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A/N: I just want to thank you all for sticking with the story even though it takes me such a long time to post. I'm sorry, life is keeping me busy. But I promise I'll try to do better. I'm still enjoying your reviews so much, so keep em coming! The lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from 'Sand in my shoes' by Dido.


CHAPTER 21: Olive branch



"I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused
But I wanna see you again"




A million thoughts were fighting for attention in Buffy's head as she mindlessly followed the familiar path from her house to Scooby Central. The weather contrasted nicely with her mood; the sun was as bright as her thoughts were grim. But as usual, she chose to ignore what should be the most important thing and instead focus on what she was good at: Slaying, demons, research... or at least, having other people research demon stuff. She had just spent the entire night beating herself up for yet again screwing up her love life. She refused to do it any longer. The whole relationship thing was apparently too abstract a concept for her to understand. Killing. That she could do. She might hate the research that came with the slaying, but at least, it would keep her mind busy for a while.

She reached the door to the Magic Box and opened it with purpose. Bringing the Scoobies up to speed on the whole Carlita debacle would give her something concrete to focus on. Focus was of the good. Moping was not. Definitely not.

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On the other side of town, one Miss Dawn Summers was about to abandon herself to a fit of hormonal anger. For once, her teenage drama wasn't about herself. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even in exchange for a lifetime supply of anchovy pizza, but it was nice to deal with someone else's drama for a change. It gave her a sense of purpose. Although, if she was honest, it was about her in a way. If both her sister and Spike were miserable, who would be the one to suffer? Exactly. She would. After all, she lived with Buffy and would have to deal with her sour puss on an every day basis. How could she convince her annoying sister that she really needed that new pair of boots if Buffy was in a pissy mood? And no more of Spike's stories while munching on Buffalo wings if he was too drunk and depressed to even talk. So it WAS about her. Damn. So much for the selfless act.

But Buffy wasn't home anymore, and now Dawn felt like she was on a wild goose chase around town. She had expected to find her in her room where she'd last seen her, but the bed was unmade and Buffy free. Willow wasn't there either. The house was silent and empty, not even a note on the fridge to let her know where to find everybody. Her best guess being the Magic Box, that's where she was heading now.

The tall brunette stopped before entering Anya's beloved money making business place. She pushed her sunglasses on top of her head and pulled down on her too short skirt to make it look more decent. Wouldn't do to have a confrontation with her sister about what was or wasn't appropriate for her age. Better keep that fight for another day. She walked in with a smile on her face, but it faded when she didn't see Buffy sitting with the rest of the gang.

"Hey, Dawnie." Tara greeted her, taking her eyes off the book she was reading just long enough to smile at her.

"Hey." Dawn walked up to the table where they were all sitting apparently in extreme research mode. "What are you guys up to?"

Before anybody could answer, Giles walked in carrying a fresh pot of tea that he put down on the only corner of the table that wasn't taken by piles of books.

Dawn beamed when she saw him. "Giles! You're back!" She walked up to him and engulfed him in a tight hug.

The watcher had been called by the Council a week ago. They had asked him to fly to London so they could review his Slayer's training and get a complete report on the current situation on the Hellmouth. Or at least, that's what they'd said. But it had all been a complete waste of time and they'd suddenly sent him back home two days ago, a week earlier than he was supposed to come back.

The watcher seemed beyond tired, but smiled warmly at the teenager. "It would appear so. Although I'm afraid my brain doesn't know that yet. I'm still on London time. I just arrived a few hours ago."

"Why aren't you at home resting?"

He sighed deeply before sitting at the table. "There is no rest to be had when one lives on the Hellmouth, unfortunately."

"Yeah, Buffy just told us about some demon chick who tried to ruin her vacation by attempting to kill her." Xander explained. "And to think that all this time, my money was on Spike ruining it for her. Guess even I can be wrong sometimes."

Dawn perked up when she heard her sister's name being mentioned. "So she was here? Where did she go? I need to talk to her."

"In the back." Willow supplied helpfully. "You know her, ten minutes of research and she needed a break."

"Can't blame her." Anya pouted, obviously bored by the content of the book in front of her.

Dawn was already making her way to the back of the store. "Thanks!"

She walked into the training room but it was empty. She went to the back door and opened it to look in the alley.

There was Buffy, sitting on the crate. The back of her head was resting against the brick wall and her eyes were closed. To the casual observer, it looked like she was taking a moment to enjoy the warm caress of the sun on her face, but the frown creasing her forehead said otherwise.

She spoke without opening her eyes. "Go away, Dawn. Is it too much to ask for a moment to myself?"

Dawn ignored her and hopped on the crate next to her. "Yep." The Slayer groaned. "What the hell did I do to the Powers That Be to deserve that?"

"Uh... For starters, you're acting all stoopid."

Buffy opened her eyes to look at her sister. The teenager was grinning smugly.

"I'm not acting 'stoopid'. You don't know what you're talking about, Dawn, so just let it go, would you?"

"I know a lot more than you think I do. And I won't let it go, so brace yourself."

"Oh really?" Buffy challenged. "And what is it you think you know, oh wise one?"

"I know about you and Spike."

Buffy looked surprised but didn't confirm or deny.

"And I know you screwed things up."

The surprised look turned angry. "Hey!"

"Don't deny it."

Buffy looked away. "I see. So you talked to Spike then?"

Dawn snorted. "Attempted to talk to Spike is more like it. He was too drunk, hurt and pissed off to have a decent conversation."

Guilt flashed across Buffy's features, but she didn't say anything.

"One thing he refused to tell me and I'm really curious about though... What the heck did you do to him?" Dawn asked.

This time, the tiny blonde attempted to defend herself... weakly. "And why exactly do you just assume I'm the one who did something to him?"

Dawn raised an eyebrow and Buffy deflated.

"Fine. I am stupid. Are you happy? I screwed up. I'm a screw up. End of the pathetic story."

"That's not an answer. What did you do?" Dawn insisted, determined to get to the bottom of the story. "I can't fix it if I don't know exactly what happened."

"You can't fix it. I hurt him without even wanting to." Buffy almost whispered. "I promised him I wouldn't hide what happened between us, but as soon as we arrived at the airport and I saw my friends, I broke my promise."

"Why did you do that? What were you afraid of? You kill demons every night and you're afraid of Xander and Willow?" Dawn added the last part with a snort.

"I wasn't afraid and I wasn't going to hide anything. I just didn't want them to find out at the airport in front of thousands of people. I was going to tell everybody, but in private."

"And you couldn't have explained that to Spike before you got there? Or even after? I'm sure he would have understood."

Buffy sighed. "I didn't think of telling him that before because I never thought it would be an issue. I thought they'd wait for us at the car, we'd get home, and then I would tell them. But then, we were holding hands and when I saw them... I just didn't think it would be a good idea for them to find out this way. Xander would have exploded like a nuclear bomb."

"Ok. Fine. I get that. But why didn't you talk with him after?"

"I never had the chance. He ran away. He freaked out and left. Dawn, the look on his face... He looked so hurt and disappointed. In that moment, I felt like the worst bitch in the whole world. Believe me, I thought of going to his crypt and explain myself after we got home, but I couldn't face him. And the longer I waited, the worse it got. I spent all night awake, debating about going, then changing my mind, imagining what he would say and how angry he would be. I couldn't do it."

"Well you're gonna go now. You have to. I won't let you ruin your chances at being happy." Dawn said firmly, her tone of voice leaving no place for argument.

"And what will I say to him? Even if my intentions were good, it doesn't make the way he felt at the airport less real. I did hurt him. And why would he believe me? He'll probably think I'm bullshitting him to get some Spike lovin'."

Dawn frowned and thought about it for a moment. "Yeah... makes sense. He wasn't exactly in a listening mood."

Buffy whimpered and hung her head.

"But..."

She looked up at her little sister, her big hazel eyes filled with hope. "But?"

"But if it's already done, then he'll have to believe you." The brunette grinned almost triumphantly.

"You mean..."

"I mean, they're all inside right now. You have your captive audience. Take a deep breath, march inside, tell them you're in love with Spike and you don't care whether they approve or not. Then you go to him. A big fight deserves a big gesture. I think that's a big enough one."

"You think that would work?" Buffy asked, hopeful and terrified at the same time?"

Arm extended, Dawn pointed commandingly at the door. "Don't think about it, just do it. Go!"

Buffy hopped off the crate and walked toward the door like a woman on death row. She stopped and turn to look at her sister, her eyes almost pleading.

Dawn gave her a pointed look. "GO. And don't try to escape through the front door or I'll tell them myself."

Buffy walked in and crossed the training room. She took a deep breath. She tried to give herself a pep talk.

"Come on, Buf, don't be stupid. So what if they're pissed. It's not like you need their approval anyway. No one liked Anya at first, but it didn't stop Xander from dating her, right? Right."

She walked to the table where they were all sitting, silently going through dusty books. She stood there for a while before Giles finally looked up and noticed her.

"Buffy, I'm afraid this Carlita person might be a tad bit difficult to track down. She could be anywhere in the world. Are you certain she is a threat? Maybe she'll be smart enough to stay away..."

"I don't really care about that right now, Giles. There's something... "

"You mean you had us researching for hours and you don't even care?" Xander exclaimed indignantly. Research was definitely not something he enjoyed.

"Yes. I mean no! It is important, there's just something else I need to tell you. It's difficult because some of you won't like it, so let me just say it."

That got everyone's attention. They all looked at her, silently waiting for her to say what she had to say.

Suddenly, she felt ridiculous for feeling like she was a little child in front of them. They were her friends, not a jury. She had a right to be in love with whomever she chose and it was just too bad if they didn't like it. So she squared her shoulders, put on the Slayer look and said it.

"While on vacation, Spike and I got together." At the blank stares she got, she felt obliged to clarify. "As in 'together' together. As a couple. I don't know if it will work out or not, but I'm in love with him and... Well, that's that. I love your guys, you're my friends, but I have to think of myself sometimes. He makes me happy and whether you approve or not, as my friends, you should be happy that I'm happy." Her bravado left her and was replaced by insecurity at the looks that she got. "Right?" She added in a small voice.

That wasn't so bad, she thought to herself. But she celebrated too fast. The silence seemed to go on forever. She could almost hear the crickets chirping. Then Xander stood up so fast his chair fell backward, crashing noisily to the floor.

"Xander..."

He was out the front door before she could add anything else. She turned her eyes back to the table. Giles' face was a mask carved in stone. He just stared at her a little while longer, then went back to his book without even making a comment.

Buffy tried her hardest to hold back the tears. "Giles?"

"I don't want to discuss this right now, Buffy." His voice was cold.

The Slayer turned her eyes to Willow, then Tara and Anya.

As usual, the ex vengeance demon was oblivious. She just smiled and said "Hey, good for you." then returned to her bridal magazine.

Tara looked like she wanted to disappear. The soft spoken witch didn't deal well with tension. She gave the Slayer a weak smile, but didn't say anything.

Buffy hoped to find comfort on Willow's face at least, but the red head remained expression less. She finally spoke, her voice guarded. "Buffy, are you sure about that. I mean..."

Before she could finish what she was saying, Buffy was already walking to the front door. She might not need their approval, but it didn't mean she hadn't hoped to get it. So she left. No way was she going to let them see her tears.

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