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Unreal Together by dawnofme
 
In Common
 
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The crypt was as dark and cold as Buffy felt. One small candle burned on the ledge across the room, its flickering glow barely reaching them. The ugly green couch that she helped Clem drag in was over stuffed and lumpy, the woven fabric coarse and itchy under her palms. Spike sat beside her in silence, and she waited for the reality of what she said to catch up to him.

His eyes widened in horror. “Drusilla did this to you?” Spike got up and then threw himself down on the couch again. He looked at her imploringly. “I should have been here to protect you from her. I've let you down so many times and in so many ways. I'm sorry, love.”

“There's nothing you could have done.” Her tone was flat. If she kept her emotions even, she could control herself. She didn't want to break down in front of Spike. Old habits die hard, even if she died easily. What she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and let him tell her everything would be all right. They wouldn't be, but she wanted him to lie to her anyway. It was too late for her, but she had others to think about and she didn't have the luxury of stopping to wallow in her own misery.

“How did she-?”

“I'd just checked on Clem after a slow patrol and was on my way home, when something hit me from behind. I was knocked out and the next thing I know I'm waking up in a cave...”

She went back, in her mind, to a few nights ago when her life changed forever.

Buffy hadn't known how long she'd been out, but she came to slowly and realized that she was chained up exactly as she had been the night Spiked announced he had a thing for her. She was in a standing position with her arms out wide; the only difference being that this time he had enough sense to chain her feet, too. She kept her eyes closed while fighting off the nauseous feeling in her stomach. When she got out of these chains, she was going to kill him. The throbbing in her head increased and she let out a small groan.

“Ooh, my little dolly is awake,” Drusilla said playfully.

Buffy's eyes snapped open and the crazy vamp stood before her in a long flowing, pale green dress.

“Where's Spike?”

“Oh, good question. I like this game! I came here looking for him and instead I found you.” Drusilla's voice took on a chilling tone. “I try to see him, but there's always you.” She swayed and her eyes rolled back. She lifted a trembling hand to her head. “Sunshine always chases away the night, infecting it with its awful disease until the dark is no more.” She opened her eyes and suddenly she was inches away from Buffy's face. “He's no more, my dark knight. Gone from me forever!” Drusilla slashed at Buffy's sleeve and drew blood. “I created his beauty. I gave it birth and nurtured it. Not you!”

Buffy winced with the pain and tried to focus on Dru's words. She knew the vampire was crazy but Buffy couldn't get past the words 'gone forever.' Where was Spike? She couldn't think straight through the fear. “Let me go, and I'll find him for you.”

Drusilla let out a short, maniacal laugh and morphed into the creature she was. “You cannot find my Spike. You've taken him from me, but he'll never have the sunshine. Never touch it again!”

Before Buffy could form another thought, Drusilla was on her and sharp fangs punctured her neck. She struggled, but chained as she was, it was useless. Blood escaped past the vampire's fangs and ran down the skin of Buffy's throat. She felt the intense need to wipe the blood away, but she was powerless.

She thought about Dawn and how she wanted to show her the good things of the world. About Giles, who was making plans to come back to get things ready for Willow's return. About Spike and how she'd never be able to get things right between them. It was her last thought before everything went dark...

Buffy shook her head and came back to the present. She looked at Spike, but couldn't hold his gaze, unable to bear the pity in his eyes. “Where is she?” Spike got up and went to his weapons box. He looked different in the short brown jacket and for some reason, he smelled like a pine forest.

“She's gone. Dust,” she clarified when he looked at her in alarm. “When I crawled out of my own grave for the second time, I realized what I was.” She hung her head, but looked up with that gleam of anger again. “She was there waiting for me, talking about dollies needing their breakfast.”

Spike sat down next to her again. He put his hand out and brushed the hair away from her cheek. He was careful not to touch her skin. Softly, he asked, “Did you realize right away that you still had your soul?”

She drew in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly. “You can tell?” No tears, she thought, there can be no tears. She had to be strong. He nodded and she replied, “I knew right away. Don't ask me how, but I still felt like me only I was cold with a dull ache throughout my body that I knew would go away if I fed.”

“You didn't--” He pulled away from her.

“No, of course not. Drusilla told me to follow her.” She chuckled wryly. “We were really close to the cave. She didn't even bury me in a real grave. I picked up a sturdy branch and caught up to her. When she turned around to talk to me, I drove the branch through her heart.” Buffy fisted her hands and sat up straight with her shoulders back.

“That's why I felt the pull to come back here. My sire is dead,” Spike said more to himself than to her.

She watched him and felt an overwhelming sadness come over her. He hadn't come back for her. He'd come back for Drusilla. “She had to die,” she told him in that flat tone that was quickly becoming her normal mode of speech.

Spike's jaw clenched and he looked at her with cold eyes. “I would have dusted her myself if you hadn't got there first.”

Buffy was so relieved that he wasn't angry with her that the edges of her lips turned up slightly. He was looking at his hands, and didn't see.

“I should have come back sooner. I wanted to, but I didn't think you'd want me here,” Spike told her without looking up.

“Where did you go?”

“At first, LA.”

“Angel?”

“No. No. And no. I wanted to do something, so that I couldn't hurt you again.” Spike tilted his head at her, his face twisted in pain. “I met some...people who knew of a creature who could help me.”

Spike got up and leaned against a pillar. He searched his jacket and pulled out a cigarette and his Zippo. She leaned back and watched the familiar motion of his hands and head while he lit it and took a few puffs. The way his lips formed when he let out the smoke reminded her of all the wonderful things he could do with that mouth. It seemed her libido wasn't dead. She shivered and closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them he was staring at her.

“I went to Africa.” He sucked in another drag and took his time exhaling.

“What was in Africa that you had to go there?”

He wasn't looking her in the eyes now. He began to pace with short, jerky steps. He stopped in front of her and knelt down on the floor and looked at her knees. “I did it for you, Buffy.” He looked up and her stomach clenched. A tear ran down his face. The cigarette was dropped and forgotten, burning down on the floor beside him, a lone red glow on the cold stone floor.

She put her hands on his shoulders and he flinched and leaned back on his feet. “Don't. I don't deserve your kindness.” He got up and backed away from her. “All the things I've done. I can't take any of it back. I can't change it. I've spent weeks letting it all eat away at me. Wallowing in my own stupid self-pity that I have no right to in the first place.” He stopped backing up and turned away from her. “I loved you. You said I was nothing; that I felt nothing, but you knew it wasn't true. You were going through a bad time and I laid down and let you use me.”

“I'm so sorry, Spike.” Her voiced cracked as she said it. It was easier to say those words when his back was turned. When he wasn't staring at her with those sorrowful eyes.

He turned around and pointed at her. “You have nothing to be sorry about. It was all me. I can see that now, clear as day.” Buffy stood up and he took a few steps towards her and stopped. “I tried to pull you into my darkness, but Dru, she was right. Your light was infecting me, even if it was only artificial light. A flashlight in the dark. The more I tasted of the light, the more I craved. So I sought out the creature that had the power to give it.”

“What did you do, Spike?” He was scaring her.

“Since you weren't going to come into the dark with me, I went and got the light for myself.” His jaw was set and he folded his arms. “I fought for it and nearly didn't make it. Somehow Drusilla knew and that's why she came after you. She was probably coming here to end my existence when she bumped into you.”

Buffy sat down and clutched the edge of the couch. “Your soul?”

“Yes.” He went back down on his knees before her. “I fought for my soul and I got it. It's all my fault what's happened to you.” He placed his head in her lap.

She looked down at him for a second before she slowly placed her hands on either side of his head and forced him to look up. She leaned down so they were eye to eye. “No, Spike. This is not your fault.” As she said it, she felt some of her old resolve and strength coming back to her. “Drusilla did this to me, not you. She wanted to bring me into the darkness, to punish you for getting your soul, and yet here we both are, with souls.” She gave him a tentative smile. “I don't think she was planning that.”

“I didn't want this for you,” he told her sadly as he got up from the floor and sat down next to her. “How do you feel?”

A pang of yearning washed over her when Spike stopped short of touching her and put his hand back in his lap. “I feel...like me. Only there's this deep anger bubbling up inside me, just under here.” She put her hand over her unbeating heart. “And I'm kind of achy all over.”

“Have you eaten?”

She grinned at him and blinked slowly. “You'd be proud of me. I broke into the butcher's and took what I needed.”

He chuckled. “Already breaking the law are you?”

“And I feel so bad about it too,” she said in a mocking tone.

He stood up. “We'd better get you back to your house.”

“No!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. “They don't know. I'm not sure I want them to know.”

“You heard Dawn; the Bit's worried about you.” Spike held onto her hand and squeezed gently. “You have to let her know.”

“Not yet, please. I'm not ready to face Giles and Xander, or the others. And I don't think they're ready to see me like this.” She wasn't sure they ever would be. Maybe it was for the best.

“Okay. You'll stay here then. I would offer you the bed downstairs, but it's not ready for guests right now. Will the couch be okay?”

“I've been sleeping on a dirt floor in a stupid cave for two days; I think the couch will do just fine.” She took her hand from him and slapped the couch, demonstrating its comfort value.

“You're tired. I'll go get you a blanket.” Spike got up again.

“I don't need one. You forget, I'm like you now,” she told him softly.

“I haven't forgotten. We may not need the warmth, but there's no need to forgo the comforts if you don't have too.”

~*~*~*~

Buffy lay on her back on the couch in the dark. The moon did its best to shine through the small thin window up high, but it cast a ray of dull light in one spot only. She was still amazed at her night vision. Things were in shadow, but they were sharper. It almost felt like being in a black and white movie. Her hearing too-she could hear crickets singing and other night sounds. The old refrigerator hummed and every once in a while it made louder noises. Everything was amplified and despite her exhaustion, she couldn't sleep.

Looking over at the covered entrance on the floor, she thought about Spike. He'd gone down to the lower cavern a while ago and she wondered if he was asleep yet. Just knowing he was there made things a little better.

She remembered the events of earlier, and what she'd heard under the open window. It was good that Giles was back already. Buffy had been surprised to see him when she looked into her kitchen. He wasn't scheduled to be here for another couple of days; they must have called him when she didn't come home that night.

Poor Dawn. She was all alone now. Mom was gone and now she was too. This time, Spike couldn't be Dawn's comfort and protector, because she knew what he'd tried to do to Buffy. She'd never accept his help now. If only she'd explained things better to Dawn instead of letting her hate him; but at the time, it was hard to even think about. She would've had to admit to someone, what she couldn't admit to her herself, that she was just as guilty as Spike. Why couldn't Xander just keep his big mouth shut?

Buffy fought back tears and suddenly, she really didn't want to be alone. She got up and moved the lid that covered the lower level to peer down into the darkness. “Spike?” she whispered. It was useless. He slept like the dead thing he was. She went backwards down the ladder, then stood there watching him where he lay on the grimy bed.

He was covered by a sheet, but he was obviously naked underneath. Buffy hesitated before stepping around the rubble to stand over him, drawn to him as always. He looked so peaceful sleeping on his side. She had never really got the chance to just watch him sleep before, or rather, she had never allowed herself to, preferring to avoid the intimacy. His eyelashes were so long. Her eyes swept down further and she swallowed. His perfect, lean body was outlined in the thin sheet that was hugging him.

It was probably not a good idea to wake him. Even so, Buffy went around to the other side and cautiously lay down. She turned on her side towards him and watched his back to see if he was waking up. When nothing happened, she relaxed and closed her eyes. She could sleep now.
 
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