Epilogue the Second

The crypt was dreary and lonely now, as it hadn’t been before. But it was the only place that he could be alone, and he needed his solitude now. Away from all the others’ demands on him. He was fast running out of patience for anyone but Dawn. Some days he was even beginning to find her presence grating. For the first time he was beginning to think of his unnatural life span as a curse instead of a blessing. Finishing this task just meant that there was one less thing tying him to this earth.

The one he held in his hands was the last one. He had spent over a year tracking down and killing the vamps who had made a profit over Buffy’s misery, and even longer following the paper trail and tracking down every single one of the tapes and DVD’s that had been sold. For once he was grateful that the vamps who had made them had used magic to insure that the recordings were impossible to duplicate. Once he had destroyed all the tapes originally sold, he knew that there were no more copies. But now that the job was complete, he found that he was going to miss it – the desire to kill those of his own kind was still strong. To punish anyone who had tried to hurt his golden goddess.

Even though she was beyond that now.

He settled back to remember the past. He did that more and more often these days, until he thought that was the only thing he had to look forward to any more. Being alone with his memories. He remembered that things had settled back to what accounted for normal between him and the Slayer after he’d had his little cry. She’d been as good as her word, and never once alluded to the incident again. Of course, she had never hinted about the other thing either. The fact that they’d made love. Even he’d be the first to admit that the conditions hadn’t been optimal, but that’s what he called it. If the Slayer had ever admitted to it at all, she’d have to admit to the whole truth of it. They might have been forced into it, and the might have had sex in front of a roomful of demons, but still Spike knew that they had been making love.

At first he had sought out the recordings because he had been terrified that word of what was on those tapes would somehow get back to Buffy, or worse yet, her Watcher. If the Slayer wanted to remain blissfully ignorant of what had actually happened back at that auction, (or pretend that she was, he still hadn’t been quite sure which) well, he hadn’t wanted anything to upset her fragile state of mind.

Of course, there was no danger of that now. Not now that she was gone. Today would make one hundred and forty eight days without her, and the count was escalating. An eternity without her still lay ahead.

He glanced down at the last remaining recording in his hands. It was all he had left of her, other than a few stolen and carefully cherished items of her clothing. All the other DVDs and tapes had already been destroyed, along with the vamps who had made them, as well as those who had purchased them.

Tracking them down and killing them all had kept him occupied in the months since Buffy had jumped from Glory’s tower. Now he faced endless days and nights filled with unrelenting nothingness. No purpose anymore, except for Dawn.

If not for Dawn, and his promise to Buffy, he would have ended his useless existence once the last copy was destroyed. The last remaining evidence that could mar his beautiful Slayer’s reputation.

All that was left of her now was her good name; her heroic accomplishments, memories of her wit and her humor, her story, as told by her Watcher, and as remembered by her friends. If even rumors of what had been on that tape ever filtered through to the human world, everything else she had ever done, everything else she had ever been, would be forgotten.

That one terrible and wonderful night was all she would be remembered and vilified for. He had no illusions about how the Council would view it; their Slayer had been corrupt, impure. Of course officially, they’d probably deny it. Deny that Buffy ever even was a Slayer, just to escape the infamy of it. Probably try to eradicate any mention of her existence at all, now that she was gone.

He didn’t have much higher hopes for her friends. Somehow he was sure that her friends also would never forgive him, or her, for what had happened. Even when she had been alive, they had tended to place her on a pedestal, idolize her in ways that she could never escape.

He should destroy the tape before he went out patrolling for the night. Without the real Slayer in Sunnydale, things were beginning to deteriorate quickly. That Buffybot was a piss poor substitute, in more ways than one. More than ever, the Scooby gang relied on him, on Spike, the former Big Bad, to help them keep Sunnydale a demon free zone. Not that they ever thanked him for it. Just as they had always taken Buffy for granted. That she would always be there, that she would always keep them safe, that she would always put their desires above her own needs.

But he couldn’t quite bring himself to destroy the tape. The action would be so final. Another piece of her, gone forever.

Maybe he’d do it tomorrow, or the day after.

He wouldn’t watch the tape – he would never do that – but knowing that he had it, that if things ever got too bad that he could… He’d think about it tomorrow. After midnight would begin day one hundred forty eight. The next in a long string of empty days and nights, punctuated by brief snippets of time spent with his little bit.

Even the scent of Buffy was growing faint after all this time, overshadowed by the smells of motor oil and wiring that made up the monstrosity that wore her face and took up space in the house where she had lived.

He’d think about the tape tomorrow.

One day was the same as the next. It could wait.

_______

AN: I hope that you enjoyed my ending to this story, and I certainly enjoyed telling it. Spike isn’t quite the hero, but he is certainly trying to be, and after all, what more could you ask of anyone, vampire or not.

Now that this fic is finished, I intend to focus an all human story that I had to shelve for the summer. It’s now well into fall, and I need to finish it. So for those of you following Girl with Stars, I’m making you a promise – but it is up to you to see that I stick to it by leaving reviews. I also intend to post a little holiday something, but that will come later. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me. You’ve been a great audience.