"Livin' In Sin"

"Once again my friend
Storm clouds are rolling
Broken inside myself
Can't seem to break this chain
Can't break it!

And I've seen it all
And I've walked it tall
Lived in this sin
Where do I begin?

Caught between the lines
My life of worthless lies
Shedding my skin to begin
A life that I don't know how to live
I can't take it!

And I've seen it all
And I've walked it tall
Lived in this sin
Where do I begin?

I don't know now
Where to go now
I don't know if I'll ever again... no
It's all broken
Not a word spoken
And I don't know how to go, how to.. god help me now!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And I've seen it all
And I've walked it tall
Lived in this sin
Livin' in sin
Livin' in sin
Livin' in sin
Livin' in sin
Where do I begin?" Godsmack (Livin' In Sin IV 2006)


Spike looked out over the horizon. The city of Los Angelus seemed to go on forever. He could clearly see the tiny shapes of people and their vehicles as they scurried about their day. The office he was standing in was pompous and ornate. A large desk sat at one end of the room. Two black leather chairs sat facing the desk at an angel. A couch rested at the opposite end of the room. Weapons hung on the wall as decoration or protection, depending on who was meeting in the office. The whole building was like this, vast, pretentious, and isolating. Only the richest were represented, leaving the rest of the population to fend for itself. Spike hated the place. He couldn’t wait to get out and away from Wolfram and Hart. Spike simply didn’t care what anyone thought. Evil coated the building . It made people feel like they were above the rest of the world and that the world should cater to their whims. Visions or no visions , soul or no soul, Spike would never willingly work for an organization like Wolfram and Hart. His grand sire could burn in the place for all Spike cared.

Hearing the door open, Spike watched dispassionately while Angel and his crew walked into the office. They were discussing the case involving the necromancer. Angel and Wesley had taken care of the man the day before and now they were conducting a meeting to wrap up the case. Much to Spike’s disgust, Eve followed as well. The woman smelled off and made Spike’s skin crawl. She kept talking about him like he was some prized commodity. Ever since he’d been introduced to her, Eve had been badgering him to sign a contract to ‘formalize’ his relationship with the law firm. Spike had flatly refused. When she had persisted, Spike had promptly threatened to rip her head from her shoulders. He did not answer to the Senior Partners or anyone else for that matter. If he was back for good the only thing he was taking orders from where his visions. It wasn‘t like he could ignore them anyway.

“Spike what are you doing in my office?” Angel growled.

That was another thing that pissed Spike off. It wasn’t like he had asked to be brought back nor did he ask to be brought back to Angel. If anyone had bothered to asked Spike, he would have told them that he’d rather stayed dead. Since he was back all he wanted was a little consideration and respect.

“I asked him to meet me here.” Fred answered with a glare which promptly shut Angel up. Lorne simply shook his head in disappointment. It was sad and completely lost on the two why the other three continued to treat Spike with loathing and distrust. In Fred and Lorne’s opinion, Spike was just as much a Champion as Angel was.

To Spike, Fred and Lorne were like a breath of fresh air. They didn’t know him and yet they’d accepted him with no questions asked. No one had ever treated Spike like he actually mattered before. The Scoobies sure as hell hadn’t. They had made their disgust of him rather obvious. Towards the end of his time in Sunnydale, Buffy had been starting to respect him as her second in command. Other than that he was treated as another convenient foot soldier and someone to bow down to her wishes and needs. It wasn’t like Buffy had ever thought of his wants or needs. A few kind words and gestures here and there and good ole Spike fell right in line like a well trained puppy. Spike may love her but there was no way he’d ever let her walk all over him again. He’d died to save the world and been brought back, just like she had been. Spike, in his heart and soul, knew with out a doubt that he was no longer beneath her or anyone else for that matter.

Walking over to Spike, Fred placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. She knew something was bothering him and desperately wanted to help. Often Fred would catch him staring off into space. Spike seemed to be off in his own world during those times and would not notice anyone else in the room with him. When she had questioned Lorne on the subject, he had told her that he could feel immense pain coming from Spike and that if he wanted to confide in them he would. They just had to give him time. If they pushed him to open up, Spike would surely retreat into himself and they could not let that happen.

“Ready to leave in a few?” Fred asked. Scowling at the others, she quickly silenced their protest. There had been a huge fight when she’d invited Spike to stay with her until he’d gotten back onto his feet. She simply could not believe the nerve that they had in questioning her judgment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He can’t be trusted! You don’t know him like I do!”

“Well it’s obvious none of ya’ll know him. He has a soul now.”

“Fred he’s a vicious murder…”

“Like Angel was?”

“Fred, Angel didn’t have a soul then.”

“Neither did Spike.”

“That’s different…”

“How Charles? How is that different? Spike sought out his soul. He fought for it and won it back. It’s a reward for passing the trails not a curse that was forced on him.” A heavy silence greeted her words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giving the petite scientist a sad smile, Spike took a seat on the couch. He waited quietly for Fred to finish up with her meeting so that they could leave. Silence filled the room and the tension in the group rose. In a rather telling move Lorne sat on the couch next to him while Fred stood as close to him as possible. The room was clearly divided, with a rather smug Eve standing in the middle.