What A Girl Wants

Chapter 4—Heaven Can Wait

Buffy walked over to the school, just in time to walk with Dawn toward home. They walked in silence for a while, and then Buffy turned to Dawn, her nerves tightly wound, ready to hear the worst from her sister.

“There’s, uh, some things I want to talk to you about, Dawnie,” she began, and her sister didn’t even pause.

“What’s up now? Figure out a way to get rid of me yet?”

Buffy was horrified at what her sister had said. Did she really feel so unwanted? Unloved? She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and after continuing on for a few steps, Dawn finally stopped and turned to her.

“Are you coming or not? I have things to do, you know.”

She put her hands on her sister’s shoulders, and looked deep into her eyes. “I am not figuring out a way to get rid of you. That’s the first thing I need to say. I love you, Dawnie. I really do.”

“Yeah, and that’s why you took a swan dive off a tower into a swirling pit of energy. Because you love me.”

“Yes! I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want…oh, hell, it doesn’t matter now. What does matter is you are my sister. I am going to take care of you and make a home for you. But there are going to be some major changes in our home, and I thought I needed to tell you about them. Willow is going to England, to learn control over her magic. Tara is moving in with us. So is Spike.”

“Spike!” Dawn’s shriek nearly burst her eardrums. “Spike’s moving in with us? What about--?”

“What about what, Dawn. I love him. I do. And I want him to live with me. With us.” She looked at her feet, and scuffed her shoe on the sidewalk. “I can’t make any promises to anyone, Dawn. But I don’t want anything to happen to any of us, and that includes you. I want to do the best for all of us. I want us to be happy.”

Dawn lunged, and caught Buffy by surprise. “I will, I will, I promise, I’ll be good, you and Spike, I’m so happy, Buffy, I love you, you’re the best sister….”

“God, Dawnie, take a breath. I take it you’re okay with it then.”

Dawn danced backward, blue eyes electric with excitement. “Oh, yeah, I’m the okayest. I’m Okay Girl. Oh, Buffy, I’m so happy for you!”

“For what?”

“You and Spike, finally. Wow.” The girls started walking again, and Dawn turned to Buffy. “So, tell me everything….” At her sister’s disgusted look, Dawn blushed. “Tell me the PG-13 stuff.”

“I love him Dawn. I don’t know when it started, but I realized that if I don’t actually do something about it, then I’ll lose it. I can’t lose it, Dawnie. I may not get another chance—” Tears welled, but were quickly controlled. “I—don’t know about tomorrow, not anymore. Not since my swan dive, as you called it.”

She sneaked a quick look at the brunette, and was somewhat satisfied to see her flush. “I can’t keep thinking about living as something I’ll get to later, after the slaying is done. I have to live and slay and be grown-up. I’m trying to think of the best ways to do all of them, and this seemed to be one way to do it. Having Spike move in is part of it. The personal relationship part. Having you is the family part. Having Tara is the mother/friend part. Having Giles and Xander and even Anya is the friends part. But Spike’s also part of the slaying, and part of the growing up thing, and part of the living thing. He’s part and parcel of my whole life now, and I just have to combine all the parts to make the whole. My life.”

She turned to look at Dawn, and her heart swelled. From a mystical key to a human teenager to closest to her heart. How did she manage to ignore what was happening with Dawn until it was too little too late? She grabbed Dawn’s hand, and swung them between their walking forms like she remembered /implanted memory/ doing when they were little. She didn’t care about the monks’ invasion anymore. They had given her a precious gift.

“You know, I don’t talk about being in heaven because I don’t want to upset anyone, but for some reason, there’s stuff I want to tell you. Is it all right?”

“Y-yeah, I guess. Like what?”

“I watched. A lot. We had the choice, to watch or not, and I did. I watched you a lot.”

Buffy didn’t miss her sister lowering her head, shame on her face, trying to hide behind her hair. “The stealing has to stop, Dawn. Right now. Before things get out of hand. Some of the stuff we can take back. Some of it we’ll have to pay for. But it stops now. Before it gets out of control.”

“How—?”

“I told you, I watched a lot. And do you really think that there is any stunt you could pull that I haven’t already gotten away with? I saw some of the stuff, and I know where the money sitch is, and knew you didn’t have access to cash. Two and two usually equal four, Dawnie.”

“Okay, it stops. But I want to spend more time with you. I want to patrol with you.”

“Dawn—okay. You’ll train with me and Spike. You’ll patrol only with me and Spike. All right?”

Dawn was jumping up and down before Buffy was done, then turned to her, suspicion written all over her face. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

Buffy started, then shoved her sister lightly. “Smartass.”

“Dumb blonde.”

Linking their arms, they walked together to the house on Revello.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy was hogging the bathroom again. For patrol, of all things.

Dawn was glad that her sister had been able to overcome all the stress and heartache of being ripped from heaven, but the bathroom hogging thing was just a little much. And if she kept it up, Dawn would have to be late for her sleepover with Janice.

She tapped on Willow’s door, and heard a garbled noise from inside. She opened the door to find Willow burying her nose in some of Tara’s clothes, and she crossed the room to pull the redhead into a hug. “Don’t worry, Willow. You’ll be able to put it all back together.”

“I hope so, Dawnie, because I don’t know what I’m gonna do…now….”

Dawn heard the bathroom door finally open, and Buffy waltzed out, looking more like she was dressed for a date than patrol. “Finally,” she breathed. “Buffy, in here.”

Buffy’s heart sank at the sight of Willow in crisis, but remembered that she was part of the cause. Her ignoring the whole Willow/Tara by-play didn’t help any of the situation much.

“Willow. Packing?” Buffy cringed at the tone of her voice, but she knew that Will would need prodding. Help was not something big on the girl’s list.

“Yeah, starting to. Then I found some of Tara’s clothes, and I just stopped.”

“I know.” Buffy stepped closed, and took the clothes out of numb hands. “This is going to help, Will. It’ll help all of us, in the end.”

“I know. I just don’t want to leave with it all up in the air.”

“Then talk to her. Go to her now. Dawn’s going to Janice’s house, you won’t be leaving her here alone. I’m patrolling. Go talk to Tara, tell her your fears. I think I know her answer, but you’ll have to hear it yourself.”