Author's Notes: Thanks to DoS for being my beta! Also, this fic has been nominated at LLGA for Best WIP, Best Buffy and Spike charecterizations, and best Plot! Thank you to whomever nominated me! :)






Shit, shit, shit! Buffy’s mind screamed.

Xander was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, his eyes glued on Spike. Buffy knew what that look meant. No matter how much she wished that this Xander was the one she knew and loved, she had to remember – this Xander had not had to endure all the obstacles that her Xander had endured.

This Xander had not grown up like her Xander had.

“Xander,” Buffy acknowledged casually, nodding her head in his direction. “So, you’re here to take Dawn to school?”

Xander nodded, his eyes never leaving Spike. “What’s going on, Buffy? Why is Fangless being so hard on you?”

“Xander,” Buffy began, only to be cut off by a very pissed off Spike.

“You know what, Whelp?” Spike snarled, pushing away from Buffy and making his way across the room toward Xander. “I am bloody sick of this.”

Xander watched with wide eyes as Spike advanced on him. He sent a pleading look toward Dawn and Buffy before turning his wide gaze back to Spike. “Sick of what, Spike? I just hope you’re not going to start your little obsession thing now that she’s around again.”

An inhuman growl erupted from Spike’s chest, and before anyone knew what he was about, Xander was pinned against the doorframe with Spike’s forearm across his throat.

Buffy could feel the anger radiating off Spike, but refused to interfere.

This was between Xander and Spike.

“You didn’t tell me! You brought her back, and you didn’t tell me!” Spike said, giving the boy in his grasp a look of anguished fury.

Xander smirked, “Well, now you know.”

Spike’s arm pressed down more firmly across Xander’s throat, leaving very little room for oxygen.

Dawn started forward, but Buffy held her back with a pointed look and a small shake of her head.

Spike’s eyes were ice cold. “I worked beside you all summer.”

For once in his life, Xander seemed at a loss for words. “We just didn’t tell you.” He paused again, apparently seeing the vampire with new eyes. “It was just – we just – we didn’t. Okay?”

Spike’s face was still stone cold. “Listen, I figured it out,” he replied softly, giving Xander one more good shove into the wall before letting him go. “Maybe you haven’t, but I have.”

Spike took a deep breath, knowing that his words were about to betray how he felt about Buffy. He just hoped that she would forgive him for those feelings. “Willow knew there was a chance that she could come back wrong! So wrong that you’d have to…“

Buffy’s heart broke hearing the emotion in his words. She wanted to go to him and hold him, to remind him that she was there now – but she knew that he had to do this for himself.

Xander watched the vampire before him struggle to contain his emotions. Xander had always known that Spike had been obsessed with Buffy, but could he really love her? Was he capable of love?

Spike steeled himself against his emotions. He could not let Xander see him vulnerable. “So wrong that she would have to get rid of what came back – but I wouldn’t let her. Any part of that was Buffy, I wouldn’t let her. And that’s why she shut me out.”

“What are you talking about?” Xander asked defensively, trying to deny Spike’s words. “Willow wouldn’t do that.”

A sarcastic smile graced Spike’s chiseled face. “Oh, really?”

“Look, you’re just covering,” Xander replied, his own face taking on a sardonically knowing smile. “Don’t tell me you’re not happy.” Xander watched Spike’s eyes close, once again trying to control his emotions. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that seeing Buffy alive wasn’t the happiest moment of your entire existence.”

Spike tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “You know I can’t.” he whispered, turning from Xander and walking toward back Buffy.

He looked into her eyes for a moment, sensing something – but uncertain as to what it could be. She gave him a small smile that he hesitantly returned, before turning back toward Xander and finishing softly, “But I can tell you this, Whelp. The thing about magic is – there are always consequences. Always!”

Spike watched with satisfaction as Xander’s face became suddenly pale and uncertain.

Serves the git right.

Turning back to Buffy, Spike’s eyes were filled with a sad sort of satisfaction. “I’m going to go smoke, yeah?” When Buffy nodded, Spike took her scarred hand in his. “We still need to talk about this,” he reminded her, carefully lacing his fingers through hers.

Buffy’s eyes shone with suppressed emotion, as she watched their hands together, remembering a time long past – and now, somehow, yet to come.

“I know.”

Spike smiled slightly with just a hint of relief in his eyes at her agreement. “Okay.” He bent down and kissed her cheek, letting her hand drop to her side. “You know where to find me,” he whispered, his cool breath momentarily fanning her cheek.

“Okay,” Buffy whispered, goose bumps trailing in the wake of his words.

Spike made his way over to Dawn, pausing in front of her. “Have a good day at school, Nibblet,” he told her, one hand grazing down through her hair. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

Dawn laughed. “I won’t. One mindless automaton, coming up.”

Spike smiled. “That’s my girl,” he whispered, dropping a kiss to her brow.

As Spike walked down into the basement, Buffy decided to break the ice with her best friend. “Okay, Xander. Take Dawn to school, and I will meet you guys at the Magic Box later.”

Xander gave her a look. “Are you sure you want to be alone with...”

“If you want to keep your manhood, Xander Harris, I wouldn’t finish that sentence.” Buffy told him menacingly.

Xander seemed stunned and bewildered by her sudden defense of the blond vampire that, in his memory, had never been anything but an annoyance to her.

“Buffy, what the hell…”

“I’ll tell you everything at the Magic Box, okay? I need to talk to Spike privately, and then I will tell you all what is going on, okay?” When Xander frowned in confusion, Buffy felt a slight pity for her friend. “Xander, just trust me, okay? Have I ever let you guys down before?”

Xander took a deep breath, then shook his head and smiled in resignation. “No, Buffy,” he admitted.

Buffy smiled. “Then just trust me.” She turned to Dawn, giving her a hug before she left the kitchen. Just as Xander was leaving she stopped him again.

“Xander!”

“Yeah?”

“Be nice to Spike for me, okay? I really hate it when you two fight.”

“I’ll try. But if he hurts you, Buffy…”

“He won’t. Thank you.”

~~~


Spike paced the basement, his cigarette slowly burning between his lips. He hadn’t meant to go off on Xander like that, but the boy just didn’t know when to quit. Of course the git just had to go off about his obsession with Buffy.

“I’m not obsessed with the bloody bint,” he told himself, flicking his cigarette across the room.

He wasn’t obsessed.

He loved her.

He cared about her.

He loved her family.

To him, that wasn’t an obsession. It was just simply love. Besides Dru, Buffy was the only person that Spike had ever loved with his entire heart.

When Joyce had died, a piece of Spike’s heart had died with her. Then, when Buffy – went away – he had been sure that he could no longer survive without her in his life. The only reason that he had not walked into the first sunrise without her was Dawn.

Dawn needed him.

The poor girl definitely needed somebody, and no one really seemed to give her the time of day. They all seemed to be too caught up in their own bloody mourning to care that Dawn was grieving more than anyone else. First her mum had died, and then her sister not too long after that. Her ponce of a father hadn’t call until a month after Buffy had died, to tell Dawn how sorry he was about Joyce.

Dawn still needed him.

And he needed her.

The sound of the basement door opening drew Spike’s gaze to the top of the stairs. Buffy was making her way toward him, her eyes looking everywhere – anywhere – but at him.

“Buffy.”

“Spike,” she replied, stopping a few feet in front of him. “I guess we need to have that talk now.”

Spike stepped forward, taking her scarred hand in his. He stared down at their joined hands between them, as he whispered, “Yeah, I guess we do.”

Buffy exhaled a deep breath. “I haven’t been in this basement since...”

“Since when?” Spike asked, seeing her obvious distress. “Since you died?”

“No,” Buffy looked deep into his eyes. “I haven’t been in this basement since the night we claimed each other.”

Spike looked at her for a long moment before bursting into laughter. “You have got to be kidding me, Slayer!”

Buffy watched him with sad eyes. “No, Spike, I’m not.”

Spike’s laughter suddenly vanished. A large lump formed in his throat that almost made it impossible for him to speak. “Buffy, I know that I’m a stupid man, but I think I would have remembered claiming you.”

“I know you would have,” Buffy replied, her grip tightening on his hand. “Do you remember your dream?”

Spike watched their hands. “Yes. I remember dying.”

“What else do you remember?” Buffy asked, stepping closer to her vampire. “Do you remember me telling you that I loved you?”

Spike shuddered, his chest expanding with emotion. “Yes.”

Buffy nodded, still looking at their hands. “Do you remember saying ‘No you don’t, but thanks for saying it.’?”

Spike used his free hand to lift Buffy’s chin with his finger. “How do you know about that?”

Buffy smiled. “Because it wasn’t just a dream – it happened.” She glanced back down to their hands, fighting back her own tears. “I was there.”

“That’s impossible!” Spike exploded, releasing her hands and moving away from her in confused frustration. “There is no way in hell that I died!”

“I thought you were already dead, Spike.”

Spike paused, giving Buffy a searing look. “Now is not the time to make vampire jokes, pet.”

“Sorry,” Buffy replied sheepishly.

“I don’t understand any of this, Buffy. It’s just not possible!”

Buffy couldn’t take it anymore. She snapped.

“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think this is hard on me too? Knowing everything that is going to happen to the people I love! Knowing that Tara and Anya and you are all going to…”

“What about Glenda and Demon girl? Don’t tell me that they are going to...”

Buffy sniffled against her tears, wiping a single escaped drop from her cheek. “Yes, Spike. They are all going to die.”

For a moment, all the air seemed to leave his dead lungs. “How do you know all of this?”

“I’m from the future. From 2003. I have lived all of this. For all the bad and good, they are my memories – and your future,” Buffy replied, taking a seat on the bottom stair. “You have no idea what it was like for me to be in LA one minute...”

“LA? Went to tall dark and forehead, I take it?” Spike sneered, reaching for another cigarette. “Didn’t take long after I died, did it? What did you do? Hop into his bed the day after I died?” Spike asked, lighting his cigarette.

Buffy stood up. “I am going to pretend you did not just say that, William.”

Spike whirled, facing her. “Don’t bloody call me that, Slayer.”

Buffy smirked, walking toward her angry vampire. “What’s wrong, Spikey? You got a problem with your name?”

Spike consumed half of his cigarette in a single drag, as he fought for control of his rising anger. “Don’t start this, Slayer.”

“I didn’t start anything,” she informed him, stopping a hair’s breadth away from him. “You were the one that accused me of moving on with Angel. So yeah, that pissed me off,” she told him, poking her finger into his chest. “I know this is hard for you to believe, but how did you get those burns on your fingers? How did I get mine?”

Spike looked around wildly, trying to block out his Slayer’s words. “I don’t know, pet. Maybe you set me on fire when I was sleeping.”

Buffy smirked. “If I was going to do that, I would have done it years ago when I hated you.”

Spike smiled slightly. “You still hate me, pet.”

“No, I don’t,” Buffy breathed, looking deep into his eyes. “I can prove it.”

Spike’s interest was piqued. “How would you prove it, Slayer?”

Buffy smiled, craning her head to the side. “See the scar on my neck? You put it there when you claimed me.”

Spike growled, looking at her scar. “Something else could have bit you. How am I supposed to believe that it was me?”

Buffy watched Spike fight his inner demon. “I think you already know that it was you. I can hear your demon purring.” Buffy wrapped her arms around his torso. “You know I am telling the truth. I know you do.”

Spike looked down at her. “I guess living on a Hellmouth takes its toll on people, luv. I can’t say that what you are saying is impossible.”

“I know a way that I could prove it to you,” Buffy said, pulling a knife out of her back pocket.

“What are you going to do with that, pet?” Spike asked, watching her with wary eyes.

Buffy cut her right wrist, balling up her hand to start the flow of blood. “I want you to drink from me.”

“No!” Spike replied, shaking his head, his eyes wide with horror and dismay. “I won’t drink from you, Buffy.”

Buffy watched her blood trickle down her arm. “I know you don’t want to, but it is the only way that I know will work.” Her gaze drifted up to Spike. “It worked before, when you were being controlled by The First. Once you drank some of my blood, you remembered everything.”

“The First? As in The First Evil?” Spike asked, truly shocked.

“Yep. One and the same,” Buffy replied without hesitation, as she brought her wrist up to his mouth. “Just drink, Spike. Everything will make more sense when you do.” When he didn’t budge, she tried again. “Just trust me, Spike. Please…” Buffy whispered, tears forming in her beautiful green eyes.

Spike eyes were glued to her wrist. Slowly, gently, he lowered his mouth slightly to lap at her blood. As the rich taste hit his tongue, he groaned, latching onto her wrist. Two, three, four deep pulls went down his throat before the white light flashed.

He was thrown away from Buffy, his mind racing with thoughts and flashes of himself and Buffy together, in another life – a life that was yet to be. He gasped for air, his body wracked with pain. He could hear Buffy calling for him in the distance.

Suddenly everything went black.

************************************************


He could feel her against him, talking to him softly, trying to wake him. His eyes opened -- and he saw the most beautiful thing in his world.

“Buffy?”

His angel smiled, tears streaming down her face. “Yeah, Spike, it’s me.”

Spike smiled, his hand coming to rest on her cheek. “Why are you crying?” He looked around for a moment before trying to get up off the cold concrete floor. “Where the hell are we?”

Buffy helped him get up. “What do you mean? What’s the last thing you remember?” Buffy asked, concern etched on her face.

“I thought Sunnydale was supposed to be gone when the Hellmouth closed.” Spike looked around the room before looking back to Buffy in bewilderment. “What happened? I closed it. I know I did.”

Buffy’s heart skipped a beat. It was almost too good to be true. “Spike?”

“Yeah, luv?” Spike asked, bringing her into his arms.

“What year is it?”

Spike’s brow furrowed, looking at her questioningly. “2003.”

“Oh my God!”