Nineteen


"Wait, why are you here?" Spike asked, looking up at the pump tapping Lilah on one end of the room, and Cordelia who was sitting close to Buffy. He vaguely remembered Cordelia and knew nothing of Lilah. Only that she was a bitch. And that was from the last fifteen minutes in the white room.

"Lilah is here because her business works out of the grey area you wished away," Cordelia answered her emotions turning from sadness to annoyance, "And I am here because there is no future in this world. It's a complete mystery and I get stuck in a little room with no walls, to supposedly watch over how things are going. And that's all because of your little drunken desire.

"You see, Spike. When you wished that there are no grey moral areas because that's the thing Buffy always wanted, well, that's not what Buffy ever wanted. What Buffy would have wished for would, first, be a new pair of shoes, but secondly, to always be true to herself. And her truest moment was with you. At the wedding. In a horrible green dress, talking about the honesty of your relationship."

"I would have gone with the burlap and larvae."

"Shut up you Corporate American sellout." Cordelia snapped, sighed, and then continued, "So there's a paradox. And that's where you get the visions from. Whenever you thought about one another, you would get visions or dreams about your relationship. And believe me, your relationship is ALL grey area. Then you remember your visions, which caused you to touch and to break all the rules of this world."

"Plus you asked for polarity," Lilah added with clenched teeth, "Everyone knows that opposites attract, dumb-ass."

"Spike," Buffy sighed. "Only you could be too drunk to make a decent wish."

"I wasn't just drunk. I was VERY drunk. There's a difference, love." Spike snapped. "I could literally feel the vomit rising."

"Well, your drunkenness leads to my downfall, asshole!" Lilah snapped, tapping her pump against the white floor. "Wolfram and Hart have NOTHING here. Everything that they ever had was based on that little grey area you wished out of all our lives. So I've been stuck here with little miss hippy—"

"I am at the peak of fashion!"

"No, darling, it's white. And white goes out after Labor Day. You blend in with the walls you fashion freak!"

"Ok, this doesn't explain anything! I mean, what about the Angel/Angelus behavior!" Buffy yelled above their quibbling.

Lilah looked at her and rolled her eyes. Spike looked away at the mention of his sire. Of course she would want to talk about her ex. Lilah crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow before she began to speak.

"Angel is a fricking human who remembers everything because he's a paradox too. He's a vampire with a soul, yada yada we all know the story. But in this realm, he's a human with a soul who has discovered the wonders of Red Bull, pizza deliveries, and having a clean conscience." Lilah told them, waving her arms for emphasis as she continued.

"But anyways, when Genius here does his deed, Angel gets split into Angel and Angelus. Both know the truth because both were paradoxes in Sunnydale. And Sunnydale is the only place where the black and white powers meet. That's why Willow got in touch with her dark side here, that's why Drusilla went all weird and why Angelus killed her. Because Drusilla knew, was going to tell Spike, and then Spike would have told you. Angelus like's it here. God knows why."

"Why didn't Spike split in two?" Buffy asked.

"Because he made the wish." Lilah answered. Spike raised his head.

"As much as I hate to bring up Angelus after the conversation changed for the better, but I still don't understand why he told us where to go."

"Because D'Hoffryn would have realized he was too much of a liability and then he would have killed him. And probably all of the Vampires. He's the only demon who REALLY likes it here. He, literally, wanted to move out of Arashmahaar and live here during the summer to hang out with Anyanka. Which brings us back to how do we get out of this world so we don't all wind up dead or bored out of our minds."

Lilah pointed to Buffy's book, which was still on the floor. The Slayer still had a slightly blank expression on her face. Spike was still looking at Buffy. Desperately wanting to touch her but daring not to.

"Do the spell, get D'Hoffryn here. He told Giles to cut out the text in the book because this is the only literature that has any power to summon him. After you do the spell, we bargain with him. So Wolfram and Hart or the Powers that Be give him what he wants, which is the one time ability to raise a human who have been killed through natural death and then we get out of here!" Buffy could swear that Lilah was so happy that she would have danced.

"I thought he could raise humans through his own power." Buffy said slowly, "I saw him do it at a fraternity."

"No." Cordelia answered, "He can do it with the sacrifice of another vengeance demon, and even then it has to be the wish of another person. D'Hoffryn is immensely powerful, but his powers are limited if they are used for self gain. He cannot raise Anya because he wants it too much. Not even if it were another person's wish."

Buffy looked at Cordelia, who nodded. Then she looked at Spike. He still watched her like a dangerous creature, not knowing what to do. She knew that he couldn't think straight because all he could picture was her death. So Buffy took the wheel and opened the book.

"I need the amulet."

"Nope, just touch Spike, he's the conductor." Lilah said happily.

Buffy looked at Spike who looked grim and frightened. She stood up and touched his hand. They were cold, but they were always cold. It didn't take them long to warm up to her temperature. She watched as his face contorted and his hands began to shake.

Beatum sit in nomine D'Hoffrynis. Fiat hoc spatium porta ad mundum Arashmaharris.

D'Hoffryn appeared in his mystical glory, turned around and uttered the horrific words...

"Good Falthros, it's bright in here. Does anyone have any sunglasses?"

"Listen, D'Hoffryn," Lilah began, going into super power bitch lawyer mode, "I respect you and as a person who knows what you are—"

"Save it Ms. Morgan. I know why I am here and your answer is no." He turned to Spike, "Good to see you are sober again, William. I am very happy that you didn't go up in flames. I admit, I was worried, and had smuggled a fire extinguisher underneath my robe when you first arrived."

"D'Hoffryn, we are prepared to give you what you want." Cordelia stepped forward.

"And what is that Ms. Chase?" He turned to her, "The Powers that Be certainly have no vision here."

"You can raise a life, one life, in order to take this world back to what it was." D'Hoffryn's face darkened.

"You think that I could possibly change the world back to its chaotic, retched state with one life?"

"You know that this isn't your normal game." Lilah said softly, "You raise lives with the exchange of a Vengeance Demon's life and soul. However, you have already brought five lives back without a death. Spike provided the pain for this to happen. And on top of it all, Drusilla died. Think of the power of all this stored energy that you could access and... well. You aren't stupid."

D'Hoffryn would have answered but the opening of the door interrupted him. Five disoriented people stumbled in.

"I feel that song... blinded by the light!" Xander sang as Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, and Giles tripped upon each other. For the already adjusted, the sight was quite amusing, even underneath such stressful situation.

"It's a good thing that Angel guy told us about sunglasses. It was awfully nice of him to do that. You know, he kinda looks like Angelus. If you squint." Tara said softly.

"I agree! Both of them are very helpful in telling us what we want to know. " Anya said, as she looked around, "I think they are here, I can... wait, D'Hoffryn?"

"Yes, Anyanka." D'Hoffryn smiled, "How are you doing?"

"I feel like I'm in a sun tanning booth, but other than that, we are here to take back Buffy and the vampire!" She said proudly. "It's like finding the perfect dress! Except we're going to kill something if there is resistance!"

"God, how did these people ever become champions?" Lilah muttered under her breath, "Cordelia, do your head touching thingy and let's get out of here."

"I'm sorry," She said with extreme sadness, as she gently stroked each person's temple.

Giles threw up.

Xander fell down while clutching at Anya who stood, stone still.

And Tara began to cry when Willow wouldn't stop screaming.

* * *

"This can't be true," Willow said while the tears ran down her face. "Oh, what have I done?"

"Baby, Its ok. Everything is going to be fine."

Willow was shaking so badly that she pulled both of them down to the floor. She began clutching at Tara's dress. Tara was quietly crying as she felt the extreme pain of her lover.

"I can't let you go again." Willow cried, "I cannot do it."

"You have to be strong."

"Tara, baby, I love you so much. It's not fair... that... that you died. You were murdered by a human. I should have died. I should have saved you. I can't... oh, god I cant breath."

Giles stumbled over to Buffy and held her, while Spike watched the entire group with no expression on his face. Nothing. He knew he was the cause of everything and that he should feel immense guilt, but all he could do was watch then react. He then turned to Buffy. She looked at him and smiled a small smile, as if to say that in time, everything was going to be alright.

The Slayer patted Giles' back and felt the wetness of his tears seep into her shirt. Her old watcher didn't say anything, but he held her for a long time. He too, relived the moments of her death over and over again. Only in his mind, he hadn't been able to save her.

Xander stood silently, watching as Anya rubbed her sleeve slowly up and down. Feeling the fabric between her fingers. Questions were dying on his tongue but wheeling in his brain. Finally, he got the courage to ask her if she was happy.

"Yes." She whispered.

"Are you in heaven?"

"Yes." She replied as the tears started to fall down her face.

"Anya." He said mournfully. She shook her head.

"Xander. Don't worry. I've always known." She held out her hand. Xander took it and curled up until he was hugging her. He hid his face in her shoulder so that no one would see him cry.

Lilah looked at her watch.

"And the touching moment continues, however, I have a meeting at two. So can we please hurry this up?"

"No! Please, let us go back. I promise... I..." Willow held onto Tara, who stroked her hair and whispered comforting words. "You can't do this. We didn't know! We didn't know that we would loose them again."

Cordelia walked over to Willow, who was sobbing and touched her hand slightly.

"Please Cordy. Please." She gasped.

"I know this is hard," The angel answered, "and I know that this is painful. But Tara is in heaven. She has a place where she is continually loved. And though it seems like forever, you will go there too. But you have things that need to be finished. If you don't return, now, you will never see her again. "

"I... I can't do this. I love you so much, baby."

"Willow, I love you too." Tara whispered, "You can do this. You can. Your white light is so bright now; I can see you all the way from heaven. I promise I will see you again. You need to be strong for us."

"Yes," the red head cried, "I will see you again. But baby, please. I just... I can't be apart from you again."

"I love you."

"I didn't know." She whimpered, "I didn't know that I would loose you again."



Giles pulled away from Buffy for a moment.

"Buffy, I don't know if I will see you again, but—"

"Giles, don't be British," She admonished gently. "You are fine. You will make it. You have hundreds of Slayers now, and they need you to train them."

"Please, know that I cannot tell you how sorry I am."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Buffy. I knew that D'Hoffryn was a Vengeance Demon and I had his amulet hidden in your mother's home. In the kitchen, under the floorboards. When I met D'Hoffryn for the first time at the circus, he told me to take the amulet from Spike and hide it where no one else would find. Then he told me to take out the pages from the book. I didn't want anything to happen to the circus but I could have stopped it."

"No." Buffy said forcefully, "No you couldn't have. It happened and it's done. You cannot worry about this. You need to think about the Slayers. You need to tell them what happened to me. Giles, please. Use your watcher brain and know that you have always been my father. You need to become the father of other girls. They need you."

He detached himself slowly.

"Did Spike make the wish?" Giles looked at the vampire blankly.

"I did." Spike whispered. "I am so sorry."

Giles walked away.

"Buffy." Spike said her name softly so that she couldn't hear his voice crack. He needed to hear it.

"I know. I can't say it, knowing that it's not the same love that you want. You know that. But I do. In my own way, I do." Her voice broke, "If we had more time... and things were different...But I can't say it when it's our last moment together. I did that once, to you."

Spike hung his head and Buffy touched his cheek as his body shook with the attempt to keep from crying.

"And it wasn't fair."



"I can't live without you." Willow whispered. She had no more tears. "I didn't know I would loose you again."

"You will see me in Heaven." Tara said softly, "You can do it. I know you can."

Willow straightened up and grabbed Cordelia's arm. The woman looked down at the witches who couldn't bear to live without one another. She sighed.

"Do you promise?" Willow asked, "Do you promise that I will get to heaven? Cordy?"

"If you work—"

"I need to know, please." The witch gasped, "You need to tell me now."

And Cordelia couldn't say no.



"I have made my decision." D'Hoffryn said loudly, so that every face turned upon his. "I will return this world back to five days after Buffy died, but I will claim one life to return to the living." Xander's head shot up. Anya's head bent down forward.

Spike wondered if she knew that she was the bargaining chip. She hadn't said anything, only stood there without saying a word to anyone except Xander. She only moved once to take her hand away from Xander.

Xander's face was filled with hope and strangely, Anya's was with dread. It was then that Spike knew that she had been in Heaven. Although Xander desperately wanted her back, Anya would never accept the world. She had seen perfection and could never go back.

Cordelia wouldn't look at the former Vengeance Demon. She too, hoped that Anya would be sacrificed.

D'Hoffryn looked at his girl.

"You know, you were always my favorite." D'Hoffryn said, and Anya looked up at him with extreme sorrow in her eyes, "I want another thousand years with you just so I could tell you that I am so proud of what you have accomplished. I only wish that I could see you in heaven."

"WHAT?" Cordelia screamed.

"I choose Darla."

"DONE!" Lilah shouted.

"ANYA!" Xander screamed.

"TARA!"

"Buffy." Spike whispered.


And then this world was gone.


* * * * * *

Author's Note: Epilogue will be posted tomorrow! I am SO excited to hear what you think!!!!!