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Animal Nature by beanie
 
Answers Lead to Questions
 
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Chapter 10: Answers Lead to Questions

Buffy slammed her fist into the punching bag in front of her, welcoming the slight pain from the force of her hit. She really did not want or need this. Facing Spike was completely different from facing her friends. The vampire did not judge her or ask her questions she couldn’t answer. He just held her when she needed to be held, let her fight when she needed to fight. He supported her the best way he could and she appreciated it.

She didn’t know why she felt safer with Spike than with anyone else, but she didn’t question it. With five years of slaying under her belt, she had learned to trust her instincts.

They were telling her to trust Spike.

Ever since the day he had chained her up in his basement and confessed his love, she had started to feel differently towards him. At first, his admission scared and disgusted her. Her disgust was because it was Spike. With Angel, there had been a soul, a reason for the feelings he had. That had been her excuse for loving him. For being allowed to love him.

Spike had no soul.

She had told herself countless times that someone needed a soul in order to love, but as she got to know Spike, she started to realize that her belief was not true. Spike loved with everything he had. He had loved Drusilla for a century without a soul. When Spike loved, it was unconditional. That was what scared her.

Spike could love more without a soul than Angel ever could with one.

She didn’t want to fall for another vampire. She couldn’t. Her relationship with Angel had ended so badly, she was surprised she had survived it. She knew from that experience that vampires and slayers could not be together. It could only lead to pain, betrayal, and countless other miserable things.

Spike isn’t Angel, a nagging voice in the back of her mind had told her.

She tried so hard to ignore it, but as time went on, it became louder and more insistent. Spike had proved his love multiple times after confessing it to her. He had suffered torture at the hands of Glory in order to keep her and Dawn safe. She knew he would have died that day in order to protect them.

She never fully admitted it to herself, but as time went on and as Glory became a bigger threat, she had begun to look at Spike as an ally, as a friend. Before, his tender looks had churned her stomach; now they caused warmth inside her. She was beginning to see Spike for who he truly was; to see the man underneath.

She recalled waking in his bed that morning, and a smile fell on her lips . She knew he must have carried her to his crypt after the vamps had attacked them. It was fuzzy, but she remembered waking up in his arms, worried, before he calmed her with his voice and words.

When he held her, she felt safe and loved. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to be in his arms. They felt like they belonged around her, and her only. She remembered the look of awe on his face when she had asked him to stay with her, and it caused warmth to creep into her heart.

“Buffy, the others have arrived. I would like to share the information from the Council, if that is okay with you?” Giles asked from the doorway of the training room.

His voiced pulled her out of her reverie and she sighed, knowing the meeting with the others was inevitable.

“It’s fine. I’ll be right there.” With a curt nod, her Watcher left the room.

Buffy moved to the bench and took the tape off her hands before grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat from her brow. She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself before heading out into the store. After a few slow breaths, she finally stood up and walked through the doorway.
***

“Buffy! We’re so glad you’re okay!” Willow exclaimed as she hugged the Slayer.

As soon as Willow let go, Xander pulled her into his embrace, “Good to have you back, Buff.”

When Buffy didn’t return their affection, Willow asked, “We got you out. Aren’t you happy?”

“No, but I don’t want to deal with that now.” Buffy stepped between them to stand in the middle of the room with her arms crossed. Xander and Willow looked at each other, stunned by their friend’s reaction, before they took seats at the round table.
“Tell me what you found out,” Buffy said, facing Giles.

He pulled off his glasses to clean them quickly, then placed them back on his nose and looked at the group. “After some prodding, the Council finally revealed some information about the Slayer that was not in the Diaries. It is about the source of her power.”

“And that would be?”

“It seems that in order to give the first Slayer enough power to fight the demons and forces of darkness, they had to endow her with the essence of what she fought.”

Willow gasped. “You mean they… they put a demon in her?”

“A demon’s essence, yes.”

Buffy stood with her with her mouth open in shock. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach and had to sit down with her head between her knees in order to calm down. After composing herself she looked up at her Watcher, “You can’t be serious?”

“I’m afraid I am,” Giles said.

Buffy stood up slowly, the room suddenly feeling too small and too hot. “I have to go,” she explained quickly, leaving before anyone could stop her.

“Well, that went well,” Xander said after a moment of silence.

“That was a bad idea. We should have waited to tell her. She’s still unstable.” There was a hint of hysteria in Willow’s voice.

“She needed to know. We all did,” Giles tried to rectify.

“Someone should be with her,” Willow stated as she stood up to head out the door.

“Yeah, but who knows where she ran off to?” That came from Xander.

“She went to see Spike,” Giles replied, taking off his glasses once again to clean them, his comment leaving the others in the room speechless.

***

Buffy wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She had spent the last five years of her life fighting demons only to discover that her power came from one. That knowledge caused her already tipsy world to complete turn upside down. She rubbed her hand along her arms, trying to relieve the cold shivers the new information brought her.

She was following her feet, letting them carry her in whatever direction they wanted while her brain wondered. She wasn’t surprised when she looked up to see Restfield written in iron letters above her head. She smiled as she saw the familiar tomb come into view. She knocked on the heavy, iron door, biting her lip while she waited for it to open.

The door opened slowly, only Spike’s head was visible behind it. His eyebrows rose in surprise at seeing her standing at his doorway. “Buffy?”

“Can I come in?”

“Oh, ‘course.” He backed away to let her step inside and then quickly closed the door to keep the sunlight out.

“Isn’t it a little early for patrol, pet?”

“I’m not here for that. I just needed to get away,” she explained, taking a seat on his couch.

“Mates invadin’ your personal space?” he asked, walking to the fridge, “Do you want somethin’ to drink? I don’t have much -beer or water.”

“Yes, but that’s not the problem, and I’m okay.”

“Whassit, then?” he asked as he took a beer out of the fridge for himself, then sat in the chair next to her.

“Do you know where a Slayer’s power comes from?”

“I never really thought about it.”

“Okay, well if you thought about it, where do you think it comes from?”

He was quiet for a moment before answering, “Some kind a’ ancient mojo.”

“I wish. That’d be better than the alternative.” She sighed and laid her head against the back of the couch.

“What’s the alternative?”

“Demon essence. What does that even mean? Ugh, how can I have demon in me? I’m supposed to fight the powers of darkness, not walk around with its essence in me!”

“Buffy, calm down. There has to be more to it than that. What did the Watcher say?”

She looked sheepish. “I dunno. I ran out. I just couldn’t handle being in there anymore. The way they were acting, like I was some fragile piece of china that would break if they said the wrong thing.”

“You went through something terrible, luv. I don’t usually defend the Scoobies, but they just don’t want to hurt you.”

“God, I wish everyone would stop saying that!” She stood up and took a few steps before turning back to him with anger burning in her eyes. “They don’t want to hurt me, you say. Well, it’s a little too late for that. You want to know where I was, Spike? Where I spent the last few months? Where my so-called friends yanked me out of? Heaven. I was in Heaven. And now…” she shook her head, “now I’m in Hell.”

 
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