A/N: You know, there should be a special "Riley in a scene" warning :D



Thoughts of Riley Finn- 2 Weeks Later...

I can't believe it! No one in their right mind would do such a thing. The hostile must have contaminated her in some way. After all, they did share blood, and god knows what that would do to you.

Two weeks ago, my life became a living hell. Buffy totally gave me the brush off; as if all of our time together could've been chalked up to a mere "friendship." It was more than that. I never felt that way about anyone before... That vampire must have put her under some sort of a thrall. I mean, why else would she sleep with that thing?

Thoroughly concerned she was under some sort of hypnosis, I decided that I had to save Buffy from herself. It's not like I'm the only one who sees how wrong this is. Xander and Giles feel just as I do. Though Giles never says it verbally, his silence is much louder than words. Xander just sticks to his usually quippy comments, but I can read between the lines. That was when I decided to form a plan to stop the insanity. However before I did, I decided to do what any man would do; I went to a bar to drown my sorrows. That was when I met her...

A true goddess, my dark haired angel is. We met a week after the bleached moron debacle. At first, it was probably just the excessive liquor talking, but everything just came pouring out of me- demons, Buffy, the Initiative, Buffy's demon child (obviously, I was drinking a lot). In fact, she knew Buffy. As it turns out, she's a Slayer too. I knew that whole "I'm the only one" was just ego on Buffy's part. Anyway, she told me that Buffy was endangering herself and those around her because she was possessed. She said she just came in from L.A. to put a stop to it all. She explained how no one could know she was there, or Spike would probably try to kill her, or even Buffy because of the spell. But I couldn't believe it. Buffy could never be that far gone, could she? But I kept the secret anyway. Something bad happening to Faith is something that I cannot allow.

I just became so taken with her. Four days after we met, we made love, and I was hooked. These past few days have been the best of my life. She is the best of everything. When we were first together, she was hesitant— so innocent and pure. I made sure to be extra gentle. She seemed confused at first and asked what I wanted from her. I told her I wanted nothing, but just to hold her. Her eyes became a little watery. I thought she would cry, but she held it back. Then the next day, she was business gal. I love that about her! How she can push the emotions away and get to the problem at hand. I was thinking of bringing her into the Initiative, but she said that now was not the time.

She had the most brilliant plan— to have the Initiative capture Spike. Once he's out of the way, Buffy wouldn't be under his influence and easier to decontaminate. Also, we would be able to see how it's possible for him, a vampire, can walk into the sun and create a child.

Though I still love Buffy, maybe it would be best if we were just friends. After all, Faith respects me, cares about me and believes in me. Besides, with Buffy having the spawn of a demon inside of her all of that time, I fear that I may already be too late...

******


Two weeks ago, things were perfect. For the time being, Spike stayed at our house (though Giles feared for our safety. He often had my mom stay over at his house, keeping her "busy" with things I so don't wanna know). Two days after I was released from the hospital, we became intimate again, and again, then intimate some more... Oh come on let's face it; he's totally hot and the pregnancy's made me all horny— but only for him. Up until five days ago, my life resembled close to a utopia. Well, for a Slayer anyway.

Spike began helping the gang out on patrols and stuff. Then we started going over baby names. William Rupert Wordsworth if it's a boy (yeah, Wordsworth I know. It sounds really uptight. Spike said the “Rupert” didn’t help either, but I don’t care. When he holds a baby in his belly for nine months, and pushes it out, he can name it what he wants), or Joan Constance Summers if it's a girl (Constance was his mother's name). But soon after, things went straight to hell all because I had to question him. Not that it’s wrong to question him, cause hey, questions are good—it’s good to have an inquisitive mind. But to be more accurate, I doubted him. It started out innocently enough but...

"So, how exactly do you curb your urges to go hunting?"

"Well, there's many answers to that pet. Helping your Scoobies out with slaying gets rid of all of the pent up energy to kill, especially with the more challenging demons. And I told you, I only go for the challenge. Killing weak, insipid humans day after day is in no way a challenge. 'Sides, I can get human blood when I nick blood bags from the hospital."

"Well yea. But don't you just miss-"

"Hey, look at me." His eyes were full of... I couldn't tell. "'S not the only reason. Because of you I couldn’t— I've known for a long time now that if I were to go back with the killing of innocents and what all, it would hurt you. Honestly I don't give a sod about bloody humans. Well, 'cept you obviously, and Joyce, the lil' bit and maybe Red... Anyways, I wouldn't hurt you 'cause I love you.”

"What?" Something I've been waiting to hear, but I still couldn't fully comprehend it. Deep down, I knew he cared, and that I could trust him with my life and the people around me. But I was too damned stuck on the "no soul" thing. I was a fool. I should have known better. I do now, but now may be too late.

"‘What’ what? 'Bout me loving you?"

"Spike, it's not possible. You don’t have a soul.”

"What? Well 'scuse me. Am I not supposed to have real feelings just cause I don't have a soul? Is that it then! Just because bloody Angelus was a crazy, psychotic bastard, I have to be one too then?"

"That's not what I meant.”

"You know, I feel bloody sorry for you. Jesus, you'd think that after all this time and from first hand experience that you can always trust what I say. I was never the one to shy from the truth. And you, you just… can’t soddin’ help yourself with trying to put me in a neat lil’ box marked ‘soulless and evil,’ right?"

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Can we please just forget about it?"

"No. Don't feel much like cuddling anyway. Why should I? I don't have feelings after all."

"Spike wait. Spike!"

But he left anyway. I figured it was just to blow off some steam, and when he came back, I would apologize properly to him; tell him I was wrong because I was. Spike has been atypical since we first met. And if he says he honestly loves me, then I believe him. When he first said it, he caught me off guard. Or maybe subconsciously I was picking a fight on purpose—on purpose because I know that I love him too (though I've said nothing to him or anyone), but I'm just afraid that somehow my love for him will be turned against me. But it doesn't matter. He didn't come back that night, and hasn't been back since.

Though I haven't seen Riley in awhile, I figured maybe the Initiative could help look for him. But then I came to my senses and decided to think of a better, less life threatening of Spike plan.

I asked Willow and Tara to do a locator spell, and it kept landing in this one spot close to the campus. But he obviously wasn't there.

"Well, maybe someone managed to get the ring off of him and dusted him there," Anya said. She thought she was helping! I couldn't stop crying for over an hour at that horrific thought. But then I surpassed the hormones and pulled myself together. Spike would never be so careless. He was still alive. I could feel it. But then why would...

"Willow, can you see on your computer just how far the Initiative spreads out?" Willow nodded her head in agreement.

"What are you thinking Buffy?" Giles asked.

"The locator spell. Maybe Spike is in that spot. But not above ground..."

******

5 days earlier...

"That bloody bint! How could she even think that— of course I feel. Of course I meant it. Soddin' Angel just had to ruin everything, didn’t he?! I wasn't the one with the sick mind games. Just cause he's a bastard doesn't mean that I'm one too.

Bollocks. It's not like I meant to fall for you! Why don't you jus' rip out my heart, Slay— Aaah!"

"Hostile is now incapacitated. We are now in position to move."

"Alright, let's bag and tag and move out."

Well, what can I say? I was piss drunk. Didn't hear those soldier boys creepin' up behind me; didn't know what the hell happened when they zapped me in the back. Wankers. Can't a bloke just mope drunkenly bout his woman? If you're a vamp, guess not. Now I'm stuck in this bleeding cell. They sedated me, but I was still vaguely aware of what was happenin' to me. They kept trying to cut into me. But every time they tried, the cut would seal back up before you could say "bloody hell." They thought I was some sort of a "demon messiah." But then I got to thinkin', what if they strip me of everything? Then the open/close wound thing wouldn't work on me anymore and I'd be another lab rat. So as soon as they put me back, I swallowed the ring. It's not like they'd be able to cut me open long enough to get it out, even if they knew it existed. But it didn't matter, ‘cause next time the fuckers opened the door, I was gonna escape. Wouldn't want to keep the little lady waiting…