

Her legs fell open as she relaxed back against the couch. His cool lips left small kisses on the inside of her thigh as he worked his way towards his main goal. His tongue darted out, swiping up the length of her quim and flicking her clit. Her hips bucked at the sudden stimulation, following the retreat of his head.

“Spike!” Buffy’s hands flew down to tangle in his short hair as his lips clamped over her clit and his fingers slid easily back into her quim. She shuddered around him as he resumed his ministrations and pleasure crawled its way through her body and across her skin. Her heart was thumping in her chest as her hips undulated against him until she felt herself clench around him. His teeth scraped gently over her erect clit as she came, screaming her release.

For a moment everything stopped, completely paralysed as she allowed the sensations to swirl through her body before she slowly began relaxing her muscles. Buffy flopped back against the couch panting heavily.

Spike leant back on his heels as he gazed down at her and the dazed expression he had put on her face. Smiling like a Cheshire cat, he crawled up over her before leaning down and kissing her gently. “I love you.”

Buffy smiled and pulled him down on top of her, allowing his weight to settle over her reassuringly. Her hand slipped down the planes of his back, tracing his spine and scooting beneath the waistband of his jeans to settle over his ass. She gave it a playful squeeze as her hands slid out again and around to the front of his jeans, popping the button and lowering the zipper to allow her hand access to him.

Spike moaned and shucked his jeans off as she began to work him, pumping and squeezing rhythmically as her had slid up and down his shaft. Her fingers traced the underside teasingly before dropping down to massage his balls.

A cold hand shot out to grab at her wrist. “I want to be inside you, kitten. It’s been too long.”

Buffy nodded, giving him one last squeeze as he settled over her. Spike’s hand found her knee and bent it up to curl around his waist. He hovered outside her entrance waiting for her eyes to meet his.

Buffy smiled at him as her hand came up to rest against his cheek. “Come in, Spike,” she said gently, deliberately choosing her words to let him know that she was letting down any barriers that had kept him apart from her before. She was inviting him into her life and her heart, just as she would into her home and trusting him not to damage it in the process.

With a groan of relief he sunk into her, his forehead lowering to rest against hers. His movements were slow and purposeful, sinking in to the hilt each time before withdrawing again. His breathing was slow and heavy to match each breath Buffy took beneath him.

Time seemed to slow for just a moment when he was buried the deepest within her, sucking her breath out of her for that one moment when all she could feel was the pleasure that seemed to spread straight through her core and up her body. It was in that moment that she could sense nothing outside of his body moving above hers. Every one of her senses was trained on Spike. She could hear nothing but their heavy breathing, smell nothing but the scent of his skin, feel nothing but the depth which he was reaching inside of her, and see nothing except the blue of his eyes floating before hers. It was a sensory overload of the best kind.

Despite their slow and even pace, he could see and feel her peak rapidly approaching. He watched a myriad of emotions dance across her face and knew the exact moment she came. It was the moment her eyebrows drew together in a sweet frown of agony, as the breathy exhale was pushed from her lips, when her flushed face fell to the side in pleasure and her walls clamped down on him, sending him roaring over the finish line.

Buffy sobbed out a hoarse ‘William!’ as he plunged his fangs into the soft column of her throat as she quaked beneath him. Each pull of blood corresponded with a deep throb in her core as she milked him, prolonging the pleasure for as long as physically possible.

They collapsed together in a tangle of arms and legs. Spike rolled his weight to the side, running his tongue over his bite mark to close the wound in the process. He watched through sated eyes as Buffy’s opened to look at him lazily. Giving her a soft smile as he pushed her sweaty hair out of her face, Spike leant down to draw her lips into a languid kiss.

Buffy sighed and pressed herself further against him tucking her head into the small space beneath his chin as they parted. “Come home with me.”

Spike tried to hide the surprise he felt at her request, lifting her chin up so she was looking at him before he nodded his assent. They lay together for a while, basking in the feel of just being able to lie in one another’s arms, but the chill of the night air found its way into the crypt and reluctantly they untangled themselves from one another so they could dress.

Together they left the charred crypt hand in hand, leaving behind the cold memories and words of the past. Buffy pulled Spike to her as they walked silently back to the house on Revello Drive, smiling as his arm curled around her waist.

The night was peaceful, and they made it home without any incidents. Entering the house silently, they made their way quietly up to Buffy’s bedroom.

After making sure a blanket was secured firmly over her window, they undressed each other again slowly before settling into the comforts of her bed wrapped around one another. The rest of the occupants of the house were asleep, bar one, who had stayed up to wait for the return of her sister. Dawn smiled to herself as she witnessed her sister silently lead the vampire that Dawn thought of as a best friend and an older brother into her room and shut the door. Yawning widely, Dawn returned to her bed to sink down into the pillows with a happy smile across her face. Maybe now everything would be alright, at least for Spike and Buffy.



The End





AN: Thank you to Andrea for the read through! Let me know what you think :D