Notes: Based off of Challenge 234 at the Bloodshedverse. Lyrics: “Giving in” sung by Adema. Some dialogue taken from the episode 1x02 The Harvest written by Joss Whedon, although may be slightly out of the original context. Thanks to Basilio_the_cat for taking the time to beta this for me, and also thanks to everyone that took the time to review, I really appreciate it.


Chapter Two

Caught up, in life
Losing all my friends
Family has tried, to heal all my addictions
Tragic it seems, to be alone again
I'm giving in ... to you

Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you
“Giving In” - Adema


She was there and Spike was able to sigh in relief. She was okay. She had come back. Everything was alright again. Spike felt the weight lift from his chest, he could breathe the air he didn’t need again. Everything wasn’t so hard anymore. It was better, and all because she was there.


Stupid bint. He wanted to strangle her silly. It wasn't fair of her, to put him, them, through such torture.


But she didn’t know, she still didn’t understand. And if she did, he was pretty sure it would scare her off. She had to figure it out on her own. No matter how much he wanted to tell her, to find her, and figure out what it was all about, the only way for it to work was if she figured it out on her own.


She was a stubborn one alright.


He laid himself down beside her and glanced at the stars that she was staring at so intensely. He was close to her again. He felt the peace wash over him. It was as it should be, they were together. But quiet time was over, and Spike wanted answers. He deserved that much.


“Long time, no see, pet.” She didn’t respond, just continued to stare at the tiny specks of light in the sky. Spike refused to be ignored. “Care to give a bloke an explanation?”


“Doesn’t matter.”


Doesn’t matter. Was she daft. Of course it did. You can’t just avoid a bloke for a few months and then show up and expect everything to be peachy keen. Gotta work it out. It won't just go away because you wish it.


Besides how could he help her, if she didn’t open up? And he wanted to help her. He could feel the pain radiating off her. There was so much of it. He itched to help her.


He couldn’t tell her that though. So instead he turned to his side and propped his head on his elbow. It was a very non-vampire type thing to do, but he thought it might help her to relax. “Humor me.”


“Everything spiraled out of control. I needed things to be normal.”


He felt the stab. He was one of those things. He wasn’t normal. He had caused her pain. “Something I’m not.”


“No.” She denied. “But you are a part of the world I was trying to avoid.”


He suddenly understood. She had given up. Stopped doing her sacred duty, and as a vampire he was a reminder of that. A reminder of the life she didn’t want. It hurt to think about it. More than he liked to admit.


“And?” He prompted her with the urge for her to continue.


“I’m not anymore.” She said simply, before turning on her side to mimic his position. She looked at him for a few moments, her eyes laced with what looked like guilt. Her intent was clear. It hadn’t been because she hated him, she still cared. “I am sorry though, for what it’s worth.”


Spike so desperately wanted more. Wanted her to tell him what she was thinking, tell him what was going through that pretty little head of hers. But he couldn’t ask, because to do so would break her illusion. Something he wasn’t ready to do. Something she wasn’t ready for. So for now, he had to play to her terms.


“Forgive and forget,” he muttered. It wouldn’t do to dwell. He could only give her what she needed. And she needed, at this moment, to forget the last two months. She didn’t understand, and it would probably be quite a bit till she did. She was delicate, confused and terrified of the world around them, and he knew she used these dreams as an outlet. They both did, because precious little made sense in their worlds anymore. And what did, was here. They were what they needed. He may not understand it, and a part of him disliked what he was feeling with a hatred so large that it wasn't fair to her. But he still needed it, needed her. So he couldn’t push, because to do so meant he would lose her. He already had, and it had hurt, an ache that he had been unable to ignore or push away.


So he couldn’t push. Not yet. And maybe not ever. It wasn’t worth it.


She gave him a smile that he could have sworn melted his insides and snuggled into him, before resuming her task of gazing at the stars. Tonight they didn’t need words, just each other.


***


Buffy hated lectures. Especially lectures about vampires and demons. And don’t get her started on the lectures about the history of said creatures. She was a Slayer. She didn’t need to know how they got here, she just needed to know how to kill them. She wasn’t going to sit back and think about all their past accomplishments while shoving a stake through their heart. That would be distracting. And distractions were a no-no.


But apparently she had let the secret out and now Giles, the new, much stuffier Watcher, had decided that a nice shiny lecture was needed for the sake of Xander and Willow. The two had gotten themselves knee deep into her little world. The fact that Buffy had to sit here and listen as Giles rambled about stuff she had heard a million times now was totally not fair.


It wasn’t her fault that kids in this town were too nosey for their own good. Didn’t people ever hear the expression mind your own business.


Other than that, they were alright. Much nicer than the kids that she use to hang out with at Hermy. She figured if they didn’t run screaming after this, they might be able to make nice with a pretty new friendship.


“This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a
paradise. . .”


Paradise. Now that was nice. Totally better then some snooty Hellmouth. She should go there.


Oh, oh, oh. Sleep totally equaled paradise, or as close as she would ever get.


She had way too much energy, Buffy decided. All thanks to her brand new sleeping pattern that actually involved a decent nights sleep minus the nightmares and uncomfortable thoughts. Plus her lack of needing to curl up into a ball and resume sleeping was not good for lectures. She didn't want to sit here and listen, she wanted to do, well, something. Something that involved exercise and fun.


Plus fun, good for making the time pass faster. And faster time passing meant total night fallage. And. .


And she had officially lost it, what teenager looks forward to sleeping.


Well they would, if they met the total cutie that haunted her dreams. Ha.


“.... All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures...”


Boring.


“And vampires.” Buffy added. Can’t forget those vampires, who are pretty much evil. Well, most of the time. She suddenly resisted the urge to giggle. She couldn’t giggle, she was way past that stage of her life.


It was weird. She should be majorly with the bad moodiness right now. But she was happy. Way happy. Almost in an abnormal way. She hadn’t felt that emotion, this fully, for a long time. It was nice.


Xander and Willow, on the other hand, weren’t happy. They were freaked, and who could blame them. “No. No, th-those weren't vampires,” replied Buffy when Willow had mentioned the creatures they had run into last night. Which was a lie of course. You’d have to blind not to figure that out. “Those were just guys in thundering need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies. It could have been rabies.” Buffy had seen Spike’s bumpies, a few times actually. And for a vampire, he had been kind of cute. Bad thoughts. “A-and that guy turning to dust? Just a trick of the light.” Xander gave her a look that said he didn’t buy it. She sighed and gave in; these kids here were too nosey for their own good. “That's exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.”


“Oh, I, I need to sit down,” said Willow nervously. Which, in turn, caused Buffy the need to point out the fact that the red head was indeed already sitting down.


Giles went back into lecture mode and Buffy once again let her mind wander. It wasn’t her job to know about the history, she just needed to slay them. Besides she needed some major self reflection time.


She was giddy after having a dream about a vampire. Something that was not of the good. It wasn’t done, she shouldn’t have feelings for her mortal enemy, even if he was just apart of a dream. That was what the very tiny, sensible, I’m a good girl that likes to follow the rules told her. And so it was pretty obvious just how small that part really was. Buffy Summers follow the rules. Come on.


She was in a good mood. And this was where she got stuck and that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach started. The feeling that told her that she was missing something so big that it was probably glaring her in the face, and she still missed it because she was allowing herself to be blind to the effects that these dreams had on her. They made her happy. Which was fine. Dreams should be happy, but she didn’t think they made you this happy. This was too happy to be caused by a simple dream.


It was big. She could feel it.


Bottom line, she was confused. And the more she thought about it, the more her smile faded. In the end, like everything else, it was just too good to be true.


Only bad things could come of self-reflection and lectures made by Giles.