Chapter 11: Sexual Healing

Author's Notes: **** There is B/S/A sex in this part. I originally left it as a suprise, but consider yourself warned. It's not exactly kinky, but it is a threesome. :)


~*~*~*~*~
“Spike?” Buffy called as she knocked on the door to his apartment for the fifteenth time. “Please open the door. I know you’re in there.”

“Go away, Slayer.” Spike shouted. He was sitting on the sofa, a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“All my things are in there!” Buffy called. “Do I really have to break in the door?”

Spike drained the bottle and threw it, hard, into the fireplace, relishing the sound of the breaking glass. He stalked across the room and snatched the door open. “It wasn’t even locked.”

“Oh.” She gave him a small smile. “I guess I’ll try that first next time.”

He turned back toward the living room, ignoring her. Buffy shut the door and followed him, resting her hands on the back of a chair as he opened another bottle and threw the lid into the floor. She watched as he flipped the television on and took a deep, noisy drink from the bottle.


She cleared her throat and he looked at her. “What, slayer? You know where your things are. Get them and go!”

“Go where?”

“Go to hell for all I care.” He took another drink and eyed her up and down, finally meeting her gaze. “Awww, are you going to cry, pet? Big green eyes getting watery on you? Go ahead. See if I care.”

Buffy swallowed hard and moved to sit across from him. “I get that you’re mad at me and-”

“Mad?” Spike leaned forward. “You think I’m *mad*? Buffy, mad doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I feel right now.”

“Okay!” Buffy shouted. “You hate me! Join the club!”

“I don’t like clubs with that many members.”

“That was low.”

“It was true. If you killed every person who hated you -”

“I’d start with myself,” Buffy said.

“Oh, here we go. If you want to knock yourself off, Slayer, there’s plenty of tools in my weapons chest.”

Hot tears spilled over her cheeks as she stared at him. “And you wouldn’t stop me?”

“Nope. Wouldn’t even miss you. Probably wouldn’t notice you were gone until you started to stink up the place.”

She felt her chin trembling and saw him notice, but he didn’t reach for her, didn’t try to soothe her in any way. “Fine,” she said as calmly as her cracking voice would allow and stood.

Spike watched her out of the corner of his eye as she padded toward his bedroom. “Buffy! Don’t you dare!”

He shot off the sofa and grabbed her before she made it ten paces. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her firmly against his chest, her back to him. He could feel her shaking, heard her crying softly. “I’m sorry, luv. I didn’t mean it.”

Buffy leaned her head back against his chest and let herself cry. “You know, I thought it would change, but it didn’t.”

“What?”

“Ever since Sunnydale the only place I feel safe is in your arms. That night, the last night we were together in my basement. I felt like I could fight anything as long as you were with me. As long as you would be there to hold me again.” She turned and looked up at him. He wiped the tears from her eyes and she caught his hand, kissing his palm. “Spike, I can handle the thought of The Immortal beating me when I face him, but I can’t handle the thought of you not believing what I said to you in the Hellmouth. I do lo-”

“Don’t, Buffy.” Spike put his thumb over her lips to silence her. “Don’t do that.”

“I do!”

“You love Angel.”

“I love you both!”

“And both of us love her,” Angel suddenly said from the open doorway.

“God!” Spike shouted. “I’m getting a fucking deadbolt for that door.”

Angel stepped fully into the room and shut the door behind him. “Did you tell him yet, Buffy?”

“Tell me what?” Spike took several steps away from Buffy, glancing back and forth between the two.

“No,” Buffy replied quietly, drawing the sleeve of her shirt across her eyes. It made her seem younger, more vulnerable. To Spike, she added, “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Angel sat down in the chair that Buffy had vacated earlier. “Please sit down. Both of you.”

“This is my house! And I didn’t invite you to sit!” Spike yelled. “But I am inviting you to leave.”

“Sit down!” Angel shouted. His voice was so loud that the walls seemed to vibrate. “We don’t have a lot of time! Two of The Immortal’s minions tried to get through our security a few minutes ago. He knows that Buffy is here.”

“Oh my god,” Buffy whimpered and began to pace back and forth. “I’m not ready! We’re not ready! I - I could talk to Maria again. There has to be another way!”

Angel stood, caught her and pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay. I think we’re fine. I’ve got people working to put stronger magicks on the building right now.” He pushed her back so he could see her. “And I think we have to consider what Maria told you.”

“Who the fuck is Maria?” Spike growled, stepping beside Buffy. “And what are you talking about?”

“Tell him,” Angel said.

“No.” Buffy shook her head. “This is insane! I’m not - we’re not - there is no way we’re doing that.”

“Doing what!?” Spike shouted.

Angel let Buffy go and turned to face Spike. “The spell she did earlier put her in contact with the gypsies who gave her the serum. They told her that you and I together are strong enough to protect her.”

“Then let’s protect her.”

“There’s more to it than that,” Buffy said.

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” Spike replied. “Now, what do we have to do?"

Angel told him.

Buffy blushed a bright red.

All Spike could say was, “Bloody hell!”

*~*~*~*~

To the casual observer, the three people who sat side by side on the sofa appeared to be engrossed in the television. But the television was not on and each of their gazes rested in opposite directions. Buffy sat in the middle, nervously chewing her bottom lip. Now and then, Spike or Angel would reach past her, handing off their third bottle of whiskey to one another.

Occasionally, they would offer it to her, but she’d shake her head and try to pull herself into a smaller lump.

“Well,” Spike finally said, putting the empty bottle on the table. “I guess there’s no time like the present.”

Buffy’s eyes were as round as saucers. “What? No. No, we have to, uhm, I- I think Fred needs my help.”

She stood and started to step over Angel’s legs, but he caught her arm. “Buffy, it’ll be okay.”

“We can’t do this.”

Standing, Angel brushed her hair off her face. “I’ve already told you how Fred explained it to me. I think it will work.”

“And if it doesn’t? Everything is already so complicated.”

“It can’t get worse, luv,” Spike told her. “Look, it’s not that different than you shagging us both already.”

“Yeah,” she snapped. “And you two tried to kill each other after that!”

“I won’t kill him.” Angel squeezed her hand. “And he couldn’t kill me if he tried.”

“Wanna bet?” Spike growled.

“See?” Buffy cried. “You two can’t handle it! You can’t --- share.”

“We’ll bloody well do what it takes!” Spike shouted. “You are not going to die!”

Buffy pulled her hand out of Angel’s and wrapped her arms around herself. “I have to take a shower.”

“Go ahead,” Angel told her. “Take as much time as you need.”

They watched her go, then glared at one another. Spike grabbed the empty whiskey bottles and pointed his finger at Angel. “If I catch you checking me out -”

“If you catch me checking you out then please kill me! I’d rather not be permanently scarred!”

“Piss off!” Spike stalked to the kitchen and dumped the bottle in the trash. When he returned, Angel was lighting a fire in the fireplace. “What are you doing?”

“Setting the mood.”

“Putting a bag over your head just might do it for her.”

“Shut up!” Angel grabbed a couple of candles off the mantle and lit them as well. “Get a blanket. We need to make it comfortable for her.”

“There is a bed, you know?”

“Do you really wanna go there, Spike?”

“You’re right.” Spike went to the bedroom and grabbed a fluffy blanket from the closet. He also grabbed an armful of pillows from the bed and paused, listening to the shower running. “You okay, pet?”

He heard her drop something, swear under her breath, and shout that she was fine in a very high pitched voice.

Chuckling, he returned to the living room. “You know, I’ve seen her face down the most powerful demons on the planet, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen her so - what’s the word?”

“Awkward? Out of her element? Apprehensive?”

“I don’t think she’s out of her element, mate.” Spike tossed him the pillows and spread the blanket on the floor. “Got a feeling she could give us a run for our money.”

“And you’d know, wouldn’t you?” Angel asked as he arranged the pillows. “Listen, just because you’ve been with her more than me doesn’t give you the right to call the shots here.”

“Oh, touchy!” Spike smoothed the blanket again and gave Angel a mocking smile. “Just follow my lead, sport. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

“I mean it, Spike.”

“You just worry about yourself, peaches, and leave the rest to me.”

“I think that the key to this is that we have to overcome our hatred for one another and focus solely on what we feel for her. Our animosity doesn’t need to transfer over into her. The good in us needs to transfer into her.”

“Won’t be a problem for me. The second I see her all spread out and ready ... you won’t even register.”

“I meant what I said, Spike. You’re not calling the shots.”

“Neither are you. I think our little spitfire will be calling them and we’ll be dancing through her hoops.”

“Where is she?”

Spike cocked his head to one side. “You know, my shower is pretty big. What say we cancel the appointment with tense and awkward and go join her?”

“What was it you said earlier? No time like the present?”

*~*~*~

Buffy was rinsing her hair for the fourth time. Part of her felt that she was postponing the inevitable, but another, stronger part, told her that the wait was half the fun. She could envision it clearly in her head and as she soaped her chest, the fact that her hardened nipples ached to the touch wasn’t lost on her. She felt excitement, fear, and most of all, desire the likes of which she had never experienced in her young life.

Both of them. At once.

Hadn’t she had this dream a million times? Hadn’t she fantasized about it so often while patrolling that more than once she was caught off guard? What woman wouldn’t want to make her fantasies a reality? It was happening for her just as soon as she shut off the water and joined them.

But ...

What happened afterwards? When she had to go back to Italy? Did she have to go back to Italy, she wondered. Maybe she could stay here. Maybe she could live with her father. It’s not like she would have a job in Italy if she killed her boss. Her scattered thoughts came back to the idea of both of them.

She imagined how wonderful it would be to wake up sandwiched between the two of them, the best of both worlds. To feel four hands on her body instead of two. Two mouths instead of one. Renewed heat flared through her and she gasped. Every inch of her skin was on fire.

That’s when the shower door slid open and Angel stepped in. Spike followed him. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat and for a split second, she wanted to protest, but the sight of the two of them, so willing to overcome their own feelings to help her, silenced the words on her lips. She was brutally aware of the way their eyes raked over her body and it sent tremors of anticipation racing up her spine.

Spike reached out first, cupping her breast in his palm. She hissed as he ducked his head and caught her nipple between his teeth. Angel trailed his thumb over her face and lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her thoroughly. His kiss left her gasping as he moved to her ear, playfully tugging on the hoop earring that dangled there.

“I love you,” he whispered, his fingers tangling in her hair.

Spike stood as well and kissed her neck, her cheek, her mouth. As her tongue touched his, he lowered his hand and slipped it between her legs, gently rubbing her aching core. Angel had moved behind her and was trailing kisses along her neck and shoulders, one of his hands on her breast and the other on her backside.

Her senses were exploding inside of her. She didn’t know where to concentrate, where the source of her pleasure was coming from. It came from all over, every place they touched. She moaned and Spike whispered in her ear, “You like that?”

“Oh god,” she replied. “Don’t stop.”

“We’re just starting,” Angel whispered into her other ear.
They surrounded her and Buffy could feel both of their erections pressing against her. Closing her eyes, she reached down, taking one in each of her hands.

Simultaneous hissing caused her to smile and she tightened her grip, pumping each with a firm, steady rhythm.

Spike pulled her legs further apart and slid two fingers inside her. “You’re so wet, Slayer.”

“Yeah,” Buffy sighed as he massaged her slowly at first and then more insistently.

She moaned when he dropped to his knees and pulled one of her legs over his shoulder. He slowly kissed her nether lips, parting her delicate folds with his hand. She leaned her head back against Angel, who was pinching both of her nipples. He tilted her head, kissing her and she whimpered against his mouth as her orgasm began to build, then crashed into her.

Spike stood slowly, kissing a path up her trembling body. He stroked her cheek and looked up at Angel. “Go ahead.”

Angel’s brow furrowed slightly, but he nodded. Pulling free from her hand, he moved behind her, kissing the back of her neck. “Lean forward.”

She was so short that he had to bend his legs almost painfully, but that was forgotten as he slipped into her warm, wet passage. She cried out and he stilled his movements, mindful of the fact that she may be sore, but she pushed back against him urgently and he was happy to oblige.

Spike kneeled in front of her, tangling his hands in her hair. He kissed her, sweetly at first, then more forcefully. She reached between his legs and stroked him, pulling him to his feet. Spike felt his eyes cross when she took him into her mouth. He growled, closing his eyes and flinging his head back.

Angel watched her head bobbing up and down on Spike’s thick cock and his own need forced him to drive into her harder, faster. It was the most erotic thing he’d ever witnessed in his life. Gripping her hips, he slammed against her, loving the way his hips sounded slapping against her backside. “Oh, god, Buffy,” he groaned, digging his fingers into her flesh. “That’s it, baby.”

Buffy felt her inner walls beginning to tighten and she moved a hand between her legs, rubbing her clit. Angel circled his arm beneath her and took over, flicking back and forth across her with just the right about of pressure. She cried out, her release causing her legs to buckle. Angel caught her, pulling her back against him as he spilled his seed deep within her womb.

She barely regained her bearings before Spike was helping her to her feet. He kissed her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. She felt the cool planes of Angel’s chest against her back as Spike lifted her, urging her legs around his waist. Angel reached around her, pulling her legs up higher and further apart. Spike slipped into her, bracing one palm against the shower wall and the other against the door. He slammed into her again and again and she flung her head back against Angel, who effortlessly held her suspended at just the right height for Spike to do as he pleased. Angel trailed kisses along her neck, down the slope of her shoulder.

Spike moved his hand behind her head and pulled her forward, hungrily savaging her mouth. Buffy held onto him, her fingers clutched in his hair. “Spike!”

The pulsating began anew inside Buffy. This time it was overwhelming and for a split second, she was sure that she was going to faint. She felt herself baring down against him, grinding into him, and then everything shattered and she was rocked with one powerful orgasm after another. She screamed and Spike came with a fierce cry and collapsed against her.

Angel could feel her shaking, could feel the tremors vibrating through her and he smiled as she went completely limp in his arms. Her breathing was strong, labored, and Spike stayed firmly between her legs, helping keep her upright.

They remained that way for a while, until Spike finally slipped from her. “Water’s getting cold.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Buffy replied lazily.

Angel chuckled and gently lowered her to her feet. She gasped as her legs threatened to buckle, but two firm sets of hands held her steadfast. “You okay?” Angel asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, not looking at either of them. The realty had sunken in and she felt her cheeks beginning to flame as she became all too aware of the stickiness between her legs.

“Hey,” Angel forced her to look up at him. “It’s okay.”

“I - I should probably, uhm, I need to wash up.”

Spike shook his head. “I always clean up my messes, pet. You know that.”

Buffy watched as he soaped a washcloth and ran it over her stomach, then between her legs several times. Angel took the massaging shower head down and rinsed the soap clean.
Spike stepped out of the shower and opened a big towel for her. She stepped into it, chilled now, and he massaged her arms. “There’s fire in the living room. Go warm up.”

Buffy nodded and quickly left the bathroom, her cheeks now positively scarlette.

Spike tossed Angel a towel and took one for himself. Neither vampire spoke for several seconds. Then Angel said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not making it complicated.”

“I did it for her.” Spike secured the towel around his waist. “Do you think that was enough to do it?”

“I don’t know. We’ll have to see what she says.”

Spike left the bathroom and picked up a hairbrush. He yanked it through his hair and then took it to the living room. Buffy was still wrapped in her towel and sitting dangerously close to the fireplace. “Roasting, luv?”

“Not quite yet.”

“Come here,” he told her, motioning for her to join him on the couch.

She made sure the towel was snug before she walked to where he sat. “Turn around. Let me get the tangles out of your hair.”

Buffy grinned at him. “The last time you did this you almost yanked me bald.”

“If memory serves I was incredibly pissed at you chopping it all off.”

“You chopped off your hair?” Angel asked. He came from the kitchen carrying three drinks.

Buffy took a sip of hers and grimaced. “That’s strong.”

“Drink it,” Spike told her, gently pulling the brush through her hair. “And yes, she did whack it all off because I told her it was beautiful.”

Angel laughed and sat down next to her, taking her hand. “That’s almost as bad as you trying to read my mind that time.”

“Wasn’t a long read, was it, pet?” Spike asked. “Brood, pine, brood, pine.”

Buffy took one look at Angel’s face and burst out laughing. “You shouldn’t be so taciturn, Angel. Take Spike here, for example. I’d never have to read his mind. I knew he loved me when he chained me and Drusilla to opposite walls and threatened to let her have me unless I confessed my love for him.”

“You gave me a right good ass kicking for that.”

“You deserved it. I still can’t believe you thought that killing her would prove you loved me.”

“You killed Dru?” Angel asked.

“No, she got away.” Spike pulled the brush to the ends of Buffy’s hair and started over again. “But Miss Priss here had the witches banish me from her house for it.”

“I’ve been there, too.” Angel nodded, he studied them closely for several seconds, then cleared his throat. “Can I ask a few things?”

Buffy glanced quickly at him, studying his expression. “Uh, okay.”

“Spike, when did you fall in love with her?”

“I’ve asked myself that same question. I think it was when I had the Gem of Amarra and I saw that bloke break her heart.”

“Not going there!” Buffy snapped.

“I’m just saying,” Spike continued. “that seeing you in the sunlight, with your heart on your sleeve, really got to me. That’s when you started to consume me, but I didn’t actually fall completely in love with you until I came to your house with the shotgun and you were on your back steps crying because your mom was so sick.”

“You were going to kill me. And I was going to let you.”
“But I couldn’t.”

Buffy glanced up at Angel. “He still kept trying.”

“Okay, okay,” Spike said. “Didn’t have a soul!”

Angel regarded them quietly. “What about you, Buffy? When did you fall in love with him?”

“Angel-”

“It’s okay.” Angel squeezed her hand reassuringly. “I just want to understand it better.”

“There was a Hell-God after Dawn. Her name was Glory and she kidnapped Spike because she thought he was my boyfriend. She tortured him. Beat him within an inch of his life, but he still wouldn’t tell her that Dawn was they key. When I went to see him, he thought I was his sex robot, and told me everything. I kissed him. He took a little piece of me right then.”

“Really?” Spike asked, grinning from ear to ear.

“Back up!” Angel held up a hand. “Sex robot?”

“Oh yeah, he had a nerd build him an exact replica of me for sex.”

Angel howled with laughter and Spike frowned. “It’s not like she makes it sound. That robot had a purpose when Buffy died! It fooled everyone! Kept Niblet with us!”

Buffy waited for Angel to regain his composure, then said, “When I came back from Heaven he was there for me in ways that no one else could be. He understood what it was like to dig out of the grave and to not understand why I was back. He took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself.”

“And you started having sex?”

Buffy nodded.

“Tell me about it,” Angel said. “The first time.”

“No.” Buffy shook her head. “Angel, this isn’t -”

“I’m not upset, Buffy. I have to understand it.”

When Buffy was silent, Spike set the brush on the table and spoke in her place. He understood the need to know and come to terms with it. “I hit her one night and the zapper in my head didn’t go off. I thought she came back all wrong, part demon or something. I taunted her in an alleyway. One thing led to another and we were beating the hell out of each other. Next thing I know, we’re in an old warehouse, still trying to kill each other, and she yanks her skirt up, jumps up on me, and unzips my fly. I was so stunned that I didn’t believe it. Then we fell through the floor and the house comes in around us, but she didn’t even know it. We stayed there all night.”

“Wow.” Angel stared down at his hand, how it dwarfed Buffy’s. “ Was it always that violent?”

“Angel-” Buffy started to speak, but he shook his head.

“Was it?”

“Most of the time.”

“Did it happen a lot?” Angel asked.

“Yeah,” she replied honestly. “But we shouldn’t be talking-”

“You don’t know what it’s like for me to try to rationalize why you would hook up with Spike.” Angel gave her a small smile. “I need you to make sense of it. When did you break up? When he died?”

Buffy shook her head and told him about the breakup and about Anya and the spy cam. She carefully avoided the incident in the bathroom with Spike, but he admitted it himself. He chose his words wisely, but by the time he was finished, Angel’s grip on Buffy’s hand was painful.

“Worst thing I’d ever done.” Spike said. “It haunted me. I just kept seeing her face, hearing her crying for me to stop. I knew right then what I had to do. If I ever wanted to be the man she needed, I’d have to get a soul. Some kind of impulse control. I- it was the worst thing I’d ever done ---” He trailed off and Buffy turned to face him.

“Spike.” She was shocked to see the raw emotion on his face. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Spike shook his head. “But one day it may be.”
“I think going and fighting to get your soul proves what kind of man you are.”

Angel said, “Did you have sex while you had the soul?”

“No,” they replied in unison. “Not until earlier today or was it yesterday?” Buffy added.

“Yesterday.” Angel glanced at his watch, then back at Buffy. “Do you love The Immortal?”

“No.” Buffy looked scandalized.

“But you slept with him. Even though you knew what he was?”
She nodded.

“Why?” Spike asked quietly.

“It’s hard to stare death in the face when you don’t have anyone to miss you. I don’t want to die alone.”

“You never will,” Angel leaned forward and kissed her.
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

She didn’t realize that he towel had fallen completely off until she felt Spike slide his hands along her thighs, up to cup her ass.

“Are we going there again?” Buffy asked, her nose pressing lightly against Angel’s.

“Absolutely,” Angel replied with a grin.

*~*~*~*~*~