(Inside the lobby of Angel Investigations)

Cordelia Chase blew out an angry breath. Her night had been ruined, completely ruined. Looking at the clock on her desk, she fumed that right now she was supposed to be having dinner with the hot guy she’d met at the grocery store, but no, Angel had had his little emergency. And now police officers were taking up all the space in the lobby, which hello - detracted from the business. No one would want to hire AI if the police were known to frequent it. Stupid Angel. And what had happened anyway?

Doyle sat next to Cordy just happy that he could breathe in her perfume. She looked as lovely as ever, but highly irate. He felt for Angel, really he did, but he’d rather face off against the Scourge than face one pissed off ex-cheerleader with Sunnydale training any day. He was just relieved that Cordy didn’t know why all the police were present. He really didn’t like the idea of this “date” she kept talking about. Why couldn’t she go out with him? Stupid Angel. Serves him right.

The police had basically taken over the entire lobby of Angel Investigations. There were no empty chairs left; folding tables had been set up with radios and officers manning them. Blueprints and maps of the area were laid out and had been marked with different colors depending on who was assigned to what part. It looked like a war room, instead of a private detective agency.

Cordy and Doyle perched on the only place left to sit – on Cordy’s desk. Those officers that were attempted to flirt with the girl with the “nice rack” quickly learned to fear the “frigid bitch.” Doyle had to fight to rein in his demon. He’d heard all the remarks and innuendos that the police were spewing about his princess. It irked him that he could easily kill these men and not feel one ounce of regret. They’d slandered his girl. Well, she wasn’t really his girl, but these jerks didn’t know that. Fortunately for them all, Cordelia hadn’t heard one word of their insults after she’d refused their attentions. Doyle smiled; yes, those men were very lucky indeed.

An elder officer, had to be a detective, strode into the lobby followed by a younger officer. All the other police immediately paused in whatever they were doing and placed their attention on the older man. The younger officer was carrying an easel under one arm and almost dropping a huge corkboard with the other. No one attempted to assist the younger man.

“Set it up there, Brian,” said the elder officer, directing Jesse to a well-lit corner. As Brian carried out his order, the elder turned his attention to the rest of the room. “Okay, people, gather round.”

“Look people, I know that we’ve been searching for an hour, but remember what we’re searching for.”

A redheaded officer snickered a little too loudly and garnered the elder’s attention. “What’s your name, officer?”

Realizing that the lieutenant was talking to him, the redhead gulped but then smiled brightly as if nothing was amiss. “Wolf, sir. Jesse Wolf.”

“Well then Officer Wolf, would you like to share what’s so amusing about this situation to the rest of us?” the lieutenant asked. Inwardly, the lieu agreed with the young man, but he had to maintain his professional façade.

“Nothing, sir. Not funny at all, sir,” Jesse answered. He couldn’t believe he’d just graduated from the academy and his very first assignment was this. His best friend Dan stood next to him almost trembling with holding in his laughter.

“Okay then. Brian, do you have it ready?”

“Yes, sir,” Brian responded. While the officers had gathered, Brian had erected the easel and placed the board on it. He’d retrieved a map and some other items, pinning them to the board.

“Officers, let’s go over what we know.” The lieu pointed to a picture of Angel. “Approximately 22:00 hours this evening, Mr. Angel arrived at headquarters demanding to see Detective Kate Lockley. He reported to her that he had been the victim of an assault. Even though he reported the crime, Mr. Angel has not been forthcoming with the details of the attack. He had not provided us with a description of the attacker or if there were more than one involved in the assault. All we do know gentlemen and lady,” the lieu paused to nod at Officer Tam Love, “is that Mr. Angel has been injured.”

Cordy gasped at hearing that Angel had been injured. It had to have been bad if he’d gone to Kate. But then why go to Kate? He was a vampire. Sure these guys didn’t know that, but hell, why all this fuss? He’d heal, right? Cordy began to hyperventilate at the thought of losing what little income she’d received working for AI.

Doyle patted Cordy on the back and soothed her. “It’s gonna be okay, princess. Angel’s just in a wee bit of trouble. Everything will work out. You’ll see.”

Cordy smiled gratefully at Doyle and resumed her attention to the lieutenant. Then much to Cordy’s horror, she heard the next words and really wished she was anywhere but there.

“We are looking for Mr. Angel’s penis, people,” the lieu announced loudly. Several of the men shifted uncomfortably in response.

Dan couldn’t help himself, “Do we have a description, sir?”

The lieu gave him a stern look. “Sir, I just meant that we’ve all been looking for over an hour…and…”

“I understand, son. It’s okay. I’m sure most of us know what generally to look for.” That garnered a few snickers, which were silenced immediately by the cold look in the lieu’s eyes.

Under his breath, Jesse whispered to Dan, “Suspect has been known to be able to vary its size. It sometimes had been known to wear a hoodie.”

Dan howled with laughter. He couldn’t help it. In response, he ran from the lobby outside. He would deal with the lieu’s wrath later. He had to be able to breathe.

Tam moved close to Jesse and whispered, “Be careful men, suspect has been known to hang out with a couple of nuts.”

Jesse turned a shade of red to match his hair; still he held it in. No way was Tam going to out do him. He countered with, “Consider the suspect armed and dangerous. Suspect has been known to explode using some type of white, milky substance. We don’t know if it’s toxic or not.”

Tam snickered.

“Officers Wolf and Love; if you two can’t be serious then I could find you a nice detail elsewhere.”

“Sorry, sir,” they both said.

Cordy knew she had died and this was hell. This had to be hell. She wondered idly if some demon or some animal had carried it away and that’s why the police weren’t having any luck finding…Angel’s… thing.

The door to the lobby opened and all the officers, Cordy and Doyle turned in surprise at the small man who’d entered.

“Oz!” Cordy greeted.

“Um…hey, Cordelia. What’s with all the police?” Oz said, unruffled but obviously confused.

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A/N: The characters of Officers Tam Love, Jesse Wolf and Dan were inspired by our very own Spikeslovebite, Redwulf50 and Waywardchilde.