I've decided that I'm in love with every reviewer I have.... this may, or may not cause probs with the fiance... haven't told him yet.... But keep 'em comin' and we just won't tell him!

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As he paced back and forth in the backyard, Spike collected a substantial amount of cigarette butts at his feet. Since the nicotine did nothing for him, it was out of habit and the lack of anything else to do that led him to smoke like no one would ever make cigarettes again.


The entire time he had been out there waiting for her to join him, all he had been able to think about was the strange new way Buffy was treating him and this unknown prophecy they were facing. Despite having been subjected to it over the last few hours, Spike still had trouble believing Buffy’s treatment of him. To think that the Slayer could be anything other than merely tolerant with him was a new concept. Sure, right before she jumped they had been headed towards some sort of partnership or alliance, but this was completely different. The barbs she sent his way held less heat, the looks she sent his way less disgust and the tone of her voice less hate. If he did not know any better he would think the Slayer might actually like him. But since he did know better he stopped that train of thought before it got carried away.


Slayer's just bein' grateful is all. She said she could see what was goin' on in Sunnydale, so she must've seen me watching after the Nibblet and patrolling and what all. That's all it is.


He did not allow himself to read too much into it, the enormous fear of being rejected weighing heavily upon his mind and unbeating heart. Always and forever love's bitch, he was the one that people always trampled on and left cold. Not man enough for Cecily. Not monster enough for Drusilla. Certainly not enough of anything for his Slayer. The problem with that though, was that even though he was not enough, it did not stop him from wanting to be enough. It did not stop him from trying to be enough. For her. He wanted to be everything she wanted and needed and oh so much more.


His facade of evil was exactly that- a facade. Sure, he was in no way pure or innocent, but the fact that he could not kill humans did not bother him so much anymore. He found that he did not really want to go out and massacre half of Sunnydale like he used to. While the thought of warm, thick blood still made him salivate, the idea of someone dying so he could enjoy no longer held any credence.


So much had changed about him in the last year. So much so that he was not even sure who he was anymore. Where he had once been a bad ass master vampire, he now found himself in love with the person that should be his mortal enemy and taking care of the people that should be dinner. He was slowly and begrudgingly beginning to realize that he was not only caring for her friends and family because it would upset her if any harm came to them, but also because he actually liked them.


Ripper's got bloody great taste in music and alcohol. That, coupled with their both hailing from the mother country, made for right nice conversations till early hours of the morning.


He could not pinpoint the reason behind his soft spot for Willow and Tara, but he knew it was there. The two witchy birds have always been tolerant of me; almost nice, even with all the threats. Red can get a bit scary with her magicks, but she's mighty entertainin' when she gets all flustered and worked up. And Glinda has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met, 'cept Joyce o'course.


He felt an almost tangible pang in his heart at the memory of the eldest Summers' woman. She had reminded him of his own Mother so much that he could not help but love her from the beginning. She had never treated him like the monster he was, and she always had a cuppa for him, ready to listen as he poured out his heart. Bit's got more of Joyce in her than the Slayer does, that's for sure.


He and Dawn had gotten so close over the last few months that he could not possibly imagine how either of them would have survived without the other. They had leaned on each other's shoulder as tears cascaded down their faces while they traded stories about Buffy. They had laughed as they watched Monty Python movies and performed experiments with different foods. He had helped her with her school work and she got to see a side of Spike that no one else ever got to see- his inner scholar, inner poet, inner historian; basically his inner nerd. That she never treated him like the monster he was, Spike no longer felt the need to keep up the pretense.


A smile curved the vampire’s lips as his mind naturally went to the other Scoobies. The appreciation he felt for Anya’s dry humor and bluntly stated truths. Never hafta worry about Demon Girl pulling my leg on anything. That and the fact that they could spend hours reliving the good ole days earned her a place in his circle of protection.


As much as he hated to admit it, Xander had his moments, too. Spike found he could always count on Xander to say something that made him either glare or hide a smile. Even if most of what the boy says is stupid, he's always good for a laugh. And a good spot of billiards.


While it may have started out with him merely tolerating Buffy's family and friends because he thought it might get him in good with Buffy herself- and because he knew it would crush her if something happened to one of them- Spike found that he actually cared for them. Thus, in an attempt to keep his Slayer’s friends and family safe during her absence, Spike had taken a majority of the patrolling upon himself.


Aside from his need for a spot of violence, he did not want them out there patrolling where anything could happen to them. He refused to allow the possibility of losing another member of the Scooby Gang to enter reality. Instead, he patrolled night after night and spent the rest of his time caring for Dawn and bonding with the rest of the group.


Now his Slayer had come back and they would not need him anymore. He felt a sting in his eyes when he came to that realization. Sure, he was more than happy to have Buffy back there. So happy, in fact, that were he cursed with a soul like the poof, he probably would have lost it the moment he first laid eyes upon her in the cemetery. Spike was also forced to come face to face with the fear that he would be cast back out of the inner circle now. With their Slayer back amongst the living, they would no longer need his muscle. Dawn wouldn't need a 'big brother' to take care of her. Red, Glinda, the Whelp and Demon Girl all had their real friend back, and the Watcher had a Slayer again.


What use would they have for a neutered, love sick, ex master vampire now?


"None." He said to the air around him with a scowl. But my Slayer is back. A small smile began to curve on his lips at that thought. And maybe I won't be kicked to the soddin' curb. She's different now and she's seen I am, too.


He lit up another cigarette and resumed his pacing, a maelstrom of thoughts speeding through his mind while he pondered how things were going to be from then on and he hoped that he would turn out to be right- that she had seen the change. Never once did he notice the small Slayer observing him from the kitchen window.


*****


Buffy quietly shut the door to Dawn's bedroom so she would not wake her sleeping sister, and began her trek down the stairs. She had only gone up to say a quick goodnight; had, instead, stayed and run soothing fingers through the teen’s tresses. Despite all the excitement of the evening, it had not taken long before Buffy’s gentle ministrations had lulled her sister to sleep. Once assured Dawn was indeed asleep, Buffy quickly tip-toed from the room and hurried down the stairs with the hope that Spike had not grown impatient and left.



There were things Buffy felt she needed to say; things she felt uncertain whether she should, or even could, say. The unexpected emotions and reactions she now experienced in regards to her mortal enemy turned reluctant ally left the Slayer dizzy with confusion- not to mention she was lacking in the clue department. After everything he had done for her sister while she was in Summerland, everything he had done for her friends- all because he had wanted to, not because he was getting anything out of it- yeah, she had to talk to him.



So... how do you start a conversation with your once mortal enemy turned pseudo friend whose been taking care of your pseudo family while you were dead and watching it all on some mystical TV? Buffy snorted to herself, Jeez, my life's just a big rubber ball of normal bouncing on an upside down staircase. She giggled as she pictured herself bouncing on a staircase like the one in the 'Labyrinth'. She let out what some might have considered a dreamy sigh, I've even got my own hunky Brit that wears tight pants.



What little time had been afforded ran out quickly as her hurried pace carried her downstairs and towards the chain-smoking vampire. Buffy stopped short when she reached the entrance to the kitchen, cartoon brakes squealing in her head as her last thought registered. Whoa! Ok, that came from where?



She could not deny the fact that Spike was attractive- would have to be blind not to see it- but it was still a little strange for her when she thought of the flippy flop her belly did when he was around since her return. For the longest time she had not experienced a belly that flopped or flipped. That it was Spike that inspired it was taking a little getting used to. A whole bucket of getting used to is more like it.



She started moving again, and came to yet another stop when she reached the kitchen door. Spike was pacing right outside her door. The way he looked, Buffy briefly wondered if he might wear down a path through the grass. The blond vampire always had so much extra energy that she had no clue how he could ever sit still. Actually, when she thought about it, he never really did sit still. He was always up and moving around, fiddling with stuff- usually stuff he should not be fiddling with- like Giles' old relics, statues and other very fragile, very expensive magickal tools.



Buffy just knew that was the main reason none of his hair-brained schemes ever worked. He was too impatient to sit and wait for the right moment. Their very first fight being all the evidence one needed. He had not been able to wait for the Feast of St. Vigeous; had instead stormed into the school with his duster flaring and swagger swaggering.



Buffy would never admit it to Spike, but she had been a little afraid when he burst through that window. He had appeared so confident and sure of himself that she had not been positive she would be able to take him. Luckily, her mom had taken care of that problem.

She smiled nostalgically at the memory of her mother whacking the master vampire over the head with an axe. You should never mess with a Summers woman, that's for sure. Even without Slayer powers we're feisty.



Buffy noticed Spike stop pacing and her inner musings came to a halt. To her, he appeared to be having a conversation with himself. From the wrinkled brow he sported, she did not think that it was a pleasant one. She watched when his mouth formed a word, but she had been unable to discern what he had said. Then he resumed his pacing, only this time with a small smile gracing his features.



She stood at the door for another moment or two doing her best to compose herself and collect her thoughts. For some reason, unbeknownst to the current inhabitants of planet Buffy, she found herself more and more nervous in the presence of Spike.



Well, she thought, maybe nervous isn't exactly the proper word for the twirling of the belly. I'm not really sure what it is, but I am sure that it’s strange to have a belly that twirls because of Spike.



Buffy took a deep, nerve settling breath, closed her eyes and turned the knob.


*****


Spike's inner tirade came to a halt when he heard the kitchen door creak open and small, Slayer-sized footsteps crossing the porch. He turned, blue eyes meeting and locking with dazzling green. An intense feeling of awe overcame him- she was actually there. She was back. Though he had been there, he still could not get his brain to wrap around that thought. He kept expecting to wake up in the basement only to face another day with her gone.



Yet she was there, not six feet from him, with the moonlight shining on her face and the halogen porch light illuminating her from the behind. He drank in every inch of her form like a desert Bedouin at an oasis. If he was staked at that very moment, he would dust a very happy vamp.



He was completely lost.



Buffy, in her own right, was lost too.



When she walked onto the porch, Spike turned to her and the look in his eyes had been enough to make her insides turn to jelly and her heart hammer in her chest. She had never been looked at that way in her entire life; not by Angel, not by Riley- not by anyone. She suddenly had the urge to be on the receiving end of that look everyday for the rest of her life. And we won't even try to figure out where that one came from. I give up on trying to figure out my brain. She chose to ignore the little voice inside her head telling her that was not her brain talking and it was not her brain that needed figuring out.



This wasn’t the first time Spike looked at her with love shining brightly in his eyes, but it was the first time she had ever allowed herself to see and accept it. She stopped at the edge of the porch, stepped onto the second step and spoke in a quiet voice, "Hi."



Spike smiled gently walking towards her, "'Lo luv."



She sat on the top step and wrapped her arms around her knees. "Some night, huh?"


Spike came around and sat next to her with his forearms resting on his thighs and his hands dangling. "Pet, I think that’s in the running for understatement of the year."



They both chuckled a bit and then it fell silent again. After a few moments of just sitting in comfortable silence Buffy's voice broke through the quiet night air.


"Thank you."



Spike was a bit taken aback by her gratitude. Of course, she had been acting differently, so maybe he should not have been so shocked, but the Slayer very rarely said thank you to anyone that was not a Scooby or family member. It was even rarer for her to say it to him. After a second or two of recovery time he responded and when he did his voice was gruff. "What for?"



She was still staring off into the distance when she answered. "For all of it. For everything. I saw what you did when I was up there. I saw how you acted, how you took care of Dawnie. How you patrolled every night even though you didn't have to and got nothing out of it."


Spike started to say something but thought better of it since Buffy was actually talking to him. He figured he should probably keep his mouth shut and let her have total control of the conversation.



Buffy noticed out of the corner of her eye that he opened his mouth to speak and was grateful he decided not to. There was no way she would have been able to keep her composure or the guts needed to continue. "I also saw how hard you took it." She swallowed hard.



Spike's eyes got really wide and he turned towards Buffy when the implications of what she said hit him. Sure, he heard her when she told everyone that she had been keeping tabs on everything going on in Sunnydale, but he had conveniently forgotten, or ignored, the fact that it probably meant she saw some of his sappier moments at her graveside. Suddenly embarrassed, he turned away from her and studied his boots.



"I didn't understand at first," she continued. "I mean, I'd heard you say you... cared... for me, but I didn't get it. I mean, you don't have a soul."


Spike cringed at that statement and Buffy immediately felt bad about making it, but not knowing what to say to cover it, since it was the truth, she forged ahead. "But then I saw the way you were with Dawn and the way you were with my friends, especially Xander and lemme tell ya- that alone was enough to make me question whether or not what I was seeing was the real thing. But it was," She began nervously playing with a piece of thread on the sweater she had put on upstairs. "It made me think back over the last few months, even the last few years, and take note of just exactly how much you've changed."



All traces of embarrassment were quickly replaced with heart soaring happiness. She noticed he had changed! In Spike's opinion, that was a huge step in the right direction- the direction he had wanted her to go towards since the moment he realized he was in love with her. He had wanted- hell, longed- for her to notice the changes, to realize what he had been trying to do. All for her. And she noticed! He hid his excitement as much as possible. Buffy seemed to be on a roll and he did not want her to stop.



Buffy, on the other hand, was still struggling. Struggling with what to say, how to say it and just all around doing a lot of wracking of the brain. She was getting ready to just lay it all out on the table. She was playing a round of truth or dare- not so much with the dare side of things. In the past she’d had no problems, whatsoever, telling Spike exactly what she thought. But now? She was finding it increasingly difficult to follow Whistler's advice and make her brain shut up.



Then she flashed back to the months she was gone. She flashed back to Spike's self inflicted torture and guilt over her death. The look in his eyes as he crouched at her grave when she was stuck. She flashed back to the look on his face when she stepped onto the porch only moments ago. Thinking of those things made her task easier.



"Everything I saw when I was up there made me realize how much you've changed. And," Buffy turned to Spike and waited for him to face her; when he did she met his eyes straight on, "it made me realize that maybe you are different. That maybe the whole soul having thing wasn't as much of a biggie as I thought. Not with you anyway."



By the time Buffy finished speaking, Spike had tears in his eyes and a look on his face that made Buffy want to cry too. He looked like someone who had just been told they won a million dollars. His face closely resembled that of a child on Christmas when they got the one thing they wanted most of all.



Spike sat in stunned silence for several minutes, unable to form a coherent thought, much less respond; just simply stared.



Under normal circumstances, a stare that lasted this long would be squicky to Buffy, but she found she could do nothing but return it. Since her return- even though it had not been that long ago- things, mainly Spike centered things, had been different. Different's one way of putting it. Different, strange, new, kinda cool. There are lots of words I could associate with this. Buffy thought to herself as she looked into his watery eyes.



Spike finally blinked, breaking the 'moment' between himself and Buffy. He shook his head slightly and spoke in a voice rough with emotion. "Buffy." He cleared his throat and fiddled with his pack of cigarettes. He placed one in his mouth and lit it. Exhaling the smoke, he finally resumed speaking. "Buffy, I don't even know what to say. I mean... I just... I dunno."



An amused smile broke out across Buffy's face. She cocked her head sideways and looked at Spike out of the corner of her eyes. "Wow. Twice in one night I've made the usually obnoxious, unable to shut his trap, can't keep his foot out of his mouth for his own good, 'I'm the Big Bad', vampire speechless. That's gotta be, like, a record or something. It's a moment to go down in infamy."



"Ha ha. Very funny, Slayer. You're just full of 'em tonight." He gave her a mock glare and lightly shoved her arm with his shoulder.



She seemed to preen a bit at his comment. "Yeah, well, ya know, I do always try my best. Can't do it halfway."



They both chuckled, a comfortable silence settling between them. To an outside observer the two blonds would have appeared to be two young people insecure as a result of developing feelings. They exchanged sideways glances and fidgeted with nonexistent threads and lint balls.



Finally Spike broke the silence again. "Well, I should prob'ly head to the crypt. Sky's looking a bit pink." He glanced up at the sky over the trees.



Buffy followed his gaze, "Right. Makes sense if you wanna stay un-dusty." She looked down at her lap and then sideways at Spike. "Or, you could, I dunno, only if you want, since you're here and all and you've been staying here all summer, you could always... stay... here. In the basement. I mean, you might as well." She seemed nervous as she waited for his answer.



Spike looked at her with eyes full of awe- again- and then shook his head smiling. So adorable. "Nah. Was only staying to help with the Bit, keep everyone safe and what all. But Big Sis and best buddy is back. I don't wanna infringe." He responded in a shy tone.



Buffy shook her head, "No. It's ok, really. There's no infringing to be had. 'Sides, you prob'ly won't make it in time anyway." She pointed to the sky which was growing lighter with every second that passed.



Spike looked to the sky again and realized Buffy was correct. It wasn’t like he wanted to argue anyway, he just did not know what to think about this new Buffy. Her actions toward him, the softer tone of her voice, the playful edge to her statements, the being close to him intentionally- all of it- was new. Not that I'm not enjoying it, Slayer's acting right friendly. He just knew it would not take much in the raising of hopes department and that was his fear. Once she gets over the whole resurrection bit, she'll be back to normal and wantin' to play a few rounds of 'kick the Spike'. And aside from all of those very valid points, he did not want to be that far away from her just yet. Being in the basement while she was on the second floor was distance enough. All the way across town in his crypt while she was at her house? That was asking for a bit much.



So he decided to take her up on her offer and stay. "Alright. Guess that makes more sense than trying to play hide and seek with Mr. Sunshine."



Buffy nodded her head with finality. "Good. It's all settled then. I knew you'd see things my way. I almost always get what I want."



Spike looked at her with soft eyes. Speaking softly he said, "You should know by now, Buffy. Anything you want or need from me, you got it."



She looked deeply into his eyes again, for the umpteenth time that night. "Yeah, I know." They held gazes for a moment.



Spike took a deep breath and exhaled loudly slapping his hands against his thighs and stood. "Right. So, time to get some kip. You must be knackered and no doubt your buds'll show up here bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in a few hours."



Buffy stood also. "You're right. I am tired. Who woulda thought coming back from the dead would wear a girl out?"



They walked across the porch and through the front door. "And I'm sure the whole busting wood and digging through six feet of earth has nothing to do with it at all."



Buffy dismissively waved her hand. "Pssht. Nah, that was a piece of cake. Total cake walk type situation."



She smiled. He smiled. It was new. It was good.



Spike reached the door to the basement and Buffy stopped in the entryway of the kitchen. There was a mutual shuffling of feet and nervous glances, but neither moved.



Jeez, Buffy thought. Ridiculous much? You'd think we were on our first date and he was walking me to the door.



"So..." Spike said.



"Yeah..." Buffy responded.



A few more seconds of silence.



Buffy cleared her throat. "Guess I'll see you tomorrow?"



It was a question and Spike did not miss the underlying hint of hesitation. "Yup. Tomorrow." He turned to go down the stairs and then turned back to face Buffy. She had just started towards the foyer making her way to the stairs, but when he spoke she turned back to him. "If I'm still sleeping when your mates get here, wake me will you? Don't wanna miss all the prophecy talk."



Buffy nodded. "'Course."



He nodded once and turned back towards the darkness of the basement and she turned towards the stairs. Before he descended he turned and took one final glance at her fleeting back, then made his way down.



Before Buffy began her ascension she turned and glanced at Spike just as he went through the door. She turned again and made her way up the stairs hoping that with everything that had happened to her recently she'd be able to turn off her brain, gag it, tape it shut- whatever it took- so that she'd be able to sleep.

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tbc....


make me more in love.... review..... please?