Misery's Return

"I can't believe we're doing this," Buffy muttered. "Why are we here again?"

" 'Cause I'm at the end of my bleedin' tether, that's why," Spike replied and gave the door in front of them several knocks. "And, she's the only one I know who's still got connections to Wolfram & Hart who won't stake us on sight or rat us out to the Poof."

Buffy snickered briefly at the insult then resumed pouting.

"Yeah, but ... why her?"

Just then, the door opened.

"Blondie Bear!"

Spike groaned at the nickname and glared at his smirking sire before suddenly finding his arms full of his former ... whatever they'd been to each other.

"Oh, Spikey," Harmony gushed. "I knew you'd come to me eventually; once you got tired of the heartbeat and everything. I mean, that whole mortality thing is so overrated. I don't know why Angel wants it so bad."

"Harm," Spike cut in, peeling her off of him and setting her back on her feet. " 'M not here to get turned."

'Thank God,' he added silently. The thought of Harmony as his sire was truely frightening. Buffy, on the other hand, seemed to think that it was the funniest thing that she had ever heard and her giggles drew the attention of the other female. The ex-cheerleader's mood changed in an instant and she glared at the two.

"What's she doing here?" Harmony demanded, hands on her hips and an alluring pout forming on her full lips, reminding Spike of why he'd taken up with her in the first place.

He could feel Buffy's glare and hurridly pulled himself back to the here and now. Harmony was still waiting for his answer and one look at Buffy told him that she wasn't going to be the one to explain their predicament to the other vampire. Heaving a large sigh, Spike swallowed his pride.

"Harm ... weneedyourhelp."

She stared at him for several moments, making Spike afraid that he'd be forced to repeat himself, then ...

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?" Buffy demanded.

"I mean, that you two are on your own for whatever you need me for," Harmony said forcefully. "So you can both just ... go away and, and live your short, mortal lives together and ... I hope you get really fat!"

She directed the last at Buffy.

"What?" the former slayer asked, then seemed to think better of it and held up a hand. "Never mind."

She pushed past Harmony into the apartment.

"Hey!"

Spike eased in after the two women and shut the door so as not to attract any nosey neighbors

"Look, Harmony," Buffy continued conversationally. "You're gonna help us whether you like it or not."

"Oh, yeah?" Harmony demanded, arms crossed as she glared at the woman who had invaded her apartment and stolen her man. "And why would I help the Slayer?"

Buffy just settled herself in a chair and smiled, faux-sweetly, at the other woman.






Secret Agent

Harmony sat at her desk, trying to appear cool and collected like it was just any other day, but inside she was a mess. She was more nervous than the day she had found that dead guy in her bed, she still couldn't remember his name. T something.

"Harmony!" Angel barked from his office door.

"They made me do it!" she squeaked.

"What?"

"Huh?"

Dismissing his secretary's behavior as Harmony being ... well, Harmony, Angel just shook his head and got back on topic.

"Wesley forgot a book in his office and Teresa's on lunch. Will you get it for us?"

Harmony stood up quickly and almost fell as one of her high heels caught on a wheel of her chair but managed to catch herself.

"No problem boss."

Frowning at her too-wide smile Angel returned to his office. He had more important things to worry about than Harmony acting strangely, they still couldn't agree on what to do about Giles.

Harmony waited until the door clicked shut before grabbing the large pink tote she'd dug out of her closet and hurried to Wes' office. She easily found the book sitting in the middle of Wesley's desk and scooped up the thick volume. Quickly scanning the pages Harmony growled softly upon discovering that this particular book would offer no assistance to her uninvited house guests. Frowning thoughtfully, the blonde tucked the book under one arm and eased out into the hallway, the theme to 'Mission: Impossible' playing in her head. She failed to stiffle her nervous giggle, earning herself a look from a passing suit, then bit her lips and ducked into the nearest elevator, pushing the button that would take her to the fifteenth floor where the other books were kept.

The library was dark and Harmony switched to game face so as not to alert any one to her presence in the room. Since Wesley's arrival at Wolfram & Hart the room now held several bookshelves other than the one that housed the source books.

"Oh, crapola," she whined, surveying the many titles. She hoped to anyone who was listening that she didn't have to go through all of them. There had to be, like, thirty!

Scanning the shelf closest to herself, one book in particular caught her eye. Well, actually the little gold leaf unicorn on the spine caught her eye. Looking around guiltily, Harmony quickly pulled the book from the shelf and opened it.

"The European unicorn was nearly hunted to extinction in the Middle Ages," a voice boomed in the empty room.

Squeaking in surprise, Harmony dropped the book, which continued to read itself aloud

"Its spiral horn coveted by many..."

"Oh shoot!" Harmony exclaimed, diving at the book and slamming the cover shut. "Shut up, shut up!"

Silence descended on the room once again and Harmony sighed in relief.

"Jeez, way to be stealthy," she berrated herself as she relpaced the book.

After checking to make sure she hadn't drawn any attention to herself, Harmony quickly perused the other shelves. God, how many spell books did one guy need?

Grabbing one that looked promising the blonde cautiously eased open the cover. When it didn't start reading itself to her she let out the breath she'd been holding and skimmed through the pages. It looked okay. Checking her watch she decided that it would have to do. She'd been gone almost twenty minutes and Angel would send someone looking for her soon. Tucking the spell book into her bag she scooped up Wes' requested book, turned to the door and let out a shriek.

Angel winced as the sound assailed his sensitive ears.

"God!" Harmony exclaimed, hand over her still heart. "What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"

"What are you doing in here? The book is in Wes' office."

Harmony quickly thrust the book at the older vampire.

"Somebodymovedit," she said quickly.

Angel took the book, frowning thoughtfully.

"Harmony, are you okay?"

"Okay?" she asked, eyes wide.

"You just seem a little ... jumpy."

"Oh, that," she laughed nervously. "Coffee! Lots and lots of coffee! It's certainly not like I'm stealing spell books for evil vampires or anything!"

She laughed again.

"No, no, it's just the coffee. No more Starbucks for me, no sir."

He looked at her again, that same lost expression on his face and she returned his stare with big, innocent eyes and the same too-wide smile.

"Why don't you take an early lunch," he suggested at length.

"Okay," she agreed, almost before he'd finished speaking, then darted past him to the nearest elevator.

As the doors slid shut, Harmony slumped against the wall. She sure hoped that Buffy and Spike appreciated that book. This secret agent stuff was hard!