Author’s Note: Thanks so much to Kar for her wonderful beta work and encouragement.


Chapter Three

When it became obvious that none of Giles's simple spells were going to pinpoint where the Spikes belonged, he volunteered his guest room for human Spike. Vampire-Spike wanted to stay with her though, and after a long talk with Giles she decided that might be a good idea in case any more doppelgangers arrived. Besides, she was lonely.

"Giles doesn't seem too happy about this."

"Yeah, well, there are some trust issues with him and this universe's Spike." She shrugged. "They both have their reasons, frankly." He didn't say anything, just watched her fidget with her laptop. The whole thing was pretty awkward. She should have just sent him home with Giles too. Did she really want a big Spike-shaped sounding board?

"Do you want to order a pizza or something?" She opened the fridge and rummaged around. "I don't think I have any beer though," she babbled, trying to cover her nervousness. "If I do, it's way old. I don't buy it anymore, since..."

"Since?" he prompted.

Buffy turned to face him. "I was seeing someone for a while."

He nodded. "Didn't end well."

It wasn't really a question, but she answered anyway. "Really no." Her relationships were always doomed anyway, weren't they? Even when the guy wasn't a freak? "It didn't really begin well, either. I mean, I'm sure it looked fine from the outside, but I think I just felt like I should be dating someone normal. That's what everybody seemed to want for me. It's even what Spike told me I should do."

"Is that right?"

She smirked at the skepticism in his voice. "I was more like a dare, you know? He was all 'you thought you wanted normal, give it a try and see if it's half so comfy as you think' or something. Anyway, I was mad, and... I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you all this. This has to be really bizarre for you."

"No, I'm curious."

"Well, anyway, David turned out to be not so normal and it didn't work out in a really big way." He had seemed so normal too, at least for a Watcher, which was as close to normal as she could reasonably get without either lying or being accused of massive insanity. So David liked her to wear her hair in pigtails and call him 'Mr. Addison' instead of 'David' in bed. That was far from the kinkiest thing she'd ever done. Or so she'd thought at the time. And if the frequency of their bedroom boughts was low, well, he was only mortal.

God, she was so stupid.

"I'm sorry, Buffy."

She shook herself out of the queasy reverie and forced a smile. "Don't be. David was... a big mistake."

"Not that." He lowered his eyes. "The other."

"Oh." She rubbed her hand across her flat stomach. "That. Yeah. It's okay. I mean, no, it's not okay, but it just is."

"She can't, you know," he blurted into the thickening silence.

Buffy knitted her brows. "Huh?"

"Buffy, my Buffy. She can't. None of the slayers can, not where I'm from."

Buffy struggled to absorb that. No babies. Not ever. His Buffy still had her mom, but the other her would never be able to feel what she had felt for those precious few weeks. She hadn't planned on getting pregnant, she'd never even thought about it in anything but an extremely theoretical way, and there was no way of knowing if it ever would happen again. But once it did happen... Would she rather be his Buffy? Have her mom but never be a mom?

"You! What the bleeding fuck did you do, you miserable cunt?"

Buffy spun around to see a seething Spike puffing at her. Before she could move, the other Spike insinuated himself between her and the new Spike.

The new Spike laughed a really nasty laugh. "Commissioned yourself a robot then, slayer? Told you you'd miss me."

"I say we kill him," the other Spike suggested calmly. "He reeks of human blood."

The new Spike sneered. "Got my chip out, didn't I? Been making up for lost time ever since," he bragged. "So if you brought me here for a showdown, slayer, I say we get started."

"Right then," the other Spike agreed. In a blink he pounced on his less friendly counterpart. She heard the sickening sound of a spine cracking, and then Spike was standing up, dusting off his borrowed pants. "Bloody hell, slayer, did I really waste so much time taunting you in my evil days? No wonder you always won."

"Oh my god!" she shouted at him. "I cannot believe you just did that! What if we can't send any of you back unless we can send all of you back?"

He gave her an exasperated look. "So you'd just send an evil shit like him back home to keep feeding on the populace? I think not."

Buffy sagged against the kitchen counter. "Okay, good point. I just... wasn't expecting you to do that." Plus seeing Spike, any Spike, get dusted was more upsetting than she would have imagined.

He patted her shoulder. "Your little Council's not the only one working on it, are they? If your Giles can't figure it, then my Willow will."

She didn't say anything, distracted by the feel of his hand on her shoulder. When was the last time she'd thought about Spike touching her? She'd had violent fantasies about him tearing David apart, but it had been a really long time since she'd found herself physically longing for him. She mostly just missed her friend, but that Spike was long gone. No spell was going to bring him back.

"Let's order that pizza, love. You need to eat."

She smiled at him. "You miss her, don't you?"

"Every second," he agreed. "And unless I'm much mistaken, he misses you too."

Buffy wished she knew whether that was true or not, but she didn't say anything. Nothing good ever came of wishing.


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I’m currently working on the second half of the story (I expect it to be about six chapters). I would really appreciate any comments or quibbles on this story. It has been a tough one to write, but an idea I just couldn’t let lie.