full 3/4 1/2   skin light dark       
 
Shine Down by LadyYashka
 
Chapter Fifteen: Frogs
 
<<     >>
 
“Frogs”

“what does friend mean to you?
a word so wrongfully abused
are you like me, confused
all included but you
alone...

the sounds of silence often soothe
shapes and colors shift with mood
pupils widen and change their hue
rapid brown avoid clear blue

why's it have to be this way
be this way

flowers watched through wide
brown eyes
a child sings an unclaimed tune
innocence spins cold cocoon
grow to see the pain too soon” Alice In Chains (Frogs Alice In Chains: Unplugged 1996 )


Xander Harris was angry. No make that furious. Spike was back amongst the world of the living and he was actually living this time. Xander had no idea what the Powers were thinking. Spike was evil. He never did anything good without an ulterior motive and his ultimate goal was to get into Buffy’s pants.

Xander did not care that the guy had gone and gotten a soul on purpose nor did he care that Spike had died to save the world. In Xander’s mind Spike would always and forever be evil undead scum, undeserving of nothing but a staking.

Now because Angel had decided to finally do the world a favor and get rid of the peroxide pest, Xander was stuck researching ways to save the one being Xander hated almost as much as he hated Angel.

Forcefully slamming the phone down, Xander rubbed tired hands over a weary face. Three days of no sleep made for a very cranky Xander. He had just gotten off the phone with the coven in Devon only to be told something he already knew. Someone with great power was trying to remove the visions gifted to Spike by the Powers that Be. If the spell was not lift Spike would die. Xander wanted to scream. He could careless what the spell was trying to do. He just wanted Spike gone for good.

“Those are not very charitable thoughts Xander Harris.” A sharp voice rang through the tiny office. Jerking his head up, Xander’s remaining eye came to rest upon the dearly missed figure of his beloved Anya. She looked just like he remembered her. Vibrant, beautiful, and not a hair or piece of clothing out of place.

“You’re the First!” Xander cried, jumping up from his seat. The very solid slap she leveled at his head told him other wise.

“Oh sit down.” Anya sighed. “I am not the First Evil. Spike got rid of it.”

At the mention of that hated name, Xander’s face darkened. Seeing his reaction, Anya slapped him again.

“Owe! What was that for?” A bewildered Xander asked. This was not how any of his fantasies ever played out. They usually involved tears, naked bodies, and lots and lots of orgasms. Talks about Spike were nowhere near the neighborhood that contained his dreams.

“That was for being mean.” Anya said.

“But I….”

“Yes you were!” Anya interrupted. “You forget that I know you Xander. I mentioned Spike and you got all mean and huffy. See! There you go! Your doing it again.”

“Can I help it if the thought of you returning to me never once involved discussing that thing?” Xander spat out.

“There! That’s your problem. Your very narrow minded when it comes to Spike. He did save the world you know.”

“So?” Xander yelled. “Who cares if he saved the world! He only did it to impress Buffy and now he has her running around L.A trying to find a way to save his worthless hide. I say leave to his fate. He deserves it and more.”

More than a little furious, Anya stalked towards her former fiancé and pulled up sharply on his ear. She then proceeded to try and peer inside his ear as if looking for something.

“Owe! Ahn, what on earth are you doing!” Xander cried as he pulled away from her punishing grip. Rubbing his reddening ear, Xander scowled at the figure of the woman he loved.

“I’m looking for your brain. I think you have misplaced it or possibly had an Aut’ Ext demon suck it out while you were sleeping.” Anya brusquely stated.

“What?”

“Xander, I know you can hear me so listen. You need to let go of your anger towards Spike.” Anya started. Holding up her hand, Anya stopped Xander‘s objections before they started. “No, Xander let me finish.”

Closing his mouth, Xander waited for her to continue.

“The battle with the First happened the way it was supposed to. It was simply my time. You could not have saved me and you certainly can not bring me back. No matter how much I miss orgasms.” Anya paused, a wistful smile stealing over her features.

“ Spike died a champion and the Powers that Be forgave him. He is now back and carrying their visions. Angel, if he is not stopped, will end up getting Spike killed. Don’t spend the rest of your life upset because you could not save me. I’m happy Xander and I want you to be happy too. Preferably with someone not as pretty as me, but happy still. You now have the chance to save someone who will help a champion become the person he was meant to be. Do not throw this away over some petty jealousy. The Xander I remember, once he grew up, was a better man than that and someone I loved and was proud of. Be that man for me and for yourself.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike looked ashen and worn, resembling a living skeleton. His skin was nearly translucent and extremely brittle. The doctors had upped his fluid intake to fight off dehydration, but it did not seem to be helping. His smooth gentle features had finally given away to the demon within. Buffy was told that was because the demon was stronger and could fight the effects of the spell better than any human ever could. Even with the demon Spike would sporadically twitch in his sleep, a sign that his temporary reprieve given to him by the Powers was starting to wear off.

Holding his delicate hand in hers, Buffy let the walls around her heart drop. Tears poured from her hazel eyes, leaving salty trails down her pale cheeks. She sensed rather than heard Cordelia enter the room.

“How could he do such a thing?” Buffy asked, never taking her eyes off of Spike’s frail form. She was still having a hard time believing that Angel could ever do anything so cruel.

“Partly, he’s jealous.” Cordelia answered with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

“The other part?” Buffy asked as she turned to look the former cheerleader in the eyes.

“I don’t know.” Cordelia admitted. “But I do have my suspicions.”

“And what are those?” Buffy was desperate for anything to explain Angel’s actions and waited eagerly for Cordelia‘s response.

“Buffy, listen. You have to remember that in order to do something like this the person has to be capable of actually doing it in the first place.”

“I don’t believe that! I can’t! There is no way the Angel I know could ever do anything so heartless!”

“Have you ever stopped to think that the Angel you think you know may not actually exist?” Cordelia pointed out to the stubborn blonde.

“I do so know him! Angel is a good person with his soul. There has to be a reason for this whole mess!” Buffy insisted. Cordelia rolled her eyes in response.

“Buffy, how well do you know Angel?” Cordelia asked.

“I know him better than anyone.”

“So, you know him better than anyone?” Cordelia asked. “So in all of the time he’s been in L.A, the two of you have been in constant contact with each other.”

“Well, no…”

“And you were one of the first people Angel called when Conner was borne.”

“No, but…”

“Of course he was the first person you told about being ripped out of heaven.”

“No! Your turning everything around!” Buffy cried. Inside she cringed. That response had sounded suspiciously like a whine.

“Let me get this straight.” Cordelia said. “The two of you rarely spoke, and only ever saw each other about six times in fours year and hardly ever spoke on the phone. But you know him better than anyone?”

Buffy could only stare at Cordelia. She had no counter for Cordelia’s arguments. All of her carefully held beliefs where being turned upside down. She did not know what to think anymore. Buffy had finally found away to rationalize Spike’s behavior and now Cordelia was forcefully pulling Buffy from her comfortable black and white world. Buffy did not like it. It made her look at past events in a different light and some truths were to painful to face.

“I spent almost everyday of the last four years living and working side by side with Angel.” Cordelia explained. “We saw each other at our best, our worst, and somehow managed to survive and become a family. We leaned on each other Buffy. Reminds me a bit of you and Spike actually.”

“You don’t know anything about Spike and I.” Buffy growled.

“The Powers showed me everything Buffy.” Cordelia declared. “The good, the bad, and the oh so ugly.”

“That was a completely different situation!”

“Well, duh!” Cordelia replied. “It took you two longer. Spike figured it out first, and you still haven’t. You see Buffy, you relied on Spike, even more so after your resurrection. You knew that he could be counted on and that he would not judge you. He was your friend, confidant, and anchor. Spike took care of you when you let him. Have you ever been able to rely on Angel the same way?”

“No.” Buffy whispered. Peering at Spike’s troubled form, Buffy fought to blink her tears away. This was all too much. She could not lose him again. Even if he never forgave her, she would rather Spike live and hate her than die and never have the chance to see him again. Buffy did not think she could survive his death a second time. It made her wonder how Spike had survived hers.

“But I could, when Angel was not being a colossal ass.” Cordelia said. “He was my best friend and we knew each other better than anyone. As much as I love him, I know that Angel is capable of this kind of treachery. He’s done it before when he’s convinced he’s right.”

“He’s done this before?” Buffy asked stunned.

“Not this exactly but he can get a little obsessed. Just ask the others about Darla.”

Looking back at Spike lying on the hospital bed, Buffy vowed to find the answers she needed. It was time for girly-Buffy to take a vacation and let slayer-Buffy out. Buffy’s expression turned cold. Because of Angel Spike stood a very good chance of dieing. That was not acceptable. Turning, Buffy walked out of the room, leaving Cordelia with Spike. Slayer-Buffy wanted answers and she knew where to find them.




 
<<     >>