Giles, Willow, Tara, and Anya sat around a table in the Magic Box staring at a flustered and scraped up Xander.

“See, Giles, I get the whole ‘worried about Buffy’ thing, but can we focus on what happened to me for a second?”

“Yes, Xander, please enlighten us again as to who knocked you down so maliciously that you scraped your knee,” Giles said with a sigh.

“Hey! It was my chin and an elbow…and this is serious! This thing attacked me and then just ran off…he didn’t even say he was sorry.”

“And you said that it appeared to be half man and half bear?”

“And half pig! No, no…this was no ordinary beast, Giles. This thing was evil.”

Anya gasped loudly.

“It was Lotash!”

“ManBearPig has a name?”

“No, honey, Lotash is…was…he…he was an old friend…er…back in my demon days…okay so he’s my ex!”

“You dated ManBearPig?”

“No, you idiot. Lotash is an Omidan…a long living mortal with a few special powers…summoning non-corporeal animal visages to intimidate people is one of them.”

Giles shook his head.

“Non-corporeal? So this thing….”

“ManBearPig,” Xander interjected.

“Actually his name is Phil,” Anya said. “He’s the spirit of a Baranga demon that Lotash can channel.”

“Right,” Giles continued. “So, if this Phil character is non-corporeal, then how did he attack you Xander?”

Xander stood in silence for a moment, his eyes darting from person to person, and then to the floor.

“I…well…he…uhh….”

“You fell, honey,” Anya cooed. “It’s alright. We all know you’re clumsy.”

Willow smiled.

“So…he’ll just go away, no big problem?”

“He should.”

“We could have Buffy kill him,” Xander offered.

Just then, the door jingled open and Buffy walked in, dragging a begrudging Spike with her by the hand. She took a deep breath before looking at the Scooby gang.

“Okay, before anyone says anything, we’re just stopping in to set a few things straight. Spike and I are together now. While we were in Harmony, we just clicked and we decided…we’re…we’re mated now.”

“Mated? Buffy,” Giles started to say.

Buffy held her hand up and shook her head.

“Giles, please. It was our decision, and while Ethan and Theresa were in our bodies, they did the dirty work for us. And…while we were in Harmony we kind of…and when we came back I was…I mean, I am….”

“Slayer’s pregnant,” Spike said with a smirk.

Giles, who had taken to cleaning his glasses, was now covered in the broken shards of the lenses.

“Oh good Lord! You…what? Buffy…how…?”

“Do you really want the gory details, Watcher? Though I don’t mind giving them…see, I had the Slayer at this little inn, and,” Spike said before Buffy playfully smacked his arm.

“Spike!”

“I think Giles was wondering how a vampire could get you pregnant, Buffy,” Tara piped up, “It’s very rare, if not impossible.”

“Not when they’re mated it isn’t,” Anya said with a mischievous grin. “Plus vampire’s sperm are undead just like them…they just have a difficult time taking to anything other than their mate or a very strong creature. Buffy’s Slayer powers must have helped the process along. It could have happened even without the mating, but it would have taken quite a few more tries, I imagine.”

Spike’s face was covered in a huge grin.

“We would have gotten it eventually anyway, wouldn’t we, pet?”

“Buffy, I can’t say I approve,” Giles stuttered.

“I don’t care, Giles,” Buffy said curtly, “Spike was my choice…I love him. He’ll take care of me and our child and….”

Buffy blushed and absentmindedly rubbed her stomach. Spike wrapped an arm protectively around her and breathed deeply.

“Pet, did you want to know the baby’s sex?”

“You can tell? Already?”

“Course I can,” Spike said, tapping his nose. “Vamp’s intuition. Can tell its mine…can tell its alive…can tell its….”

Buffy’s eyes widened as Spike’s expression fell and then perked up immensely.

“I can tell its twins.”

The girls in the room squealed in delight, aside from Buffy, who blinked in disbelief.

“Does that mean I’m going to get double fat? Because that is so not on my agenda….”

“Pet, from the little I’ve seen of vampire pregnancies…you won’t have to worry about that for too long.”

“You mean we’re having a vampire baby? Babies?”

Spike bent down in front of Buffy and placed an ear to her stomach. He smiled as he looked up at her.

“No…no, they’re both alive…can hear their hearts beating. They’re just…powerful. Already.”

“We’re gonna need a bigger house,” Buffy said with a soft smile.

Spike nodded.

“Well, we are the recipients of the Poofter Fund for Wayward Mothers, so any of you Scoobies who want to join us on our house hunt are welcome to tag along, if you play nice.”

Spike and Buffy walked out of the door without looking back. Aside from the flabbergasted Giles, everyone ran after the mated pair.


--


Angel and Giles sat slumped on their stools at Willy’s bar, each nursing a bottle of Jack Daniels. Giles opened his mouth to talk, but instead simply sighed and slammed his head down on the counter. Angel nodded and joined him with a loud, drunken sob.

“Spike!”

Giles moaned in agony.

“I…I’m truly at a total loss. Buffy…I…I thought she was smarter than this…I….”

“I know….”

“It’s just…its Spike! Evil, soulless…William the sodding Bloody! And Buffy…my poor Buffy….”

Angel hiccupped.

“And I bought them a house!”

“You what?”

“I ran into them and…I could sense their connection and her…pregnancy…so I just…I just wanted to help….”

“Help? What the hell, Angel,” Giles slurred as he stood and put his fists up. “You…you son of a bitch…bloody…brooding…idiot!”

Giles crashed onto the floor when he threw a punch at one of the blurry figures of Angel before him. While Giles lay unconscious on the floor, Angel polished off his bottle of Jack and asked Willy for a pint of blood, which he quickly received and downed. He then stumbled into a blackout and joined the Watcher on the floor. Willy drew the blinds so he wouldn’t have to clean up a large dust pile in the morning, before locking up for the night. Unconscious as they were, neither Giles nor Angel noticed the hulking and furry figure that stared down at them hungrily.

--