Anya just stared at the girl for a very long moment, her eyes wide with shock, not quite processing her words just yet.

"Oh my God, are you sure?" Buffy asked, her voice excited. "Wow! Anya!"

She looked at her friend with an expression of delight -- to see that Anya's expression had not changed. She was still standing absolutely still, staring at Mara, her lips parted slightly in a little "O" of shock, one hand unconsciously resting over her still-flat stomach.

"Anya?" Buffy's tone quickly changed to one of concern, a slight frown creasing her brow. "Are you all right?"

Anya's expression did not change, but she managed to speak, finally. Well -- sort of.

"Chair," she squeaked out weakly, one hand suddenly on the table, supporting her weight as her legs became shaky. "Now!"

Spike moved quickly, grabbing a chair from the table and shifting it to directly behind her, as Buffy helped the shaken girl to sit down, still wide-eyed and utterly stunned.

"Anya?" Mara seemed concerned. "Are you okay?" She glanced anxiously at Buffy. "I -- I didn't mean to," she said in a small, nervous voice, staring at the woman who sat at the table, staring off into space in absolute shock.

"Get Xander," Spike suggested quietly, his intent gaze focused on Anya, as was everyone else's, and Julian was the one who hurried to fulfill the request.

Within moments, Xander came rushing into the kitchen, a look of concern coming over his face when he saw Anya. He hurried to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to get her attention. "Ahn? Are you okay?" he asked anxiously.

He was only further worried when her only response was to shake her head slightly in disbelief, staring across the room at the far wall. "What is it?" he pressed urgently, crouching down beside her and taking her hand, trying to get her to look at him. "Ahn? Honey? What is it? Baby?"

The final word seemed to catch her attention, and her wide, stricken eyes suddenly focused on him in wonder. "Baby?" she whispered back, the uncertain note in her voice making him misunderstand.

"Yes, Anya, Honey, I'm right here. What's the matter? What is it?" Xander was nearly frantic, very shaken by her unusual behavior -- even by Anya-standards. "What is it, Baby?"

"Baby," she repeated, her voice hushed and almost reverent, staring down at the space between them, her hand pressing slightly against her stomach, as if feeling for any swollen sign of the life that Mara had detected there.

Xander frowned, puzzled and worried by her apparent fixation on the word. "Okay, Ahn, you're starting to scare me. We covered that. Please, Honey, tell me what's..."

His voice suddenly trailed off as her brilliant green eyes rose to meet his, shining with tears and softened with joy as the reality of it began to sink in for her. Something in her eyes helped him to finally put the pieces together. The word she had fixated on echoing in his own head, in combination with the tender way she was holding her stomach, and the utter happiness on her face, told him finally what she could not find the words to say.

His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in an echo of her original reaction. "Oh my God," he whispered. "Oh my God, Ahn...*Baby?*" he echoed, wondering if he was really understanding her correctly.

She nodded slowly, biting her lip anxiously, searching his wide dark eyes for his reaction, seeking the same joy that was overwhelming her, sending her to a place far beyond words.

"A -- *our* baby?" he gasped, his hands rising to hold her by the shoulders, returning her gaze earnestly. "Really?" The hope and expectation, the joy to match her own, that she saw in his eyes was all the reassurance she needed.

"Yes," she whispered, almost mouthing the word, barely audible, nodding as happy tears fell from her eyes. "Yes!"

Xander's eyes slowly drifted from her eyes, to fall reverently on her stomach, trying to fathom the idea that his child, the result of their love and their union, was slowly growing inside her. Slowly, cautiously, he stretched a hand toward her stomach, brushing over it in the lightest of touches, before looking back up at her, tears shining in his own eyes as his hand rose to her cheek, rubbing gently over a tear that remained there.

He leaned in very close to her, his lips inches from hers, to whisper in a hushed voice of intense love and gratitude, "Thank you." And then, knowing no other adequate way to show her how grateful he was for the marvelous gift that only she could give him, Xander leaned in and covered his wife's lips with his own in a tender kiss.


“I’m so happy for them.” Buffy’s voice held a peace and contentment, in spite of the turbulence of their current situation, that Spike had not heard in her words since she had bought him. “I mean,” she chuckled softly, “that kid’s going to have a very, um…unconventional home life, but – but it’s going to have so much love…it’s going to be so happy…Xander and Anya are gonna make wonderful parents…”

The wistful note in Buffy’s voice worried him – and then, suddenly, his stomach turned inside him and he felt very sick, as he thought he understood what might be bothering her. He looked down at the bedspread, worrying it anxiously between his fingers, his mouth working as he tried to find the words to say what he was thinking – and failed.

Buffy turned away from her dresser, toward him, a soft, sad smile on her lips. “They deserve a little happiness…after everything,” she said in a near whisper, sitting down on the bed beside him and wrapping her arm around his waist, her own secret pain making her fail to notice his concern.

But finally, he had found words, and he turned his head to look at her, pulling away slightly so that she had to sit up and look at him.

She frowned at the look of distress on his face, the tears shining in his eyes. “What?” she whispered, her hand moving to rest on his leg. “What is it?”

“You do, too, Buffy,” he replied in a soft, trembling voice, meeting her eyes firmly although their was a deep pain and regret in his own. “You deserve that – that happiness. That – I can never give you.”

She frowned for a moment, confused – but then, her eyes widened in understanding, and a look of dismay came over her face. “Spike,” she said softly, shaking her head with a sad, ironic little smile through tears. “no. No, it’s not like that…”

“No,” he argued, looking down at the bed again, struggling to say the words that he felt were true, but were so difficult for him to voice aloud. “No, Buffy, you – you deserve – someone who…can give you that dream. After all you’ve done – for this bloody worthless world – giving your youth, your dreams, so that everybody else can stay happy and safe, the least you deserve is a child of your own, Buffy. And I can’t give that to you. Ever.” He looked back up at her, a sad resignation in his eyes, “But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

She studied his face for a long moment, her expression unreadable. Finally, she looked down at the spot where his fingers toyed with the bedspread. “Riley didn’t think so,” she said softly.

His eyes shot back up to hers suddenly in surprise. “Buffy?” he gently prodded her. “What do you mean, love?”

“He – he never wanted children. We talked about it. I told him how bad – how much I – I wanted to be a mother. He just said – kids weren’t a part of his world, and couldn’t ever be. He said he knew he’d be a terrible father. He – he laughed. ‘Face it, Buffy…people like you and me aren’t made to be parents’, he said.” She let out a sad, bitter laugh of her own. “Guess he was afraid to see what kind of a mess I’d have made of his kids.”

Spike’s eyes flashed with anger at the cruelty and insensitivity of the man who had stolen so much from the beautiful woman who sat before him, in tears from Riley’s heartless dashing of yet another dream.

Spike’s own insecurities no longer mattered. He knew very well that he could never be a father – not anymore. And he knew that if her dream was going to be fulfilled, it would mean the utter devastation of his own. But all he *really* knew was that Buffy was sitting here before him, in tears, with an ache in her heart, a need so deep and primal that no one had the right to deny it to her.

Least of all him.

“Buffy,” he said, his voice stronger as he turned completely toward her, taking her arms in his and giving her a gentle shake that drew her tearful eyes up to his again. “You are going to make an *amazing* mum someday.” He spoke the words clearly, emphatically, wanting to eradicate the self-doubt and insecurity that Riley had planted there.

He hesitated over the next words, which were painful for him to speak, looking down for a moment before he looked up at her again to add, “Just ‘cause that bloody wanker didn’t want children – and he’s right about one thing, he’d be a soddin’ awful dad – doesn’t mean that – that there’s not someone out there who will. I – I can’t imagine why he’d be so bloody daft as to refuse you. Any man alive would love to – to father your child, Buffy.”

He paused, his eyes downcast as he released her and finished in an aching whisper, “I know *I* would.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she took in what he was saying, surprised and confused at the words. “Spike,” she whispered. “What are you…I mean…do you think…?” She stumbled over the words as understanding dawned on her, and her mouth set in a firm line of determination.

If it was the last thing she did, she was going to break him of this unworthiness complex he seemed to be unable to shake.

She reached toward him, mimicking his pose with her moments before as she took his arms and said softly, “Spike, look at me.”

He obeyed, though she could see the hurt and sorrow in his open, vulnerable eyes.

She tried to put all her devotion and affection into a single look as she stared at him, a firm conviction in her voice as she spoke. “I want *you*. More than anything else in this world. More than children. More than a ‘normal life’…” She spoke the words with derision at her former foolishness, hoping for something that she never could have had, and that she would have hated had she ever really found it.


“If children are not in our future…which it’s pretty safe to say, they’re not,” she added with a soft, sad little laugh. “then they’re just not in our future. But I don’t want *any* future that’s not with you!”

Spike stared up at her, amazed at the depth of her devotion. “But Buffy,” he whispered. “You – you could have so much more! You are such a powerful, beautiful woman – and you have so much to offer a child…you could give them anything…”

“Except life,” she finished for him softly, her eyes downcast again.

The words stopped him in his tracks, frowning slightly, uncomprehending. “What – what do you mean, love?” he asked her gently. “What do you mean, you can’t…” His eyes widened as he took in the sad, shameful set of her shoulders, her downcast eyes focused on the bed – as he finally began to understand.

A silence fell over them for a few moments, until she finally spoke in a soft, clear voice, carefully calm. “Riley didn’t want to take any chances. He didn’t want children – and he didn’t want to worry about it. So – he wanted me to – to have it taken care of. So that it – it wouldn’t be an issue.”

She was silent again for a long moment, before she looked up at him with a world of pain and guilt in her eyes. “I – I had an operation. It’s – it’s not even an option anymore.” The tears welling in her eyes slipped down her cheeks as she gazed at him with firm devotion in her eyes, in spite of her pain and added, “So don’t even think that you’re keeping me from having children. Because I can’t have them anyway.”

Spike was utterly stunned, aghast at the cruelty that would make Riley take something so precious from the woman he had claimed at one time to love.

“Buffy…love…” he whispered. “I – I’m so sorry…”

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, but a soft smile of affection on her lips. “Don’t be,” she whispered. “Riley took that from me…not you.” She paused, leaning in closer to him, as she added in a hushed whisper of awe, “All you’ve done…is give back. I have so much that he took from me – all because of you.”

And she kissed him then, with a hunger and need that ran deeper than anything she had shared with him before, as they fell to the bed in each other’s arms, losing their pain in the safety of their embrace.