It's Not Enough

By:  Morrigan


A/N:  Here we go, chapter 15... Hope you all like it.  And if you do, please leave a review and let me know.  I'm feeling needy!


Disclaimer:  All characters are property of Joss Whedon and ME.  But Buffy's transformation is mine... and so is the damage done to Spike's duster, which I know, must be repaired. *sigh*




Buffy's eyes flickered from face to face, warily, as they stared down at her.

After the lights had gone out and she could move again, all she wanted to do was run and hide.  All of a sudden, everything was so loud, and after Willow had cast her sunlight spell, things looked unusually harsh, even where she had retreated into the shadows.

She realized her actions didn't make any sense.  Her friends were worried about her, that was all.  She knew also, that she should have been worried about Dawn, but she wasn't.  She wasn't sure how, but somehow, she knew her sister was fine.  It was like she could feel her.

It was like she could feel all of them, and it was too much for her to deal with, all at once.

She had listened to them calling and searching for her, and part of her wanted to answer them.  To just shake off her nerves and step out and let them know she was alright.  But, she found herself conflicted.

Although she could feel them, they couldn't feel her.  She suddenly felt quite different from her friends.  Foreign.  Alone.

And, in light of what had just happened to her and the weird sensations she was feeling, she wasn't at all sure if she should trust herself around them just yet.

But there was something else she couldn't quite put her finger on.  And that something had to do with Spike.  The signature tingles that his presence always provoked had changed.  They were stronger, but there was something else about them...  Something that she was certain, had to be wrong...

And as her eyes met his, every nerve in her body ignited as though it were on fire.

"Buffy?  Love, are you alright?"  He asked her.

Buffy heard something growl and was shocked as she realized that the sound was coming from her!  'Oh God, Oh God,' She thought, over and over.  'Why am I growling?  How am I growling?  I'm not supposed to be growling!'

A large part of her wanted to leap out from her corner and tear Spike into pieces.  He was a vampire, and shouldn't be allowed to live.  It was her calling to rid the world of his kind!  But another part of her was horrified at the thought.  He was her friend, and he had a soul, and he said he loved her!

No, she knew he loved her.  Not only, anymore, because he had told her, but because she could see it all around him as he looked at her.  And damn it if she didn't growl louder as she thought of this!  'What in the hell is wrong with me!?'  Her mind shouted.

Buffy decided that she had lost her mind, and she needed to get out of here now, before she hurt somebody.

"Spike?"  Willow whispered, from behind him.  "Spike... her eyes...  They look like...  Yours...  When you're all fangy!"

"No, they don't."  Spike lied, never taking his eyes off of Buffy's, as she fidgeted in her crouched position.  The color excluded, that is exactly what they looked like.  But he was damned if he was going to say so out loud.  As it was, Buffy looked ready to bolt at any moment.

Spike hoped that the two behind him would catch on to his lie and the reason behind it and not say anything else, especially about -


- "My God, Buffy your teeth!"  Giles exclaimed.

'Oh, Balls!'  Spike cursed, mentally, wishing that he could snap the man's neck for his lack of restraint, as he watched Buffy recoil, as though struck, at his words.

Her growls ceased as she ducked her head, bringing her hands to her face.  He couldn't see what she was doing, but he didn't have to.  He knew she was checking to see what Giles was talking about.

Buffy peered back up at them, through her hair, which had fallen around her face, her glittering eyes filled with confusion and pain.  Spike felt a deep aching pull of empathy toward her that left him bewildered, because the emotion came from his demon, not his soul.

He knew he had to get these wankers out of here so he could try to coax her out, himself.  He realized that there was a level of danger in this line of thinking, because his senses that recognized a slayer were nearly screaming, but these bastards with their big mouths were hurting her.  Unintentionally, but hurting her, all the same.  And dangerous or not, seeing her in pain tore at him.

He didn't get the chance though, because just as he opened his mouth to suggest that they leave, he heard a low anguished cry coming from the corner, and he found himself falling backwards, with an armful of freaked out slayer on top of him.

Spitting like a cat and struggling against him, Spike realized that he had gripped on to her, during his fall.  He quickly relinquished his hold on her, holding his hands up in resignation as she hissed, revealing her small but fairly impressive fangs, before leaping off of him, streaking up the stairs and out the door.  Her exit was immediately followed by a few shocked exclamations from the other people upstairs, and another slam, which signaled Buffy's departure from the house.

Spike lay on the floor for a moment, with his eyes closed, struggling to reign in his anger at Willow and Giles, before he attempted to sit up.  When he finally did, it was Willow he fixed his stare on first.  She was pulling herself up from the floor, as well, sniffing back tears and shaking.  Next, he turned to his other side to see Giles, pulling himself to his feet and wiping his glasses.

"Well, I hope the two of you are proud of yourselves."  Spike said to them.  "You did a right proper job of scaring her off.  I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that she didn't decide to kill us, first!"


*  *  *  *  *


Buffy was running.  Her shoes seemed to barely touch the pavement as she flew down the street.

When she came to a park, she slowed down to a stop and took a seat on one of the swings, turning her tear streaked face to the sky.

'Ok,' she thought,  'Buffy, you need to snap out of it.  This is what you asked for...  So what if you have a few extra bonuses you weren't expecting?'

But the truth was, she figured that if she changed - no matter how different she became - she would feel more powerful.  But she didn't.  All she felt was afraid.  She did this so that neither she, or anyone else would have to be afraid anymore.  Now, she wasn't just scared, she was scared of herself!


Every thought she had was challenged by another that seemed to come from someone else.  She supposed that must be the slayer demon.  Great...  Did that mean she wast going to start talking about different aspects of herself in the third person like Spike sometimes does?  Cause, that would be really un-cool.

She pictured herself in the mall, screaming out, "Oh God, my demon just HAS to have that pair of boots for our new patrolling ensemble!"

She shook her head and stuck out her tongue in disgust...  And noticed that the fangs were gone.

"Oh woah!"  She whispered.  She pulled her compact mirror from her pocket and looked at her reflection.  She didn't look any different than she would have earlier today.

She felt herself beginning to calm down.  It was nice out here.  No one around to worry about, pretty stars, nice breeze.  And, she did feel pretty juiced.  She felt like she had an endless supply of energy to burn.  She had all sorts of questions, but she figured that she would have to get the answers through time and experience, because the demon didn't seem to have come with a handbook of some sort.

But, just as she thought she could relax, she felt those tingles again.  Familiar ones.

'Damn it, I should have ran further!'  She thought, just as Spike appeared from the other side of the park.  Buffy's fingers wrapped in the chains of the swing, as her mind, demon, and emotions began their inner turmoil again.

"I think you ought to stay back, Spike."  She warned him.  "I need to be alone for a while."

Spike nodded his head, and sidled up to a rocking pig toy and sat on it.  Buffy found herself wanting to grin at the comical picture that was, but caught herself before she did.

'Kill him!'  Her demon hissed.

'No!'  Her other side argued.  'He has a soul! He's one of us!'

"Thought I might find you here."  Spike said softly, from across the sand, as he lit up a smoke.  Buffy found that she had no trouble hearing him, even from their considerable distance to each other.

"Why?"  She asked, her voice even quieter than his.  She knew he would hear her.

"Because."  Spike shrugged and took another pull on his cigarette before continuing.  "Just did,"  He whispered, shrugging again.  He hooked his feet in the stirrups of the playground toy, and propped his elbows on his knees.

Buffy lowered her eyes and squinted across the sand, at Spike.  She could tell that he was testing her.  Lowering his voice more and more, to see if she could hear him.  That was SO like him!  She herself, had been surprised to find that she could, but that didn't mean he had the right to play with her like that!

'See?'  Her demon pointed out,  'Evil!'

'Oh stop it!'  She countered back.  'That's not evil... just curious... and annoying!'

Buffy watched as said annoying vampire bounced a little on the playground pig, as if bored.

"A bit scary, inn'it?"  Spike asked her, suddenly.

"Is what scary?"  She countered.

Spike gave her a knowing look and tossed his cigarette to the side before he answered.

"The intensity of everything.  The sights, the sounds...  The vibes."  He ran his fingers down the back of his neck, and nodded at her.

Buffy knew exactly what he meant.  He knew her slayer senses were going ape-shit over his being here.  She didnt know whether to be angry with him for being a mister smarty pants, or to be thankful that he was keeping a respectful distance.  But, she knew that wouldn't last.  Why else would he be here, if he didn't plan to bring her back home with him?

Spike dropped his hand back down to rest on the other one and continued speaking, in a conversational manner.

"You get used to it, you know."  He nodded and offered her a barely there smile.  "And, if it helps any, you're giving off quite the buzz, yourself, right now."  He shivered, dramatically, poking fun of his own case of *warning* nerves.

"You don't know anything about what I'm going through."  Buffy pouted and pushed herself back lightly on the swing.  She didn't really like the idea of her feelings being compared to those of a vamp.  Denial was much more pleasant.

"No?"  Spike asked her, as he hopped off of the pig to sit cross legged in the sand in front of it.  "Well, let me take a few guesses, and you tell me if I'm close, fair enough?"

Buffy continued to pout, but nodded silently.

"I figure a slayer's demon is pretty similar to a vamp's, Pet.  What better way to catch an enemy than to know one?  What better way to know one, than to be quite a bit like one?"

Buffy's eyes narrowed and glowed at Spike at the comparison, but he held up his hand, beckoning her to wait and let him have his say.

"I already know you hear better.  I know from your reaction to me that your senses are sharper.  I'm willing to bet, with your eyes lookin' like that, you see a hell of a lot better out here than you used to."  He stopped and looked a little puzzled before adding,  "I don't rightly know what the fangs are for, in your case, but if it makes you feel any better, they look good on you!"  He flashed her a wry grin and raised his brows comically, hoping to lighten the mood.

Buffy had covered her mouth again, self consciously.  Once he had finished, she said, "I don't have any, right now.  And I don't think any of this is funny."

"No, it's not.  But you haven't denied anything I've said, Pet,"  Spike noted, rising to his feet and taking a few tentative steps closer.  "Tell you what...  I've got more to worry about than you do, at this point...  Let's say I come over there, and we'll just sit down and chat for a bit?  I won't try an' touch you.  Separate swings an' all that."  He nodded toward the empty swing beside her.  "We'll just talk.  Let the vibes settle down a little."

Taking Buffy's silence as consent, Spike began, slowly, to cross the space between them, only to stop a few short feet away when Buffy shook her head.

"I don't think you want to do that, Spike."  She told him, her voice serious.

"An, why wouldn't I?"  He asked.

Buffy felt herself struggling to stay still.  So many things were going on inside that she couldn't seem to control.  Instinct was battling with reason and there was still that other something...  This possessive sort of...  something that didn't make any sense, fighting and struggling against the
other two.

"Because, Spike," she began, her eyes hollow and pained,  "I think I might hurt you."

Spike cocked his head and blinked at her.  He inwardly chastised himself for feeling hurt by this.  After all, all these enhanced powers were new to her.  Not that he would tell her so, but he figured that, to her, not killing him was about as difficult as it would be for a fledgling vamp to refuse blood.  He had hoped that her spirit would overpower her instincts, but he could see that she was having a hard time with it.

Swallowing the lump he felt rising in his throat, he concentrated on pushing his emotions on the matter to the side, as he asked, "Do you *want* to kill me, Buffy?"

Buffy blinked back her tears as she pushed away from the swing and took a couple of steps away from him.

"No," she answered, shaking her head,  "But I might."

Spike could only stand there and watch as she turned and fled, once again, into the night.