"One Rainy Day"

"Oh man, I'm tired and lonely
Again, why must it be
A man is drowning slowly
And he can't keep above
Gone way to deep, oh yeah

Open skies are falling
Tears are coming down
Like a drop of rain falls to the ocean
And comes back around
One rainy day

Oh so many times I should've crawled when I went running by
And since then I've been left feeling traumatized
Raped and drained of an innocence
A gift we've lost over time
And still I gaze through this one rainy day
Alone with no one by my side

Open skies are falling
Tears are coming down
Like a drop of rain falls to the ocean
And comes back around, yeah
I swear I've given, I've given you all I can
Never will you ever make me feel this way again, oh
On this one rainy day

Hey, open skies are falling
Tears are coming down
Like a drop of rain falls to the ocean
And comes back around
One rainy day
One rainy day
Oh one rainy day
It's been just, one rainy day" Godsmack (One Rainy Day IV 2006)



Wesley sat quietly in his office. Papers covered the surface with various books stacked to one side. In front of him was his open journal. He had been observing the resurrected vampire for three weeks now. Spike was still living with Fred despite their objections. What he had seen so far had Wesley worried. Spike flatly refused to go into more detail concerning his time in Sunnydale and his death and he only ever talked openly to Lorne or Fred. He was polite to Gunn and himself but with Angel, Spike was rude and confrontational. He asked questions about various cases nonstop and would often question Angel’s decisions. When Angel had told Spike rather bluntly that he was the champion and that Spike worked for him, Spike had laughed till he cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I have the visions mate. If I go where does that leave you huh? Do you honestly think that sitting behind that desk and signing papers is fighting the good fight? If you think it does then your off your bleedin‘ rocker.”

“If you leave there will be no one to stop those visions. You will be all alone and helpless. Not that anyone cares, so if you want to leave go right ahead.” Angel had replied rather smugly. Spike had simply raise his eye brow, giving Angel a look that told everyone what he thought of Angel’s comment. Only Fred and Lorne seemed to notice the slight flinch Angel’s words had caused.

“ Think what you want Peaches but there will be someone to stop the visions.”

“Yeah? Who?”

“Me.” Then Spike turned and left the office. His point had been made.

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“Ah, Spike, please have a seat.” Wesley stated when Spike knocked on the door frame of his office.

“So Percy, what is it you wanted to talk about?” Spike asked slumping down into the chair. He only did it because it annoyed the other man and Spike desperately needed to keep up the front that he had not a care in the world. Spike really didn’t need anyone trying to dig into his “after life” experience any more than some of them had already tried. As far as he was concerned it was no one’s business but his own. Spike’s whole life in Sunnydale was off limits as well. He’d only told a basic story about how he’d gotten his soul. As for the battle with the First, Spike simply filled in the gaps of a story they already knew. They didn’t need to know anymore.

“I wanted to discuss your working relationship with…..”

“Don’t bloody have one.”

“Now Spike…….”

“No. Do you honestly think I’d be stupid enough to actually take a job here?” Spike asked, eye brow raised. It also irritated him that some of the group kept insisting that he join the company. Spike was positive Eve had put them up to it. After he had held a knife to her throat, Eve herself had backed off, but the others a started on him soon after.

“We are the ones running the L.A branch now and we are doing a lot of good here.” Wesley said. The line was already starting to feel rather forced, but Angel was positive that they could turn the company around. Wesley simply had to believe that it was possible.

“Yeah, right. Go on Watcher, tell me another one.” Spike grumbled. Casually he straightened from his slouch in his chair so that he could stare Wesley in the eyes.

“And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?”

“It means, Wesley, that this place is going to eat you alive and not bother to spit you back out. Bloody hell, Wes! You’ll be digested before you know it. Go on and keep telling yourself that your actually doing some good here. From what I see, you can’t do good looking down on those your supposed to help.” Standing Spike left the office without another word. It wasn’t his job to try and save them from themselves. Spike had tried that once already and it had literally killed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night Spike sat quietly on the balcony of Fred’s apartment, a cold beer dangled from his hand. A warm breeze drifted through the city, caring away the smoke off of Spike’s cigarette. He watch impassively as the gray smoke drifted up to join the rest of L.A’s smog. Fred and the others where out tracking down a werewolf that had attacked a girl jogging in a park somewhere. The vision had hit right before Fred and he were about to leave for the night. It had left him laying on the floor gasping for breath. His eyes tightly closed, he’d given them the best description he could manage. Once finished he’d struggled to his feet intent on heading back to Fred’s. Angel had stopped him insisting that he help. With his brain feeling like it was about to dribble out of his ears Spike had snapped. His head hurt and he was miserable. It had been a long day and Wesley was still pestering him for answers that he refused to give. Spike had simply yanked his arm from Angel’s grip and snarled at him. He would have torn the bastard’s head off if Lorne had not gotten between the two of them. He’d handed Spike his cell phone, told him which speed dial Fred’s or Wesley’s numbers were and bid him a good night.

Now, sitting out in the warm night air, Spike could let himself be. He no longer had to keep a tight hold on his emotions. With Fred and Lorne so worried, Spike constantly tried to convince them that he was fine. Along with the visions and Angel’s constant snide comments about how Spike should be thankful he didn’t remember his well deserved time in hell, Spike was ready to fall apart. Unfortunately he couldn’t afford to. Despite how much Fred and Lorne wanted to help, there would be no one around to help him pick up the pieces. The only person he knew who had been forcefully brought back was half a world away, and Buffy had no further use for him.

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It was a testament to how tired Spike was that he never woke when Fred finally got home. She quietly stood at her sliding glass door and watched as he frowned in his sleep. She was worried about him. Fred knew that Spike needed time to deal with whatever it was that he was hiding, but on days like today, she felt that time was something they did not have enough of.

Ever so softly, Fred pulled the door open and stepped out onto the balcony. Gently she spread the blanket in her hands over Spike’s exhausted form. Angel was wrong. Spike did not need to contribute anymore than he already did. Relaying the information gathered from his visions was enough. It seemed to her that he was simply struggling to make it from one moment to the next. With a soft kiss to his forehead, Fred slipped back inside. It would be a long time before her worry let her get any rest.