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Gentle Whisper of Souls by Chelle
 
Lack of Understanding
 
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Chapter 6: Lack of Understanding

Author's Notes: You may find things here that Wolfram and Hart didn't do. I took a few liberties for my story and wrote W&H a little differently than the canon version.


When they arrived at the hotel, they exited quickly, surrendering Angel’s car to the valet. Buffy didn’t wait for the elevator and instead took the stairs two at a time all the way to the tenth floor, then she fairly sprinted down the hallway. Angel and Spike stayed close to her and Spike finally took pity and opened the door when her third attempt to insert the key failed.

Making her way across the room, she grabbed another bag, then told Spike and Angel to stand closer together. Handing Spike the case that contained the serum, she turned and poured yellow powder from a leather pouch in a perfect circle around the two of them, then bowed innocently beside them. “Let our voices carry only to our own ears.” She stood and stepped across the powder.

“It’s okay to talk now. He can’t find me inside the circle.” She seized the case that contained the serum from Spike and flipped it open. Talking quickly, she began to fill the needle with the pink liquid in the vials. “The gypsies gave it to me. The Immortal has been feeding off their babies for years and when he took a piece of me, they found me. Apparently they’d been searching for the lost souls of their loved ones and found pieces of me inside of him. I didn’t believe them at first, when they told me what he was capable of. So, they whisked me off to where he was performing his soul sucking thing on a little baby. Something happened to the baby and he took its soul right out of its mouth. It was horrible. I knew then that I would have to stop him.”

Absently, she held the needle in her teeth and slipped her pants over her hips, appearing nonchalant at the fact that she wore a thong beneath. She stepped from them and thumped the syringe a couple of times to rid it of any air pockets.


Angel and Spike were too distracted by the bruises and scabs that mottled her thighs to notice, however. Angel ran a hand through his hair and shook his head in disbelief. “You’re shooting up?”

She calmed herself for his benefit. “It inhibits the good parts of my soul. The parts that he wants. The parts that draw him to me. Right now he thinks that he took too much of me and he feels like hell for it. If he finds out that there are still pieces of me in here, he’ll know what I’ve been doing and it won’t work.”

“What won’t work?” asked Spike, leaning down to examine a particularly large bruise. He swore, lightly touching the angry blue area with the tip of his finger. “Jesus, Buffy! What the hell are you doing? Look at this mess!”

“He has to completely take my soul. A soul that is basically dead, lacking human emotion, and when it’s inside of him he’ll be weakened. He’ll be weak enough that we can kill him, but I can’t do it yet. I’m supposed to take it for four more weeks and then I’ll be completely devoid of what it takes to feed him.”

“You’re killing your soul!?” Angel yelled.

“No!” Buffy yelled back. “It’s not permanent. As soon as he dies it will come back to me. God, I’m not explaining this right. The gypsies have taken care of it, okay?”


”How do you know?” Angel was so angry that he was shaking. “You’ll have to forgive me for reminding you that the gypsies aren’t exactly trustworthy people, Buffy. Remember that little clause they gave me? As if suffering wasn’t enough?”

“It will work,” she replied softly. “It has to work.”

“If it’s this easy,” Spike said, “then why haven’t they done it before?”


”They needed a warrior’s soul. A soul that would fight for control of the demon and be strong enough to get it. See, when I’m on this serum I kinda see things in terms of demons evil, Slayer good. When my soul is inside a demon the natural thing for it to do will be to fight. I don’t see good demons when I’m on this stuff.” She looked from one to the other. “I don’t even see past the demons in you when I’m on it.”

“All the more reason for you leave it alone.” Spike took the case from her and looked at the pink vials. “Fred is working on another way. A better way to stop this thing.”

Buffy snatched the case from him and closed it, still clutching the filled needle in her hand. “You don’t know what it feels like to wake up and not care if your friends live or die. That’s the piece of me he took. My love for them. It was my strongest emotion the night he took it and I want that back because I can remember it. I just can’t feel it.”

“How long have you been taking this?” Angel demanded.

“A few weeks. I have to take it for three months before I’m ready. See, right now I have to keep taking it to dull everything, but it keeps coming back ... the emotion, the pain. I feel it trying to inch its way in because the serum hasn’t had time to work. Yet.”

“It’s killing you.” Angel fought to control the emotion that was raging through him. Her soul. Her soul was on the line and she was willing to offer it up for the taking. “Buffy, you don’t realize what it means to not have a soul. Even for a second. Let’s say he takes it from you and it goes inside him. You won’t be able to kill him then because you won’t be able to do what’s right without your soul. Don’t you get it? That’s what makes you who you are. That’s what makes you a Slayer. It’s inside of you. Right and wrong. It’s what guides you and without that you’re not going to care if he lives or dies. You’ll be an evil, heartless creature.”

“No,” Buffy argued. “I’ll know what I have to do and I will do it. I still know right from wrong.”

“There are other ways.” Spike stated as calmly as he could. “Wolfram and Hart can make it so that he can’t read you or find you, Buffy. They can do things that you wouldn’t believe.”

“I’ve come this far and I’ll be damned if I run and hide while some creepy law firm decides how to proceed.” Buffy held up the needle. “The answer is inside this serum. Look, I’ve been preparing for this for a while. I’m not going to screw this up. It makes me feel-”


”I think you like the way it makes you feel,” Angel told her. “I think you like hiding behind the numbness because you’re weak. You’re too weak to face the fact that you fucked up by letting him into your life so you’re taking the easy road out. You can rationalize it all you want, but the truth of the matter is that you aren’t in control and you haven’t been in control for a hell of a long time.”

Buffy’s face contorted with rage. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that. I’m doing what I have to do to fix what happened.”

“It happened because of you! And you’re a coward. You are scared of the pain. You’re scared of facing up to Giles and explaining why you shirked your responsibilities. You’re scared of admitting that you fell for the wrong guy again and he got the better of you.” Angel’s voice was so loud that Buffy visibly flinched with almost every word. “You’re doing what you have to do to hide, Buffy. That’s all you’re doing.”


Her chin began to tremble and she turned her back to them, careful not to step outside the circle. They didn’t notice that the needle had slipped into her skin or that the contents were quickly dispensed, but when she turned back to them her eyes had gone cold, hollow, and her voice had lost every ounce of passion.


”You know the way out.” She held out her hand, motioning for the case that Spike held firmly in his hand. “I’ll be needing that.”

Cocking his head to one side, Spike grinned in a devilish way.


Then he opened the case, turned it upside down so that the remaining vials clattered onto the carpet.
Then together, Angel and Spike stomped every last one of them until there was nothing left except a bright pink stain that faded slowly before their eyes.



It took Buffy several moments to realize what had happened. She stood, arms at her sides, jaw slack, staring at the spot on the carpet until Spike reached toward her and gently shook her. She knew he was speaking to her, but the anger she felt rang loudly in her ears, effectively drowning him out.

Wordlessly, she stepped from the circle, her rage boiling inside her. She knew that there was a stake in her bag. She could stake both of them easily. But then what, a part of her brain rationalized, you’re back at square one and at least they know what happened, they understand.
She ran her hand over her face. Spike and Angel were both talking to her now, but she effectively tuned them both out.

Maybe she could call the gypsies, explain what happened. The serum regenerated in the bottles anyway. Maybe she had an empty bottle back home that had refilled itself. Yes, surely that would be okay. Glancing at her watch, she knew she’d have a while, maybe half a day, possibly an entire day, before The Immortal would actually break through the wall she had built up. Before the serum was out of her system.

If she could just stay neutral about everything ... calm.

“Buffy,” Spike said for the millionth time. “It’s okay. We can-”

“Stop saying my name,” Buffy replied without inflection. She walked over to where her suitcase was opened in the corner and picked it up, tossing it on the bed where the contents poured haphazardly on the comforter. Then she slipped a pair of jeans over her slim hips and shoved her feet into a pair of thongs.

They watched as she began to pack her belongings, carelessly tossing her clothing into the case. “What are you doing?” Angel finally asked, when she headed toward the bathroom.

Whirling on her heel, Buffy marched back into the room. “I can’t stay here. I have to go back to Italy and -”

“You’re staying with me.” Angel snapped the suitcase closed and picked it up. “Is this everything?”

Buffy could scarcely believe her ears. “Have you been listening to me at all? Have you heard one thing I’ve said?” She nodded toward the protective circle, quickly said the chant, and stepped inside, waiting until they followed her. “I’m pretty sure I felt him earlier when I was in the car. I think maybe he knows something is up and that’s why I’m using the circle. When I’m on the serum he can’t read anything about me.”

“Then why are we in this circle?” Angel asked. “You just used it, right?”

“Because I’m pissed as hell! And I don’t know if I have enough serum inside me now to do jack shit! That’s why! Because I’d rather be safe than sorry! Because I don’t know how to fight him! I explained this!”

“Explain it better,” Spike growled. “Explain it all!”

“God,” Buffy practically shouted. She fought to compose herself, to suppress the raw annoyance and furor that was raging inside her. “A Vespara demon always has a connection to the people whose soul it whispers. As long as I’m alive the little piece of me he took will be alive. It won’t always be strong, but it’s there. It gives us a link to one another. A very bad link that lets him feel what I feel and, at times, read my mind. He can even control me if he wants to! When I’m on the serum it protects me from any outside interference and makes him think that he took all of me that he wanted. I told you this already!”

“Do it again!” Spike snapped. “Because none of it makes any sense to me.”

“What do you want to know?” She crossed her arms and glared at him.

“Did you sleep with him?” Spike crossed his as well.

“I’m not answering that because it’s none of your business.”

“Fine.” Spike shrugged. “Why are you so scared of him?”

She swallowed hard and then looked away. “You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

Angel shook his head. “But you said that he doesn’t possess what it takes to harm anyone. If he can’t kill you then what-”

“It’s up here.” Buffy tapped her temple with a finger. “The things he can do up here are worse than death. I want it to stop. It has to stop.”

“Come to Wolfram and Hart. There are powerful spells that prevent people from using any kind of external forces to harm us there. Hell, even the sun can’t hurt a vampire inside those walls.” Angel indicated the room at large. “You’re alone here and you’ll be alone in Italy, but together we can fight this thing.

Buffy, who was so exhausted and tired of fighting and tired of not knowing what would happen next, chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. Maybe she would be safe there. Maybe she could contact the gypsies again. Maybe ... “If I come there you have to promise me that you won’t bring Giles or the others into the situation.”


”You have that promise,” Angel replied softly. “It’s us. Only us.”

“Okay, then.” Buffy stepped out of the circle and finished her packing.


 
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