Chapter Eight:



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"You're not going in there."

They were in a dark alley, letting their voices travel above the sirens of a swap car, which flew by in a blue and red blur. The two figures glared at one another with stubborn obstinacy, refusing to let their feet take flight and run away from the fight.

"I have to do this. Just let me go."

Spike understood that if she could be taken into custody, taken away, then she could possibly get away from this hell. The peace of a jail cell and a regimented life to follow, this could be her idea of heaven, away from this hard life. But it was cheating and she would know it.

"I can't. I love you."

"No, you don't."

"You think I haven't tried not to?"

She punched him with all of her anger, accumulating into one hit. Spike's body flew back into a pile of trash cans and then stopped when he hit the wall. The metal cans still rattle as Buffy turned back to look at him in disgust.

"Try harder."

Buffy started to leave again but Spike materialized behind her. He changed to his demonic face because it was easier to divide the lines between good and evil. It's never easy when he looked so fucking human. Spike grabbed her again and threw her to the ground farther up the alley.

"You are not throwing your life away over this," he growled.

"It's not your choice," Buffy retorted.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" It was an honest question and Spike saw that it made Buffy angrier. It was only one example of ten million others that he just didn't understand. He knew that he could not feed Buffy everything that she ever needed; that as a human, she had a soul; the qualities of a human that always made simple things so much easier. But it didn't mean that he couldn't try to be her world.

"A girl is dead because of me."

"And how many people are alive because of you? How many have you saved? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale." It was all scales, balances and justice. One good deed crosses out one bad one.

"That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just another body!" Spike sighed and tried to change tactics, to lie a little more and tell her that it really was that simple. She had believed it before, maybe she would take it now.

"Buffy- "

She couldn't stand it any longer. Buffy attacked him. Spike blocked a couple of punches but then she hit him in the stomach. The pain was something he knew and it brought her back to his world.

"You can't understand why this is killing me, can you?"

"Why don't you explain it?" Spike asked, still defenseless. She hit him a few more times. He took it without fighting back. "Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl."

"I am not your girl!" She screamed, but Spike knew that she was. Only he could understand the horror she went through, he was the only one who could take it away. The momentary satisfaction, yes, it was something that he could understand. Buffy hit him hard and with no strength left, he fell back.

But she wasn't done. Spike had underestimated her anger and he didn't understand that murder could not be hidden from. And that jail was actually a punishment. And he didn't understand Buffy to the extent he thought he did.

Buffy moved over him and hit him again and again.

"You don't ... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl!"

She continued and Spike, with nothing else to give, went back to human face. His bruised and bloody visage wasn't even recognizable anymore, but he didn't fight back, just took it. And maybe he would die and that would be what she truly wanted. He didn't know what to give her anymore. All he knew was that she could take anything and he wouldn't fight.

"You always hurt ... the one you love, pet," he slurred. Both recognized the truth and it shocked her.

"Buffy?"

He reached for her, but she's gone.

"Buffy..."



In the open acre of grass, where no animals moved, Spike screamed.



* * * * * * * *



Buffy finished cleaning the cages and practice room when she heard a noise outside. It was Spike. She groaned, but when she realized that she could hear his voice, in a completely padded room with the door closed, she knew that something was truly wrong. She grabbed her stake and rushed out to break up the vampires, or monsters, or anything... but it was too late. Buffy jumped the fence and rushed over to the vampire bent over sobbing into his hands.

"What happened?" She cried and looked around for anything to kill. But instead of being the protector, he stared up at her with scared, wide eyes and crawled backwards as fast as he could.

"Get away from me!"

"What?"

"What the fuck did you do to me?"

"I didn't do anything to you that I didn't do to any other vampire." Her curiosity was peaked. "What's going on with you vampires today?" Spike stood up and began to rant, back and forth.

"Oh bloody, bleeding, buggering hell! I can't handle this anymore. It must be the spell, or Dru's infected me, because what I just felt, THAT heartbreaking emotional shit, it hurt. Oh God it hurt so badly." He looked straight into her eyes, so intently that Buffy was scared at the emotion. "And you did it. I would have given anything..."

"What? Did you see your life pass before your eyes and saw something scary? Please." Buffy scoffed, "You're just a waste of my time."

She turned to leave, but for the first time in her entire twenty-three years, Spike grabbed a hold of her arm in a nonviolent gesture. Never in her life had she ever imagined that a vampire would touch her. The revulsion overcame her senses as she tried to push him away. But his grip was stronger and Buffy felt a cold fear running over her nerves.

"Why?" He ached, "Why would you do that to me?"

"Spike, get off of me." Her voice was breaking its calm. It was unfamiliar and dangerous.

"To toy with me like that. To play with my mind. Humans are cruel, but you, to inflict that amount of humiliation upon—" his voice cracked, "To use me like that. You have to be a... monster."

"I am not the monster. LET GO!"

"I was willing to die." His face contorted in pain as burning tears fell down the lines of his skin, "I gave up everything and it hurt bl—blindingly."

Buffy saw the true pain in his voice and she felt his grip loosen. She pulled away, but stayed there, standing in front of her. He physically touched her and that shock commanded her to stand there. The emotions he showed surprised and affected her. It was disturbing to think that a vampire could feel, but he needed to calm... or else, she thought, he would touch her again.

"Spike," Her words were soft. "I don't know what's going on tonight. But whatever you saw... I don't think it was real."

"You didn't feel it!" Spike hardly saw her anymore; he only relived the moment over and over until it devoured him, "You took everything from me. I was willing to die so that the pain would go away. The ever present pain that consumed... and oh God. I don't understand... I don't understand... I don't understand—"

"Spike." He looked at her, tears and anger mingling, but no longer blind.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" He screamed, "WHY don't you bloody get that? I REALIZE what I saw was wrong, I'm not barking. I cannot love you! And YOU have a stick so far up your ass that you would never have even entertained the possibility that a vampire could love. Although we can. And I comprehend that it is impossible that you could ever care for me, but by every piece of dust that makes up this shell, I know that somehow I loved you."

Spike the vampire clapped his hands on both sides of her face, pulling her towards him. Buffy grasped his hands to pull them away, but instead, of twisting and breaking her neck, like she thought he would, he bent down in his insanity and kissed her hard on the lips.

Buffy's shock prevented her from moving or responding to his touch. Inwardly, she screamed. Outwardly, she was rigid and stiff, refusing to fall into the shape of his torso or lean upon his shoulder. This was no soft token of Riley's sweetheart love, but a violation upon the senses. In this kiss, tastes and emotions ran between them so that her heartbeat raced wildly, without reason or pattern.

Salt and fear were shared by both of them, until Spike let go and pushed her away. He stood there for a moment, uncaring that Buffy's knees had buckled underneath. She fell upon the grass, but without grace, she rolled and picked herself up in one motion.

"I hear a girl begging for her life." He whispered.

"What's going—"

An inhuman scream rushed across the surface of the field. Buffy broke off into a run towards the direction of the voice. Behind her, she heard Spike's cry fill the air.

"DRUSILLA!"



* * *

"Oops."

"Angelus, what did you do?" Buffy gasped as she saw the particles of air float to land on his hair and clothing. He didn't care; his entire body was relaxed and leaning upon the local tree. Darla snuggled against his side, with a reproving expression on her face.

"She kept rambling on and on and on about random shit, while Darla and I were carrying on an intelligent conversation about how to get out of this place and I got sick of it. So I pushed her to suggest that she get out of here, only..." He looked at the fence, "I pushed her too hard."

Spike arrived at the scene of the crime with dry but bloodshot eyes.

"It looks like someone's been crying over his ladylove." Darla sniggered. Spike looked at her sharply.

"Darla, get away from him." He said angrily. "I have no vengeance with you if you did nothing."

"Vengeance! How melodramatic could you possibly get, Spike?" Darla laughed and tisked at Angelus with a stern look. "Though I do understand how horrible this must be for you. I mean, how bad must you feel, to know that Drusilla was killed by your grand-sire? You two had been monogamous for... what anniversary was it this year, dear?"

"One hundred and twenty three years." Spike said without emotion. Buffy glanced at him, but Spike wasn't concerned with her anymore, it was between him and his grandsire.

"Oh." She looked at Angelus and slapped him on the arm. "You're such a clumsy insensitive fool."

Angelus smiled.

"And yet, I'm such a graceful lover."

Spike punched him so that he knocked into Darla. Rolling up his sleeves, he strode towards where the male vampire laughed. Spike leapt on top of the vampire and landed hard on his stomach. Angelus rolled Spike over, landing a few good punches on his face.

"My loving is something that you've experienced many times." Angelus said when Spike tried to get up. The vampire just shoved him back, "So you're going to kill me. How original."

"I loved her." Spike growled, "And you killed her because you were bored!"

"Well... Yeah." He looked at Darla, "That was it, wasn't it?"

"Pretty much, darling. But do keep hitting him. He needs to realize who's in charge."

"Angelus! I suggest you get off of him right now, or else, you too will become dust." Giles stood behind the fence, with what looked like a cell phone. Jonathon stood next to him, looking worriedly at the vampires and at Buffy, who had just returned. She had warned Giles of what was going on and he had grabbed the controler.

"You are controlling us invisibly by a black box instead of little miss cheerleader?" Angelus winked at Buffy, "I mean I don't even know if this thing is real?"

"Believe me, it is."

"Oh well." Angelus said, climbing off of Spike. "I will miss those occasional licks of Slayer's blood. Even sweeter than a ripe female gypsies. Maybe this can be tempor—AGGGGH!" Angelus clutched his neck as a high voltage shock ran through his body.

Giles didn't even look down.

"I think not."